Uptight!

[syze6]

So apparently... I am uptight and strict and my expectations are too high regarding marriage.

I believe when two MARRIED folks live together, there should be an expiration on how long you stay out and hang! A married man should not leave his home at 8:30pm on friday or any day and it's after 2, 3 or 4am when he comes in. I do not subscribe to the grown folks do what they want...anthem. It really is a respect thing.

If that makes me uptight than I guess you can bounce all types of quarters off me! LOL!

 

[MRJ1972]

So apparently... I am uptight and strict and my expectations are too high regarding marriage.

I believe when two MARRIED folks live together, there should be an expiration on how long you stay out and hang! A married man should not leave his home at 8:30pm on friday or any day and it's after 2, 3 or 4am when he comes in. I do not subscribe to the grown folks do what they want...anthem. It really is a respect thing.

If that makes me uptight than I guess you can bounce all types of quarters off me! LOL!

I agree!!!!

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I'd be bothered if this happened frequently but I really don't think its a big deal every now and then. You really think that once you get married you are NEVER going to have a girls night out? Most people don't leave the house until 10 so coming back around 2am sounds about right to me.

 

[syze6]

I'd be bothered if this happened frequently but I really don't think its a big deal every now and then. You really think that once you get married you are NEVER going to have a girls night out? Most people don't leave the house until 10 so coming back around 2am sounds about right to me.

No I don't think it's a big deal every now and then but everytime ? Each weekend you go out the hours are 2, and 3 ish when you return... I would have issue with that.

 

[awhyley]

So apparently... I am uptight and strict and my expectations are too high regarding marriage.

I believe when two MARRIED folks live together, there should be an expiration on how long you stay out and hang! A married man should not leave his home at 8:30pm on friday or any day and it's after 2, 3 or 4am when he comes in. I do not subscribe to the grown folks do what they want...anthem. It really is a respect thing.

If that makes me uptight than I guess you can bounce all types of quarters off me! LOL!

I'll bet you those quarters that a man told you that right?
(And also, if a woman left her hubby and kids home at 8pm, and came back at 2.30am or later, he'd be pissed)

 

[syze6]

I'll bet you those quarters that a man told you that right?
(And also, if a woman left her hubby and kids home at 8pm, and came back at 2.30am or later, he'd be pissed)

LOL! MY male and female co worker! She agreed with the man in that, people have to let loose and release stress. I don't deny that at all BUT why does it have to be after 2, 3 or close to 4 when you return. How many hours does one need to sit around a bunch of guys drinking? When you are hanging 8 hours straight...that's a full work day! LOL! I see it as a lack of maturity, when you're not able to hang and cut it loose after a certain time. They told me I will run my hubby away because no man wants to feel trapped and smothered. I also know three men who have women that subscribe to that. Unfortunately...their man spends the night out with other women. Clearly, a man left alone will push it to the high limits!

 

[lesedi]

That's not uptight at all.
Nothing is open past 3am but some legs.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

That's not uptight at all.
Nothing is open past 3am but some legs.

 

[Hairsnob]

I can understand you being frustrated. I agree with the others, it would depend how often he was doing that and WHERE he was going. I don't believe any married man should be hanging out every weekend in clubs with their buddies. But we know it's good for them to have an outlet, just like we need ours. Ours may be shopping or whatever but to them it's hanging with the boys. But I emphasize again about how often it is and I think 2am is reasonable or a little after. You know, sometimes they have to drive each other home. I think once a month hanging out is reasonable if they were getting together to shoot pool or something like that. But club-hoppping is a no-no in my book.

 

[ladysaraii]

I like the above poster don't think it's an issue depending on the frequency. This shouldn't be a weekly event.

But if he wants a night out w/ the boys and I have no reason to distrust him, then I'm fine w/ it. Just like I'd expect to go out. I just dont subscribe to the notion that we need to be chained to our house b/c we're married.

 

[ThickHair]

If they both agree then whole am I to worry. That is what they like. There is a trade off, they may be the couple that they must have dinner together every day or drive in to work with each other every day. They need to do whatever makes them happy, not one being happy and the other being pissed.

 

[Makenzie]

I'm cool with every now and then. I don't want it to be a habit, but every so often is cool. Especially if he calls to tell me what's going on so I don't worry.

 

[lesedi]

It's the truth girl!

