TV Personality Transitioning from Long Relaxed Hair to Natural...PLEASE HELP ME

M

Ms. Martina

Well-Known Member
Hey Ladies! My name is Martina, some of you probably recognize me from the reality show Bridezillas..lol. Yes, I am on the show, but I'm here to get some help from you ladies. I've been viewing this site off and on for a couple years now and have finally decided to make an official account and subscribe. I have long HEALTHY relaxed hair, but I'm transitioning to natural hair. I haven't had a relaxer in 3 months, but that is pretty much normal for me. As I normally get my perms every 2-3 months and will occasionally wait 6 months to get a relaxer.

I'm here because I have been having a very rough time emotionally the past few days, and I would like some encouragement about going natural. Since this is around the time I would normally go get a relaxer, I'm feeling tempted to give in and call my beautician. I absolutely LOVEEEE kinky natural hair, and I want to get to where many of you ladies are. Unfortunately, my last few days have been crazy. I even had a nightmare last night about doing a BC...lol. Overall, I know that going natural is something I want to do, but I need help dealing with a few things. I have listed those things below...

1.) Possibly having to cut my hair:I've always been VERY attached to my hair, even before getting a perm in middle school. I cried whenever it would get trimmed, and I'm just now getting to the point in life where I can allow my beautician to trim it without her making me cringe/want to slap her. I'm worried that I might have some issues if going natural results in me having to cut my hair short. I hope I can just transition for at least one year and then do my big chop, but I don't know if I can make it that long with two textures of hair.Last year I stretched 6 months without a perm before the wedding. I knew it wasn't going to be permanent bc I knew I was going to get it relaxed for the big day. I jut wanted to sped a few months letting my natural texture grow in. Anywho, it was fine up until the last month or so. My relaxed hair started getting soooo tangled into the natural hair, and it was becoming a major issue when I had to shampoo my hair. It felt like it took forever to get the ends detangled, and at that point I wanted to just chop it off. Of course I didn't chop it off do that though...lol. I dealt with it until the week before my wedding, which was when I got my relaxer.

My hair hasn't gotten THAT bad yet, but I know it is going to happen. I have a lot of hair, and I am not looking forward to those tangled ends again. However, I have not gotten over my fear of cutting my hair. Sadly that won't happen, and I don't think I would look good with a TWA(teeny weeny afro). My head is too large and my cheeks are too chubby for short hair imo. My nightmare last night confirmed that cutting isn't an option until my natural hair is longer.

2.) Finding a good natural beautician to help while transitioning:I am very picky about my hair overall..lol. I've only let one beautician perm/relax my hair, and have never gone elsewhere for anything other than a shampoo(maybe 3 or 4 times my entire life). I wash my own hair at home, and go to my beautician every 2-3 months for my relaxer. My beauty shop doesn't do natural hair, so I would have to find another shop to go to. I'm worried that I won't be able to find a good natural salon in Memphis. I don't want to go the Dominicans either bc they use a lot of heat. Transitioning hair might not be able to handle all of the heat that the Dominicans use. So...where do I go?? I've tried googling natural salons, but have only found two online. However, it looks as if they mainly specialize in doing locs.

3.) Dealing with the guilt...

I feel like I am almost being ungrateful. My hair has always been healthy, and grows nicely. People always comment on how nice and healthy it is. Many of the natural stories I have read online are from women who have damaged their hair with relaxers or cannot grow it out with a relaxer. Therefore they decided to go natural instead. There is nothing wrong with my hair, and part of me feels a bit guilty about that. I feel like people buy weave everyday that looks like my relaxed hair, yet I am willing to just get rid of it. Whenever I bring up the topic, some people seem to think I am crazy for wanting to go natural. They don't understand why would want to "ruin a good thing." I can understand where they are coming from as well. If I were balding or had a major problem with my hair, then it would not be as big of a deal to go natural. However, I'm not in that position, so part of me feels ungrateful or something. IDK, is it normal to feel this way??



