Those Married to Christian Men--Being Submissive

[ZapMami]

First let me start this off by saying..my family is so friggin dsyfunctional and Im so f'd up in the head because of it. I grew up in a family where my religious fanatic Dad had all these ideas that a woman is suppose to be submissive to her man and he had all these Bible verses to back it up with.

My mother was never allowed to participate in major household decisions. Her opinion was not asked, she was told what to do and she did it. My dad fully furnished our house...he would go out and get whatever cheap furniture he could find my momma had no say in the matter. Granted she was a housewife for years..but I still feel like in a marraige both parties should have an opinion regardless of how much money they contribute.

My dad even brought a couple of houses and moved us to a totally new neighborhood without discussing it with my mom at all. He would just come home one day and be like...OH yeah we moving in two weeks.

Any questions or gripes we had were answered with I'm the man of the house and what I say goes..

My mom, a grown woman, couldn't watch certain shows or listen to her music if he deemed it not Godly. I remember her sneaking to watch certain shows when he was gone and we'd be her lookouts. I mean we spent everyday "walking on eggshells" and the only time we would truly be at peace was when he wasn't home. We were all terrified of him.

I understand him regulating his children..but to regulate what a grown woman did was just crazy. ....I love my mother and I know she stayed with my dad because she said she didn't want us to be on welfare and she was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. She sacrificed a lot for us...but at the same time, I would have rather been on welfare. I just felt like I had a really crazy childhood that I will never recover from.

I feel like I didn't grow up normal I was just wondering did anyone else grow up in a similar situation or know someone who did? Do you believe in a woman being submissive to her husband? And How do you define being submissive?

 

[Choclatcotton]

Yes, submission is taught in the bible, but a true man of God would not subject his family to be scared of him. He is authorized by God to have the final say but Ephes 5 says provoke not your children to anger, and Husbands, love your wives. Im sorry but i question his true conversion to terrorize a house like that.

 

[hopeful]

You will probably need to see a really good therapist to help you recover from your childhood. It sounds awful. It sounds like he terrorized all of you. A good Christian husband would never do the things you described: treating his wife like a child, making major decisions on his own, etc. I would not consider him to be a Christian husband/ father, but instead a tyrant and a dictator. Find yourself some good counseling and get some good books on the subject. You can get past this. I'm sorry you grew up like this.

 

[Son26]

..................

 

[Lucie]

Unfortunately, your father manipulated the Scriptural verses in the Bible that "seemingly," condoned his behavior. I do agree that a wife should be submissive to her husband. However, in Ephesians 5:22 - 33 the Bible tells us that husbands are to love their wives the way Christ loves the church. The behavior you described is NOT Christ-like. Men have responsibilities towards their wives emotional well-being as well.

The fact that you want to discuss this is a tremendous first step. Please be proud of yourself. Some would be too ashamed/shy to discuss this. I grew up in a household where my dad ran things. My mom (although with her own issues) did not really have control of much. Initially, my father did leave all the household decisions to her but she really made a mess of things. When he took over, he was much more stringent. As a child, I observed these things and saw the pro's and con's in his behavior. I also started to realize what I would and would not accept in a husband.

What I can tell you is this, please do NOT let your childhood and life experiences coerce you into thinking that all men are the same. They are not. Also, please do your best not to hold any rancor towards your father. No matter how wrong we are, we all do the best we can at any given moment. Please seek some individual counseling but please get references. If you are a Christian, perhaps a Christian counselor would be helpful.

My definition of being submissive is all about my method of approach. Sometimes, I want to knock my man out with a teflon plan when he tells me some of his ideas, LOL. However, I do not act on the urge to just argue. I listen to his ideas and let him know my opinions and feelings. If he still does not seem to agree days later I will say something like, "Honey, can I ask you something," wait for his response and then proceed to let him know how I feel about what was discussed prior. When I come to him with kindness I inevitably get him to see my point and what I want to happen, happens.

There are a few times where he is firm on his response. I accept it. And sometimes just by my humble reaction you can tell he is rethinking on whether his decision was even correct. Win-win. We are not married yet but making plans towards that. Good luck! ((( HUGS )))

 

[DaughterOfZion1]

I love when people bring this up because God has really taught me about this topic.

Now lets look at Eph 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

So verse 22-24 is about wives submitting. Verse 25-33 is about husbands loving their wives, like Christ loved the church. About husbands washing their wives, protecting their wives. If you understand how Christ loves the church, you know God is really telling me to love their wives with their everything. Selflessly. In a way that is so deep, that only God can help you do it.

Its interesting to me how the Word spends 2 verses telling women to submit and many more telling men to love their wives. God knows how He made us. Women need love, ment need respect (they need love as well, but you guys know what I mean). When a man loves you, really loves you submitting is NOT an issue.

When a man loves you, your thoughts, your ideas, your input is necessary for him to make a decision. He would never want to make it without you. You mean that much to him. If something is really an issue for you guys (you really cant compromise and you are really struggling with the final answer) then you let him as your husband and head make that final decision. This is after you guys have spoken and really tried to figure it out as ONE! Because you guys are one!

He also respects that you are your own person.

Women have just as much power, its just that our roles and how that power is utilized is different. & thats okay. Ive never seen a nation with 2 presidents.

 

[barbiesocialite]

First let me start this off by saying..my family is so friggin dsyfunctional and Im so f'd up in the head because of it. I grew up in a family where my religious fanatic Dad had all these ideas that a woman is suppose to be submissive to her man and he had all these Bible verses to back it up with.