 

[MD_Lady]

LOL! MY male and female co worker! She agreed with the man in that, people have to let loose and release stress. I don't deny that at all BUT why does it have to be after 2, 3 or close to 4 when you return. How many hours does one need to sit around a bunch of guys drinking? When you are hanging 8 hours straight...that's a full work day! LOL! I see it as a lack of maturity, when you're not able to hang and cut it loose after a certain time. They told me I will run my hubby away because no man wants to feel trapped and smothered. I also know three men who have women that subscribe to that. Unfortunately...their man spends the night out with other women. Clearly, a man left alone will push it to the high limits!

I wonder if they'd get on a man for making his wife feel "trapped and smothered" if he had a similar requirement. :scratchch IMO, people have to decide what works for them, find someone who's on the same page, and let the talkers talk. DH doesn't go out much (and is very considerate when he does) so I wouldn't have an issue with him staying out late as long as he let me know ahead of time (I get a much more restful night's sleep when I'm not popping up every 5 minutes thinking I hear him). If he were always going out/staying out late and half-stepping on the home front, I'd have a MAJOR issue (smothering and trapping be darned).

 

[snillohsss]

I think you're a bit uptight. You sound more like someone's mother, than a wife.

 

[syze6]

I think you're a bit uptight. You sound more like someone's mother, than a wife.

Wow! So...if I was in agreement with my hubby coming and going as he pleased, I'd be the wife of the year...huh? I respect your opinion but I will NEVER be in agreement with a husband or boyfriend doing whatever just to get along. Too many women keep quiet in fear of not being a nag or losing someone.

I STILL believe that a married man or woman HAS to be respectable, that is NOT an option but a MUST. I'm not against a man going out having a good time. If EVERY week, he goes out and the return is a.m. hours....No go! I guess I will stay uptight.

 

[caltron]

I think this is probably going to depend a lot on your age and lifestyle. I will say, however, that you don't find a whole lot of married folks hanging out after 12. If it's a regular thing, I'd be questioning whether that person is really ready to be married.

For dh and I, our cutoff is about 11 or 12. We are pretty settled and are friends are pretty settled so we don't do much hanging out at bars or clubs or events like that. With work, kids and household responsibilities, hanging out like that just isn't an option.

 

[syze6]

I think this is probably going to depend a lot on your age and lifestyle. I will say, however, that you don't find a whole lot of married folks hanging out after 12. If it's a regular thing, I'd be questioning whether that person is really ready to be married.

For dh and I, our cutoff is about 11 or 12. We are pretty settled and are friends are pretty settled so we don't do much hanging out at bars or clubs or events like that. With work, kids and household responsibilities, hanging out like that just isn't an option.

I agree! When you are 35 and over, I don't see one STILL having the mindset to be out constantly. I am 40 and I have no desire to be out just hanging to 2 and 3am. Any man that is 35 and over and hangs out everytime crazy hours, definitely is not ready to be married.

My cousin is 37 and married with children and I swear the boy can't NEVER find his way home before 2am! LOL! His wife would complain about him hanging hangs out with ALL single guys with the exception of a separted one. They hang out literally drinking in the park, parking lot or pool hall hopping! They would go days missing each other due to work schedules. They would go days without "relations" and whenever he was off work, he would hit the streets. He would return everytime after 12am smelling like smoke and a liquor factory. She could see on the phone bill during some of those hours he was sitting up talking to girls.WHen his wife had a problem, he threw a fit, claiming he felt trapped and uncomfortable. She showed his but the door so he didn't have to be trapped! LOL! She said he hung out before marriage somtimes, but once they got married all hell broke loose. I think when you have a mindset like that, you had no idea what marriage required.

 

[Nix08]

OP I'm married and I agree completely. It is about respect and I totally agree with what lesedi said! haha

 

[ambergirl]

Ledisi...I really wanted that last sip of coffee you made me spit up on the screen! But too true.

OP you are not being uptight. You are asking your husband to behave like a married adult. If someone wants to be out hanging with the boys until all hours of the AM on the regular then he's not ready to be married. Once in awhile for special ocassions....maybe...but seriously ain't nothing going on after a certain hour except things married folks probably shouldn't be doing.

 

[alexstin]

I agree, couldn't be me. The only time DH ever stays out past midnight is for college basketball midnite madness LOL

 

[snillohsss]

Wow! So...if I was in agreement with my hubby coming and going as he pleased, I'd be the wife of the year...huh? I respect your opinion but I will NEVER be in agreement with a husband or boyfriend doing whatever just to get along. Too many women keep quiet in fear of not being a nag or losing someone.

I STILL believe that a married man or woman HAS to be respectable, that is NOT an option but a MUST. I'm not against a man going out having a good time. If EVERY week, he goes out and the return is a.m. hours....No go! I guess I will stay uptight.

