Trimming Setbacks.... How do you Deal? (vent)

A

amara11

Well-Known Member
So.... see that picture in my siggy? The last one with my hair in layers? That was taken in May of this year.

Since then, my hair grew to about one inch past APL.

I needed a trim. I've been seeing this new stylist since May (she's the one that did my hair for that pic) and I've needed a trim since May, but I held off. I decided that I'd see how she trimmed other clients and get comfy with her first. She also did a friend's hair and my friend told me that she (the stylist) told her that she would only trim a little for the time, and they could gradually get rid of the split ends, instead of lopping it all off at once and risking cutting too much.

This of course, was music to my ears, and I said, hey, I need a trim, I've needed it since May, it's not October, I'll give it a shot.

Last Friday I went ahead and got the trim. Ummmm. She cut my hair. :(
At most, (and I mean, at the VERY most) I needed an inch trimmed off (and even that is stretch).

What was once at least an inch past APL is now 2 inches above APL.:wallbash:

Since Friday, I have not allowed my self to get mad. I've been doing well losing weight and being an emotional eater- I have to really watch how I let things affect me.

I just kept telling myself that I needed the trim, and now, I'll just have to focus on keeping my ends safe and moisturized and taking care of my hair.

But I'm sorry, I'm upset. I've tried really hard not to be. BUT dangonit, my hair was freaking on it's way to BSL and now I'm not even APL anymore?:nono:

I'm at a point where I know I need to do something, b/c looking at my hair this short is really pissing me off.

I want to put it away, so that I am not thinking about it, but I don't want to stress my hair out with braids.

I've been thinking about getting a weave (sew in) but being that I'm natural, that would mean that I would have to keep some of my hair straight (I don't think I could bring myself to get a full sew in without any of my hair out, cuz I fear that will look unforgiveably FAKE). But if you got suggestions, I got ears...

For now, I think I'll just do twists/ braidouts, etc. I have OCT that I've yet to use... I think I'll be trying that now. And I also haven't been taking any supplements- nows a good time to get back on track.

How do YOU cope when you have a growth and/or trimming setback?

Do you up the ante on your regime? Switch it up for awhile? Something else?

Talk to me. I'm sad :(
 
I completely understand your frustration. I have gone through the same thing too many times. This is why I no longer let stylists trim my hair.
 
I really sorry Amara. What you experience seems so common around here :(. Don't these stylist realize how looooooonnnnnnnggggg it takes to grow 1" :nono:.
 
Oh Amara :hug2:, I'm so sorry she cut so much of your hair off. She probably thought your hair was still long, people IRL have no idea how important, apl, bsl, etc. is to us. I really want to reach apl too and when I get there it will have been a loooong hard battle so if someone cut me above it, I would be ready to :boxing: and :cry: at the same time. I think going back to twists is a good idea, try out that OCT, and try massaging your scalp with oils. All I can really say is that I am so sorry.
 
Yeah, I wish I knew how to trim my hair the way stylists do it (without ODing!!)

It seems like when I trim it, the ends never look as smooth or even as when they do it- but I'm starting to think that's because I only trim the split ends, and they trim EVERYTHING!!!!

Im just really going to baby my hair and keep the ends moisturized. I'd been heavily considering getting my hair colored (to a chocolate brown) but I don't want to add anymore stress to it.

Just the thought of being setback from months of growth... smh :nono:
 
:nono: I really hate when this happens...All my setbacks have been because of scissor happy stylists. The only thing I can tell you is I'm sorry it happened. I know that after I get cut like this and my hair feels sooo short, it does eventually start to feel normal again to me after a week or so.
 
See this is why I only let my mother near my hair with scissors. Everyone else can kick rocks.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Keep up the good hair habits and your hair will be back in no time.
 
