Unaffectionate
- Thread starter mw138
- Start date
I would love to hear the responses. I am not an affectionate person but hubby is. He is so touchy feely that it becomes annoying. He can't even walk past me without touching me. I have just progressed to holding his hand while walking. I know sad, but true. I grew up in a household where my parents weren't affectionate. I think it hurts me a times.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
I just tell him to tone it down and let him know I appreciate it. The alternative would be him not being affectionate AT ALL and I wouldn't like that. My whole family is huggy/kissy and all that..I never have been for whatever reason. It has always made me uncomfortable and I'm working on that.
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
I wasn't the most affectionate person and DH is an octopus. I know he loves, craves, needs, wants affection, so I would write it on my To-Do list. I know that sounds bad but almost nothing (the OCD part of me) gets done that is NOT on my To-Do list. I could be dying and glance at the thing. So when I refer to it frequently it reminded me to do/be more affectionate.
It was hard for me to do this but since it was on my list, it forced me to do something daily. I am not an octopus like DH is, but I have stepped up my affection game and I know DH is happy with that. He is one of those people that affection is better than sex.
It was hard for me to do this but since it was on my list, it forced me to do something daily. I am not an octopus like DH is, but I have stepped up my affection game and I know DH is happy with that. He is one of those people that affection is better than sex.
Ramya
New Member
Your SO/DH's love language is probably physical touch. This means that he doesn't feel loved unless he is receiving affection from you. I'm not into affection at all but for the sake of my relationships with those who are, I initiate affection just to make them feel loved. In relationships touchy feely people give what they want to receive. Little touches and hugs and hand holding etc make all the difference. For balance, figure out what makes you feel loved and tell them or you'll feel like you're doing more than your partner. And the fact that they know you're going the extra mile for them makes it that much more sweet 
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mw138
Well-Known Member
I just wondered if your relationships have suffered at all due to your not being affectionate. I know that FH really needs affection, so it upsets him when he doesn't receive it regularly. I have to remember to give him the extra affection that he needs and wants. That's not to say that I don't like affection, but he needs it more than I do. 
Great advice! Thanks!
Ramya said:
Great advice! Thanks!
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~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I am not touchy-feely but my DH is. We have over the years come to a point where he knows how much "affection" to give, and I know when he needs it and I oblige.
I can't deprive him of a part of him that's natural for him--but on the other hand, he knows when he needs to back off (LOL)--I guess that comes with being around each other for over 20 years.
I can't deprive him of a part of him that's natural for him--but on the other hand, he knows when he needs to back off (LOL)--I guess that comes with being around each other for over 20 years.
Avaya
Well-Known Member
Future Husband.
Ramya
New Member
I just wondered if your relationships have suffered at all due to your not being affectionate. I know that FH really needs affection, so it upsets him when he doesn't receive it regularly. I have to remember to give him the extra affection that he needs and wants. That's not to say that I don't like affection, but he needs it more than I do.
Great advice! Thanks!
Yes they have. I used to be set in my ways about not being affectionate until I realized that I am affectionate but I show it in different ways not by physical touch. It's like if you could only speak English and your partner speaks only French. You both have to learn the other's language and when you show affection do it in the language they speak. I make a greater effort now in paying attention to their responses and adjust accordingly. It does nothing for me but makes me happy that they're happy.
mw138
Well-Known Member
Thanks again! This is great advice!
Where can I find more information about the love languages?
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mw138
Well-Known Member
mswoman
New Member
I reacommend reading or taking the test for the five love languages. Your husband is probably physical touch to feel loved. When my bf and I took the test he is way more physical than me.. mines was acts of service that makes me feel more passion. Below are the links. If ya'll do the quiz together he will see what "turns" you own.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp
I'd also suggest finding a mdidle ground of touch to help your husband out. It's something you'll have to grow into.. is there a reason you feel you're not as touchy?
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp
I'd also suggest finding a mdidle ground of touch to help your husband out. It's something you'll have to grow into.. is there a reason you feel you're not as touchy?
mw138
Well-Known Member
I think it's because my family is not overly affectionate. We tell each other that we love one another, but for some reason hugs seem kind of awkward. My parents divorced when I was quite young, so I never really saw affection between couples. I think it's just been something that's been passed down from generation to generation. My mom's not overly affectionate, but I think it stems from her strict military father not being very affectionate to her and her brother when they were children. I want to try to break that cycle, especially when I have my own children.
cutiepiebabygirl
Well-Known Member
I am not touchy-feely..lovey-dovey at all..especially not in public!! I really hate PDA!
My former SO on the other hand...would have to have some sort of physical contact all the time. This irked me to no end...I even snatched away from him one time!
I realized there was a problem, but I wasn't sure to to handle it. So I explained to him that I really loved him...and that I tend to show my love by doing little things (making his lunch, cooking his favorite dinner, or buying him a shirt - lol).
What love language is that?
He understood...but he knows that I am also a very silly person, so he when he needed that physical connection, he would make it funny faces...or say "Give me some love woman!"
Which made it easier for me...he didn't make it seem so cheesy/serious, I guess.
My former SO on the other hand...would have to have some sort of physical contact all the time. This irked me to no end...I even snatched away from him one time!
I realized there was a problem, but I wasn't sure to to handle it. So I explained to him that I really loved him...and that I tend to show my love by doing little things (making his lunch, cooking his favorite dinner, or buying him a shirt - lol).
What love language is that?
He understood...but he knows that I am also a very silly person, so he when he needed that physical connection, he would make it funny faces...or say "Give me some love woman!"
Which made it easier for me...he didn't make it seem so cheesy/serious, I guess.
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GrowinLonger
New Member
Me and DH definitely fall into this category. As someone else said, my DH is an octopus to the point it becomes a turn-off. sad, I know.
Most times, I just deal with it and give him the affection/attention he craves.
Most times, I just deal with it and give him the affection/attention he craves.
Loves Harmony
Well-Known Member
Dang! I feel alone in this thread.... Im so lovey dovey and my husband cant stand it. It really hurt my feeling because he would tell me to stop or you dont have to kiss time everytime to see me... I think it can really hurt an relationship. I try to understand were he is coming from but it sucks. My question Is it hard to show someone affection?
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