VENT: Joked about a wig?

[divachyk]

I'm a little offended ---

I was at lunch at bumped into an acquaintance/coworker/spiritual friend who I also thought was a semi-decent personal friend and we got to talking about working out and doing hair. She had the nerve to joke me for considering a wig as a style option and I am really offended. Note: We're work friends only; no other outside interaction.

Me: I have very little time for working out in the afternoons now that I'm back working two jobs
Chick: Yeah I'm trying to workout also
Me: I hate morning workouts but I have got to do something to get out of this slump
Chick: I've started walking in the afternoons and that's helped a lot
Me: I plan to start morning workouts but I need a cute wig to throw on before arriving to work because I sweat really bad while working out
Chick: Unt-uh (Side Note: this is the slang sound/phrase that some of us may be familiar with that means no) I'mma laugh if you do. All that hair you got, why would you do something like that. That's crazy.
Me: I'm not opposed to wearing a wig. What's wrong with rocking a wig?
Chick: She was silent but shaking her head, rolling her eyes & making facial expressions
Me: You'll be asking for pointers when I arrive in my cute wig and be looking all fly
Chick: No I won't! You better know if I see you in a wig, I'm telling you now, I will laugh
Me: Yeah okay, I'll talk to you later
Chick: Bye

I'm very offended although I chose to walk away and not make that known. It's not even worth my time but it thoroughly annoys me how the we, as people, criticize friends/family but we are unwilling to walk up to a stranger and call them out. I thought we were better than that and oddly enough her position kinda makes me a little self-conscious because if she, my so-called friend and sister in Christ will laugh, will others?

In the winter, I wear wigs a lot during the weekend but I have a slight complex about wearing them to work for the very reasons listed within this email. I find that some (not all by no means so don't stone me for thinking I'm generalizing) AA women is very critical of others. I had one AA boss tell me years ago that ponytails are not acceptable and unprofessional. It's like we, as AA, hold each other to some high standard. I understand challenging each other for the better but dangit man. Okay, I digress.


Should I be offended?
Am I overreacting?
Have you all been joked by highly cricital AA coworkers, friends, family?

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[BlackDiamond21]

Gurl I feel you - HUGGZ!

I did not have the support of my man when I first stated and that was someone's opinion I actually cared about. I had to learn to turn on my "I don't give a flying **** what you think!" attitude toward him and the white women I work with at my job. I must admit I was VERY self concious the first day at work and the first time my man saw me. I did get some compliments at work but that didn't stop me from touching it to make sure it was still on (yes it had combs!) and running to the work bathroom mirror to make sure it looked "ok". I just kept reminding myself why I am doing this, healthier hair and who I am pleasing, myself. I am so comfy now, I will switch up wigs once a week or even in the middle of the week. So people KNOW for a fact it aint mine and I don't care.

Funny, we are opposite. I wear my wigs during the week and wear my hair out during the weekends!

Yes you have a right to be offended and you are not overreacting. The personal hair journey can be a touch subject at times. I get that!

My advice, all that to say, is to focus on your goal and be confident in accomplishing it! You'll do great!

P.S. to me it is like eating out or going to the movies the first time by yourself. Your dying inside thinking everyone is looking at your or judging you BUT, the more you do it, the easier it is and the comfier you feel !

 

[msdeevee]

No, I would not be offended .

So many people come out of their mouths with such sheer ignorance that it doesn't make sense to get offended.

She obviously has no idea what she's saying so if I was you I would keep it moving.

It's not like you don't have hair and will be coming in with a butt length Godiva deal.

We're Women we can do whatever we want with our hair and others need to respect that.

 

[lovenharmony]

Don't worry about your "friend" and do you!

 

[kandake]

I wouldn't be offended. But, then again, I'm not easily offended.

Some people are opposed to wigs. They think its silly. Even on this forum people have actually stated that its silly for women to wear wigs (fake hair in general) and if they were a man they wouldn't date someone who did so. Your "friend" and the people I'm referring to are entitled to their opinions. And the chick can laugh all she wants. But, if wearing wigs works out for YOU that's all that matters. Just make sure it's cute. Cause I would probably laugh too if your wig was busted.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Should I be offended?--Eh...you can, but she's not worth it IMO. Trust me, I was very opposed to wearing wigs myself before I needed them to transition . I didn't really have a problem with everyone ELSE wearing them, but for myself, I just felt like it would be really odd. I thought that only cancer patients or old ladies should wear wigs. LOL! Now, I'll gladly wear a wig to work, to my place of worship, or at a party. SHOOT! In all honesty, what's the big difference between wigs and weaves?? I mean seriously? We as AA women are known to wear wigs alllll the time, so I really don't see the difference between a wig and a weave. If you'll laugh at a wig, then you should laugh at a weave. I'm just saying...


