We Were Separated From Our Husbands

M

mensa

Well-Known Member
Over the weekend, my DH & I attended his Mom's birthday party. It was semi-formal and was held at a very nice restaurant.

When we walked in, we were told that my DH along with all of his brothers would be seated with their mother on the dais. However, all of the sister-in-laws were to be seated together at another table. My DH was livid and insisted on sitting with me. But I insisted that he would not sit with me because I knew that it would cause a big scene.

I along with my sister-in-laws were not pleased, but we handled the situation in a decent manner.

When it came time for my mother-in-law to thank all of her guests for coming, she called the names of several guests and thanked them for coming. She even thanked her ex-daughter-in-law and called her name. She then said, Thank my daughter-in-laws," and proceeded personally to thank her other guests. (There were only 3 daughter-in-laws present).

Some of the guests who came asked us why we were not not sitting with our husbands. One of my sister-in-laws replied, "Because they assigned us to sit at this table."

Mother-in-law called me the next morning to tell me how much she appreciated me coming to her party and how much she loved me. She also said that she didn't have any hatred in her heart against anybody. Um, where did that come from? My DH said that she should've said all of this at her party.

My DH said that I don't have to call nor visit with his mother anymore. She's very petty.
Be that as it may, I still enjoyed myself cause I sat next to my sister-in-law whom I love dearly. She's extremely funny and is the life of the party. I also met some of DH's relatives who were extremely warm and also very kind to me.
 
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My DH was so upset that he was going off about the matter in front of the other daughter-in-laws. He was the only son who did so. The other sons said and did nothing. But I knew that if DH had stayed with me, it would have turned out to be a HOT MESS!!!!:catfight:

Well at least DH told me that I don't have to call, see, or visit her anymore. Yay, yay, yay...triple joy!:bouncegreen::bouncy:
 
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I don't think there's anything wrong with a picture of just a mother and her sons. It's another thing to be purposely excluded out of every picture.

My grandmother had her 70th and she sat at a special table with two sons to her right and two to the left. All the daughter in laws were in the crowd and none of them fussed about it. We do that because she does not have a husband to sit with her.
 
LovinLea said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with a picture of just a mother and her sons. It's another thing to be purposely excluded out of every picture.

My grandmother had her 70th and she sat at a special table with two sons to her right and two to the left. All the daughter in laws were in the crowd and none of them fussed about it. We do that because she does not have a husband to sit with her.
Click to expand...

But did your mother-in-law acknowledge everybody, including her ex-daughter-in-law (by name), and then say, Thank you daughterinlaws, and then go back to calling folks name to personally thank them.

You all may not have been offended. Every situation isn't the same. But we've had other issues with her and this ordeal was very offensive and insulting to us.
 
It sounds like she called the ex daughter-in-law's name to spite the current wife, if that son is remarried.

So she doesn't have any hatred in her heart against anybody. Toxic people like her love to make out-of-the-blue defensive comments like that.

That's great that your DH is protecting you from her and her behavior.
 
[QUOTE="Chromia, post: 23931223, member: 5045"]It sounds like she called the ex daughter-in-law's name to spite the current wife, if that son is remarried.

So she doesn't have any hatred in her heart against anybody. Toxic people like her love to make out-of-the-blue defensive comments like that.

That's great that your DH is protecting you from her and her behavior.[/QUOTE]

Yep, her remarried son's current wife whom she didn't call was seated at the table with the rest of us sister-in-laws.
 
mensa said:
But did your mother-in-law acknowledge everybody, including her ex-daughter-in-law (by name), and then say, Thank you daughterinlaws, and then go back to calling folks name to personally thank them.

You all may not have been offended. Every situation isn't the same. But we've had other issues with her and this ordeal was very offensive and insulting to us.
Click to expand...