I too have been holding off on a trim. Each "trim" at the salon = cut and/or setback. I have invested in a quality pair of shears. However, my hair is in layers and I'm a little nervous. I may as well go for it b/c I'll probably end up doing a better job than the stylists. I know the feeling. Even though some may read this thread and wonder why anyone would be upset if they are already past shoulder length. There is a loss when you lose more hair than expected. You are the one that has grown comfortable and satisfied with the hair in the mirror. When this happens (trim/cut) I do up my regimen. I try to spruce things up with new cute clips while the hair is growing back out. This is also the time to change from my regular roller wrap to flexi-rods or something new. We have to remember that it is hair and it will grow back. Then I look around at people who have unintentionally abused their hair, have split ends, bad weaves, etc... and thank God I found this site and you guys. :cry4:
 
CoffeeBean said:
I too have been holding off on a trim. Each "trim" at the salon = cut and/or setback. I have invested in a quality pair of shears. However, my hair is in layers and I'm a little nervous. I may as well go for it b/c I'll probably end up doing a better job than the stylists. I know the feeling. Even though some may read this thread and wonder why anyone would be upset if they are already past shoulder length. There is a loss when you lose more hair than expected. You are the one that has grown comfortable and satisfied with the hair in the mirror. When this happens (trim/cut) I do up my regimen. I try to spruce things up with new cute clips while the hair is growing back out. This is also the time to change from my regular roller wrap to flexi-rods or something new. We have to remember that it is hair and it will grow back. Then I look around at people who have unintentionally abused their hair, have split ends, bad weaves, etc... and thank God I found this site and you guys. :cry4:
Click to expand...

Hugs! Thanks :)
 
Aww don't stress, I've been there...we've all been there. I've been dealing with it since I chopped off the rest of my relaxed ends in May. I'm maybe an inch or 2 away from APL and it seems like i'll never get there but I know I will. I'm going into kinky twists soon. I cant do sew ins because I dont need to be putting heat or straightening my hair to keep up with the weave since I'm natural too. Kinkies encase your whole hair. If you want to avoid braid-ish styles, I suggest looking into bunning. Consistent bunning will protect your ends and retain length. Also, you can do like my cousin did, she got a sew-in and left some hair out. She got a wavy type hair that looks natural and the hair thats left out she flat twists at night and releases in the morning and it meshes well with the weave. Hope this helps, lady. Don't stress.
 
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's happened to me too, way too many times. Only let a trusted person cut your hair.
 
Look at it this way. Your hair is even and healthy and looks great! You can always add some clip in extensions for added length till your hair grows back. You still made excellent progress. It is hair it will grow back ma!
 
I am sorry to hear this. It can be very distressing. This keeps happening to me, so I think I am really gonna go for self trims. A friend of mine suggesting having them show you how much they are cutting off, which I still do not trust, sigh..
well, you can baby your hair and give it extra tlc to ensure that you retain those ends
 
I have been there, too. [[[[[[[hugs]]]]]] When it happened, I, too, was hurt, angry, and mad. [weeks after just relaxing my hair after having it natural, 2nd go 'round, I detoured from a good stylist to go to jcp and for reasons unknown, I let her chop in my wet hair... :( feeling silly, going back to my stylist to 'fix it' which resulted in more hair being cut to try to solve the mishap]

Reading this thread, it has been a year now since that horrible day. It may seem like a cliche, but it will get better. You have a clean palette, so to speak, to work with. Baby it and make it your best. That's what I did. Best wishes and love what you have, give it all the positivity you can and it will reward you.

God blesses us from the bottoms of our feet to the tips of our heads, Never feel like any thing is a coincidence. I know, thank you, Jesus!!, I know because the side that was hurt last year as of last week, has more noticeable new growth than the left side. I feel it will even up.

Happy thoughts to you, you will be just fine. Claim it and it will be yours.
 
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Amara: I am so sorry that you are upset about your hair, but you have beautiful hair and obviously you grow and retain well, so you will be back where you were in no time.

My situation is a bit different from yours as I needed the two to three inches trimmed, but the hair stylist did not want to do anything I was uncomfortable with and was very concerned about trimming my hair as much as it needed trimming and would not until I expressly gave her permission to do it. I was at APL and now I am just below shoulder length, but the difference in how my hair feels is amazing.

