URGENT: how should i handle this cheating situation? cliff notes in bold

[Sassy29]

you should post his number let everyone call him. Seriouly you need to cut him off. He is a headache and heartache waiting to happen. you got your closure when he give out his phone number.

 

[Neek-a-Nator]

you should post his number let everyone call him. Seriouly you need to cut him off. He is a headache and heartache waiting to happen. you got your closure when he give out his phone number.

Yup, and don't you dare give him any, he doesn't deserve it. So now RUN, don't walk away. Lose his phone number, don't ever contact him again and DO NOT accept any calls, texts, emails, visits, you get my point from him again. Don't look back.

 

[tiara76]

feelings speak louder than actions and words...people spend too much time not paying attention to their feelings and listening and enjoying 'actions".....your heart gave him the side eye because your heart is always telling you what is and what isn't and you pretty much knew something was off even with all the good talkin and walkin on his part.....actions and words are only meaningful when the true feeling is behind it and lots of people speak and act a good game and are in their own world of deluding and lying to themselves so guess what they do to you ....

and if you aren't in tune with your own feelings or ignore them you will "fall" for BS and lies and then blame it on the other person when you can easily pick up on them....its one thing to want to believe somebody and another to know what is the truth and what is not,,,when you know and choose to "believe".....be prepared to step into delusional land with the other person because you just chose delusion over truth

 

[bellezanegra826]

Thank you for all of the advice. After reading all of your comments, I have decided to take your advice and not confront him about the situation. Your posts triggered me to remember a conversation that I had with him on the phone in which he was watching the show cheaters and he said he didn't like the show. I asked him why and he said b/c the people see on camera that they are being disrespected and they still feel the need to have a confrontation. He said if it was him, he would just make it easy for the person, pack up their things and have them waiting for them on the curb. He said that the confrontation just opens you up for more hurt and more drama. The convo was really brief and I never gave it much thought b/c we started talking about other reality shows and how lame they can be sometimes. At any rate, I heard it from a lot of brilliant ladies on the forum and straight from the donkey's mouth lol. Now looking back on the whole situation, I see things that he told me about his past in a completely different light. He said his ex cheated on him, but based on some of his actions and her actions since the break up, I think it makes more sense that he cheated on her. His lies had just enough ring of the truth in them to make them completely plausible.

So what have I learned from all of this:
1. men know what sounds good to us and they will say whatever to get what they want be it physical, monetary, or just a place to stay
2. good lies usually have a ring of the truth that helps to make them seem real
3. no matter what is said, my gut instincts will let me know that something ain't right
4. even though he said everything that I wanted to hear, I was right to make him wait before the relationship got too deep and I definitely don't regret that decision at this point
5. people will show me who they are, but it is up to me to see them for who they really are and not for who I want them to be or who I hope that they will become with patience
6. no matter how much I insist on honesty, I can't make someone tell me the truth but more importantly, they can't make me believe a lie...that's on me
7. confronting a liar serves me no purpose other than to increase the likelihood that I'll be lied to even more.

At the end of the day, I do not feel that this was a complete waste of time because it was a learning experience. I'm sure that I will make some mistakes in the relationship department in the future, but at least I know some things to look out for and to be mindful of moving forward.

 

[tiara76]

So what have I learned from all of this:
1. men know what sounds good to us and they will say whatever to get what they want be it physical, monetary, or just a place to stay
2. good lies usually have a ring of the truth that helps to make them seem real
3. no matter what is said, my gut instincts will let me know that something ain't right
4. even though he said everything that I wanted to hear, I was right to make him wait before the relationship got too deep and I definitely don't regret that decision at this point
5. people will show me who they are, but it is up to me to see them for who they really are and not for who I want them to be or who I hope that they will become with patience
6. no matter how much I insist on honesty, I can't make someone tell me the truth but more importantly, they can't make me believe a lie...that's on me
7. confronting a liar serves me no purpose other than to increase the likelihood that I'll be lied to even more.

At the end of the day, I do not feel that this was a complete waste of time because it was a learning experience. I'm sure that I will make some mistakes in the relationship department in the future, but at least I know some things to look out for and to be mindful of moving forward.

if more people felt this way there would be more people developing healthier relationships...no relationship is a waste of time...if you don't know (remember) the pertinent things in life such as knowing your intuition and heart or dealing with insecurities, etc....

the only way to know (remember) or confront insecurities or other issues is to experience situations where you have to learn one way or another how to discern things so you can move on and not be held back by bitter emotions and be driven by true feelings because you will know what is and what isn't

 

[brownelovely]

Reply back to the message and let him know he's busted and then move on. You must have felt something wasn't right if you decided to befriend him through someone else anyhow. So thank yourself for following your instincts and cut him off completely.

