Were you and your SO friends first?

Prettymetty

Prettymetty

Natural/4b/medium-coarse
Did you start off as friends, bffs, friends with benefits, or did you jumo straight into the relationship?

When I met my so we were both going through a divorce. We had a lot in common and he "got" me. I got him too. Its like I had known him forever. We connected on a spiritual and emotional level before things got physical. We actually started off as best friends. He trusted me and confided in me. Well eventually the physical attraction got too strong and here we are...3 years later. Im blessed to have him in my life :)
 
Yep. I met mine at a party about a week after graduating high school. We were true platonic best friends for years.

We clubbed, went to church and even double dated together. He ran his gfs by me for approval and I did the same with my bfs.

Fast forward about three years ago he was going through a bad break up and I was single. One thing led to another and here we are about to be married this summer.

It was a case of bff/brother relationship-> fiance/engagement. Our families are already friends, and We have a strong 13 year friendship foundation. :-)
 
Nope. We met online and were exclusive within 2 weeks. Now, almost 10 months later, I consider him my best friend. :yep:

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
I just broke up with SO and he and I were friends for years. We'd always had amazing chemistry, but we were never available at the same time.

The good thing about us being friends first was that we already knew so much about each other and understood where the other was coming from. However, the negative was that we went from being friends to an exclusive relationship pretty quickly after he moved back to the area. This meant that he never really courted me and sort of entered the relationship a little too confident and comfortable not really feeling too pressed to make me feel special.
 
Yes we were friends for 9 months and everything kicked off after a trip to ATL back in July.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice taking him out the friendzone. Our relationship is okay but that friendship we had before isn't the same once we had a title.
 
ive always felt like i didnt want to be friends with a significant other before becoming intimate, even though i feel like most guys want it that way. my ex and i were good friends before dating, and ultimately we were better off as friends and should have stayed that way. it was reaffirming for me - maybe personally the two are too separate for me. other than that i have never had a friendship become a relationship. judging by the outcome of this one, i would hesitate to do it again.
 
We were coworkers and he was my trainer. We had a lot in common and instantly became friends. We always flirted with each other and i knew that he liked me but i had my head in the clouds over some other guy. He is also very shy. He hosted a lot of parties and get togethers at his house. At one of his get togethers i met his brother who also became interested in me. A little craziness occured because of that but eventually he bit the bullet and asked me out. It took him almost six months. Told me he was scared to death because he didnt think he was my type. Im glad he did. :yep:
 
no, we met and he asked me out. we started dating and now we're married. we're definitely friends now, but i think dating a platonic friend is usually a bad idea.
 
We were acquaintances. We had the same circle of friends. I ran into him at a Haitian restaurant he frequents when I was going through my divorce. I greeted him and asked him if he could tell me the hot spots to go to, went to the movies 2 days later and have been together since.
 
We were friends. We were classmates. We used to study together and then it developed into something more. Very cliche lol. It can be challenging because our social circles are so intertwined and they overlap so much. His best friends are some of my best friends and vice versa. We've broken up a few times, but we still see each other often, our friends would invite us to all the same events, and then you don't really want to tell people you broke up because people are nosy and our friends were weirdly invested in us as a couple lol.

But he really is my best friend, my whole family knows him, his whole family knows me. I've gone to church with his mom, partied with his cousins, we're going to see his dad in a few weeks, his family loves me. I just know him, I can predict his behavior, I can predict his family's behavior :lol:. I sometimes feel like it's set an unreachable precedent for any relationship I have in the future because I know him sooo well and vice versa. I don't think I will ever have the opportunity to know and learn someone so well in such an organic way before marrying them, because it does take time.

ETA: the other thing I thought about it how it has affected our personal friendships because our mutual friends have basically split down gender lines :lol:. Even though we're all close, our male mutual friends tend to be closer to him, and then the female ones are closer to me. This wasn't necessarily the case earlier on in our relationship. I thought it was interesting how that worked out.
 
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Acquaintances early in HS, then friends towards the end of HS, then bestfriends throughout the beginning of undergrad and then we finally gave it a chance.
 
GeorginaSparks said:
nope i keep my friends and SOs separate.
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Basically

bunnycolvin said:
ive always felt like i didnt want to be friends with a significant other before becoming intimate, even though i feel like most guys want it that way. my ex and i were good friends before dating, and ultimately we were better off as friends and should have stayed that way. it was reaffirming for me - maybe personally the two are too separate for me. other than that i have never had a friendship become a relationship. judging by the outcome of this one, i would hesitate to do it again.
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Yeah at least with some of my friends bold seems to be true. The only thing about that I feel it limits where you can meet people at. Who really going to be "friends" with somebody that got your number in the street/social setting? That being friends first is more conducive to working with somebody you already know, work with, or any other opportunity to see them many times without making/letting your moves be known. I just would like to see how a woman would respond to a guy getting her number at the store saying I just want to be "friends" first lol.

I think you should get to know each other first but still let it be known you are trying to see if it will lead to being in a relationship. No need in delaying the decision but in all honesty Ive saw many guys/girls get a person by being "friends" first then swooping in. The person knows the other persons personality and other traits that before they would have said no just off physical, lack of status, etc. So being "friends" works just not how I like doing it because it takes time that for the most part I don't want to waste on a person I'm not invested like,that in.
 
I have a question for those ladies who were "friends first".... Was it that the guy ALWAYS had feelings for you secretly deep down?? Or, did things just REALLY naturally develop into love??