It is a bit challenging for me to get used to the shorter length as I am now used to it being longer, but my hair feels so darn great, smooth, sensual even and no detangling or snagging in the comb that the trade-off is worth it. I have needed a good trim for two to three years now and it was a pay me now or pay me later scenario for me. My usual MO is to pay now to avoid paying a higher price, so the speak, later so the loss of length is my penalty for not doing what needed to be done a good two years ago, if not more.

I am now on my own personal grow an inch a month challenge. I have my scalp concoction of aloe vera gel, liquikelp, liquid MSM, jojoba, coconut and tea tree oils. The oils make up only about one ounce of the solution so it is not oily at all. If I do two protein shakes a day, I know I can achieve an inch a month like I did in 2005. Since I work out pretty hard five days a week, I need the protein anyway, but I am not consistent with it. My mission to grow my hair back should make me be more consistent with the shakes. Other than that, I will do a Duo Tex and aloe vera protein treatment once a week. A moisturizing DC with steam once a week and just be vigilant that I never let the splits get that bad ever again.
 
Nichi said:
Aww don't stress, I've been there...we've all been there. I've been dealing with it since I chopped off the rest of my relaxed ends in May. I'm maybe an inch or 2 away from APL and it seems like i'll never get there but I know I will. I'm going into kinky twists soon. I cant do sew ins because I dont need to be putting heat or straightening my hair to keep up with the weave since I'm natural too. Kinkies encase your whole hair. If you want to avoid braid-ish styles, I suggest looking into bunning. Consistent bunning will protect your ends and retain length. Also, you can do like my cousin did, she got a sew-in and left some hair out. She got a wavy type hair that looks natural and the hair thats left out she flat twists at night and releases in the morning and it meshes well with the weave. Hope this helps, lady. Don't stress.
Click to expand...


This sounds good! Do you know what kind of hair she used?
 
pearcey said:
I have been there, too. [[[[[[[hugs]]]]]] When it happened, I, too, was hurt, angry, and mad. [weeks after just relaxing my hair after having it natural, 2nd go 'round, I detoured from a good stylist to go to jcp and for reasons unknown, I let her chop in my wet hair... :( feeling silly, going back to my stylist to 'fix it' which resulted in more hair being cut to try to solve the mishap]

Reading this thread, it has been a year now since that horrible day. It may seem like a cliche, but it will get better. You have a clean palette, so to speak, to work with. Baby it and make it your best. That's what I did. Best wishes and love what you have, give it all the positivity you can and it will reward you.

God blesses us from the bottoms of our feet to the tips of our heads, Never feel like any thing is a coincidence. I know, thank you, Jesus!!, I know because the side that was hurt last year as of last week, has more noticeable new growth than the left side. I feel it will even up.

Happy thoughts to you, you will be just fine. Claim it and it will be yours.
Click to expand...

Thanks!:bighug:
 
adw425 said:
Amara: I am so sorry that you are upset about your hair, but you have beautiful hair and obviously you grow and retain well, so you will be back where you were in no time.

My situation is a bit different from yours as I needed the two to three inches trimmed, but the hair stylist did not want to do anything I was uncomfortable with and was very concerned about trimming my hair as much as it needed trimming and would not until I expressly gave her permission to do it. I was at APL and now I am just below shoulder length, but the difference in how my hair feels is amazing.

It is a bit challenging for me to get used to the shorter length as I am now used to it being longer, but my hair feels so darn great, smooth, sensual even and no detangling or snagging in the comb that the trade-off is worth it. I have needed a good trim for two to three years now and it was a pay me now or pay me later scenario for me. My usual MO is to pay now to avoid paying a higher price, so the speak, later so the loss of length is my penalty for not doing what needed to be done a good two years ago, if not more.

