Was anyone else afraid of their natural hair?

[Dani.Nicole]

I'm about 10 weeks post right now and I'm still deciding where or not I want to transition to natural. The only problem is, I'm worried about the true texture of my hair. I'm a polished kind of girl meaning I like everything in place. I like my hair to be straight as a pin. I just like it perfect! I've never seen my hair in it's natural state so I have nothing to go off of.

I'm beginning to realize that transitioning may not be the best decision for me because I don't think I'm ready to embrace my natural hair if it's not a 3c/4a mix. I'm still not sure of my hair type. But if I'm a true 4a I'm probably going to end up relaxing my hair or putting in a texturizer to loosen the curl pattern.

I'm definitely not caught up in the "good" hair vs "bad" hair nonsense, I just prefer my hair to look a certain way. That's why some ladies choose to relax and why some ladies don't.

Did anyone else have this problem? Or could I just sum these feelings up to be vanity? I really do want to embrace my hair but I just don't think I'm ready to

 

[NerdSauce]

I don't think you should go natural, not yet.

I love natural hair. I love all natural hair. But if you know you feel like you'd rather have one type of hair than another, then you probably still have some mental transitioning to do, because clearly you haven't accepted it in all its possible forms equally.

I'm glad that you're so honest about your feelings. And I do think it is possible for an element of those feelings to be fear of the unknown, but I don't think it would be completely honesty to chalk it up to vanity alone. I'm also glad to see that you recognize that there may be a different between how you want to feel and how you do feel.

As for perfect looking hair, I'm like a 4a/b mix, but Mwedzi (a 4b) IMHO just about ALWAYS has perfect hair and I... welll.... I occasionally come close. If you can't embrace your hair or at the least learn what it wants and how to take care of it properly you'll never have perfect hair as a natural (or relaxed), whether it is at the moment pin straight or otherwise. I think once you realize that you'll see its just the matter of the challenge and determining your style preferences more than anything else. Perhaps you should take some serious time and look at different styles (while possibly stretching a relaxer, who knows) and really think about what it is you want to look like.

If you love your relaxed hair or you love your hair straight, stick with it, or transition to natural hair that you just keep straightened, if its important to you to be natural. There's no rulebook that says you have to wear it a certain way anyways right? But I will say that (IMHO) your natural hair was made for you, as much as your eyes or your nose or anything else on your body.

Oh and as a random side thought.. I'm guessing that you'd probably enjoy quite long or quite short natural hair the most, because i think you have a better chance at perfect and consistent hair with those... These mid lengths (where I am) are not really what's up. Also I know for some people even the act of going natural can awaken a certain flexibility with their appearance. Not to say that they let themselves look like crap, but that they change the way they think about styling it altogether.

 

[Ganjababy]

It took me nearly a year to get used to my texture. I cannot say I was enthralled. I am used having my hair straight as I have always relaxed since age 13 or 14. I mourned the loss of my relaxed hair straight hair. However, for personal reasons there was no way I could have continued to relax.

Now I love my hair. I notice black people only compliment me when I define curls with gel. When I comb it out into a BAA with no curl definition I don't get as many compliments but I love it anyway. Sometimes when I do that I am asked why I did it that way and I say because I love my kinks.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I totally agree with RedPanda, I don't think you're ready. I think you still have some mental transitioning to do before you can go natural Especially considering the comments about only being able to wear your hair if its closer to the 3 range.

I'm not even being judgemental because I've been where you are, if I remember from your intro post you said you were very young. I remember when I was in High School I bought in completely to the good hair vs. bad hair nonsense and I thought there were "better" hair types. There are entire industries that make billion dollar yearly profits off of creating a need for us to relentlessly fight against our hair as if our hair is a problem that needs to be "fixed".

I think you should go natural when you feel in your heart you want to embrace your natural hair, its beauty and its versatility. If you're not there, you're not there and thats okay.

However I just want to make a few things clear, natural hair can be polished and sophisticated, it can be edgy, it can be high fashion, it can be modest and it can be bold. Make no mistakes, natural hair is what you make of it, there are no limits. God blessed us with the most versatile hair in existence........trust.

 

[Dani.Nicole]

Thank you for your input ladies! I know I'm not 100% ready yet. My goal is to stretch my relaxer to 4 or 5 months just so I can get a better idea of what I'm working with before I make a final decision. I'm tired of my relaxed hair but at the same time Idk if going natural is for me. I see so many of you ladies rocking your natural hair with so much pride. I hope to be on that level some day.

I can honestly trace this thinking back to when I was younger. I grew up around very few black people. My best friend in pre-k was a mixed girl and her hair was beautiful. She had very pretty curly hair while I was rocking a puff ponytail. Because I wasn't surrounded by more people like me, the more I wanted to be like other people. I wanted my hair to look like the white girls or the mixed girls. I felt so alienated at times.

