Wedding Hair Controversy

cocosweet

cocosweet

Well-Known Member
I decided months ago that my wedding hair would either be braided or twisted as it usually is. I tend to forget that my black woman's hair is politicized even when I'm just trying to "do me."
The following is taken from an email I sent my bridesmaids/best friends last night:
I just spent a good chunk of my afternoon getting my hair braided for Saturday.

11:30am. I arrive at mom's house so we can go to the
shop together. 11:31am mom informs me that my aunt
doesn't want me to get my hair braided for the wedding
to which I reply;"I don't give a rat's flying ****
about what she wants." "This ain't Burger King and she
can't have it her way." I responded that way cuz auntie is known for saying some ignant thangs and I've been natural for 10 years so aunties had plenty of time to get used to it. Mom was hesitant about relaying the message but my morbid curiousity got the better of me. At first I told her not to tell me. Mom understood that my outburst was not at her.

12:45pm. Arrive at beauty shop/supply store and buy
hair. Stylist begins my hair at 1:00pm.

At some point Lena (stylist) asked what the occasion
was for my getting my hurr did since I usually do it.
I tell her of the wedding. BIG MISTAKE because now
Lena ,Tyra and Netta are trying to convince me to
straighten it. You see, just like the last time I
found myself in a beauty shop (2001); I was the only
natural and I had more hair than everybody else there.
"You can't wear braids at your wedding!", they
exclaim. "Sure I can", I say smiling.

It was explained to me that a sista with my length
NEEDS to show it off. That other women will get
jealous when they see it. Then they wanted me to
confirm that long hair runs in the family (sort of);
and confirm the theory that its never been cut (so not
true). Anywhoo, when my hair was done everyone said
how pretty it was just like I knew it would be. Oh
yeah and the fake eyelashes I got at the last moment
really set it off.

Why is how I'm wearing my hair on my day such a big deal to them?
 
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Girl it is your wedding and I wouldn't care what any of them think. At first I thought you were in someone else's wedding but it's your day so you're the boss. I wish someone would tell me how to wear my hair on my big day (if it ever comes) lol. I remember I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my hair for college graduation since I'm natural and ultimately my mom said whatever I wanted as long as I could get the cap on :lol:. My mom doesn't always like my natural hair she definitely likes when I straighten it but she also isn't pressuring me to change who I am on a day that's important to me.
 
cocosweet said:
I decided months ago that my wedding hair would either be braided or twisted as it usually is.
Click to expand...

:look: I think you may have answered your own question as to why everyone was so upset. Your wedding isn't "a usual" day and I think they may have felt it would be nice for your husband and others to see one of the many ways you know how to show off your crown of glory;) . But , you said you looked great (would love to see a pix) and if you and hubby liked it then that is all that matters.

P.S. CONGRATULATIONS Mrs!:D
 
I don't know. People tend to go overboard on the hair for their wedding. You did what you wanted to do and I think that's great.
 
He_Leads_I_follow said:
:look: I think you may have answered your own question as to why everyone was so upset. Your wedding isn't "a usual" day and I think they may have felt it would be nice for your husband and others to see one of the many ways you know how to show off your crown of glory;) . But , you said you looked great (would love to see a pix) and if you and hubby liked it then that is all that matters.

P.S. CONGRATULATIONS Mrs!:D
Click to expand...
Thank You!
I do see your point. I just think that special occasion hair doesn't have to mean press it. Yesterday it was raining and it might rain Saturday so I'm really glad I didn't because it would've been all for nothing. The almosthusband loves it. I'll try to post a pic.
 
cocosweet said:
Thank You!
I do see your point. I just think that special occasion hair doesn't have to mean press it. Yesterday it was raining and it might rain Saturday so I'm really glad I didn't because it would've been all for nothing. The almosthusband loves it. I'll try to post a pic.
Click to expand...

How cute! Really, all that matters is how you feel about it. People get so hung up about what the bride should look like in a wedding - it's her day, let her choose, and mind yo' bizness, I say!:lol:

Reminds me of the story my mother told me about her wedding, back in 1970. She and my dad were on a "black power" kick back then, and she wanted to have an African-themed ceremony. She wanted to wear a dashiki and an afro. My grandparents were totally against it, and made my parents have a traditional church wedding. My mom had to press her natural hair and wear a fall (which looked lovely on her, BTW) to appease my grandparents. So, basically, she was unhappy at her own wedding.:( That's no way to spend one of the most important days of your life.

Sorry for the rambling post, but I hope you enjoy your wedding day and CONGRATULATIONS and GOD BLESS!:)
 
Go head girl! Don't let them tell you how to wear your hair on your big day. I think it's really beautiful that you're proud of your hair and want to wear in it's natural state. And what does it matter now, I mean you already got the man didn't you? Tell them to fall back, and let you do you. I'm sure you'll look fly. And CONGRATS!!:D
 
I"m glad you stood your ground. I wore small 2-strand twists at my wedding. I didn't want to wear a style that wasnt "me". Why is it that straightened hair (more Eurocentric style) is considered elegant for formal occassions and braids, twists, etc... are not. They are just at beautiful and can look very elegant to me especially with nice accessories. I'm sure you look beautiful.
 
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I am so envious of your firmness and stance on this issue. I am sure that your hair is gorgeous!