I am now on my own personal grow an inch a month challenge. I have my scalp concoction of aloe vera gel, liquikelp, liquid MSM, jojoba, coconut and tea tree oils. The oils make up only about one ounce of the solution so it is not oily at all. If I do two protein shakes a day, I know I can achieve an inch a month like I did in 2005. Since I work out pretty hard five days a week, I need the protein anyway, but I am not consistent with it. My mission to grow my hair back should make me be more consistent with the shakes. Other than that, I will do a Duo Tex and aloe vera protein treatment once a week. A moisturizing DC with steam once a week and just be vigilant that I never let the splits get that bad ever again.
Click to expand...

These are great suggestions, I think I'll be giving them a try!
Thanks :)
 
Aww, I'm so sorry - I know you are upset (and I'm an emotional eater too, so stay focused!). But like everyone said, it will grow back. And look at it this way - now you have a fresh start where you know you have no split ends and your hair will grow in even MORE healthy and gorgeous!
 
I'm so sorry this happened to you. :bighug:

I don't have anything ground ****tering to add, but maybe you can bun for a while. It would be really great to protect those clean ends you just got.
 
I know how you feel. I went through the same thing a few months ago. I was sooooo pissed. Congrats on your weight loss.
 
I am sooo sorry to hear what happened to you. And i pretty much agree with everyone whose posted. However, my advice to you is to search, and search "how to do self-trimmings", because, i don't think you will ever let anyone w/ scissors near your head. so, once you learn how to trim yourself (which if i'm not mistaken, is fairly easy), you may be more happy.
I'm sure your hair will grow out very fast. You've already mastered your hair care, otherwise your hair wouldn't be as nice as it is (which is very nice by the way). So, I would suggest that if you wanna try the OCT, you can do it for a while. It wont hurt. (((HUGS))) it will get better before you know it.
 
I'm so sorry! I have literally cried tears.. to the point of sobbing LOL when the stylists chopped my progress away. I do my own trims now and even though its not perfect at least I know how much to cut and not cut.

If you have Ovation I would definitely use it!!! Some people have had 1 inch a month growth so you could potentially have all of your hair back by December! I would definitely take the advice of bunning it for a while to retain length and protect those ends. You have a clean slate now and from this point on your hair will grow healthy.

Again I'm sorry this happened to you. Trust me I know how you feel.
 
I know you are pissed b/c I sure would be, I just trimmed my own ends and it looked short to me.... So I just thru it back into my bun and that's the way I am going to wear it unless I'm going somewhere...
 
I think that you already have the right ideas with taking care of your hair. Trust your instincts and don't let this little set back cause you stress. Work it out on the treadmill (or something to that nature) and turn it into a positive. Don't let that stylist or anyone else take up too much of your precious time with negative energy, that stress is no good for you. Just see what you can learn from this experience and move on. Your hair will grow far beyond APL. Try to baby your ends so that you won't even require a dusting until after you've grow a few more inches. You've made so much positive progress and you shouldn't let anything take away from that...keep it moving like the proud, black woman you are:yep:
 
amara11 said:
So.... see that picture in my siggy? The last one with my hair in layers? That was taken in May of this year.

Since then, my hair grew to about one inch past APL.

I needed a trim. I've been seeing this new stylist since May (she's the one that did my hair for that pic) and I've needed a trim since May, but I held off. I decided that I'd see how she trimmed other clients and get comfy with her first. She also did a friend's hair and my friend told me that she (the stylist) told her that she would only trim a little for the time, and they could gradually get rid of the split ends, instead of lopping it all off at once and risking cutting too much.

This of course, was music to my ears, and I said, hey, I need a trim, I've needed it since May, it's not October, I'll give it a shot.

Last Friday I went ahead and got the trim. Ummmm. She cut my hair. :(
At most, (and I mean, at the VERY most) I needed an inch trimmed off (and even that is stretch).

What was once at least an inch past APL is now 2 inches above APL.:wallbash:

Since Friday, I have not allowed my self to get mad. I've been doing well losing weight and being an emotional eater- I have to really watch how I let things affect me.

I just kept telling myself that I needed the trim, and now, I'll just have to focus on keeping my ends safe and moisturized and taking care of my hair.

