Transitioning: What do you do when you just feel ugly?

[nomadpixi]

Hi Ladies,
I'm hoping a lot of ladies answer so my dismay can help someone when they're feeling no so great about the state of their hair.

I'm 6 months into my transition and I had to give myself a large chop at the beginning of December to stop hearing that snap/crackle/pop my painfully thin ends were making. My hair looks a lot healthier, but I'm sometimes "just not feelin'" what I look like in my new hair.

Don't get me wrong, the twist bantu knot thing is doing wonders for me, and I'm getting good growth with my MegaTek, but I just never liked me in short hair, so this part of my transition is just painful. It's made also a bit challenging by the fact that I'm trying to get out there and date as well and just am NOT feeling sexy with this hair.

Does anyone have any tips to help while it's growing out? Any ideas how to get softer hair? Thanks!

 

[blessedandlucky]

hang in there try some hair accessories and earrings - they can really transform things. also, take care of the details too - like your nails, nice outfits. it's not just about your hair, but the whole package. hopefully, this will make you feel better. keep your eyes on the prize and remember why you are doing this. good luck!

 

[Starronda]

How about braiding your hair up and wearing a wig until your hair gets a little longer so that you're comfortable with it? That way, you can still take care of your natural hair at night when you take your wig off. Feel better!

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I agree with the blessedandlucky. Also, maybe play around with makeup? Eyeshadow, blush, lip colors? I'm just getting into makeup and nails and it definitely makes me feel a bit more feminine.As far as styles, you could find some nice wigs/half wigs/phony ponies. I'm loving my phony ponies and half wigs because it's always guaranteed that I will look cute....versus doing my signature braidout that may or may not come out looking how I want it to look. I also have to have earrings at all times, especially when wearing buns. But the afro textured phony ponies and half wigs are great when growing out the hair. As far as softer hair? There are a variety of things you could try but everything is not guaranteed and it takes trial and error. Things that have worked great in the past for me were baggying, frequent co-washing, moisturizing with a glycerin-based spritz. Currently, staying away from cones, shampooing only once a month and using my whipped shea butter mix keeps my hair soft.

 

[LilMissSunshine5]

I can totally relate! Thanks for posting this! I am 6 months post too and it has been tough for the last month with my hair...it is the shortest it has ever been in my life. But I just reach out to ladies on this board who are transitioning and have already been through it! I am also hiding my hair for 6 months so I don't focus on it, which I know will help. But I say acknowledge your feelings, reach out to LHCF ladies and be patient with yourself! Also I keep reminding myself these feelings & hair length are TEMPORARY, so I'm keeping my eye on the prize :eye: Also, check out the threads of the transitioners who recently BC...Chelz is a really recent one! Her hair is gorgeous...so good things come to those who wait

 

[Shay72]

Confidence plays a huge part when transitioning. You really have to have a "and what" or an "I wish" mentality. Like I know I look good...and what? Or I wish they would try to say something....If I didn't have both of those attitudes I would have never made it through. Towards the end I was having daily talks with myself about how worth it was and ultimately it was worth it. I love my coils . My best transitioning styles were twistouts, flexirod sets, braidouts, and buns.

 

[bluevalentine]

for softer hair, have u tried luscious moisturizer by bee mine? my sis recently bought me some for christmas and by far it's the BEST BEST moisturizer i've ever tried. i also use it as a leave in when i wash. it works great on my new growth and relaxed hair, i want to try more bee mine products too. BEE MINE PRODUCTS "Love Your Hair" is where u can buy it.

i'll be following this thread closely as i'm transitioning and having some issues with my "look"...and i just can't wear wigs or weaves, not knocking them, but they're just not for me.

i have been experimenting with updos, anything to keep from wearing the same old pony tail day in and day out.

 

[westNDNbeauty]

being that you are not fond of yourself in short hair...thought of braids? When my hair was short, you'd never catch me without my braids.

 

[mzteaze]

Growing out hair sucks....I always hated that in between stage where its too short for one style and too long to be stylish at the same time.

I have never been great with styling so I try to put my efforts in other things. Its winter, so take advantage of stylish hats and scarves if you can get away with it. Treat yourself to a spa treatment where you walk out feeling too good to focus on the state of your hair.

But above all, what has always got me thru it was a simple compliment from an unexpected source. If and when people are complimenting you on something, accept it freely and revel in the appreciation of it. It will do your spirit good.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Do you makeup real nice.....eyeshadow, lipstick/gloss etc... Put on a nice outfit, and do you hair best you can. Doing that, I always feel I'm looking great. My hair don't have to be perfect as long as other stuff is looking good.

 

[ellebelle88]

But above all, what has always got me thru it was a simple compliment from an unexpected source. If and when people are complimenting you on something, accept it freely and revel in the appreciation of it. It will do your spirit good.

Comments? What comments. I am 9 months post relaxer so I came home from school and went to church today. I had my hair in a simple bun but a year's worth of new growth was definitely noticeable. My hair was definitely very wavy and some of the short hairs wouldn't lie flat, especially in the back. All of my family members were like "Girl, your hair is nappy...you need to do something with that." Even my little brother looked at me and told me my hair was "peazy." So I know I'm not gonna get much comments on my hair while I am transitioning.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

Hats are a wonderful tool, especially cute berets.