4.) My Career on TV:

There aren't many natural journalists on air. People have to stick to the standard "anchor hair" to be seen as professional. That burns me up! I fear that being natural will give news directors a reason to reject my application. After all...they place a lot of importance on looks. I am talented, but I worry that people might not want to hire me if I have a big afro! :nono:



That about sums up what I am going through. I would greatly appreciate any advice from you ladies who have been in my shoes. I wish I had more family support, but they don't understand why I want to go natural. My husband is VERY supportive though. He doesn't fully understand all of the issues with black hair(hubby is white), but he loves the idea of me going natural. So far, he has been the only positive person in my family. Everyone else just keeps telling me not to do it.



I also made a youtube video about my feelings as well. Feel free to check it out.



Thanks,
Martina
 
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Wow! It's great to see you on LHCF. I remember seeing you on Bridezillas and your relaxed hair looked very healthy. I'm sure the naturals will chime in with advice, but Deborah Duncan is the journalist who comes to mind...she successfully went natural after she got tired of having to straighten her hair all the time. She was a closet natural (she used heat styling) for a long time before she started wearing a TWA on the air. She's still doing well with her own show here in Houston.

I think a long-term transition is a great idea since you're not comfortable with short hair.

I had no idea you were a journalist! Good luck with your career.
 
Welcome to LHCF. We will give you support and ideas on how you can long transition. You can do it!
 
I used the Brazilian Keratin Treatment to transition until I decided to go ahead and BC at 8 months post. if you are used to wearing your hair straightened, this may be an option for you. It enables you to temporarily loosen your texture to aid in straightening, and reversion-resistance, Also invest in a great flat-iron (I prefer H2Pro or FHI). I suffered no heat damage from doing the BKTs, but I never put my iron above 375 degrees. I also had full reversion once I stopped doing the treatments.
 
what helped early on in my transition was dominican blow-outs. everyone has different thoughts on these, but i made sure to get frequent deep conditionings and always had them apply "growth vitamins" which are protein leave in treatments. this helped the first year, b/c i still had my straight hair. my hair was still very healthy, even with the blow-outs. i would usually go every 2-3 weeks. i dont want to do the bc anytime soon, b/c with my face shape, so i think i'll be transitioning for another 2-3 years. i too was worried about transitioning due to my profession. i'm not in the public eye like as you are, but i do have to interact with the public on a professional level on a daily basis.
btw, welcome!! and good luck with your transitoin. :circle:
 
Welcome! I noticed how lovely your hair was on the show.

I didn't have the roller coaster emotions that some experience during my transition. Yes, there were frustrations fighting with the natural hair & the relaxed ends, but that is when I would take out my shears & trim. As time went on, I just wanted to see those relaxed ends gone. I transitioned mostly with half wigs. There is a poster on her named Blackmasterpiece who never did the bc. Not sure how long it took her to be fully natural but her hair is mid-back length & beautiful. Maybe she will chime in or you could send her a PM for advice. As far as finding a natural stylist, I have not attempted to find one. It seems that a lot of naturals pretty much become their own stylists. In fact here on LHCF most members, relaxed & natural on this forum are their own stylists.

When you are feeling the urge to relax, search the forum or watch you tube videos for motivation. Good luck!
 
I applied for my professional job with straightened hair and wear natural styles now that I have it. Heh. Heh.
 
I did braids during the second half of my year long transition but my sister transitioned in weaves. When her weaves were not in she was heat trained by her stylist. She went from bad relaxed hair forcing her to cut her hair to above her ear to fully natural hair past her bra in three years. She is no heat trained. HHG!

And welcome!
 
Hi Martina.

I had beautiful & healthy relaxed hair that got me compliments all the time also so I know how you feel. I don't know what it's like to have natural hair. I can't remember what it even looks like. My mom relaxed my hair when I was 8 or 9.

I've seen so many women with beautiful natural hair, it motivated me to go natural. I got my last relaxer on February of this year. I went to my dominican stylist on May to get a wash, set, & blowout. The 2 textures weren't working well. My hair was breaking. She kept urging me to perm it. I told her my desires to go natural & not relax my hair anymore. I thought she would've encouraged me since i've been her client for years. Yeah right. She proceeds to tell me, " WHY???? I don't like to see nappy hair." I didn't say a word. I was PISSED beyond measure. She noticed this & kept her mouth shut. I left that salon that day & never went back.

