Two Cousins/two Outcomes: Should You Fight For A Man?

[Dellas]

(LHCF is my guilty pleasure)

Cousin 1: Just like her mom. Hubby cheated. She beat hubby and the girl and told woman she would fight to keep her marriage. Fast forward. She is financially stable and has a happy marriage.

Cousin2: Hubby cheated. She did not fight. In fact, mistress was bold and confronted her and said she was taking the man. She walked away with about 2k child support and some of his pension. She is okay financially but not like cousin 1.

Should women fight?

A old associate is going through this right now. Hubby is living with new woman but she is fighting for her marriage by remaining his best friend and feeding him when he comes over for meals. He is ethnic and his Russian girl friend can't cook those meals nor is she trying.

I remember another lady said she fought through therapy then conceded with some bedroom desires.

Cousin1 did not concede anything. People fear her.
Cousin2 tried to concede and even had the whole church praying for her.....just didn't work out. He has since dumped the mistress and the mistress is getting more money in child support with less children. She hit him up. He has remained friend with cousin 2 but I wonder if she should have been more like cousin 1 and go all Rambo.

Just wanted you all opinions. Light topic. Better than discussing all the stuff that has happened over the past three days.

 

[caribeandiva]

Both men cheated. I don't understand exactly what is there to fight for. The men didn't care enough to not jeopardize the relationship in the first place.

 

[Keen]

I'm assuming you're talking about a physical fight? I not, fight to keep a cheating husband.

I tell guys I date: no one will fight them for me. Not me, not my family. If a fight is needed, the other woman can have you.

 

[CoilyFields]

I don't think there is a one size fits all answer. (though I don't condone the physical fighting aspect lol)

I do think that if you take vows you should put in more effort than you have on anything else in life, especially if you have children.

 

[awhyley]

At first glance, I thought that two cousins were fighting over the same man. Glad this wasn't the case. If people fear cousin #1, not sure how genuine that "happy" marriage is. I'm with cousin #2, no fights necessary but I wasn't cooking for not cheating man either.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Hmmm. Never thought I'd say this but in scenario #2 I'd probably kick that chick's teeth in and I'd bust hubby's head wide open.

They can hold hands and console each other in the ER. I'm not one to focus on the other woman aspect but if she's stupid enough to confront me then, hey - I'm gonna give the people what they want.

I'm not a "high road" person.

I don't like the idea of competing for my own husband's attention. Nah. He cheats and I kiss his a$$, turn into a stripper Betty Crocker trying to please him? Outrageous.

 

[movingforward13]

I would not fight for someone who cheated on me.

My ex cheated. I asked him to think about what he is doing.... He didn't listen. I get $1K in child support a month and moved on. Ex is drowning in debt. His cheating saved me- I can do bad by myself.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Well, the reality is that not everyone leaves and some people do stay and try to work it out. I assume that there are couples who have actually weathered the storm. The hemming and hawing about other women sticking it out with their husbands is getting old. Besides, given the number of women who do stay/fight, it's hard for me to believe that most people who say that they wil pack and leave are telling the truth.

With that being said, whether you should stay and fight depends on your husband and your dynamic. I had a friend who stuck it out with her partner because his cheating was an expression of his chronic depression. He wasn't a serial cheater or anything like that, but she understood the root cause and was willing to work with that. My answer to the OP is that it all depends.

 

[Lucie]

I am too cute to be dealing with the NYPD. Especially, since we know the odds are NOT in our favor not leaving their presence in a body bag with a toe tag. And jail? I feel like I am in jail when someone sits next to me on the train, when there are more than enough empty seats. Why would I physically fight over an XY who did not consider our relationship/feelings? And then to cook for him? As if!

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

It depends. I wouldn't look down on a woman who stayed and tried to work it out.

(I'm assuming you *don't* mean physically fight)

 

[movingforward13]

Well, the reality is that not everyone leaves and some people do stay and try to work it out. I assume that there are couples who have actually weathered the storm. The hemming and hawing about other women sticking it out with their husbands is getting old. Besides, given the number of women who do stay/fight, it's hard for me to believe that most people who say that they wil pack and leave are telling the truth.

