Weight gain and marriage

[mrembo]

Ladies, how do you encourage your SO to work out.

I dont buy junk food and cook only healthy food but i cant seem to get hubby to be motivated to loose weight. Getting him to use his gym membership is pure hell and sometimes even results in disputes. He also tends to be an emotional eater so that doesnt help. I know the weight gain isnt from the food in our house but whatever he eats when he is at work. I even try packing him a healthy lunch with a cute note attached but it doesnt seem to work!

My concern is not really his physical appearance but his health. So far there hasnt been any health threats but i feel like he is getting so comfortable with his appearance and i fear that he will just keep gaining weight!

I can tell that the weight gain takes a toll on his confidence and he tries not to walk around me without his clothes on.

Is this a valid concern or am i just being vain? Do you ladies think that weight gain can also play a major role in decreasing bedroom activities in a marriage?

 

[Kimberly]

It is a valid concern. Been there, done all of that. Yes, weight gain can play a role. He doesn't feel good about his body and the extra weight seems to make them more tired. My exdh was 240 when we married (big, solid, thick, college football player) and was about 340 when I left him. In my case, the weight gain seemed to be a symptom of some other things that he wasn't sharing with me. There was only so much I could take. Since we first separated over 5 years now, he's been diagnosed with sleep apnea and has to use a breathing machine and he's on hbp meds...both of which he could probably get rid of if he'd lose a few pounds.

For exercise, you could try starting small. Ask him to walk with you either to the store or at the track. To get him in the gym, ask him to go with you to show you how to use the equipment and/or to keep you company.

Have you expressed your health concerns with him? When was the last time he had a physical? Maybe a doctor expressing concern would strike a chord with him.

Good luck, girl. My ex has managed to gain even more weight since we parted ways and even though he's not really my problem anymore, we do still have children together and I would like to see him around long enough to watch them grow up and to actively participate in raising them.

I tried everything when we were together but you really can't make grown folks do something they don't want to do...your dh and my ex will do it when they are ready...

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Each person is responsible for his or her own health.

You sound like you're very concerned about you hubby. My DH has gained almost 50 lbs since our marriage over 16 years ago. I am concerned about his health, so is he. He enrolled in a gym about a year ago and he goes 3-4x a week. Like you i make healthy foods at home, he packs a healthy lunch, but at work and when he goes somewhere by himself, I can't control him at that point.

Something else that you can do is exercise with him. When the weather is warmer, my husband an I will walk around the neighborhood together, while DD rides her bike. I am the one that has to initiate it, he rarely does, but when I do, he is on board. Perhaps you and your DH can take walks together a few times a week.

One thing I can say about my DH is that he is not self-conscious about his size. He will walk around without a shirt in a minute, spare tire and everything. He calls it BOB (Big Ole Belly).

Whatever happens, just like him know that you love him no matter what size he gets, keep encouraging him, but continue to let him know that it is a concern of yours and that you want him to be as healthy as possible so you can keep him around longer.

 

[Farida]

One thing you could do is go with him. Sometimes that is major motivation, to have someone in the boat with you when you work out. Try it to make it equally about you and your health, to take the focus off of him.

 

[Rapunzel*]

no i dont think you're being vain. i think you're looking out for your hubb. i agree with everyone that said try to work out with him. i know a couple a few houses by me they walk every night around 8pm with their 2 dogs,its a good exercise especially after dinner.

 

[Penspringz]

Thanks for posting this. I have the same issue except he is just my BF at the moment. He has put on some weight in the last few months, he knows it but he's not doing very much about it right now. I am really attracted to him but if he puts on more weight, that might change especially as I am quite petit compared to him.

Anyway, please keep the suggestions coming...

 

[jamerichameleon]

Weight gain can become a serious issue in the bedroom. If he gains too much weight, he could develop Type II diabetes, which can lead to impotence/erectile dysfunction.

I'd sit down with him and express your concerns. Don't do it in a condescending "your arse is getting too daggone big" way, but do it in a "I think it's time WE get healthier" way. Like others suggested, exercise together. Take a walk after dinner or gym together. My DH and I do this and it's a great way to get in some extra quality time.

 

[mrembo]

Thanks ladies. Great ideas