To go back to the creamy white stuff

[Amour]

I feel like starting this topic is bringing negativity to a space which has taken a long time for many to collectively come to BUT I'm missing my hair!

I've been natural for about 5 years and I've worn my natural hair out precisely 1 time! I'm tired of hiding my hair under a wig but I don't have the time, energy or desire for the extra detangling and styling that natural hair entails.

I've already ordered Liscio but I'm getting cold feet now.

What do I do? Stick to the wigs and shake off the feeling or go ahead and try out the Liscio, it's only hair after all?

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

Do whatever gives you peace. I learned a long time ago, it’s okay to change your mind. What’s the point of having natural hair if you never wear it out? Maybe you could try the Liscio on one part of your hair to see if you like it. If you like it, then go for the whole shebang. If not, you can grow it out under your wig lol.

 

[Theresamonet]

Don’t think of it as negativity. This is a hair board, and you’re discussing hair. As long as you aren’t being derogatory towards natural hair, speak about your experiences and don’t generalize, there shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m team natural with a caveat, which is: do what works for you. If natural hair is not making you feel happy, confident, sexy, etc... if it’s making you feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed, then it’s probably time to find an alternative.

I think it’s first important to examine why you have cold feet. Is it because you do love your natural hair and would rather keep it, if you could manage it more easily? Or is the cold feet because you’re worried about how you’ll be perceived if you’re no longer a part of the “natural hair community”?

If it’s the latter: shake that off, and relax your hair. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. It’s your hair, your life, your time.

If it’s the former: I would hold off, and do a bit more experimenting with my hair. If you always keep it under wigs, then you really haven’t had the opportunity to really form a relationship with your hair. Go wigless for the summer. Put all you got, whatever it takes, into caring for and styling it. See how you feel by fall.

Also, people don’t have any issue going to a stylist to get their hair straightened, or get their wigs/weaves styled, but when it comes to natural hair, everyone assumes they must diy. Go to a stylist biweekly to have your natural hair done, and you won’t have to bother with the maintenance. You don’t even need to own many products.

 

[Amour]

Don’t think of it as negativity. This is a hair board, and you’re discussing hair. As long as you aren’t being derogatory towards natural hair, speak about your experiences and don’t generalize, there shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m team natural with a caveat, which is: do what works for you. If natural hair is not making you feel happy, confident, sexy, etc... if it’s making you feel overwhelmed, tired and stressed, then it’s probably time to find an alternative.

I think it’s first important to examine why you have cold feet. Is it because you do love your natural hair and would rather keep it, if you could manage it more easily? Or is the cold feet because you’re worried about how you’ll be perceived if you’re no longer a part of the “natural hair community”?

If it’s the latter: shake that off, and relax your hair. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. It’s your hair, your life, your time.

If it’s the former: I would hold off, and do a bit more experimenting with my hair. If you always keep it under wigs, then you really haven’t had the opportunity to really form a relationship with your hair. Go wigless for the summer. Put all you got, whatever it takes, into caring for and styling it. See how you feel by fall.

Also, people don’t have any issue going to a stylist to get their hair straightened, or get their wigs/weaves styled, but when it comes to natural hair, everyone assumes they must diy. Go to a stylist biweekly to have your natural hair done, and you won’t have to bother with the maintenance. You don’t even need to own many products.

I have no issue IRL have chemically altered hair, I don't think anyone would have anything derogatory to say.

I'm having cold feet because I love my natural hair, love that I have been able to be natural for so long, that I'm not reliant on chemicals, collectively love to see black women embracing their natural hair. Aesthetically speaking 4a/b is my favourite type of hair! However my life is busy and demanding and I am tired, my hair is so neglected, I know I don't have the time or energy to maintain which was fine before but I'm right now I'm missing my hair.

 

[Rocky91]

I am all about BW feeling free and comfortable with their hair and getting away from the wigs/weaves, so if you think that relaxing is going to allow you to do that with ease, you should feel no qualms about doing it

However, it sounds like you prefer the aesthetics of natural hair, and I can relate to that. I have been tempted to try out relaxers here and there, but honestly, I really think my best look is a big braidout fro so I couldn't do it.

So in that case, I would encourage you to troubleshoot and see if you can pinpoint how to make your routine more simple while wearing your hair out. I don't mean to sound disparaging to anyone's more complicated routine if that's what works for them, but really, all natural hair needs is cleansing, conditioning, and styling at least 1x/week. This will reduce tangling and your detangling will be quite straightforward. How do you prefer to wear your hair? I can wear a braidout/twistout/rod set for an entire week without any kind of restyling. It took a little time to figure out the best combos, but it was worth it because now I have my preferred look 24/7 with very little hassle.