Am I overreacting? --I mean, I think you'll be offended/overreact as long as YOU personally feel self-conscious about wearing wigs. Just start wearing one out for short periods of time first, and then work up to wearing one at work. I think once you start wearing a wig (a NICE one) out in public to the store, to the mall, to the movies, or just running errands, I think you'll notice that MOST people aren't checking for you like that! And if they are, they probably don't know whether it's your real hair, a weave or a wig.

Have you all been joked by highly cricital AA coworkers, friends, family?--So far...nope. People look at me differently of course...some people want to know if it's my real hair, OR they'll just say: "I love your hair!" But no weird or joking comments about my wig. And honestly, I have fun with it. I laugh and may even come right out and tell them: "Girl, you know this isn't my real hair!" I personally have fun "changing it up" every now and then with different looks with wigs. I find that in general, white people have NO clue, men in general have NO clue...the only people who seem to sort of know "what's up" is black women. And so far, no black women have said any disparaging remarks about my wigs.

So, go out, get a nice wig...one that frames your face nicely and looks like a style you might wear, and perhaps get it cut/shaped by your stylist or whoever so that it doesn't look so "wiggy", and flaunt your wig girl! I say, it's better to wear a wig when you actually HAVE hair underneath, than to be rocking a wig knowing good and well that you are bald underneath. So, just wear your wig! It's not like you have no hair. Some women unfortunately wear wigs because they HAVE to...due to illness or such. They have no hair underneath. It's really sad and I really commend them for all that they go through. So, just look at things in perspective.

Honestly, your friend probably wouldn't have even known you were wearing a wig if you hadn't told her beforehand. I doubt even she would laugh at you. I find it funny because I wore a wig right, and the next week I saw a co-worker wearing hers. I guess when she saw me in mine, she felt comfortable enough to wear one herself! So see!

 

[halee_J]

Hey diva Its not what she said, people are entitled to their opinion -its how she said it. There was no need to behave like a clown. Forget her. Your wig will not look busted, you know better. Plus, you can always do a dry run on us before venturing outside .

 

[ckisland]

I think about wearing wigs every now and again (especially because of ladies on here), but I would feel so self-conscious, so I've never even tried one on . Funny thing is, when I see someone with a cute wig (it's cute because it doesn't look like one ), and I find out that it is a wig, I get so excited. I want to know where she got it from and what brand it is knowing full well that I'll ever actually buy one.


Maybe I'll be adventurous and buy one.

 

[brucebettye]

Don't be offended. I have wore braids, wigs, weaves, and now an afro puff phony ponytail to work. I don't care what my AA women coworkers say about my hair. They are always negative about my hair(most of them) and all other people like my hair. Do you, if she calls you out just say it is yours because you bought it and keep on walking. Also being healthy is more important than what you have on your hair. Enjoy your morning workouts, I will be going back to them in the winter.

 

[Nonie]

OK, OP, this is what you do when you come across ignorance. You confuse it. You played along well, coz from the dialogue, I wouldn't have guessed you got hurt. I'd just think you're like me and you do what you want when you want. And so what you do is get your wig, but before you go to work prepare yourself for a silly guffaw from her. The kind that is truly meant to make you feel bad, and plan how you'll respond to it.

If you get all catty, she'll know she got to you and won. But instead, just smile the way you would if you dressed as a dude for Halloween and people were dying of laughter at your hairy chin and arms. You'd be amused but not tickled. So you might smirk. So hold your head high and just walk on by, even strike a pose...and act like you feeling ♪fresh fresh like a million bucks♪♪. Chances are, everyone will look at her like she's the one with doodoo on her pants. If you FEEL the look, really FEEL IT, it'll win others over, maybe even her.

So do it only IF you are 100% comfortable, otherwise you won't be able to pull it off with her carrying on like an a$$. If I could make my Coolie hairstyle pass at the office, then Girl, what's a wig unless you're going to borrow Bozo the clown's wig?