Because I've always been of the assumption that once a guy "friend zone's" a girl, that's pretty much it. And vice versa for women....:look:


I guess I'm just kind of confused because for the most part I don't want to be 'just friends' with a guy when I know I want something more. I'm just a tad confused as to how it is that SOME women remain the "buddy" or "girl pal" FOREVER, whereas SOME girls start off as "just friends" with a guy, but then later on down the line, the guy and girl end up dating. What's the difference?? :confused:




Victoria44 said:
Acquaintances early in HS, then friends towards the end of HS, then bestfriends throughout the beginning of undergrad and then we finally gave it a chance.
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@Victoria44
I just wanted to say that I just LOVE your hair in your siggy!! :grin: :drool:
 
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
I have a question for those ladies who were "friends first".... Was it that the guy ALWAYS had feelings for you secretly deep down?? Or, did things just REALLY naturally develop into love??

Because I've always been of the assumption that once a guy "friend zone's" a girl, that's pretty much it. And vice versa for women....:look:


I guess I'm just kind of confused because for the most part I don't want to be 'just friends' with a guy when I know I want something more. I'm just a tad confused as to how it is that SOME women remain the "buddy" or "girl pal" FOREVER, whereas SOME girls start off as "just friends" with a guy, but then later on down the line, the guy and girl end up dating. What's the difference?? :confused:
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He says he found me attractive when he first met me, but he never made that known. He says he had a "crush" and didn't approach me because he was shy, but I honestly question that. I think he just says that because it sounds cute. He was dating someone else when we first met. I wasn't checking for him. I recognized that he was cute, but he wasn't my type. I actually had this weird thing with this guy with his best friend, though he wasn't his best friend at the time.

Anyway, I question him liking me first because I came on to him first. I was really just looking for a friends with benefits thing. But it didn't work out like that, our personalities are compatible and we're attracted to one another, why not just have a relationship? And since then it just kind of stuck. Even when we break up we get back together somehow. Its been like 6 yrs.

My college BF was another friendship thing that became something more. With him, it was weird because we really were just friends, just hanging out, really casual and then he just snapped and started acting weird, then a week later he told me he was in love :perplexed . He says we were hanging out one day and he just saw me in a different way.

Relationships where I start out as friends with the person have always done better. And I feel like things end on a better note as well.
 
SincerelyJane said:
He says he found me attractive when he first met me, but he never made that known. He says he had a "crush" and didn't approach me because he was shy, but I honestly question that. I think he just says that because it sounds cute. He was dating someone else when we first met. I wasn't checking for him. I recognized that he was cute, but he wasn't my type. I actually had this weird thing with this guy with his best friend, though he wasn't his best friend at the time.

Anyway, I question him liking me first because I came on to him first. I was really just looking for a friends with benefits thing. But it didn't work out like that, our personalities are compatible and we're attracted to one another, why not just have a relationship? And since then it just kind of stuck. Even when we break up we get back together somehow. Its been like 6 yrs.

My college BF was another friendship thing that became something more. With him, it was weird because we really were just friends, just hanging out, really casual and then he just snapped and started acting weird, then a week later he told me he was in love :perplexed . He says we were hanging out one day and he just saw me in a different way.

Relationships where I start out as friends with the person have always done better. And I feel like things end on a better note as well.
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Thanks for your input! :grin:

I guess (based on your input) things can progress either way.

It seems though that the GUY has to have ALWAYS felt like the woman was somewhat attractive though.... At least that's what I'm getting the impression of.

I prefer relationships that started off as "just friends" too, but it doesn't happen too often in my case....only because USUALLY if I view a guy as "just a friend", there's TYPICALLY a reason... :perplexed :look:
 
No. He saw me and asked me out. I declined because I'd never dated a total stranger before. I had some co workers that were familiar with him and said he was a nice guy. After talking to him for about a week, we went on our first date and began a relationship.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I have a question for those ladies who were "friends first".... Was it that the guy ALWAYS had feelings for you secretly deep down?? Or, did things just REALLY naturally develop into love??

Because I've always been of the assumption that once a guy "friend zone's" a girl, that's pretty much it. And vice versa for women....:look:


I guess I'm just kind of confused because for the most part I don't want to be 'just friends' with a guy when I know I want something more. I'm just a tad confused as to how it is that SOME women remain the "buddy" or "girl pal" FOREVER, whereas SOME girls start off as "just friends" with a guy, but then later on down the line, the guy and girl end up dating. What's the difference?? :confused:





@Victoria44
I just wanted to say that I just LOVE your hair in your siggy!! :grin: :drool:
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We were always phycically attracted to one another and the chemistry was crazy...but at the same time he needed a friend. He was new in town recently separated/divorced and just going through a lot. I didnt want to be a rebound so I took the high road and became his bestie. When he was ready he asked me to get serious with him. I let him make that call, because it takes longer for a guys heart to mend
 
It does seem like when a man is hurt, he takes forever to heal! He may have jump offs, but he ain't right.
 
FoxxyLocs said:
no, we met and he asked me out. we started dating and now we're married. we're definitely friends now, but i think dating a platonic friend is usually a bad idea.
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Same here. DH was friends with a cousin of mine. We ended up at the same party one night. He liked what he saw and asked my cousin for my number. We started dating from there. Of course over time we developed a friendship over the course of our relationship. I don't think people have to be friends first before dating. I think the friendship should just develop along with the relationship.

Victoria44 you are looking great in your siggy!!! :up:
 
Nope. I was his real estate agent:look:. We met and have been together ever since. He was an hour away from me and now he's about 15 minutes away from me. He's my best friend:yep:
 
We started off as associates with mutual friends. I actually went to school with his brother. There was not much in depth interaction until we started talk as friends but progressed beyond that in a few months.
 
We were friends for a while and I had no intentions of dating him, and then when he asked me to be his girlfriend I couldn't think of one reason to say no. Now we've been together for 9 and married for 4 years!
 
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