With that being said, whether you should stay and fight depends on your husband and your dynamic. I had a friend who stuck it out with her partner because his cheating was an expression of his chronic depression. He wasn't a serial cheater or anything like that, but she understood the root cause and was willing to work with that. My answer to the OP is that it all depends.

I hate to say it but you are right. On the infidelity board that I am on, usually the BS (betrayed spouse- usually a woman) wants to work it out than leave. Many times because there are kids, a tangled mess of finances/debt, and just having a life with the cheater. Many people say they will leave, but chances are they don't and the cheating continues.

I am an huge advocate of leaving... Just because I feel the cheater deserves consequences. Leaving doesn't mean one can't come back later- just means this is the result right now. However I am just seeing too many men cheat. I don't think I will be in a relationship that won't involve cheating so I am starting to rethink my "leave policy". Are humans made to be monogamous?

 

[curlicarib]

I might bust somebody's asz then leave.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I hate to say it but you are right. On the infidelity board that I am on, usually the BS (betrayed spouse- usually a woman) wants to work it out than leave. Many times because there are kids, a tangled mess of finances/debt, and just having a life with the cheater. Many people say they will leave, but chances are they don't and the cheating continues.

I am an huge advocate of leaving... Just because I feel the cheater deserves consequences. Leaving doesn't mean one can't come back later- just means this is the result right now. However I am just seeing too many men cheat. I don't think I will be in a relationship that won't involve cheating so I am starting to rethink my "leave policy". Are humans made to be monogamous?

This is exactly it. It's an entire process to disentangle all of these things. I can see why married women who've been cheated on try to make it work (as opposed to just having a boyfriend). You may be mad or hurt, but it's going to take a long time to start a new life with kids and separate your finances. That is the reality. The trick is to not get yoked up with the wrong guy. If you felt that you chose well and he does happen to cheat, you have to decide how much of a deal breaker it is to you.

 

[LiftedUp]

I knew a lady who fought the mistress. I snicker every time I hear the story. She left though. She fought her because they were friends and she felt extremely betrayed. She's one of the few people I immediately eat from. Her food tastes just like my mummy's!

 

[C@ssandr@]

My hairdresser told me her husband cheated. She said there is love there and decided to stay, especially since they have two kids together. Instead she decided to get in his head and move all the way out. She moved in with her mother, took the kids with her, and allows the kids father to visit (husband). She knows she's going back to him but wanted to show him that she's not playing and also wants to show her daughter that mothers shouldn't be unhappy at the expense of their father's foolishness. She is also doing the online dating thing.

I totally get it and I respect this.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I knew a lady who fought the mistress. I snicker every time I hear the story. She left though. She fought her because they were friends and she felt extremely betrayed. She's one of the few people I immediately eat from. Her food tastes just like my mummy's!

 

[IronButterfly]

If cousin 2 doesn't have the personality as cousin 1, you can't expect her to behave the same way.

 

[lux10023]

im not fighting over no cheating man pers se...you made a decision clearly and it was not in my best interest...im good with moving on..enjoying new deck and your money....

i would bust somebody a## have some vino and KIM...its the principalllll..but i wouldnt stay


only thing i would do here is if a woman is blatantly coming on to dh...and he has responded and told here Im good and she continued..i would have to make the message a bit clearer....

I might bust somebody's asz then leave.

 

[curlicarib]

My grandmother was the mistress. Wifey stepped to her and got buck. Tante whopped that arse, sent wifey packing and kept the husband. A few years later, had enough of him and sent him packing too.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Cousin 2 needs to fight for herself and her kids not some wutless man. How the other woman getting more in child support and has less kids? She needs to revisit that court order especially if she isn't as financially stable as she needs to be.

 

[Keen]

If cousin 2 doesn't have the personality as cousin 1, you can't expect her to behave the same way.