The reason you're hurt is coz you're buying what she's saying. Just because she has an effed up opinion about your plans doesn't mean she's right. You KNOW why you're doing it. What you need to do is ask yourself whether she has a valid point for laughing? I mean what's funny about a wig really? If wigs were so funny, we'd see them on Comedy Central performing an act. What's there to laugh about it unless it looks weird? Just secure it well so it doesn't go flying off your head. Oh and I've had that happen to me too, and no one laughed coz I didn't act embarrassed. I was pissed about something and was ranting tossing my head about like the Z-formation was a dance and my wig took off and landed at my feet. Without missing a beat, I just picked it up and put it back on and matter-of-factly said pointing at it, "I don't want to talk about it!". Except in my haste, I put it on backward and my terrified audience (UPS guy (white)) nervously pointed out that he thought I had it backward ) To which I responded nonchalantly, "I knew that!" and fixed it promptly. Of course later I just about dying laughing replaying the whole scene, but at that time, there were more important matters to focus on, like me being mad.

Sorry, that was a bit off topic, but my point is, people only pick on "weak" folks. You act all unsure and uneasy and they pounce on that coz it gives them a sort of feeling of power. You walk around like you think wearing meat to the Awards is an awesome fashion statement, and sooner or latter others like Guillermo on Jimmy Kimmel follow suit coz they think it's the shizzle. Wear the wig over the weekend. Wear it on casual day or a day when you're in the office briefly. Get confidence being out with it, and then nothing anyone says will matter.

If you had hair like any of the ladies that have been Features of the Month, would you really get upset if someone said, "If you wear your head, I will laugh so hard"? No. Why coz it's obvious they've got issues coz you know your hair down looks beautiful. Likewise, love your wig and others won't help themselves but accept you were right to wear it.

 

[Uniquely Blessed]

I wouldn't be offended. Some people don't like 'fake' hair because it's fake, and some don't like it because some of us have a habit of wearing wigs and weaves that just look poorly done and not properly matched to our hair type. She said she'd laugh if she saw you in a wig. I wouldn't wear a wig that screamed 'WIG', and you know too many women do. I'd wear something that she couldn't tell was a wig, for about a week, then ask her where the laughter is.

 

[Tiye]

I think the comment was inappropriate for a work friend. I think a close friend or family member is entitled to their opinion but if you're grown you're going to do your thing anyway. Hair is an accessory. A wig is a hair hat. How would she like it if you laughed at her shoes, or her necklace or her choice of nail color? I'd be annoyed but not offended coz a lot of people are prejudiced about wigs and extensions - they think a wig is something you only wear "if you don't have hair" and this is not true at all. I've had a few negative comments from family members but then again they have asked if my own hair was a wig and also if you say you made the wig then that impresses them - and then before you know it they want the hookup and advice - so it's all just prejudice. Ignore it and do you.

 

[Giselle685]

Don't be offended chikkaboo.

 

[Nonie]

But even if it looks like a wig, what's so laughable? A wig that looks like you borrowed it from the Heat Miser might be funny. A wig that suits your face and complements your style doesn't make me want to giggle at all. On America's Next Top Model, they wear wigs all the time to complement a style, and most times they're not lacefronts or even convincing wigs, but they make the whole look complete. I dunno, maybe I just have a different sense of humor from most.

 

[westNDNbeauty]

What did her hair look like is the question. I didn't read all the responses, so if the answer is already there, forgive me. Cause if she is not aware of protective styles, etc.....I wouldn't be too offended. She's just ignant. Literally, by definition standards.

 

[Carisa]

i feel the exact same way. I wear wigs to help me retained the hair i have, but other people dont understand that and the first thing they want to ask is why r u wearing a wig with all that hair u have? They just dont get it. Any usually the people who call themselves the "hair and style experts" are the ones with the chewed up ends

 

[divachyk]

I'm getting ready to head to job #2 and I'm unable to read all the comments until I get home and will respond to you all then, but thanks for the encouraging words I've read thus far. But get this...I failed to mention that she and I use to frequent the same beauty salon years ago....so what's the difference in wearing a phony pony than a wig/weave, etc? I'm sure she's gotten a phony pony before, I know I have and was confident with it. I sport my wigs all the time on the weekend without any hesistation and they even look wiggy!! But, work folk are far more critical than random people you see around town so of course I don't want to be the talk of the office but at the same time, I will do me regardless....yeah I may be self-conscious in the beginning but I wouldn't let that deter me. Matter of fact, I've worn a whole head wig before to the office but I didn't wear it on a day that I had to be out networking with a lot of people so not too many people actually saw me in it but those that did, didn't realize it was a wig because I rocked it with a nice headband and the wig had a realistic length.

