Very Discouraged Transitioner

[NewYorkgyrl]

So much of my hair came out today when I was detangling my hair in the shower after washing. I did all the right things like leave in the conditioner and detangle from the bottom up with a K-cutter comb.
I am surprised I still have hair left on my head that is how much I feel just kept coming off.

I don't know what to do with my hair in terms of moisture. I can't keep doing the co-wash thing to often because I don't want to deal with detangling my hair and taking so much time so many times a week. I think 1-2 times a week is ok.

But then when my hair is air drying sometimes it airdries soft some times hard and i 'm talking about the relaxed parts. How do I keep my new growth soft and manageable I have tried just about everything on this board.

I just don't understand if we are supposed to be using as little manipulation as possible how do you moisturize your newgrowth daily? Doesn't that require parting in small sections and moisturizing? And then after all of that if you want to put it in a bun isn't that more manuipulation of combing in order to get your hair into the bun? I'm so confused and so lost.

I bought the denman brush and I was to afraid to use it because when I tried to use it on damp hair it felt tlike it was pulling my hair out of the roots. Am I doing something wrong? I was planning on using this brush to get my hair into a ponytail in order to do a nice bun

Right now I am just sitting with my air out airdrying it trying to decide what to do what to do. I am sooooo close to tears right now.

I am going to the Caribbean next week to visit family I want to go swimming but I can't deal with this detangling stuff especially with that cold A** water that is very slow in coming out of the pipe. But I HATE braids. Please someone help me...........Not feeling good about my hair is starting to mess with my self-esteem.

 

[dimpalz]

come one! you've got this far, I'm not at that stage yet, but have u tried shea butter? I've only got an inch of new growth but it's been more than my usualy relaxer time, so it's tryna shedd and break all over. I've been cowashing everyother day using the c&g method.

Put in some large box braids, I do 10; 4 in the back half 1 along each side and 4 on the crown cos it's quite thick. I put the conditioner in before I plait them, then get in the shower/wet it and I wash each plait on its own (makes them feel special). I undo them one at a time rinse and detangle at the the same time then replait. Once I've replaited it I cover in conditioner again then move round then come back and rinse them in the same order. The trick I find is to plait them the way you want them to go because then they're kinda trained. I sqeeze all the mositure out then undo them (again) one at a time and put shea butter and glycerin (mixed) in each one, with more on the new growth and plait them again the way I want them for the style I'm going to do - this works for twist-canerow-outs too - and then let it airdy. Not forgetting an overall spray of infusium as a leave in.

I know that was a bit long and it does take time but HONESTLY I lose 10-20 hairs a day that way. Before I tried this literally hundreds where dropping out.

If you want to swim you can try some box braids and pull them into a pony, or twist big sections because you need to stop the roots from tangling up. I think the c&g method will help alot.

HTH and good luck =) - sorry my reply was so long

 

[Country gal]

I would suggest doing a twists to give your hair a break from daily con washes. I would also suggest using castor oil. It really moisturizes my hair. Don't give up we have all been there before.

 

[dimpalz]

Heres a picture of my hair yesterday, I did that bun without a brush or comb, just fingerstyling. (I know its not the neatest but I was jsut going downstairs) Once you get the detangling down before you replait to airdry it wont tangle up again. You see what I mean about plaiting the braids the way you want them to go it'll make the edges look a bit smoother too. HTH

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Thanks for the reply ladies. Yes I have tried castor oil and shea butter and mango butter. I wash my hair in 4 sections only because it is hard enough trying to part my hair into 4 so I never tried to do more than that. I wash my hair section by section and i still lost so much hair today.