 

[Rocky91]

Some general commentary, not directed at you OP: This thread is the perfect example of the downside to 24/7 protective styling culture. I really believe there is a critical mass of year 3-5 naturals that have never really worn their hair out for an extended period of time and are now frustrated with it. And then when they search for the "how" on YouTube, they might end up down a rabbit hole of complex routines and kitchen DIYs that could be quite off-putting. I had to explain to a family member the other day that the rice water and all of that **** is NOT necessary for her to be natural, lol. She really thought she was about to embark on a venture that can sometimes be presented as a whole second job because of YouTube.

I just gave her some quick advice for a 1-hour routine and now she is so so happy with her hair.
Deep condition on dry hair (because nobody has time for shower hopping)
Shampoo/condition
Style with one product, done.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Wear you hair how you enjoy it. Hair on a woman is meant to be the crown she enjoys wearing. I understand short-term sacrifices for an end goal but you don't have to force yourself natural to love your hair and have a healthy head full of it. Stay natural if you enjoy and will manage your natural hair but if you will manage you processed hair better then that is likely the better choice for you.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Some general commentary, not directed at you OP: This thread is the perfect example of the downside to 24/7 protective styling culture. I really believe there is a critical mass of year 3-5 naturals that have never really worn their hair out for an extended period of time and are now frustrated with it. And then when they search for the "how" on YouTube, they might end up down a rabbit hole of complex routines and kitchen DIYs that could be quite off-putting. I had to explain to a family member the other day that the rice water and all of that **** is NOT necessary for her to be natural, lol. She really thought she was about to embark on a venture that can sometimes be presented as a whole second job because of YouTube.

I just gave her some quick advice for a 1-hour routine and now she is so so happy with her hair.
Deep condition on dry hair (because nobody has time for shower hopping)
Shampoo/condition
Style with one product, done.

Yeah being a slave to your hair, natural or relaxed, is no fun. The best medium has your hair looking good while you enjoy it.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Ya'll already gave great replies but I wanted to second finding a great stylist if you can. That's what helped me turn the corner of "ugh" to "ayyyeee" when it comes to my hair.

 

[Alta Angel]

During the pandemic, I strictly did the basics. My routine had been pared down anyway, but I really kept it simple. I washed and conditioned my hair every 2-3 weeks, moisturized it 2 times a week, put some Blue Magic(!) grease on my scalp, and kept my hair in braids. It was almost like my texture had changed. My hair was so soft, lush and thick during the pandemic that I was almost hesitant to start my locs. When I think about my marathon wash days, sleeping in conditioner, and being a product junkie, I truly appreciate doing less.

Some general commentary, not directed at you OP: This thread is the perfect example of the downside to 24/7 protective styling culture. I really believe there is a critical mass of year 3-5 naturals that have never really worn their hair out for an extended period of time and are now frustrated with it. And then when they search for the "how" on YouTube, they might end up down a rabbit hole of complex routines and kitchen DIYs that could be quite off-putting. I had to explain to a family member the other day that the rice water and all of that **** is NOT necessary for her to be natural, lol. She really thought she was about to embark on a venture that can sometimes be presented as a whole second job because of YouTube.

I just gave her some quick advice for a 1-hour routine and now she is so so happy with her hair.
Deep condition on dry hair (because nobody has time for shower hopping)
Shampoo/condition
Style with one product, done.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

After 5 years of only wearing your hair out 1 time, it seems like you may like the thought of natural hair and how it looks on others but you don’t like it for yourself. Which is perfectly okay.

I know you’re saying you don’t have time to do your hair and I believe you. We are all busy with lives, family, jobs, etc, but just like people who want to lose weight, go to school, (insert whatever goal) it takes intention and purpose. Relaxed hair is not going to be a walk in the park either. You’ll have to develop a regimen, deal with breakage, style it and keep it healthy too. So you have to ask yourself, if you’re really that busy, maybe wearing wigs is the best option for your lifestyle. Some people can’t be bothered with doing their hair. My other suggestion would be to relax it, but I’m concerned you’ll be overwhelmed by the upkeep, start wearing wigs again and end up with transitioned hair.

 

[TLC1020]

Do whatever you want to do, Sis! That's your hair... I was natural for two years and it was not for me, my stylist was like, just come to me so I can style and treat it. I said but I should not have to come to you just to make my hair look nice, I should be able to style my own hair and it look nice.
I am relaxed and don't give a d@mn what anyone think..

 

[Amour]

After 5 years of only wearing your hair out 1 time, it seems like you may like the thought of natural hair and how it looks on others but you don’t like it for yourself. Which is perfectly okay.

I know you’re saying you don’t have time to do your hair and I believe you. We are all busy with lives, family, jobs, etc, but just like people who want to lose weight, go to school, (insert whatever goal) it takes intention and purpose. Relaxed hair is not going to be a walk in the park either. You’ll have to develop a regimen, deal with breakage, style it and keep it healthy too. So you have to ask yourself, if you’re really that busy, maybe wearing wigs is the best option for your lifestyle. Some people can’t be bothered with doing their hair. My other suggestion would be to relax it, but I’m concerned you’ll be overwhelmed by the upkeep, start wearing wigs again and end up with transitioned hair.