I'll write more later, the kidos are starting to come in...I can't let them into the world of divachyk and LHCF. lol

 

[yaya24]

Should I be offended? No
Am I overreacting? Yes
Have you all been joked by highly cricital AA coworkers, friends, family? No

 

[Oasis]

@ folks calling ol girl ignorant. i would not be offended or angry by this exchange of words. maybe she could have been a lil more tactful but she was, at least, giving you a heads up on the fact she'd be eventually laughing at you, to your face. and imo, 99% of wigs look bunk.

 

[EllePixie]

I wouldn't be offended, but annoyed. There is a lot of inconsistency regarding how people feel about fake hair, and I don't understand it. Like...why is a phony pony or weave okay, but a wig isn't?? A (ex)friend of mine said the same thing to me - "I would laugh my butt off at you if you got a wig," yet his gf was running around in weaves for days. I think it's because when people think of wigs they think of Jerry Springer (wig getting pulled off), grandmothers, and bald people, which is pretty silly to me.

Just do what makes you feel comfortable, and if she wants to laugh...whatever. Tell her that you laugh at her face daily, so you're even.

 

[*fabulosity*]

Umm.. I am not a big fan of wigs FOR ME.. but I have seen what they can do to hair journeys.. so more now than before.. I don't think they're that strange. If one of my close friends said something about wearing a wig for sure I probably would have something sarcastic to say. Notice CLOSE friend... not work friendly person or acquaintance. I would never do that to anyone.

Are you overreacting.. I don't think so.. I would be offended if someone came up to me and said.. what are you trying to do with that mess on your head for one of my twist outs or braid outs.. it's all in the way people say it.

All of my coworkers ninja and clear are always watching my hair styles, clothing choices, jewelry, briefcase, backpack.. etc.. you get the idea.. so I have become used to shaking people's comments off.. However, I have not anyone say something adverse yet that really upset me. In that situation, I'm not sure what I would do.

You have the right to feel how you want to feel!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

If you felt offended, then yes, your feelings are valid. Her comment rubbed you the wrong way.

Many of my coworkers wear wigs so it's not big deal in my office (a few women are going through chemo). Sometimes when I sport a new wig I am asked for the name/brand.

There is a new woman in the office who did not recall meeting me last week because I had in a big curly style. Today I have on a shoulder length, straight wig.
I'm sure that she was wondering what happened but I do not care. I am considering changing my hair for tomorrow's meeting just to mess with her a bit. lol lol

 

[girlcherokee]

see i wouldnt be offended - she was being honest. she could have sat there and "yeah girled" you and laughed behind your back - i prefer honesty in my friends, not agreement ALL the time. the only time you get agreement ALL the time, is when someone is not being honest. if you want to wear it, and YOU like it, wear it and rock it - i've seen many an opinion change after the fact, but atlease if she comes to you later and tells you it looks good or she likes your outfit, she reall means it. worth a ton in my book.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I hope to Gawd she never wears any fake pieces of nothing on her head or else I would get real ignant one day and start laughing and pointing at her.

 

[divachyk]

My advice, all that to say, is to focus on your goal and be confident in accomplishing it! You'll do great!

P.S. to me it is o it, the easier it is and the comfier you feel !

Yes ma'am, I will thanks for the support! I feel you on that dining out by yourself thing. It seems like everyone is just staring something serious.

Just make sure it's cute. Cause I would probably laugh too if your wig was busted.

Stop, I would not look busted. I work in a high profile kinda job where I have a lot of face time with key people and I am an collegiate level instructor so I can't be looking like a chicken head.

I guess when she saw me in mine, she felt comfortable enough to wear one herself! So see!

I guess we LHCFers just need to set the standard....and I will do just that....she will be envying my styles.

Hey diva Its not what she said, people are entitled to their opinion -its how she said it. There was no need to behave like a clown. Forget her. Your wig will not look busted, you know better. Plus, you can always do a dry run on us before venturing outside .