Obviously from this one incident you can already tell he's a big arse liar which will equate to future drama for you. You just saved yourself from a headache and future heartbreak!

 

[tarheelgurl]

I totally agree with those that said cut him off, no explanation.

 

[Ediese]

Thank you for all of the advice. After reading all of your comments, I have decided to take your advice and not confront him about the situation. Your posts triggered me to remember a conversation that I had with him on the phone in which he was watching the show cheaters and he said he didn't like the show. I asked him why and he said b/c the people see on camera that they are being disrespected and they still feel the need to have a confrontation. He said if it was him, he would just make it easy for the person, pack up their things and have them waiting for them on the curb. He said that the confrontation just opens you up for more hurt and more drama. The convo was really brief and I never gave it much thought b/c we started talking about other reality shows and how lame they can be sometimes. At any rate, I heard it from a lot of brilliant ladies on the forum and straight from the donkey's mouth lol. Now looking back on the whole situation, I see things that he told me about his past in a completely different light. He said his ex cheated on him, but based on some of his actions and her actions since the break up, I think it makes more sense that he cheated on her. His lies had just enough ring of the truth in them to make them completely plausible.

So what have I learned from all of this:
1. men know what sounds good to us and they will say whatever to get what they want be it physical, monetary, or just a place to stay
2. good lies usually have a ring of the truth that helps to make them seem real
3. no matter what is said, my gut instincts will let me know that something ain't right
4. even though he said everything that I wanted to hear, I was right to make him wait before the relationship got too deep and I definitely don't regret that decision at this point
5. people will show me who they are, but it is up to me to see them for who they really are and not for who I want them to be or who I hope that they will become with patience
6. no matter how much I insist on honesty, I can't make someone tell me the truth but more importantly, they can't make me believe a lie...that's on me
7. confronting a liar serves me no purpose other than to increase the likelihood that I'll be lied to even more.

At the end of the day, I do not feel that this was a complete waste of time because it was a learning experience. I'm sure that I will make some mistakes in the relationship department in the future, but at least I know some things to look out for and to be mindful of moving forward.

You are steps ahead of the game. You're right, these experiences are such a great learning experience. If more women took time to dissect the reason(s) for the demise of their relationship and think about ways to avoid them in the future, these things could be caught way ahead. Having learned these lessons, you're definitely ready and equipped for the next one. Good luck!

 

[song_of_serenity]

How are you doing, OP? Has he tried to contact you? Did you cut it off cold turkey?

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Interesting thread. I'm glad that you caught him.

I have a relative that was married with 2 kids but also had a page on blackplanet.com reading "SINGLE". He was definitely a cheater, ended up divorced and is now married again. I have no idea if he is cheating now but his new wife was the pregnant mistress when he was with wife #1 so she knows what she has - a cheater.

 

[MissYocairis]

..be free and healthy of stink involvements.

that's kinda catchy!

 

[MissYocairis]

Good thread. Good lesson. This is my fave.

6. no matter how much I insist on honesty, I can't make someone tell me the truth but more importantly, they can't make me believe a lie...that's on me

 

[Bunny77]

You know what? It seems like the biggest cheaters are the ones talking most about how they don't cheat/don't like cheating/got cheated on.

It's a red flag to me when cheating is so frequently a topic of conversation for supposed non-cheaters. Means that it's on his mind.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He's a damn lie... and the fact that you felt it let you know what's up. I would give him the number ... .MY number and then not respond once he realized he fouled his test and keep it moving

www.hecheatedonme.net

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

*deep breath* That's some shiggiddy right there. Cut him off. As in completely off. As in disappeared from the face of the planet off. As in never ever ever will I date you off. As in three eons quintupled "may you burn in Hades" off.

That book might have some decent information for some folks but it doesn't include variables like "Oh what if the guy's a cheating loser" or " He's not gay he just likes hugging on mangina every now and again" chapers. Sometime it's not US doing things wrong per se, sometimes it's the TYPES of guys we go after. SOME men may marry itches.... but if he's not a decent catch, who cares? Hell even if he IS considered a good catch if that's what he wants, why should I care? I don't get it.... oh well.

