URGENT: how should i handle this cheating situation? cliff notes in bold

Cut him off...he's a loser, no point in approaching him with facts that he'll attempt to deny. I say just fall off the face of the earth, he derserves no explanation and you deserve better.
 
I think you knew deep down he wasn't on the up and up which is why you you befriended him as someone else...that's cool, sometimes we need that hard proof for confirmation. I don't think I read how long you've been with this man but please cut him lose...you know that his words and actions are not in alignment and you deserve better...

now the old me would say call him from a friend's cell phone and agree to meet up with him and bust him then...HOWEVER, that really won't do you any good. he is not going to give you an explanation worth listening to
 
Oh my G-d this is just WAY too much BS to even be pondering on. The tell him to go kicks rocks don't even explain why.
 
Stick with it. It'll get better, besides he's telling you all the things you want to here, and the other "chick" is just a cyber-fling. After all he 's just "flirting" no harm can come from that (cyber-flirt) can it? :evillaugh:

J/K. Exit stage left sweetie; he's a heartache in the making. But I got to admit he does sound like a great actor.
 
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Just disappear on him. Cut him off cold...leave him wondering what happened.

I know you are done with him and just want to bust him for being such a scandalous liar, but he's not worth the effort. Men who lie without pause, will deny any wrong doing even if you catch him on top of another woman.
 
Cut it off with no explanation... it will feel better than allowing him to lie or make you doubt yourself or feel foolish.

Eventually when he begs and begs for an explanation, you can cooly say that he is a liar and you can't deal with liars or something along those lines. But don't go after him. It'll just make you stressed.
 
You'll probably end up putting him on blast so I won't even bother to tell you not to waste your time.

Just don't believe whatever he tells you to try to snake out of this one.

And ignore him if he tries to turn the tables on you for what he might feel is "entrapment."

So basically what I'm telling you is if you're going to go off on him, do so and then ignore anything he has to say after that. :lala:
 
Yeah, why go into detail with him? Then you'll have to explain why you were snooping around his webpage acting like you were someone else, and he'll get mad and defensive. It will just multiply the drama.

As far as the "never" statement's go, I don't believe in saying "never." But I don't think that people who say that are always being insincere. He may have been using it as game, but I wouldn't say that it's always that way.
 
No need for closure. You got all the answers you need. He will give you some BS answer if you ask and you will still be frustrated. There is no logical explanation for cheating and being dishonest with someone.
 
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epiphany braids said:
Is this my ex that just DUMPED??? Girl before you get in 2 deep cut the string TRUST me, it pays off in the long run!!!
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:blush: The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking: is this my ex that I dumped 5-6 months ago? The man is a player, cut him off now, cut off all contact with him and don't listen to any more of his lies! :wallbash:
 
Erm what a loser! Good thing you trusted your inner voice over his which was obviously full of BS. Run, dont look back! He'll only have more lines to fill your ear. Disappear so he can wonder what he did to lose a good woman.
 
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and I will never place blame on anyone for someone else's cheating, doggish ways... however...I must say that you fell for the okey-doke on MANY occasions represented in your post...

You Said: "We started spending time together and he said all of the right things like..."
I Say: This is a lesson that you need to learn very early...Women are typically wooed by what we hear from a man, making us attracted to men that say what we want to hear. Men are typically wooed by what they see, making them attracted to women that are physically beautiful. What a lot of women don't know is that men are well aware of what "sounds good" to a woman, and will use this to fool women into thinking that they mean well. Girl, you fell for it big time!

You Said: "He told me that he was not a cheater, his ex cheated on him, he knew how that felt, and if he ever got to the point that he wanted to be with someone else, he would just say so rather than cheating. "
I Say: Girl, a man has to PROVE to you that he won't cheat. How does he do this, you ask? By being in a situation where he could cheat, but choosing not to out of his love and respect for you, and your relationship. Integrity is what one does when no one is watching, and this man obviously has none. Because this man KNEW he could tell you what you wanted to hear, and that you would believe him, he simply TOLD you that he wasn't a cheater, and yet again...you fell for it.