The twist and box braids sound really good but I don't think it will look good only because of my thin relaxed ends. Oh and my hair was in layers when I was relaxed so I wonder how the braids would come out. I'll think about this one.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Heres a picture of my hair yesterday, I did that bun without a brush or comb, just fingerstyling. (I know its not the neatest but I was jsut going downstairs) Once you get the detangling down before you replait to airdry it wont tangle up again. You see what I mean about plaiting the braids the way you want them to go it'll make the edges look a bit smoother too. HTH

Thank you for the illustrations!!! I think I may try this when I decide to wash again. About the finger combing that use to work for me in the beginnning but now that I am 23 weeks post relaxer my fingers are not much help at all.
And my twist outs use to look so good but the further along in my transition they look ok but not as good as in the beginnning

I love your twist out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dimpalz]

I dont know what else to suggest, have you ever thought of cutting it down? I peeked at ur fotki I dunno if your hair is still that long, but maybe you could take it up to shoulder if you're serious about transitioning it's gonna go anyway. It's just a thought tho, it might help a little. Also when you're parting and its dry, for me nothing works better, especially since I haven't been wearing it straight anymore, than good old conditioner.

 

[dimpalz]

I love your twist out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you! It's good you've lasted so far cos I'm itchin to cut this hair off already, it's got too much attitude lol

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

I dont know what else to suggest, have you ever thought of cutting it down? I peeked at ur fotki I dunno if your hair is still that long, but maybe you could take it up to shoulder if you're serious about transitioning it's gonna go anyway. It's just a thought tho, it might help a little. Also when you're parting and its dry, for me nothing works better, especially since I haven't been wearing it straight anymore, than good old conditioner.

I am planning on getting some of the ends trimmed off because I am starting to get split ends and I want to even my hair out. I feel as though it is best to trim it after i get my hair done (blow dried and flat ironed) but I only do this once every 2 months. I won't be getting my hair done till after I come back from Antigua. It makes no sense to spend alot of money to get my hair done now if I plan to be going to the beach.


Question: Do you think glycerin alone will soften my hair?

 

[Isis]

I'm not transitioning but I want to add my two cents.
I moisturize my hair overall (just lightly applying my moisturizer) but focus on my ends daily. I apply on my new growth also since I do stretch 13 weeks, sometimes more at a time. I don't have to manipulate my hair much at all to moisturize my new growth though, I just apply it like the rest of my hair, making sure the new growth gets some. No parting my hair necessary.

Combing after airdrying will break off your hair, unless you airdried in a rollerset, where the hair shaft is smooth. It's best to finger-comb or finger-style your hair whenever possible.

Also, I've learned that my hair does not like conditioner washes - it isn't for everyone.

 

[1QTPie]

Just adding my 2 cents. I was able to transition for a few months, but I always had breakage so I kept it in a ponytail or bun the entire time. My hair breaks really easily, with the two textures, it broke even more, so I went against what my stylist wanted me to do and I had her chop that stuff down to 2 inches and haven't looked back. My hair couldn't handle the demarcation line. For others it wasn't a problem. Have you thought about braiding it? Or keeping it twisted?

But I will say, if your hair wasn't very strong with the relaxer, it will only get weaker where the two textures meet. Evidence of that is all over this board. Look at the people that can go 14 weeks without a relaxer with almost no breakage and the people that can barely go 8 weeks. It's all about your hair.

I would say, keep it twisted and only take the twists down to retwist.

 

[MJ]

I feel you. I am in the same position. My last relaxer was Nov. 13, 2005. So we are pretty much on the same pace.

I took my cornrow extensions out just over a week and half ago, with the intention of wearing it in buns for two weeks (washing and deep conditioning once each week) and then getting another set of cornrows with extensions.

The first wash, I had hair all over the place, but I chalked it up to shedding. I was able to get a neat bun, but I couldn't comb it in between washes. Then this past weekend I wash my hair and it was like . I had TONS of broken hair all over the place: the sink, bath tub, floor; I had handful (I am not lying) of hair in the sink during and after detangling and I was being GENTLE (really gently; gotta baby the rough stuff).

But you know what, I refused to get depressed (what's the point, darn hair). So I said f**k it, and called a salon and went on got my hair done with cornrows with extensions the next day.

