What Do Ya'll Think?

Karmi

Karmi

Well-Known Member
Ladies I need your advice. My intuition is telling me some things but I'm not sure. I went on a date with this guy a few weeks ago. He was cool we had very nice chemistry but I can't seem to shake this feeling where I question his sexuality. I did some more digging on him and found this pic (we are not friends on social media). The first thing I thought was Mmmhmm, I was right.

He's actively pursing me and wants to continue to get to know me. I'm a bit of a flake and get in my moods where I don't feel like being bothered so I've put off a second date. Plus I have others in rotation. But mostly I can't front and pretend not to see what I'm really feeling

ETA: removed picture. Thanks ladies!
 
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@ArrrBeee I'm going with what I'm feeling. When I saw that pic with the guy so close up behind him and the one in front making that face I felt a knot in my stomach. It just screams he's bi-sexual and that pic was chosen to let other men know what he's down for.
I wouldn't be comfortable dating a bi man. I can't satisfy him in that way and I ain't pegging nobody :brucelee:
 
Hmmm see I’m all about eliciting for results so [if it were me] I would go on a second date and commence to ask questions surrounding sexual preferences and see what comes out of the dialogue. I’d be in straight question/learning mode.

During the dialogue, I’d throw in my “thoughts” which would let him know that I valued meeting him but I’m not about that life (if you’re not—some people are).

You just have to know where you stand because some people are confident and comfortable dating/marrying men who are openly bi. He might just haven’t found a woman willing to milk that prostate so he gets it done from men.

*the position taken in this post is STD panel friendly*
 
Although we only had one date we've talked a lot on the phone and FaceTime. He's told me that he isn't close to his mother because of how difficult his childhood was, with her having a bunch of abusive boyfriends and his father wasn't involved in his life. He told me he felt really empty inside growing up. I hate the thought of this but I feel like he might have been abused by his mothers boyfriends. That makes me so sad for him. But I don't feel comfortable trying to get him to share something like that with me.
 
Karmi said:
Although we only had one date we've talked a lot on the phone and FaceTime. He's told me that he isn't close to his mother because of how difficult his childhood was, with her having a bunch of abusive boyfriends and his father wasn't involved in his life. He told me he felt really empty inside growing up. I hate the thought of this but I feel like he might have been abused by his mothers boyfriends. That makes me so sad for him. But I don't feel comfortable trying to get him to share something like that with me.
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Well your feelings conjured up a story that might not even be accurate. How did you come up with feeling he could’ve been abused by is moms boyfriends? Like what?!

Without facts from him, your “feelings” are shouldn’t be the sole basis for decision making. Ones feelings sway back and forth and women go through over 50 different feelings in a day. So to base a decision off a feeling is doing yourself a disservice and the other person.

Inquiring doesn’t equate to obligation. If you suspect, you ask. But you shouldn’t take a position without facts. You can but it doesn’t mean your right.

Best of luck to you.
 
Karmi said:
He told me he felt really empty inside growing up. I hate the thought of this but I feel like he might have been abused by his mothers boyfriends. That makes me so sad for him. But I don't feel comfortable trying to get him to share something like that with me.
Click to expand...
He is still growing up, likely still feels emptiness as he is off searching for what he needs, allegedly, in sexual fulfillment. Be careful, as u sound like u want to learn more about this emptiness...just not comfortable doing so. That discomfort is your cue to fall back. Dont try to 'just be friends'

Those are my couple of pennies, fwiw
 
Karmi said:
Although we only had one date we've talked a lot on the phone and FaceTime. He's told me that he isn't close to his mother because of how difficult his childhood was, with her having a bunch of abusive boyfriends and his father wasn't involved in his life. He told me he felt really empty inside growing up. I hate the thought of this but I feel like he might have been abused by his mothers boyfriends. That makes me so sad for him. But I don't feel comfortable trying to get him to share something like that with me.
Click to expand...
I didn't get to see the pic.

But all of this alone aside from the question of his sexuality would make me not want to continue dating him. Not being close to his mom, no dad and he likely resents the mom....no thanks KIM.
 
Zaynab said:
I didn't get to see the pic.

But all of this alone aside from the question of his sexuality would make me not want to continue dating him. Not being close to his mom, no dad and he likely resents the mom....no thanks KIM.
Click to expand...

This concerned me a lot. His exact words were, I love my mom, but I have to love her from afar. He doesn't speak to her unless necessary. That tells me he has a lot of resentment towards his mother.

I'm not surprised with him opening up to me. I don't know what kind of spirit I give off but people seem to blurt their business out to me all time. I'm an introvert and prefer to listen than talk so that may be it.
 
At best he sounds like a Fixer-Upper, and may have maternal deprivation issues that YOU don't need to address. Among the at-worst he could be Bi, and sexually fluid; which could bring on issues that YOU don't need to deal with.

Please don't play Cap'n Save-a-hoe and let the sympathy you may have for him influence you unnecessarily. This does not sound like a rabbit hole you should go down. IJS
 
Karmi said:
This concerned me a lot. His exact words were, I love my mom, but I have to love her from afar. He doesn't speak to her unless necessary. That tells me he has a lot of resentment towards his mother.

I'm not surprised with him opening up to me. I don't know what kind of spirit I give off but people seem to blurt their business out to me all time. I'm an introvert and prefer to listen than talk so that may be it.
Click to expand...

Keeping his distance from a possibly abusive and certainly neglectful/ unprotective parent is probably smart. That said it sounds like he has years and years of more heartache and therapy ahead of him. Also, he could be lying about everything in order to gain your sympathy. Just a thought since you’ve only been on one date. Men use all kinds of manipulative games to garner sympathy. I would not only walk, I would run from this dude.
 
@hopeful your right he could be making the whole thing up. The reason we've even gotten the chance to have these deep conversations is due him traveling for work both domestic and international. We would catch up and FaceTime before going to bed (depending on his time zone).

But like I said up thread, something in my gut just doesn't feel right with him. I have no intentions of dating him. I typically don't text the men I have in rotation, just respond when I feel like it when they text me, haha. So we'll communicate or be "friends" as much as he can deal with me being flaky.
 
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