You Said: "I sent him a friend request on one of his private social networking profiles, to see what was up there, not to catch him in any wrongdoing."
I Say: You lied to yourself by telling yourself that you weren't looking for any wrongdoing. Who you fooling! I have yet to meet one woman who goes online and befriends her own boyfriend under such false pretenses and is NOT looking or hoping to confirm some type of inclination that the man she is dealing with just might be a dog. Girl stop! Once again, you played yourself because you dug in the ground, then got mad when you found dirt.

Again, I am not saying that you are wrong for feeling betrayed, or that you should be blamed for the actions of this poor excuse of a man. I am pointing out areas where you readily believed words over action, and got hurt in the long run. This loser definitely does not deserve you, your time, or an explanation as to why you disappeared out of his life. Move on, and go find you a man with a bit more integrity.
 
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I agree with the other posters who say it would be best not to contact him and to just cut him off. It'll probably be difficult to do because I would want to cuss the **** out of him, but men like him will find some sneaky way to worm their way back into your good graces and you don't want to be that woman.

Just delete his number, delete him as a friend, delete his life and move on. If you keep talking to him, he's just going to block out better men from meeting/ talking with you.
 
MoniintheMiddle said:
I think you knew deep down he wasn't on the up and up which is why you you befriended him as someone else...that's cool, sometimes we need that hard proof for confirmation. I don't think I read how long you've been with this man but please cut him lose...you know that his words and actions are not in alignment and you deserve better...

now the old me would say call him from a friend's cell phone and agree to meet up with him and bust him then...HOWEVER, that really won't do you any good. he is not going to give you an explanation worth listening to
Click to expand...

well the funny thing is that I added him from a friend's account because I had been in a situation a long time ago where a person that I was in a relationship with did not want to be friends with me because he thought it would cause too much drama. I eventually found out that he was being shady in real life, which is probably why he didn't want me to be his friend and to see his business. I didn't feel like this new person was being shady, I just figured I would try to add him anonymously before I did it from my account just in case. I'm approaching everyone as "you're lying until I found out otherwise" so I wasn't willing to wait for him to give me a reason.
 
Mai Tai said:
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and I will never place blame on anyone for someone else's cheating, doggish ways... however...I must say that you fell for the okey-doke on MANY occasions represented in your post...

You Said: "We started spending time together and he said all of the right things like..."
I Say: This is a lesson that you need to learn very early...Women are typically wooed by what we hear from a man, making us attracted to men that say what we want to hear. Men are typically wooed by what they see, making them attracted to women that are physically beautiful. What a lot of women don't know is that men are well aware of what "sounds good" to a woman, and will use this to fool women into thinking that they mean well. Girl, you fell for it big time!

You Said: "He told me that he was not a cheater, his ex cheated on him, he knew how that felt, and if he ever got to the point that he wanted to be with someone else, he would just say so rather than cheating. "
I Say: Girl, a man has to PROVE to you that he won't cheat. How does he do this, you ask? By being in a situation where he could cheat, but choosing not to out of his love and respect for you, and your relationship. Integrity is what one does when no one is watching, and this man obviously has none. Because this man KNEW he could tell you what you wanted to hear, and that you would believe him, he simply TOLD you that he wasn't a cheater, and yet again...you fell for it.

You Said: "I sent him a friend request on one of his private social networking profiles, to see what was up there, not to catch him in any wrongdoing."
I Say: You lied to yourself by telling yourself that you weren't looking for any wrongdoing. Who you fooling! I have yet to meet one woman who goes online and befriends her own boyfriend under such false pretenses and is NOT looking or hoping to confirm some type of inclination that the man she is dealing with just might be a dog. Girl stop! Once again, you played yourself because you dug in the ground, then got mad when you found dirt.

Again, I am not saying that you are wrong for feeling betrayed, or that you should be blamed for the actions of this poor excuse of a man. I am pointing out areas where you readily believed words over action, and got hurt in the long run. This loser definitely does not deserve you, your time, or an explanation as to why you disappeared out of his life. Move on, and go find you a man with a bit more integrity.
Click to expand...

Well I think you made some valid points about males, but I can't really say that I fell for the okie doke b/c he kept asking me for things that I was not willing to give him unless I was able to see with my own eyes that he wasn't too good to be true. Could I have slept with him and brought him around my family and friends? Sure, but I chose not to because I wanted to take my time and get to know him beyond what he says. Now if every man knows the right things to say, what do you do when the right man says the right things? Should I automatically ignore them b/c they sound right to me? I hate to become a bitter person who is not able to trust anyone, especially since I'm busy with other stuff going on in my life and I don't really have time to do any heavy investigation work, but it seems like building walls of distrust is the only way to protect your feelings.
 