This is where you get it twisted. Demanding respect is one thing, and that is why so many black women are single. My husband doesn't stay out all night every night because I demand that he comes home. He comes home because he wants to. I don't nag him and DEMAND that he do this, that or the other. That is the difference.

Your spouse should be respectable, but I believe one should willingly give it. So many black women have this since of entitlement, and that is the very reason so many are single. Until many learn this difference, the 70% statistic will continue to be in full effect.

So yes, I think the OP is uptight, but then again, Im cuddling at night with my hubby of almost 20yrs because he wants to be there, not because I am demanding that he do that.

 

[8HoursFromHome]

I someone (either parther) feels it's necessary to be out that late, frequently, then they are not ready for a committed relationship...

 

[8HoursFromHome]

This is where you get it twisted. Demanding respect is one thing, and that is why so many black women are single. My husband doesn't stay out all night every night because I demand that he comes home. He comes home because he wants to. I don't nag him and DEMAND that he do this, that or the other. That is the difference.

Your spouse should be respectable, but I believe one should willingly give it. So many black women have this since of entitlement, and that is the very reason so many are single. Until many learn this difference, the 70% statistic will continue to be in full effect.

So yes, I think the OP is uptight, but then again, Im cuddling at night with my hubby of almost 20yrs because he wants to be there, not because I am demanding that he do that.

...and the bolded is the key, they have to WANT to... If they don't then they are NOT ready to be committed...

 

[qchelle]

2-3am? Like seriously? Where the heck do old married people be at at 3am?! Out at da club?

(The 'old' part was a joke...kinda )

 

[bigtina74]

I'm not sure where you guys live, but here in NYC, things don't get fun until around 2am

I'd hate to have a warden sitting at home with an attitude because I want to let off some steam with friends. If a man is gonna cheat, he's gonna do it and I guarantee you it's not gonna be on the nights he's hanging with his boys

Take a clue from Malinda Williams. You aren't his mother

 

[song_of_serenity]

I'm sorry, but some kind of "fun" you guys are talking about is NOT appropriate for married individuals? Fun? At 2am? What, being up in a club? Drinking at 2am? Grinding/being grind up on by some strange person? Pulling girls/guys? Seriously.

Pray tell, what kind of "fun" is there to be waiting for 2am to be had when you are married?

 

[ambergirl]

This is where you get it twisted. Demanding respect is one thing, and that is why so many black women are single. My husband doesn't stay out all night every night because I demand that he comes home. He comes home because he wants to. I don't nag him and DEMAND that he do this, that or the other. That is the difference.

Your spouse should be respectable, but I believe one should willingly give it. So many black women have this since of entitlement, and that is the very reason so many are single. Until many learn this difference, the 70% statistic will continue to be in full effect.

So yes, I think the OP is uptight, but then again, Im cuddling at night with my hubby of almost 20yrs because he wants to be there, not because I am demanding that he do that.

I didn't hear that the OP was demanding anything. She expects him to be home at a certain time out of respect. I'm sure if your man wasn't behaving in ways you found respectful you either would be trying to figure out how to encourage him to do so or you wouldnt be there.

And please save the sermonizing about why so many black women are single. I'm glad you are happily married but this notion that black women are single because they're so defective in some way is some serious BS and we all know that.

 

[syze6]

I didn't hear that the OP was demanding anything. She expects him to be home at a certain time out of respect. I'm sure if your man wasn't behaving in ways you found respectful you either would be trying to figure out how to encourage him to do so or you wouldnt be there.

And please save the sermonizing about why so many black women are single. I'm glad you are happily married but this notion that black women are single because they're so defect in some way is some serious BS and we all know that.

Thank you 1000%!!

I in no way demand anything I EXPECT it rather the person Willingly does it or not. My expectations are not measured by if one wants to do this or the other. I have had girls night out occassionally and I have stayed out late because we are having fun. Now...I WANT to be home with my hubby, BUT there are times when time does get away from us. Now does that mean because I'm not snuggling at home with hubby that I don't want to be there? Nope...it is just what it is, time getting away and having fun. Now if I make it a habit of not being conscious of time, than I am being inconsiderate.

I in no way will EVER believe black women are single because they demand respect or anything else. You teach people how to treat you, rather they are willing or not. My girlfriend has the same attitude as the poster, about her not "demanding" anything from her husband. Better believe the moment he steps out of the comfort zone he has willingly created for her...all hell is breaking loose!

 

[happyjourney]

Lmao now it's 70%?? Lemme find out hahaha