I'm hoping to achieve a curl using liscio so hopefully I'll be able to do wash and go's. I'm busy for natural hair lol.. my wash days take all day, detangling, styling, putting up for bed etc. I've been relaxed and texlaxed and imo the time and commitment requirement is not the same.

 

[Amour]

Do whatever you want to do, Sis! That's your hair... I was natural for two years and it was not for me, my stylist was like, just come to me so I can style and treat it. I said but I should not have to come to you just to make my hair look nice, I should be able to style my own hair and it look nice.
I am relaxed and don't give a d@mn what anyone think..

Same!

I could go to the salon every 6 weeks and get a press but I miss the enjoyment I used to get from maintaining my own hair. The salon could just be another crutch similar to the wigs.

 

[sunnieb]

Relax it and post pics.

 

[caribeandiva]

Do whatever gives you peace. I learned a long time ago, it’s okay to change your mind. What’s the point of having natural hair if you never wear it out? Maybe you could try the Liscio on one part of your hair to see if you like it. If you like it, then go for the whole shebang. If not, you can grow it out under your wig lol.

Agreed. Life is short. Do whatever you have to so get to enjoy your hair. What’s the point of staying natural if your hair is always hidden? Let it out and bask in its glory!

 

[Cheleigh]

Agree with everyone. I've been natural for like 15 years, and while there's very little probability I would relax, I would not stay natural if I preferred my relaxed hair. I had my hair in crochet braids for the first time ever, and it reminded me how cute (and young) I look with braids, so I'll wear braided styles more often. Hair has a lot of symbolism, but you have to enjoy it on your head first and foremost.

 

[JennyJenny2020]

Go relax your hair! There are tons of ladies that still relax with healthy hair.

 

[JennyJenny2020]

Delete if not allowed......This is my relaxed hair facebook group with tons of relaxed heads in there. Lots of advice. https://www.facebook.com/groups/402370356892715

 

[LadyRaider]

Just try to remember that relaxed hair isn't all that easy. I went natural for 8 months. Then I relaxed thinking it'd be easier. But it wasn't. I still had to blow dry and straighten and curl. Maybe other people don't... I'm not sure. But I definitely had to straighten my hair when it was relaxed.

Anyway... just sit down and remember. Relaxed hair isn't easy either.

 

[larry3344]

My hair is relaxed, it’s been six month and I just relaxed my roots after over a decade of being natural. It’s been a simpler routine. But I intend on going back natural after finishing my silk elements relaxer, for right now it’s convenient. But that’s the beauty of it you can always change your mind. The focus of this website was always about healthy hair whatever state it’s in. At some point we were advocating for natural hair because of the stigma. Franky i prefer natural hair but wanted to try out a relaxer one last time.

 

[frizzy]

If I ever go back to relaxed, it will be with a lye relaxer.

 

[dancinstallion]

Just try to remember that relaxed hair isn't all that easy. I went natural for 8 months. Then I relaxed thinking it'd be easier. But it wasn't. I still had to blow dry and straighten and curl. Maybe other people don't... I'm not sure. But I definitely had to straighten my hair when it was relaxed.

Anyway... just sit down and remember. Relaxed hair isn't easy either.

Me too, when I was relaxed my hair still needed to be pressed or flat ironed. Every time I went to a stylist they would press and flat iron my hair. I said what is the point of a relaxer if youre going to press it and flat iron it to death anyway.
I have been natural for 10 years and I dont like
It either,(I wore twist for 9 of those 10 years) my detangling sessions take days and these SSKs are the devil.
I tried a bkt and my hair reverted after two weeks. I am about to try a different one because a member said her hair didnt revert back and it was permanent. If that doesnt work then I will probably relax.

 

[dancinstallion]

If I ever go back to relaxed, it will be with a lye relaxer.

Why a lye relaxer?

 

[frizzy]

Why a lye relaxer?

It's supposed to be less drying to the hair strands.

 

[demlew]

It's supposed to be less drying to the hair strands.

@dancinstallion
This was definitely the case for me. I’m glad I switched to lye about 4-5 yrs ago. I could never keep my hair moisturized or balanced with no lye. I used the chelating shampoos, etc but nothing worked. I also had severe breakage and it stayed at NL. It’s now around APL and healthy.

 

[frizzy]

@dancinstallion
This was definitely the case for me. I’m glad I switched to lye about 4-5 yrs ago. I could never keep my hair moisturized or balanced with no lye. I used the chelating shampoos, etc but nothing worked. I also had severe breakage and it stayed at NL. It’s now around APL and healthy.

Which relaxer(s) do you use...just in case?

 

[demlew]

Which relaxer(s) do you use...just in case?

Designer Touch Regular. I’ve used it for about a year. However, the results have been uneven the last 2 times, but I think it’s because I’ve slacked off on my pre-relaxer prep. I’ve become interested in Affirm. I’ve read good things on here.