The following week,I washed my own hair & chopped 95% of it off. I left some hair so I can have it braided. I felt crazy & excited @ the same time. My hair has never been short so this was very weird for me. I told no one but my boyfriend. He told me I was crazy but, he got over it. Lol. I called out sick from work & got some senegalese twists done the next day (a friday).

I get to work on monday (i'm a nurse) & im immediately bombarded with questions & comments. Most were positive. Some were: "Why did you braid your hair?", "You have such pretty hair. Why would you do that?", etc. I told everyone that my stylist is on vacation & my hair will be braided until she returns. Lmao. It worked.

One woman had the audacity to tell me, " I love your real hair. It's so long, healthy, & strong. It swings & everything. These braids take away from your beauty. I can't wait for you to take them out."

Now, it may read like a compliment but, hearing it come out of her mouth annoyed me. I was offended. She's lucky I was @ work & in front of a patient. I almost forgot where I was @ for a second. She wouldn't have been prepared for the BROOKLYN side of me to come out. SERIOUSLY!!!!! LOL. Anyway, I politely smiled & kept it moving. This is something I know I will have to deal with ever since I made the decision to go natural. I still have moments when I miss my relaxed hair, especially when I took out my twists last week. My hair was so dry & dull. I got nervous. I just created a new post asking the ladies here to help me. THEY ALWAYS COME THROUGH. I'm riding with this decision & anyone that has an issue with it can go kick rocks with open toe sandals.

Martina, do what you want to do. I've learned you can't please everybody & I quite frankly am not trying to. This forum has helped me & is still helping me tremendously. You'll find much encouragement here no matter what your decision will be.

Good luck & welcome to the forum!
 
I don't have many tips to offer, just wanted to pop in and say I saw your episode and congrats to you and your hubby! This board is full of naturals who can help you along every stage of the journey including long term transitioning. :)
 
I am former journalist. My station preferred with me just above shoulder length hair because I was so young and it made me look more mature and trustworthy. Also Katie Couric was really hot then and it was considered spunky.

Although I have transitioned into another field I keep a shoulder length look (I do some voiceovers and hosting on the side for Direct TV.

I think it is important not to have your audience looking at your hair and wondering what is different. Whatever hairstyle you chose, make sure it is one that does not change for about 4-6 months.

That could be a full weave or a half wig.

I didn't wear any weaves or wigs while on television but once I wore my hair up and many viewers called (yes they called cause they had nothing better to do) and complained about my hair. I believe rat's nest was used.
 
Hi and welcome. I'm not sure how often you are on air,but you can wear your real hair in curly styles like rollersets. If it is daily. You can do it your self or ask you stylist. They should be able to do it with a few inches of natural hair If it's not that often, then wear a wig, keep your job and your hair. A lot of us love length. You don't have to sacrifice length during your transisition but can I warn you of something? Natural hair never shows its true length. So get ready for that. I also think if you stretched for 6 months you can do it for a year or longer. You may want to talk to your producers about your decision. They may find it interesting and ask you do a small story on it. That way you don't get 50-leven questions about why you hair changed. I wish you the best
 
Hey Martina,

I responded to another post that was similar to yours. My hair was healthy when I decided to go natural and I only decided to go natural because I LOVE kinky, curly, and/or cottony hair. This is what helped me:

Full weaves! I couldn't do single braids or twists because the two textures of my hair (transitioned for 8 months) would get tangled together. I eventually got kinky straight hair from superhairfactory.com to help me get used to combing, detangling, and washing kinky straight hair.

I water my hair under my weave with water/fresh aloe or Aussie Hair Insurance and co-wash (3-4 times a week if out of weave and once a week if in weave). I sometimes spray Mane N Tail. Make sure your hair dries, though.