My mother was never allowed to participate in major household decisions. Her opinion was not asked, she was told what to do and she did it. My dad fully furnished our house...he would go out and get whatever cheap furniture he could find my momma had no say in the matter. Granted she was a housewife for years..but I still feel like in a marraige both parties should have an opinion regardless of how much money they contribute.

My dad even brought a couple of houses and moved us to a totally new neighborhood without discussing it with my mom at all. He would just come home one day and be like...OH yeah we moving in two weeks.

Any questions or gripes we had were answered with I'm the man of the house and what I say goes..

My mom, a grown woman, couldn't watch certain shows or listen to her music if he deemed it not Godly. I remember her sneaking to watch certain shows when he was gone and we'd be her lookouts. I mean we spent everyday "walking on eggshells" and the only time we would truly be at peace was when he wasn't home. We were all terrified of him.

I understand him regulating his children..but to regulate what a grown woman did was just crazy. ....I love my mother and I know she stayed with my dad because she said she didn't want us to be on welfare and she was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. She sacrificed a lot for us...but at the same time, I would have rather been on welfare. I just felt like I had a really crazy childhood that I will never recover from.

I feel like I didn't grow up normal I was just wondering did anyone else grow up in a similar situation or know someone who did? Do you believe in a woman being submissive to her husband? And How do you define being submissive?

hmmm my childhood was similar to yours. My father and grandfathers were quite controlling but I've been to the "other side" (broken home even though my parents are still technically married). In all honesty, there is a lesser of two evils. I used to be happy that my parents split, now that I'm older I'm not so sure. That said, I fully support and understand the necessity and logic behind women submitting to their husbands and I live accordingly.....

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

That sounds like my home minus the relgious connotations.Counseling will benefit you or at least speaking to someone you can trust.Submission should be something that you do to someone only who has your best interest at heart.If he doesn't then he is not of good headship over you.A man is suppose to love his wife as God loved the church which means he wouldn't do anything to harm his wife be it physical or mental.He would give his life for his wife.I battle the same things as my step father didn't work but took my mothers checks gave her an allowance and lived like a kang sleeping til 6 and made her catch the bus home except on pay day..

 

[Renewed1]

DaughterOfZion1 Beautifully said!!

A member here (don't remember who) said it best....The husband is the CEO but the wife is the COO.

The CEO does very little without consulting the COO (his helper) with plans, etc.

I love when people bring this up because God has really taught me about this topic.

Now lets look at Eph 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

So verse 22-24 is about wives submitting. Verse 25-33 is about husbands loving their wives, like Christ loved the church. About husbands washing their wives, protecting their wives. If you understand how Christ loves the church, you know God is really telling me to love their wives with their everything. Selflessly. In a way that is so deep, that only God can help you do it.

Its interesting to me how the Word spends 2 verses telling women to submit and many more telling men to love their wives. God knows how He made us. Women need love, ment need respect (they need love as well, but you guys know what I mean). When a man loves you, really loves you submitting is NOT an issue.

When a man loves you, your thoughts, your ideas, your input is necessary for him to make a decision. He would never want to make it without you. You mean that much to him. If something is really an issue for you guys (you really cant compromise and you are really struggling with the final answer) then you let him as your husband and head make that final decision. This is after you guys have spoken and really tried to figure it out as ONE! Because you guys are one!

He also respects that you are your own person.

Women have just as much power, its just that our roles and how that power is utilized is different. & thats okay. Ive never seen a nation with 2 presidents.

 

[MamaBear2012]

I love when people bring this up because God has really taught me about this topic.

Now lets look at Eph 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

So verse 22-24 is about wives submitting. Verse 25-33 is about husbands loving their wives, like Christ loved the church. About husbands washing their wives, protecting their wives. If you understand how Christ loves the church, you know God is really telling me to love their wives with their everything. Selflessly. In a way that is so deep, that only God can help you do it.

Its interesting to me how the Word spends 2 verses telling women to submit and many more telling men to love their wives. God knows how He made us. Women need love, ment need respect (they need love as well, but you guys know what I mean). When a man loves you, really loves you submitting is NOT an issue.

When a man loves you, your thoughts, your ideas, your input is necessary for him to make a decision. He would never want to make it without you. You mean that much to him. If something is really an issue for you guys (you really cant compromise and you are really struggling with the final answer) then you let him as your husband and head make that final decision. This is after you guys have spoken and really tried to figure it out as ONE! Because you guys are one!

He also respects that you are your own person.

Women have just as much power, its just that our roles and how that power is utilized is different. & thats okay. Ive never seen a nation with 2 presidents.

I think that the scripture in bold is one that is so often overlooked. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. Christ doesn't control us or try to dominate us. We can talk freely with Him because we know that He loves us. We can talk to him about things that we want or desire.

I feel that I can submit to my husband (although it's not always easy) because I know he loves me. He respects my opinion. He seeks the will of God. And ultimately, he'd give up his life for me.

 

[DaughterOfZion1]

@DaughterOfZion1 Beautifully said!!

A member here (don't remember who) said it best....The husband is the CEO but the wife is the COO.

The CEO does very little without consulting the COO (his helper) with plans, etc.

Thank you MarriageMaterial !! Yes I love he CEO and COO reference.

I am only 22, but God is really preparing me for marriage. It's been a fun lesson too

 

[chickle]

My father was like this, but he was far from Christian.