But I'm sorry, I'm upset. I've tried really hard not to be. BUT dangonit, my hair was freaking on it's way to BSL and now I'm not even APL anymore?:nono:

I'm at a point where I know I need to do something, b/c looking at my hair this short is really pissing me off.

I want to put it away, so that I am not thinking about it, but I don't want to stress my hair out with braids.

I've been thinking about getting a weave (sew in) but being that I'm natural, that would mean that I would have to keep some of my hair straight (I don't think I could bring myself to get a full sew in without any of my hair out, cuz I fear that will look unforgiveably FAKE). But if you got suggestions, I got ears...

For now, I think I'll just do twists/ braidouts, etc. I have OCT that I've yet to use... I think I'll be trying that now. And I also haven't been taking any supplements- nows a good time to get back on track.

How do YOU cope when you have a growth and/or trimming setback?

Do you up the ante on your regime? Switch it up for awhile? Something else?

Talk to me. I'm sad :(
Click to expand...

I definitely understand where you're coming from because I would be disappointed too. I think that you should go ahead and get a full sew in by someone that knows what they're doing.

Since my hair is just about natural (2+ yrs no relaxer), I decided to go ahead and get a sew-in with no hair left out. Prior to that I always left it at in the horseshoe area, and had to flat iron all the time to get it to blend. :wallbash: Well guess what, it does NOT look wiggy! This will give you a chance to put your hair up, and not worry about it. By the time you take it down, I'm sure you'll be right back to APL.

Check out my fotki to see pics. If you find someone that knows what they're doing, it does not have to look fake..

http://public.fotki.com/Ediese/2008/my-short-weave-sept/
 
Ediese said:
I definitely understand where you're coming from because I would be disappointed too. I think that you should go ahead and get a full sew in by someone that knows what they're doing.

Since my hair is just about natural (2+ yrs no relaxer), I decided to go ahead and get a sew-in with no hair left out. Prior to that I always left it at in the horseshoe area, and had to flat iron all the time to get it to blend. :wallbash: Well guess what, it does NOT look wiggy! This will give you a chance to put your hair up, and not worry about it. By the time you take it down, I'm sure you'll be right back to APL.

Check out my fotki to see pics. If you find someone that knows what they're doing, it does not have to look fake..

http://public.fotki.com/Ediese/2008/my-short-weave-sept/
Click to expand...


Oh, WOW. I'm loving yours! And I was also thinking about getting a bob length weave as well. Yours doesn't look hump-wiggy either (I can't stand that!)

I'm starting to consider this more and more heavily. How do you care for your hair underneath?
 
I'm sorry you went through this. I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago when I got my stylist to relax my hair. I did NOT ask for a trim or anything...she just went ahead and do it. Any other time she would ask but she did it. She literally complimented me on my lenght and trim my ends. I looked like what I did before the relaxer. I am trying not to be as upset, but I do know that when I return in December for my next touch-up, I'll let her know what I DONT want. You'll be okay. Just know that setbacks are setups for comebacks
 
amara11 said:
Oh, WOW. I'm loving yours! And I was also thinking about getting a bob length weave as well. Yours doesn't look hump-wiggy either (I can't stand that!)

I'm starting to consider this more and more heavily. How do you care for your hair underneath?
Click to expand...

Thanks girl! You should really consider it. I think you'll like it especially the low manipulation.

As for caring for my hair..um..well..this is what I normally do when I leave some hair out.
Wash 1x week with Creme of Nature (white bottle with green cap)
Condition w/ Mane N Tail
DC 1x weekPantene Pro V relaxed and natural dc mask (really good slip)
Leave in conditioner - Infusium 23
Moisturize every day by spraying a glyercin and water mix to by braids and to the hair that's left out. I also seal the ends of the hair that's left out with castor oil.
Clarify 1x month w/Suave clarifying shampoo

However, I've been so lazy with my hair all braided, and have completely slacked off with my regimen.:blush:
 
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