I am getting married next month and am currently tranisitioining. I know now that my hair stylist and I are going to be fighting. Now I will get my hair pressed out or rollerset but she was talking about adding bangs. I don't want my hair cut and I sure as hell don't want weave in it. I want something that I can go home, wash out (after he plays in it) and then twist right back up and hide until July and baggy and put my wigs back on. I feel that my overall hair health extends past that one day and I don't want to mess up my routine. I am going to tell her that she can give me a "swoosh" that part that swooshes in the front and goes behind your ear but I am not down for scissors or weave. I really just wanted a simple swoosh and bun style because I have 2 veils and don't believe it needs to be down because the back veil is going to cover it.

Please post pics....I would love to see them...and wedding pics as well!!!!!
 
cocosweet said:
The almosthusband loves it.
Click to expand...

And that's all that really matters. Natural hair can be worn in formal styles too. As long as you're happy and he's happy ignore the rest of them. It's your hair. They can decide to not wear braids on their own damn weddings.
 
preciousjewel76 said:
Beautiful cornrows, and I love those lashes! I'm scurred to try those, though. I'm clumsy, and I just know I'd end up blind:eek: trying to attach false eyelashes!
Click to expand...
Thats why I let my stylist do them. You're not supposed to blink when they're being put in so of course my eyes went on a blinking rampage. I held my eyes open so they only got stuck twice:lol: .
 
cocosweet said:
Thank You!
I do see your point. I just think that special occasion hair doesn't have to mean press it. .
Click to expand...

Hmmmm very good point. Yeah, we do tend to think hair that is "done" is straightened. I just wouldn't to the whole "to heck with them" thing because they're just excited for you. Little do they know you nailed it! ;) Saw your fotiki. You look beautiful! Glad you did what you wanted.

Hate to be pushy but I want WEDDING shots. Will your "soon 2 b" mind if you download some pix on your wedding night?:look:
 
Well they're nuts, hair style really suit you (your braids are hot!!!)

I'm glad you stuck to your guns, being that the almosthusband likes it, even better:D

Congrats!

-A
 
Thank You! I will follow through on the wedding photos. I'm bringing my camera so I'll have some pics while I wait for the official wedding pics.

Two more days....
 
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Girl,

I am getting married 07-07-07 in Southern Cal. Can you say hot!?

There is no way I am going down the aisle at the beach no less in a press and curl. I am going to have my hair up off my neck and out of my way and those that don't like it can just deal with it.

You did the right thing, it is your wedding and it needs to be a happy memory not something you settled with.

Life is too darn short to be trying to make everyone else happy at the expense of yourself. I know have been there done that got the Tshirt.

Not happening anymore and I really don't care what anyone else is thinking. You did right and I am also going to take a clue from you and finally get someone to put those lashes on me that I have been trying to do for the last 3 years myself! :lachen:

Enjoy your day and your man. Best wishes to you.
 
people always wanna put their damm 2 cents in when it comes to somebody's wedding...

my mom was so stressed out during her wedding to my step-dad because her mom wanted things one way and his mom wanted things another way. i thought it was ridiculous. i stated once that if i got married it would be at the courthouse with no ceremony and my whole family got up in arms about that. telling me i was selfish for ruining what should be an important day in their lives. i was like, "excuse me? i thought it was MY important day... you know, since I'D be the one getting married!"

if you're not contributing money, your opinion doesn't count for snot in my book :lol: and if you are contributing money, i'll take your opinion into consideration but all final decisions are MINE and WILL BE RESPECTED!

i kinda went off on a tangent there... :look:

***anyway cocosweet... i think your hair looks lovely. why would those women be so petty... who cares about making other people jealous? why can't people just be happy for you on your big day?
 
Just being nosey, are you wearing a head piece (viel, tiara, etc...)? I want to see the wedding pics.
 
Okay, so here's my unlurk moment of the day:

Folks take our hair choices personally because they feel that it reflects the family (the same way our behavior does). If you look "good" they look "good. The same with bad....or even great. I know that when I went natural a looooong time ago, some family members seemed a bit reluctant to be seen in public with me. LOL!! They worry about what folks will think and you can be sure that birds of a feather flock together. They're worried about showing wedding pics and having folks tsk tsk over the fact that you didn't get fancy for the day.

So they bring their opinion to bear on your wedding day.

But it is YOUR day and I believe that the "concerns" are selfish. The focus should be on the bride (and groom I suppose LOL!!), not taken as an opportunity for folks to project all their issues and antiquated ideas about formal and special occasions. You are RIGHT to put a stop to it at the hair. If you gave that much ground you'd leave room for more of the same.

You look lovely btw. :) Congrats and enjoy your big day!!

p1
 
Let me tell you to do what YOU want to do!!!

My Mom made me press my hair for my wedding and 7 years later I have not let her forget it!!! The press messed up my hair! Ugh! Well now it's 7 years later and I do have a new head of hair but I still bring it up to her. Cuz of course NOW she's loving my natural hair. Go figure.
 
Honey do your thing. I wore braids at my wedding (at the time I was natural). All was well, everyone knew not to say anything to me about it on my big day.

You go girl.
 
I don't post much, but just wanted to say your braids look beautiful, you look beautiful, and enjoy YOUR day!!!!!!!!:)
 
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