When I take the weave out, I'll do a treatment of some sort after detangling and getting rid of shed hair. I'll do the sour cream and lemon treatment with a plastic bag over my head. I love it! Then I'll -deep-condition with cholesterol, aussie 3 minute miracle or giovanni smooth as silk using a plastic bag. For the sour cream and lemon treatment take a small container of regular full-fat sour cream and mix it with fresh lemon juice. To get the lemon juice, take a lemon, cut it into quarters and microwave it just enough to get it kind of warm, then squeeze it into a bowl.

Drink LOTS of water and make sure you get all of your daily vitamins. I also use MSM and like it. Hope that helps!
 
Welcome to LHCF! If you need any help r tips, feel free to check my blog in my siggy and ask any questions u may have
 
One suggestion might be to style your hair in a double-strand twist. It is usually done on natural hair but it can in fact be done on relaxed hair. In fact, it looks very sexy on relaxed hair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCc3jMEfCZs&p=CD30F3B166F013C7&playnext=1&index=46


Any salon/beauty parlor that does locs should be able to do it. It usually takes 1 - 1 1/2 hours to do.

Some good products that you could use with this style are Come Clean Shampoo, Knot Today Conditioner, Curling Custard. They can be found @ www.kinky-curly.com.

Another product you can use before you get the twists done and apply to damp hair is Lock It Up, which can be found @ www.naturalhair.org.

A good product to use to define curls is ecostyler. There are many different kinds. Here is a website to buy that from: http://store.goldenmartbeautysupply.com/ecostyle.html. I use the pink one.

I hope this helps.
 
I second the motion for you to review Debra Duncan's natural transition. She used wigs (not very good ones, though) until she felt comfortable enough to reveal her twa - I think it took an entire year... I'm also in Houston, and I was intrigued by her metamorphosis.

I think you are making a great decision. Try to find a wig/weave that mimics your real relaxed hair and you should be good to go until you are ready, lengthwise, to rock your natural hair.

If I can transition -without the big chop, I might add - anyone can.

You can do this. I wish you well.
 
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Hi MArtina, And Welcome.
This is a great place to hang out and seek support for transitioning.
I did a long term transition. 2 years. I mostly just decided I wanted to be chemical free. Just like you my hair was healthy and Arrpit length when I made the decision.

Being Natural does not limit you to just a Big Ol' Afro. There are tons of beautiful styles that you can do on your natural hair. Lots of Versatility. And being in entertainment, you can really wow people with your hair.

Check out my fotki album, I documented my whole transition there and I have lots of styles too.
 
I don't really have any advice on transitioning because, well, I never did it myself! I just took the plunge and BC'd!

I did however want to stop by and say congratulations on your decision to go natural! I can tell you from experience that it can be challenging learning a completely different texture than what you're used to, but I really hope you'll learn to love it! Please keep us updated on your progress!
 
Yes this site is great for getting tips on transitioning-there are other sites too that specialize in giving information on how to take care of natural hair :yep:

I transitioned for 6 months then chopped, I wore my natural hair loose 6 years-and now i have sisterlocs. This october will be my 7th year natural.
There are days you and your hair will be enemies-but going natural was the best decision for me. Also note that you don't have to do the big chop like I did, some people transition for a looooong time.

I recommend that your read "lets talk hair" by pamela Farwell. This is the book I read when I decided to go natural. You may be able to check it out at the library.

I wish you the best and welcome!
 
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OMG, Netta1, you look absolutely beautiful in your siggy. That dress AND hairstyle is FIERCE on you, you are definitely rocking those sisterlocs.
 
Mook's hair said:
Hi MArtina, And Welcome.
This is a great place to hang out and seek support for transitioning.
I did a long term transition. 2 years. I mostly just decided I wanted to be chemical free. Just like you my hair was healthy and Arrpit length when I made the decision.

Being Natural does not limit you to just a Big Ol' Afro. There are tons of beautiful styles that you can do on your natural hair. Lots of Versatility. And being in entertainment, you can really wow people with your hair.

Check out my fotki album, I documented my whole transition there and I have lots of styles too.
Click to expand...

Your hair & styles are gorgeous.
 