I'm above that now, but I will say some of that thinking is still ingrained inside of me. Only difference is back then I thought all black hair was bad hair. Now I understand that everyone has different hair types and they're all beautiful in their own way. I'm just caught up in my hair looking a certain way.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I totally understand the feeling I went to school with alot of white kids myself my mom always sent me to pretty exclusive schools on the upper west side of manhattan and I wanted to have "nice" hair too the kind that slicked down, had loose curls, etc essentially everything my hair is not. As I matured I came to appreciate my coils and kinks and vowed to no longer fight with them. I think as you spend more time on this site and gain exposure to all the options out there for you and get encouragement from seeing so many women wear embrace their natural beauty with pride your perception will shift. Over time you'll have a clearer picture of things and the the infinite potential your hair has.

You don't have to rush into a decision, thats why they call it a healthy hair JOURNEY. There was a time in my life where I didn't see my hair as pretty either I think transitioning happens in the spirit as much as it does in your hair, so it'll all happen for you in time.

 

[msa]

I don't think you're ready to BC today...but the longer you stretch you might become ready. Just take it one week at a time. And learn to care for your natural hair while you're stretching. You may discover that it straightens easily with just a rollerset...or that braidouts/twistouts are actually styles you like...or many other things.

Just keep stretching and see how you feel. And if you're mind isn't ready yet, no big deal, you can always transition in the future.

 

[India*32]

Hey Ma,

Whatever you've decide,you'll be shelling out some money. I'm natural and spending money, relaxed spent money. So, have fun it's an adventure.

India

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I was where you were when I first began my journey. I thought I was going to have silky 3b-3c curls without a hint of frizz. I sometimes wonder if I would've transitioned at all if I had known my true hair type.

Once I BCd, I had to work with what I had and started to love it. I think you should keep stretching, maybe look at more natural hair albums and stories/youtube vids. The good hair vs bad hair mentality can change. I am so surprised how I feel about my hair now.

So to answer your question: No I don't think yo'ure ready, but I think you can get there eventually.

 

[keepithealthy]

I agree with what many of the ladies have already said on this board. Don't rush into anything you don't feel your ready for. When I first went natural accidentaly because of a bad perm, I wasn't ready to embrace my hair or the comments from folks. Plus I had no idea what I was doing and my hair looked a dry crunchy mess. Now that I am a bit older and much more confident in who God made me to be I love my hair and I love conditioner *were best friends* lol.

 

[Honey Bee]

I'm a polished kind of girl meaning I like everything in place. I like my hair to be straight as a pin. I just like it perfect!

THIS. You're reading my mind. Not about the rest of it, but on the 'perfection' thing. I don't leave my house without some kind of make-up, I rarely, if ever, wear sneakers, or even flats... I mean, I carry a hankie. I don't do 'unkempt,' which is why, both times I bc'd and was rockin my TWA, I did it with panache. Natural hair is no excuse for 'slackin on your pimpin', as they say. I've noticed that if you keep all things equal (make-up, accessories, clothing, shoes), slightly messy hair, like a braid out instead of a blowout, looks refreshing, almost like the chink in the armor that makes you seem more approachable. You might also find that to be true with natural hair.

So take your time and think about it. There's no rush. I'm transitioning to texlaxed, myself, and I've been a little concerned about not looking as 'put together' (not necc straightened) as usual, so I'm not planning to do a BC this time. I'm growing it out first, because I have a lot of difficulty with that middle length.

Here's an example of my 'multi-textured' hair in a style that I think manages to look pretty elegant


http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=402162

eta: I felt like I should clarify why I'm texlaxing and not going completely natural, given the tenor of this thread. I like the option to straighten it, or not, but the heat required to take it from natural to straight, vs texlaxed to straight, is just too much for my hair. Aside from quarterly trips to the Dominicans for length checks, I don't blowdry or use much heat.

 

[loulou82]

I was nervous about going natural too. But what really got me over the hump was that I could wear any relaxed style on natural hair if I wanted to. I thought I would be a straight natural and continually press my hair. But something happened between that thought and when I BC'd because I loved my hair in it's natural state. I went from being convinced I would wear it straight most of the time to only straightening it twice my first year.

Natural hair does not prohibit you from having straight hair. You only trade in a relaxer kit for a blow dryer and flat iron. Be forewarned that you'll probably miss your coils/ curls after a few days.

 

[jamaraa]

IMHO, stretching between relaxers isn't going to give you much real insight into what your natural hair is like because you're still working w/ two diff textures. Based on what I gather, it's much harder to work w/ two textures at once rather than relaxed or natural whole head. My advice is learn as much about natural care/styling as you can before you do anything. See what's involved for others and decide if the benefits outweigh the cons.