I had planned on taking breaks between cornrows, but now I'm like hell naw! Back-to-back, that's what I'll be doing. This transition thing ain't easy la-la-da as some would like to say. I don't wanna do the big chop because I did it before and it doesn't work for me. Daily or even weekly washes are NO-NO, not with my hair (but I can wash daily with cornrows). I don't like braids either...

Maybe I should loc...

I'm as frustrated as you are NewYorkgyrl...

Long explanation, but if you want the number for a pretty good (and neat) braider in Brooklyn, you can PM me.

mzjones

So much of my hair came out today when I was detangling my hair in the shower after washing. I did all the right things like leave in the conditioner and detangle from the bottom up with a K-cutter comb.
I am surprised I still have hair left on my head that is how much I feel just kept coming off.

I don't know what to do with my hair in terms of moisture. I can't keep doing the co-wash thing to often because I don't want to deal with detangling my hair and taking so much time so many times a week. I think 1-2 times a week is ok.

But then when my hair is air drying sometimes it airdries soft some times hard and i 'm talking about the relaxed parts. How do I keep my new growth soft and manageable I have tried just about everything on this board.

I just don't understand if we are supposed to be using as little manipulation as possible how do you moisturize your newgrowth daily? Doesn't that require parting in small sections and moisturizing? And then after all of that if you want to put it in a bun isn't that more manuipulation of combing in order to get your hair into the bun? I'm so confused and so lost.

I bought the denman brush and I was to afraid to use it because when I tried to use it on damp hair it felt tlike it was pulling my hair out of the roots. Am I doing something wrong? I was planning on using this brush to get my hair into a ponytail in order to do a nice bun

Right now I am just sitting with my air out airdrying it trying to decide what to do what to do. I am sooooo close to tears right now.

I am going to the Caribbean next week to visit family I want to go swimming but I can't deal with this detangling stuff especially with that cold A** water that is very slow in coming out of the pipe. But I HATE braids. Please someone help me...........Not feeling good about my hair is starting to mess with my self-esteem.

 

[Shawnee66]

Have you tried putting conditioner and distilled (or water) in a spray bottle to soften the roots before you section your hair.

I had the same problem when I was transitioning. My hair was a tangled mess but, once I started sectioning my hair in 4 parts after I sprayed the roots, twist each section and wash them seperately, I lost less hairs.

When I was transitioning the Denman brush was not good for my hair (I tried them all), especially when it was wet. It would tear my hair out.

 

[dimpalz]

Question: Do you think glycerin alone will soften my hair?

hmmm I'm not sure about that, it might but the one I had is very syrupy like cough medicine so I dont know how well that will work which is why I mixed it up. It's a humectant and I think that extra moisture is what keeps mine feeling soft.

I won't be getting my hair done till after I come back from Antigua. It makes no sense to spend alot of money to get my hair done now if I plan to be going to the beach.

I have family in Antigua! My mums side is from there, I went AGES ago it was so nice, hope u have fun!

 

[caligirl]

Put in some large box braids, I do 10; 4 in the back half 1 along each side and 4 on the crown cos it's quite thick. I put the conditioner in before I plait them, then get in the shower/wet it and I wash each plait on its own (makes them feel special). I undo them one at a time rinse and detangle at the the same time then replait. Once I've replaited it I cover in conditioner again then move round then come back and rinse them in the same order. The trick I find is to plait them the way you want them to go because then they're kinda trained. I sqeeze all the mositure out then undo them (again) one at a time and put shea butter and glycerin (mixed) in each one, with more on the new growth and plait them again the way I want them for the style I'm going to do

This is really excellent advice. What I did during my transition was wash and shampoo my hair ONCE a week because I did not have the time to deal with my hair more than that. I would wash and deep condition in two sections. Then I would make 8 braids on each side of my head using regular conditioner as a leave in. If I use the denman brush before braiding each section my hair comes out very soft and smooth. During the week I would just make a single braid and wrap it into a bun. To moisturize I would spray the top of my hair with water then tie it down with a scarf while I got dressed. This would make my hair lay flat and I would also get some waves. Other than that I left my hair alone.