I know right. I ain't fighting nobody about anything. That's just not me. I can't fight. I don't think I've ever fought anyone.

 

[TayMac]

Physically fight no but if you feel the marriage is worth saving then yes at least try (if the spouse is willing to work as well)

It really depends on the situation who, what, how long etc.

His pockets should definitely regret if you leave.

 

[movingforward13]

His pockets should definitely regret if you leave.

Sorry not sorry

 

[okange76]

I ain't fighting over no man. Just read a post on another site of a woman talking about her uncle and his side chick of 33 yrs. His wife is faithful and won't leave for religious reasons. When she cooks, he packs a plate for the side chick. Side chick is also faithful to him. I was SMDH through her entire post. She also said out of over 60 men in her family, only one is faithful and he is not her Dad or one of her married brothers so....Her trust issues have kept her firmly single.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I ain't fighting over no man. Just read a post on another site of a woman talking about her uncle and his side chick of 33 yrs. His wife is faithful and won't leave for religious reasons. When she cooks, he packs a plate for the side chick. Side chick is also faithful to him. I was SMDH through her entire post. She also said out of over 60 men in her family, only one is faithful and he is not her Dad or one of her married brothers so....Her trust issues have kept her firmly single.

That is too disrespectful! I can't control where you put your d!ck but you ain't gonna take this good food to the next chick's house.

I don't have enough something in my soul for these shenanigans. Love, forgiveness, patience... stupidity . I just don't have it. I would be enraged and probably kill somebody. That's why I just fade to black when these men act up on my watch because I'm not losing my sanity or my freedom for you.

 

[curlicarib]

That is too disrespectful! I can't control where you put your d!ck but you ain't gonna take this good food to the next chick's house.

I don't have enough something in my soul for these shenanigans. Love, forgiveness, patience... stupidity . I just don't have it. I would be enraged and probably kill somebody. That's why I just fade to black when these men act up on my watch because I'm not losing my sanity or my freedom for you.

You done said a mouth full. I can't get no mani/Pedi's in jail. At least not without giving up my soul, so I can't do no hard time.

 

[Fine 4s]

I hate to say it but you are right. On the infidelity board that I am on, usually the BS (betrayed spouse- usually a woman) wants to work it out than leave. Many times because there are kids, a tangled mess of finances/debt, and just having a life with the cheater. Many people say they will leave, but chances are they don't and the cheating continues.

I am an huge advocate of leaving... Just because I feel the cheater deserves consequences. Leaving doesn't mean one can't come back later- just means this is the result right now. However I am just seeing too many men cheat. I don't think I will be in a relationship that won't involve cheating so I am starting to rethink my "leave policy". Are humans made to be monogamous?

Keep asking questions and come to your own truth. As someone mentioned above, I don't believe most women leave and find that women give aspirational advice nowhere near what most would do *side eye*

...and I can't fight so yeah I'm out.

 

[FemmeFatale]

If you're talking about psychological warfare, maybe. I'm ruthless in the pure Aqua sense, aloof and we primarily care about ourselves so we come off as emotionless savages when we've been wronged.

Physically fighting? chile bye.

Anyway men fight over me, not the reverse.

 

[lesedi]

The older I get the more grey (rather than black and white) I see this.... It depends on the relationship (time spent,children, whether it was the first incidence of infidelity etc). I can't say what I would do since I'm nowhere close to being in that situation, but I think people need to be careful about telling people leave their husbands so quickly. Each woman knows what decision aligns with her spirit.

 

[Fine 4s]

@FemmeFatale

I'm Aqua and I haven't tapped into that savage side. I'm not sure if Inhave one and I've been wronged plenty of times IMO. Show me the way! I'm more of a take in the harm than give it right back type of person though . Instead of getting mad, I look for whether they got a point. I know, horrible!
Funny thing is I appear "frekan" too.
I've only seen one e fight over me between the ex and the guy before him that never took. It was embarrassing to read.