@ everyone:
Sorry I am just now responding. I have been out with my hubby enjoying labor day. Thanks for all of the encouraging words and advice ladies! I feel better after reading the posts here. BTW, you all have gorgeous hair! I can't wait to get to that point in my journey.

@Solitude :
Thanks for sharing the Deborah Duncan story. I googled her, and her hair is gorgeous!

@MyAngelEyes:
Thanks for the info, where can I buy the Brazilian Keratin treatment? Also, what is a BKT?

@GL925:
Thanks for sharing your story. I can't believe that lady actually said that to you. I have had a few people react like that when I mentioned going natural. It is just plain rude...

@Diadall:
Thanks for giving me feedback from a journalist's point of view. Do you see the field changing in the future? It seems very silly for a news director to avoid hiring someone simply bc they choose to be the way God made them. That would be the same as requiring black anchors to bleach their skin, or requiring an Asian reporter to have eyelid surgery. I know they have to worry about ratings and etc, but it seems a bit extreme.

@Mook, I will def check out your styles for ideas :)


~Martina
 
Hi Martina! Welcome to LHCF! You've definitely come to the right place!

I definitely know that you can transition for as long as you deem necessary. There are many ladies that managed to transition for 18+ months. It really just takes dedication and a mental transition. Once you've made it up in your mind that you're going natural no matter what, and you set it out that you will transition for an x amount of time, you'll find it easier to accomplish, simply because at that point, there is no other option for you than to continue managing your hair. Trust me when I advise you to mentally transition first. As far as doing the BC...whenever you decide to do it, will be the right time for you. My advice to anyone weary or nervous about doing the BC is to fake it until you make it Meaning, fake confidence until you have the confidence. People respond to the way you carry yourself. If you appear to be confident, other people have no choice but to love it and be confident too. This works wonders!

Most naturals end up becoming their own beautician, simply because natural beauticians are so hard to find, and they're costly. Who better to do what you want to your hair but you right!

Concerning your apprehension due to your already having long, healthy relaxed hair. Don't feel guilty. This decision is based solely on you and your hair wants. Many naturals had gorgeous hair before the transition, but chose to embrace their natural texture rather than continue to chemically straighten. Sometimes it really does just boil down to a hairstyle choice, even if it turns into much more. Before my transition, my hair was the healthiest it's ever been, and when I made the decision to go natural, many told me that I had gorgeous relaxed hair so there was no reason to go natural. I was even told that I may not look as good with natural hair. Imagine that. Now, those same naysayers are enjoying and loving every minute of my natural hair journey. Opinions change! Don't base your decision on anyone else's opinion, because those opinions can and most likely will change. Nearly everyone in my family was against my natural journey from the beginning, but now they feel the exact opposite. So I hope you take this all into consideration when making your decision. We're here to support you either way! Good luck and happy hair growing!
 
Why don't you use lace front like Tyra for a year or so until your natural hair grows out longer. You could take the lace front off at nights and keep your hair underneath moisturized.
 
Hi Martina and welcome to the forum!!

You have pretty hair. I wish you well during your transition. You can transition long term and just cut a little relaxed hair off at a time.

I watched your video and you already have the skills to be able to straighten your hair while transitioning. You did a great job!!

While transitioning you will go back and forward about whether or not you want to relax again. That is perfectly normal. I think that if you can make it to six months you can make it to a year but as I said before you don't have to big chop but you have to do what you think is best for you.

One thing about transitioning hair is that the longer your natural newgrowth gets the more manageable your entire transition becomes. It becomes easier to comb. Easier to shampoo and condition and the texture of the hair even sometimes loosens.

It's best to keep your regimen simple by keeping your hair well conditioned and moisturized. Moisturizing is key because keeping the line of demarcation supple and strong will prevent breakage.

A lot of people have different methods they use to transition. Some people transition with the aid of weaves, if done properly they can be a great protective style. Some transitioning by flatironing the newgrowth to match the relaxed ends. Some with low manipulation hairstyles etc. You have to find the method that suits you and your lifestyle.

I wish you well with your transition, I know that with determination you can do it!!
 
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