 

[kristina]

Have you used detangler??? My favorites of the moment is pantene light conditioning spray and biolage detangling solution. I'm natural but I find that if make sure to saturate my hair with detangler and detangle in small sections, I don't have any breakage.

 

[beyondcute]

The relaxed hair is fighting a loosing battle and one by one the casualties are mounting up. Yoou can contiue to fight the battle or you can wave your flag and slowly pull back the forces (trim the relaxed hair). I was havign massive breakage but after I mini chopped it pretty much halted the hair loss. A good trim may help but if you dont wanna cut any hair then a realy good deep conditioner and a good leave in will help ease the pain.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Have you used detangler??? My favorites of the moment is pantene light conditioning spray and biolage detangling solution. I'm natural but I find that if make sure to saturate my hair with detangler and detangle in small sections, I don't have any breakage.

I have paul mitchell the detangler and I just finished it. How are you using the pantene? The reason I ask is because I usually detangle in the shower and I imagine that this spray is used after one has finished wahing their hair.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

The relaxed hair is fighting a loosing battle and one by one the casualties are mounting up. Yoou can contiue to fight the battle or you can wave your flag and slowly pull back the forces (trim the relaxed hair). I was havign massive breakage but after I mini chopped it pretty much halted the hair loss. A good trim may help but if you dont wanna cut any hair then a realy good deep conditioner and a good leave in will help ease the pain.

yeah I plan on trimming my hair when I come back from my trip. I have been deep conditioning my hair every week as well as using leave ins.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I have been transitioning for 15 months. Here are a couple of observations/tips:

1. I ended up buying and returning 3 different K-Cutters because when I tried to detangle, I noticed that the plastic base between the teeth was jagged and whole stands of my hair were torn off.

2. I co-washed religiously for the first 6 months and found that I had a hellish time detangling my hair with conditioner in it. Then one day when I was washing with shampoo, I noticed that I could slide the comb straight through my hair. So now I always use some type of moisturizing shampoo to detangle.

3. Clarifying shampoo is more important than people realize -especially for product junkies.

4. The denman brush should only be used on new growth - relaxed ends need to be detangled with a wide tooth comb. As I said previously, I do my detangling with my hair full of shampoo.

As for going swimming - 2 pocahontas(sp?) braids are the quickest easiest way to go.

 

[Cheleigh]

This doesn't work for everyone, but what worked for me was:

CW once-twice weekly. No way I could CW daily while transitioning.

I would DT my hair as a CW. I would mix conditioners along with honey/molasses and olive oil/castor/vatika/amla, heat it, and coat my hair as I braided it into six sections. I would add a plastic cap and a conditioning cap and leave on a minimum of one hour, maximum of 4 hours. I would rinse with warm water, then finger detangle under cool/cold. THEN I would use the D4 to detangle one section, braid it back up, and move to the next section. Then I would unbraid again after it air dried a bit and add my leave-in condish, and braid again and add flexirods to dry.

I rarely tried to part my hair--and never did it for CW. I would just carefully pull it apart while damp to separate to braid it. I never used a comb for my entire transition. I felt that finger detangling was much gentler on my strands.

I moisturized my hair twice daily and put grease/pomade on my ends daily. I only hand smoothed my hair or used a boar bristle brush. I wore my hair in buns, ponytails, and braidouts mostly.

I have examples of my hair during that time in my transitioning photo albums.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

I have been transitioning for 15 months. Here are a couple of observations/tips:

1. I ended up buying and returning 3 different K-Cutters because when I tried to detangle, I noticed that the plastic base between the teeth was jagged and whole stands of my hair were torn off.

2. I co-washed religiously for the first 6 months and found that I had a hellish time detangling my hair with conditioner in it. Then one day when I was washing with shampoo, I noticed that I could slide the comb straight through my hair. So now I always use some type of moisturizing shampoo to detangle.