Anyways I'm tired and I'm sick and I know I'm late but for what it's worth.... CUT... HIM..... OFF....

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

that's kinda catchy!

It really is

 

[bellezanegra826]

*deep breath* That's some shiggiddy right there. Cut him off. As in completely off. As in disappeared from the face of the planet off. As in never ever ever will I date you off. As in three eons quintupled "may you burn in Hades" off.

That book might have some decent information for some folks but it doesn't include variables like "Oh what if the guy's a cheating loser" or " He's not gay he just likes hugging on mangina every now and again" chapers. Sometime it's not US doing things wrong per se, sometimes it's the TYPES of guys we go after. SOME men may marry itches.... but if he's not a decent catch, who cares? Hell even if he IS considered a good catch if that's what he wants, why should I care? I don't get it.... oh well.

Anyways I'm tired and I'm sick and I know I'm late but for what it's worth.... CUT... HIM..... OFF....

Well one of the chapters of He's Just Not that Into you is that if he's cheating, he's just not that into you. IIRC, the pointer from that book was cut him off if he's not into you for one reason or another. As for the other book, I haven't had a chance to read it, I was just going off of the don't chase a man, let him chase you premise of the book.

 

[bellezanegra826]

How are you doing, OP? Has he tried to contact you? Did you cut it off cold turkey?

He called me saying that he wanted to see me on his day off, I called him back and left him a voice mail letting him know that I knew he was a liar and that I had proof. I then blocked him from my account. He called me about three times later that day but didn't leave a message. In the past, if he called, he would leave a message and wouldn't call multiple times a day unless we talked each time. I guess he had something he wanted to say to me that he didn't want to leave on voice mail :shrugs:

 

[varaneka]

Stick with it. It'll get better, besides he's telling you all the things you want to here, and the other "chick" is just a cyber-fling. After all he 's just "flirting" no harm can come from that (cyber-flirt) can it?

J/K. Exit stage left sweetie; he's a heartache in the making. But I got to admit he does sound like a great actor.

lol I was like ummmm plz tell me you're joking

BUT YEAH KICK THIS PUNK TO THE CURRRRRBB ASAP!

 

[Ivonnovi]

Thank you for all of the advice. After reading all of your comments, I have decided to take your advice ..........

YEP to all that you typed. I bolded the info in the quote to chime in thatyou are right!!!! Your sisters hear at LCHF often give out and express relationship advice that though it "stings" a'lil, usually proves to be "on point". "Take the Star Jones Romance/Marriage/Divorce posts (before and after). Many of our sista's were right!

So you're right take our advice and K.I.M. & Be blessed.

 

[deltagyrl]

Thank you for all of the advice. After reading all of your comments, I have decided to take your advice and not confront him about the situation. Your posts triggered me to remember a conversation that I had with him on the phone in which he was watching the show cheaters and he said he didn't like the show. I asked him why and he said b/c the people see on camera that they are being disrespected and they still feel the need to have a confrontation. He said if it was him, he would just make it easy for the person, pack up their things and have them waiting for them on the curb. He said that the confrontation just opens you up for more hurt and more drama. The convo was really brief and I never gave it much thought b/c we started talking about other reality shows and how lame they can be sometimes. At any rate, I heard it from a lot of brilliant ladies on the forum and straight from the donkey's mouth lol. Now looking back on the whole situation, I see things that he told me about his past in a completely different light. He said his ex cheated on him, but based on some of his actions and her actions since the break up, I think it makes more sense that he cheated on her. His lies had just enough ring of the truth in them to make them completely plausible.

So what have I learned from all of this:
1. men know what sounds good to us and they will say whatever to get what they want be it physical, monetary, or just a place to stay
2. good lies usually have a ring of the truth that helps to make them seem real
3. no matter what is said, my gut instincts will let me know that something ain't right
4. even though he said everything that I wanted to hear, I was right to make him wait before the relationship got too deep and I definitely don't regret that decision at this point
5. people will show me who they are, but it is up to me to see them for who they really are and not for who I want them to be or who I hope that they will become with patience
6. no matter how much I insist on honesty, I can't make someone tell me the truth but more importantly, they can't make me believe a lie...that's on me
7. confronting a liar serves me no purpose other than to increase the likelihood that I'll be lied to even more.

At the end of the day, I do not feel that this was a complete waste of time because it was a learning experience. I'm sure that I will make some mistakes in the relationship department in the future, but at least I know some things to look out for and to be mindful of moving forward.

DING ****'ing DING! I needed to read that right there!