Ya'll are completely right. I know in my heart that I just need to cut him off and pretend he never existed. I guess I just needed to talk it out and get it off of my chest. I don't think I will ever understand the need for someone men to put extra effort into lying when all they have to do is say that they want to be single.
 
You have gotten some really good advice here. First let me say that I am sorry that young women now have this extra layer of stuff to worry about when dealing with relationship (interbet "cheating").
There are so many things to look out for when starting a realationship. I never really ended up figuring it out but I can say that you are doing the right thing by taking things slow an not introducing him to your fam, etc.
When I was single I came across a lot of different personalities and the one lesson that I can share is that if someone shows you who they are, believe them. Luckily things have not gotten so complicated, (you are very smart wth this). Now its time to dig deep for that cumption to move on. He may not be the right person for you now because he still needs time to develop. He maybe the right guy ten years from now. But do you really want to volunteer to be collateral damage from his developing and maturing years?

There are good men out there, but it takes time to get to know a person.
 
hummm...

in my mind, i don't know if i would call dis cheatin since you all haven't been out on real dates n what not..at least i didn't read where u did....and i think u put too much trust in what he told you. see, men are only gonna tell u what they wantchu to know, just enuff to get some puddi. das it n das all. unfortunately, u fell for it hook, line, sinker, boat n all dat.

u went online to one of his private online accounts....well, when u look for shyt, u find shyt. plain n simple.

well, since u started it, may as well g'hed n finish it. i'd say set his azzz up. phuck it...have some fun. you and ur girls. have one of them meet him somewhere, then u show up. case closed.

or, u could just do like the others said n leave him alone....
 
I noticed that you said you just want to know why. I'm sorry but there's no reason or explanation that he can give you. Liars lie because that's who they are. I agree that you should leave him alone, because he has showed you who he is and since you know what type of person you're dealing with, YOU would be responsible for any heart break resulting from the continuation of this relationship. I'm happy you found out before things got too serious and I hope you meet a trustworthy man soon.
 
I think you did good!!

You took it slow, didnt sleep with him, or introduce him to your family. You asked good questions, and when you felt like something wasn't quite right, you looked for answers....and found them.

all good!!

Be glad you found this out early in the relationship, before you got emotionally attatched.

Now, JUST WALK AWAY!!
 
bellezanegra826 said:
Ya'll are completely right. I know in my heart that I just need to cut him off and pretend he never existed. I guess I just needed to talk it out and get it off of my chest. I don't think I will ever understand the need for someone men to put extra effort into lying when all they have to do is say that they want to be single.
Click to expand...


I agree with the last sentence. IMO, there is no real sense of closure. As people have said you just have to walk away. We as women want this mysterious meeting/confrontation where, in our hearts, we hope that we will hear magic words that will make an obvious dead relationship alive again. I am guilty of it. Go to the gym, go shopping what ever is your stress reliever and stay until the urge to contact him is lessen or gone. Good luck!
 
Even if you tell him, he'll probably say some ish like "I knew it was you all along". :rolleyes: He's not even worth it!
 
You have already spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time and EMOTIONAL energy on this situation already.....do you really want to spend more?

There is nice and then there is too nice. I doubt you will just walk away which is what everyone is suggesting.

If you decide to say something you have two options telling him the truth which will take more emotional time, because he will feed you stupid answers and you will listen to them, even though you may not respond to them.

OR

Just tell him this is not working, then he will beg and plead with you and you will get mad enough to actually tell him the real reason which will lead to him trying to explain.

I am not sure how old you are, but as you get older you tend to evade junk like this quicker because you realize it is not worth your time and completely beneath you.

You have received suggestions above, I hope you do find someone in the who will treasure you for who you are.
 
girl i feel your pain but you are right you are too trustworthy. You need to make people prove to you that you can trust them dont do it so quickly.

The sad part is you wont be able to cut him off before busting him. But if i were you i would just keep it moving dont ask any questions dont say anything period.
If he ask whats up just tell him youve move on and thats it
 
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