Okay friend, thank u. (((hugs)))

So hold your head high and just walk on by, even strike a pose...and act like you feeling ♪fresh fresh like a million bucks♪♪.

If you had hair like any of the ladies that have been Features of the Month, would you really get upset if someone said, "If you wear your head, I will laugh so hard"? No. Why coz it's obvious they've got issues coz you know your hair down looks beautiful. Likewise, love your wig and others won't help themselves but accept you were right to wear it.

Good point. I love the confidence you display! I might have ran in the other direction if my wig came off. You handled that quite nicely.

But even if it looks like a wig, what's so laughable?

I'm with you on that! Wigs seem to be okay for some and not for others.

What did her hair look like is the question. I didn't read all the responses, so if the answer is already there, forgive me. Cause if she is not aware of protective styles, etc.....I wouldn't be too offended. She's just ignant. Literally, by definition standards.

She has blonde highlights, shoulder length hair. No protective styling. She's a non-practicing cosmetologist working a desk job like me.

Like...why is a phony pony or weave okay, but a wig isn't??

That's what annoy me -- it's okay for Beyonce and Tyra and all others to wear wigs but when we implement that level of fashion in our day to day regi, then it's frowned upon.

If you felt offended, then yes, your feelings are valid.

I think I just expected better from her and the comment was inappropriately said and not perfect timing.

see i wouldnt be offended - she was being honest.

Yeah I get that. I appreciate honesty but I don't appreciate being a hypocrite. You can't praise God one minute and try to anoint people with oil and be all judgmental the next! But you're right, we're all entitled to our opinion.

I hope to Gawd she never wears any fake pieces of nothing on her head or else I would get real ignant one day and start laughing and pointing at her.

I know right I'm waiting! I could have easily said, so let's talk about them chin hairs you said you had some self-conscious issues about but I refused to get crunk like that and pick on someone's weakness....I will remain a lady and not allow myself to go there with her as tempting as it was.

 

[FearfullyMade]

Should you be offended? Maybe at first reaction, but being a LHCFer we know what wearing PSs can do for our hair...(LadyP).

Are you overreacting? I don't think so.

A friend of mine has joked with me about me wearing weaves and wearing wigs, he even joked about " Pulling my hat off "

But he knows dang well I would kill him (he really wouldn't do that though).

But he would be the first to stick up for me or put someone in their place if someone else THOUGHT about saying some BS about me wearing a weave, a wig or anything.

But I don't even care anymore if people know Im wearing a weave/wig because I know what I'm trying to accomplish.

She'll be one who secretly admires your hair if you kept wearing them to retain length.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I wouldn't be offended, but annoyed. There is a lot of inconsistency regarding how people feel about fake hair, and I don't understand it. Like...why is a phony pony or weave okay, but a wig isn't?? A (ex)friend of mine said the same thing to me - "I would laugh my butt off at you if you got a wig," yet his gf was running around in weaves for days. I think it's because when people think of wigs they think of Jerry Springer (wig getting pulled off), grandmothers, and bald people, which is pretty silly to me.

Just do what makes you feel comfortable, and if she wants to laugh...whatever. Tell her that you laugh at her face daily, so you're even.

You hit the nail on the head with the grandmother comment. A lot of people have no frame of reference for wigs other than elderly family members. I know my aunt and grandmother always wore/wear wigs but no one else in my family did and none of my friends do. Its just considered old school to a lot of people. Weaves, however, are an every day thing so its not even worth discussing. Go figure.

 

[doll-baby]

Girl don't worry about her ! Find a nice wig that looks natural, style it to suit you and your co worker won't have anything to say except how she can get a similar look.

 

[lilsparkle825]

She probably is like the majority of AA women (as in, women who are NOT card-carrying members of LHCF) and has never even fathomed the idea of wearing wigs as a PS. After I read what you said about her being a non-practicing cosmetologist, I am SURE she hasn't heard of it. She probably thinks you will come in there looking like a Barbie doll and that's why she's so opposed to it. I mean, even if you DO come in with a busted wig, the joke will be on HER when your hair is still flyy in a few months.

 

[gadgetdiva]

If I were you I would not be offended...some people just don't understand. What did her hair look like, maybe it was a passive aggressive hater move...or maybe not. I'd shrug it off and do your thang.