3. Clarifying shampoo is more important than people realize -especially for product junkies.

4. The denman brush should only be used on new growth - relaxed ends need to be detangled with a wide tooth comb. As I said previously, I do my detangling with my hair full of shampoo.

As for going swimming - 2 pocahontas(sp?) braids are the quickest easiest way to go.

Thanks!! The 2 braids sounds like a good idea maybe I will attempt a french braid if I can remember how to do it. haven't done that stly since I was like 12. LOL But that will be a good style for the beach.


Question: So when you co-wash do you just use the moisturizing poo (like CON) and detangle then style or do you try to fit some kind of conditioner to the mix?

 

[deborah11]

I transitioned of 20 months without a big chop. i found that months 6-9 were hell and things got better after that period. I learned not to manipulate my hair too much so I only washed and conditioned every 10 - 14 days. I would shampoo, deep condition, get under hair dryer for 1 hr 15 minutes and then flat iron the roots. I would than wear my hair in protective styles up or loosely pulled back for a few (6-7) days and wear a phony pony for the rest of the time until wash day. Yes, this was very boring but my hair remained healthly without extensive breakage. You can look in my foti account in signature for ideas of protective styles that I wore (password hair). The trick is to find a couple of hairstyles that u like and feel reasonably attractive wearing until your transition is over. transitioning is a pain but Things will get bettter soon. Hang in there.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Thanks!! The 2 braids sounds like a good idea maybe I will attempt a french braid if I can remember how to do it. haven't done that stly since I was like 12. LOL But that will be a good style for the beach.


Question: So when you co-wash do you just use the moisturizing poo (like CON) and detangle then style or do you try to fit some kind of conditioner to the mix?

I use Biolage Ultra Hydrating shampoo to detangle. While my hair is soapy, I part the hair in four sections with my fingers. I start by using a comb from the bottom up (permed ends) and then run the denman through the 5 inches of new growth. After I detangle a section, I hold it in place with an ouchless band (if I don't it poofs up). When all 4 sections are done, I rinse (with the ouchless bands still on)and then apply a mixture of NTM hair mask and coconut oil to each section. Sometimes I'll sit under the dryer for a bit before rinsing out.

Also once I'm done with the washing, my leave-ins are WGO and Aveda Be Curly. I find that a creamy leave in makes my hair feel moisturized days longer than just oil or a watery leave in.

My washing process has a lot of manipulation, but it guarantees that my hair lays flat in my bun until my next wash.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

I would suggest doing a twists to give your hair a break from daily con washes. I would also suggest using castor oil. It really moisturizes my hair. Don't give up we have all been there before.

I used the castor oil and it helped alot this time. The difference was because I applied it in small sections as I was twisting my hair an not like a leave in.

And the twist came out pretty good. Thank you for the suggestion. They are pretty thin though do to the relaxed parts. I did not blow dry my hair either. I did them on damp hair that was airdried for about a half hour. I did not do my too small becasue then my twist would have really looked anorexic. LOL

I decided that I am going to do this next week again when I go to the Caribbean. Even though they may come out when I am in the water (I will pin it up) i will jsut re-do the loose ones at night. Wear it like this for a couple days maybe 3-4 then wear a twist out the next day. Put it in a onytail twist out the next. And from then on just put my hair in a bun.
I MIGHT do a wash and go if it comes out right. But lately it has been looking like crap.

Thanks everyone for all of your help.

 

[inthepink]

When I transitioned, I had difficulty b/c of the length of my hair & breakage. I would wash my hair twice a week and do a braidout that I wore in an updo. AT the time of washing, I would wash my hair in two sections. Then I would moisturize my new growth with Carol's Daughter Healthy Hair Butter. That product will really keep the moisture in your hair for days! It was my miracle transitioning product - really the main thing that got me through. Anyhow, I hope this helps.