 

[KurlyNinja]

Half wigs are my best friend right now. I dont know how I would have a good day without one.

 

[nomadpixi]

Thank you all so much for the responses.
@blessedandlucky and LilMissSunshine5, Shay72-Thank you, that was really lovely and something I needed to hear
@Starronda, LaFemmeNaturelle, Miryoku- Def will look into the half wig.
@chrisanddonniesmommy-love the beret idea. May try in future (we're in summer here where I live)
@mzteaze, *CherryPie*-This I'll do right now. Sound nice!
@sweetface252-Yes, I understand. I'm not crazy about them either, but I'm quickly changing my mind


I do believe I'm seriously leaning toward the half wig thing. Does anyone have any recommedations for a good "afro curly" half wig? Also, if you wear a half wig, is it silly to go for one that is your goal length?

Hugs to you all

 

[dafnie]

yeah i went to church yesterday and i had straightened my hair over a week ago. now it's starting to puff up so peeps were asking "r u you natural? or ur almost there..." i'm about 11 months post. my aunt thought i was doing it for religious reasons lol.

 

[dafnie]

oh yeah i understand how u feel too. i've been straightening this past month because it's cold. in the summer i did wet buns and braid outs. i'm going to attempt to do a rollerset in about a month or so. i'm stretching till the end of this year so i'll be 22 months post when i BC.

 

[deltagyrl]

Comments? What comments. I am 9 months post relaxer so I came home from school and went to church today. I had my hair in a simple bun but a year's worth of new growth was definitely noticeable. My hair was definitely very wavy and some of the short hairs wouldn't lie flat, especially in the back. All of my family members were like "Girl, your hair is nappy...you need to do something with that." Even my little brother looked at me and told me my hair was "peazy." So I know I'm not gonna get much comments on my hair while I am transitioning.

I'm sorry but this whole post was .

I feel your pain as I have a peezy TA.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I got some really nice long and wavy micro braids and kept them in for a couple of months while I was still transitioning, and I felt MEGA sexy!!

I got so many looks, attention, and stares from men that I didn't want to take the braids out! LOL!

Maybe try that? At least you can still wash and keep your hair conditioned/moisturized while in braids. Just make sure that they don't do it TOO tight.

 

[KurlyNinja]

Thank you all so much for the responses.
@blessedandlucky and LilMissSunshine5, Shay72-Thank you, that was really lovely and something I needed to hear
@Starronda, LaFemmeNaturelle, Miryoku- Def will look into the half wig.
@chrisanddonniesmommy-love the beret idea. May try in future (we're in summer here where I live)
@mzteaze, *CherryPie*-This I'll do right now. Sound nice!
@sweetface252-Yes, I understand. I'm not crazy about them either, but I'm quickly changing my mind


I do believe I'm seriously leaning toward the half wig thing. Does anyone have any recommedations for a good "afro curly" half wig? Also, if you wear a half wig, is it silly to go for one that is your goal length?

Hugs to you all

I LOVE LaJay half wig by Vanessa. I have some pics of it in my fotki under my Protective Styles Album.

 

[SeeLexus]

Half Wigs did it for me! I am doing the hide your hair challenge, now!!! I am in love with the Yasmine Half wig.

 

[*Frisky*]

Find you some cute wigs...I am 30 weeks post and I am going through a rough stage too. For the most part I just slick my hair back in a bun. You can do that and get some track hair for fullness and a some length. I have been using that ORS Hair Pudding and it makes my hair soft. Some days I just feel like cutting all my relaxer off but I have to get mentally ready for hair that short hahaha..Sensationnel has some cute curly natural looking wigs that aren't too long..

 

[SmilingElephant]

I usually turn to the flexi rods......but i just did a rod set yesterday and i think i need to buy smaller rods bc since my mini chop i notice i have lots of very short (seems like they are mostly natural) pieces around my nape and behind my ears that shrnk up and now its hard to wrap the hair around the rods.

ETA: Also....if you have the moxie (i love that ppl are starting to use that word) to rock it.....wear your hair in a big braid out or some thing big but awesome (somewhat neat) and rock a bright, bold lip color.

This is my new thing for this year.....i love my hair somewhat wild....but now im rockin a bright bold fuschia lip color every time i go out.....i have big, wide lips so you can't help but notice them with the color on em.

 

[Daeuiel]

I'm 6 months post too, transitioning without the BC so I feel your pain. I change my style up A LOT. But you're supposed to give your hair a break between braids so when my hair is just blah it sucks I have all this nice thick type 4 hair that holds a twist really well...and then I have 6 inches of stick straight stringy don't-wanna-curl relaxed hair I'm soo glad I learned how to do my own braids & extensions & discovered wigs. That's what I do when I'm tired of looking at my own hair, lol.

1. it's a wig
2. my favorite wig
3. kinky twists in an updo
4. back of updo
5. the first weave I ever installed, not bad right? and the hair was a free gift from guyanesesista, thanks sweetie!