I never said anywhere that you should not have been offended. Not once.
 
mensa said:
But did your mother-in-law acknowledge everybody, including her ex-daughter-in-law (by name), and then say, Thank you daughterinlaws, and then go back to calling folks name to personally thank them.

You all may not have been offended. Every situation isn't the same. But we've had other issues with her and this ordeal was very offensive and insulting to us.
Click to expand...
at first reading thru the story i thought thats not too big a deal. but then when you got to her phone call... all kinds of shadiness...

just those sentences said there is tons of missed backstory, more shadiness and passive aggressive behavior from mil.

sorry shes like that. yuck
 
OP, I hope that this woman some day changes her behavior and becomes someone you can like and respect some day. Your husband is pretty cool for noting these flaws in her. Men can be blind when it comes to their mom.

This makes me appreciate and miss my late mother in law so much. I couldn't have asked for a better woman (other than my mom) in my life. She treated me as though I was her biological child. Honest and loving. I miss her. Called me regularly just to say hi. Not my hubby. me. Ugh, now I am getting teary. I will wrap it up now.
 
I usually end up comforting my friends whose mother in laws have all boys or majority boys. In my experience these women have very few women friends and DIL's are public enemy #1. My mother had 3 boys and she kept both feet firmly planted in my SIL's a--es. DIL's were never really family even when they had kids.

That's one of the reasons why I Yeezy shrug bigly whenever the topic of getting along with in-laws come up. Yes, when you marry you gain the other persons family but one monkey don't stop no show. In-laws are only a problem if your spouse lets them be. There's ways to avoid all out war but you don't have to be warm and fuzzy with the in-laws to be in a happy marriage.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I usually end up comforting my friends whose mother in laws have all boys or majority boys. In my experience these women have very few women friends and DIL's are public enemy #1. My mother had 3 boys and she kept both feet firmly planted in my SIL's a--es. DIL's were never really family even when they had kids.

That's one of the reasons why I Yeezy shrug bigly whenever the topic of getting along with in-laws come up. Yes, when you marry you gain the other persons family but one monkey don't stop no show. In-laws are only a problem if your spouse lets them be. There's ways to avoid all out war but you don't have to be warm and fuzzy with the in-laws to be in a happy marriage.
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This has been my experience as well. My husband is an only child and his mother comes from a big family where all the women side eye "outsiders". DH and I have been married for over 15 years and I have never felt accepted, even after three children. Your statement is true that you don't have to be warm and fuzzy with the in-laws to have a happy marriage.

@mensa my hat is off to your husband for calling out his mother on her behavior. This type of behavior is run-of-the-mill in my husband's family.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I usually end up comforting my friends whose mother in laws have all boys or majority boys. In my experience these women have very few women friends and DIL's are public enemy #1. My mother had 3 boys and she kept both feet firmly planted in my SIL's a--es. DIL's were never really family even when they had kids.

That's one of the reasons why I Yeezy shrug bigly whenever the topic of getting along with in-laws come up. Yes, when you marry you gain the other persons family but one monkey don't stop no show. In-laws are only a problem if your spouse lets them be. There's ways to avoid all out war but you don't have to be warm and fuzzy with the in-laws to be in a happy marriage.
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Agree with all of this. I had never noticed that it's the mothers of all or majority boys who are the worst MILs, but you're right.

I don't deal with my in-laws at all. Have never been to Thanksgiving with them. And when they **** up, I simply never again give them a chance to repeat the offending behavior. I send you a thank you card that's not reciprocated? You never get another card from me again. I call you for your birthday and you don't act right on the phone? You never get another call (for any reason) from me again. And so on. This simple rule of reciprocity has allowed me to whittle my dealings with them down to nothing.
 
I'ma leave this right here for you. You might find it therapeutic.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/

I've been reading these stories for weeks and I couldn't believe the insanity of some of these old bats. You're very fortunate your DH advocated for you. Some of these women have spineless husbands who are so cowed by their mothers they let her get away with assaulting their wives and children, among other things.
 
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