Up until now.

[yokoyokogirl]

Foolishly got married at 22.
Came to Japan.
Lived for a year alone and happy, then EX came over.
Became emotionally and verbally abusive.
Tried to work on it, but moved out after 2 yrs. Gave up on working anything out with him.
Started dating new J-guy.
Jbf is very smart, romantic, tells lame jokes, can't dance or sing but loves Motown and gospel, overprotective, workaholic.
So far so good, but still worried.
Almost all of my friends don't like him.
They say "he's not for me" or "too serious"...can they see something I can't?
Plus I get tired of explaining all the cultural/societal differences btw Japanese men/Black women and America/Japan.
Are we doomed to fail or am I just lazy and give up too easily? Was it easy for him to swoop in after my jerk of an EX or is he genuinely good?
Any other ladies out there in an international relationship?erplexed

 

[PoeticJustice]

Sweetie please don't go looking for something wrong with him. So far he sounds very genuine. Some say the best way to get over an ex is find a new one. If you have new found clarity and received the lesson you were "supposed" to receive in dealing with your ex, then you are in the clear to allow this new relationship to blossom.

As far as friends who say "he's not for you", I could say misery loves company in this case. But regardless, who cares what they think. Are you happy? If so, then do you!!


ETA: I'm not in an internt'l relationship, but our story is very similar and my new SO is the new chapter in my life and so far a very beautiful story. I hope this works out for you!

 

[itismehmmkay]

What a cutie-pa-tootie in your avatar adoreable!


And how long after your breakup w/ your Ex did you start seeing J?

 

[CurliDiva]

I agree that you just to focus on your new guy, and leave the friends' opinion where they belong........with them.

Did they just volunteer this information or did you ask them about your boyfriend?

I've noticed that my unhappy-in-the-love-department single friends were not HAPPY when I started dating my new fella. And although I never dump friend when a man comes into the picture, they felt threaten and dare I say it jealous!

Instead of taking on the pressure of explaining “a race of people or country”, just focus on you and him and your personal likes and dislikes.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

CurlDiva--I love the actress in your avatar--she was Ally McBeals' friend right?

Anyways, I left my ex in August 2007, met my SO in Jan. 2008, started dating in Feb..and been together since.

I kinda see what you're saying about misery loves company..the friends that have said they don't like him are: 1. Unhappily married. 2. Unhappily single.
So that explains a lot.

Ok thanks for the advice and I'll keep you posted here.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

What a cutie-pa-tootie in your avatar adoreable!

Thanks she's one of my fav kids at my school...if I could I would steal her!!!

 

[FlowerHair]

As long as you take it slowly and listen to yourself you have nothing to worry about. How do you feel when you're alone together? What do you think or say to yourself when you look yourself in the mirror after a conversation with him? What's your gut feeling?

Don't talk so much about him with your friends...that's something I've learned. I listen to ME instead and work out any problems with him and not with them

He looks nice

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Girl listen to your heart and not the people around you. Why would you be doomed for failure? erplexed You don't have to explain anything to them about the cultural differences in our relationship!!!

It seems as though you are feeling this guy but caught up in what other people have to say? Whatever, its your life - do you and the hell with what others think!

 

[QUINN]

Speaking from past experiences and like the other lsdies have already said, let misery stay where it is. Do not let other peoples opinions ruin your happiness. How you feel when you are with him is all that matters. If you have that "it's just the two of us in this world at this moment in this space in time" feeling BE HAPPY!!!!

Good luck!

OT: I love your blog, too!

 

[Farida]

CurlDiva--I love the actress in your avatar--she was Ally McBeals' friend right?

Anyways, I left my ex in August 2007, met my SO in Jan. 2008, started dating in Feb..and been together since.

I kinda see what you're saying about misery loves company..the friends that have said they don't like him are: 1. Unhappily married. 2. Unhappily single.
So that explains a lot.

Ok thanks for the advice and I'll keep you posted here.

Yes that's her. It's really sad because she suffers mental illness and that's why you don't see her on TV anymore and why she mysteriously vanished from the later Ally Mcbeal episodes.

 

[firecracker]

Girl just go with the flow. Those folks don't know what is right or wrong for you. We have all kinds of ladies and relationship on this board. You can always do a search to see if international dating topics etc was mentioned before and knock it up for new response as we get new members daily. Again I say screw the naysayers and enjoy your new man plus life.

 

[oooop2]

I would say follow your heart and see what happens.

BTW, I also live in Japan (Kobe area)

 

[NOEChic]

take your friends advice into consideration, BUT don't leave him alone b/c of what they say. you have to live your life for you. as for the married friend, she gonna have someone regardless if she is happy or not, she bunned up, your single friend will find someone and she will be bunned up. then you are going to be all alone and miserable because you listened to them. right down the pros and cons of the relationship and then YOU decide if you wanna keep moving with the relationship

 

[BlueNile]

Awwww you and your bf look so cute together! Take what people say with a grain of salt. Do what you feel is right. Sometimes people have good advice and sometimes they are just passing around the hateraide. Just be wise. And enjoy Japan! Wow!

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

I want to think that "my friends" are looking out for my best interest, but recently I have discovered that some "friends" really don't want you to be happy.
So I've cut those ppl out. But I'm going to go with my gut feeling and see what happens...

 

[Makenzie]

IF you go looking for flaws you will find it. How do you feel with him? Does he treat you right? Do you have nagging doubts about his personality? Does he care about your feelings/interests/likes? Does he say mean things to you and you excuse them? Is he responsible? What about financially? If you answer all these questions honestly and still feel good about him then I'd continue with the relationship.

You're right when you say all your friends are not your friends. Sometimes since we call ourselves 'friends' we feel that they want happiness for us. Not always the case. Your idea of a friend and theire idea may be at complete different ends of the spectrum.

 

[leona2025]

As long as you take it slowly and listen to yourself you have nothing to worry about. How do you feel when you're alone together? What do you think or say to yourself when you look yourself in the mirror after a conversation with him? What's your gut feeling?

Don't talk so much about him with your friends...that's something I've learned. I listen to ME instead and work out any problems with him and not with them

He looks nice

ITA. When I was in the first stages of dating my DH all my friends had something negative to say. I mean me and Dh even broke up and quit talking for a few months over some stuff these chicks was saying. Now all the dudes they were messing with been long gone and me DH are married and happy. I have to say don't let your friend be in your relationship so much. You think they are helping, but they are really aren't. Don't let the only time you talk about him be when you are unhappy and don't brag on him to much either, lol.

 

[january noir]

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

I want to think that "my friends" are looking out for my best interest, but recently I have discovered that some "friends" really don't want you to be happy.
So I've cut those ppl out. But I'm going to go with my gut feeling and see what happens...

Good for you!!! You only have one life to live so live it yokoyokogirl!

 

[MD_Lady]

Foolishly got married at 22.
Came to Japan.
Lived for a year alone and happy, then EX came over.
Became emotionally and verbally abusive.
Tried to work on it, but moved out after 2 yrs. Gave up on working anything out with him.
Started dating new J-guy.
Jbf is very smart, romantic, tells lame jokes, can't dance or sing but loves Motown and gospel, overprotective, workaholic.
So far so good, but still worried.
Almost all of my friends don't like him.
They say "he's not for me" or "too serious"...can they see something I can't?
Plus I get tired of explaining all the cultural/societal differences btw Japanese men/Black women and America/Japan.
Are we doomed to fail or am I just lazy and give up too easily? Was it easy for him to swoop in after my jerk of an EX or is he genuinely good?
Any other ladies out there in an international relationship?erplexed

Are you providing these explanations to your friends? If so, it really sounds like they are projecting their feelings on to your relationship. If you are getting what you want out of your relationship, I say let the doubters doubt and keep on doing your thing!

 

[godzooki]

When hubby and I first got together his friends hated me. I mean REALLY! They tolerated me barely, all but ignored me at get togethers and constantly asked him "why me." They'd slight me on the sly and smile in my face all friendly while hubby was watching and then hubby and I would end up having arguments about how I was being treated. For a time he did not see it because they had all been friends for so long but as the yrs passed it got worse and worse. The main problem was I was too different for them. They weren't even Caucasian but Philippine! Turns out the ring leader of the gang did not mind Black males in their click but there was no room for Black FEMALES. I was the only one. The Black males that were in the click all had Philippine gf's and they had wanted to see hubby with one of their Philippine girls from the click and I'd messed up the flow. Then there was a lot of jealousy because hubby and I had a great relationship baring the disagreements on my telling him they did not like me and him telling me I was sensitive and just needed to open up more. We eventually got engaged while relationships in the click came and went. One day we all went to the movies and not one person spoke to me. I did not exist. Hubby was livid and for the first time really understood how I felt and what was being done to me. He told them that I was there to stay and if they did not like it then too bad in a few choice words and we left. We ended up doing some serious talking and the next thing I knew, we were eloping to Reno the same day (We'd been engaged for over 4 yrs at this point). When it got out that we'd got married there was such an uproar that I'll never forget it. Click leader called my hubby screaming and crying telling him he'd just ruined his life. I could hear her crying and begging for him to annul the marriage from across the room. That was the end of their friendship. He only remained friends with 1 person out of that whole group. The one person who accepted me for me. Hubby and I have been together for 21 yrs now and we're still friends with that single person but could give less than a dang about the others. If your friends treat your bf even a 10th of how I was treated just because they don't like him then I feel for him because I've been there. Please don't let them influence your relationship over what seems to me to be nothing other than jealousy. It would be different if there were valid concerns but from what I've read, there aren't any. Listen to how you feel about him and how he feels about you.

Anyhoo, sounds like the ladies here are giving you great advice.