"The talk"...who's usually the initiator?

[Crystalicequeen123]

I agree with this.

What if he never 'initiates'? Do you just wait? Also, for the ladies that say they'd never initiate the talk, why not?

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While I PREFER for the MAN to be the one to initiate "the talk", I am definitely for the woman NOT wasting her time. If a man hasn't made it clear within a "reasonable amount of time" (whatever that time frame is for YOU) his intentions, then by all means I see nothing wrong with bringing up the conversation in a LIGHT-hearted, calm, cool manner without any pressure. A woman (imo) should not "wait" for a man to initiate the talk if she feels like it's past a reasonable time period for him to have made a decision. Otherwise, sometimes if a woman never says anything and neither does the man, I find that then she just ends up wasting her time, getting resentful, hurt, emotional, etc.

I usually have the "what are your intentions" talk early on so I can know what to expect. After that, the ball is in his court. I make it known that I date multiple people until we're exclusive.

Exactly.... Better to know now than 5 months later down the road. I find that even if you receive a not-so-favorable response and the guy does NOT want to be exclusive, or doesn't see a future with you in it, then at least you KNOW. When you don't say anything, sometimes that can be worse than saying something IMO.

Usually, if a guy is serious, even if YOU initiate "the talk", he will be honest about his intentions and continue to court you. But if he's not serious about you, he will drop you like a bad habit, or try to play games, etc. In which case, he wasn't a "catch" anyway, so it's good that you found that our sooner rather than later.

 

[londontresses]

I have done it in the past and felt it generally set the tone for the rest of the relationship. The last relationship I was in a made a point of not doing it and within a month he brought it up.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Before I even go out on a date I make my intentions known and figure out what his intentions are. I'm looking for a relationship so I make that clear and this way the guy knows he's on a clock. If he's into me he'll initiate the talk and if he doesn't after a reasonable amount of time, I'm gone.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I just thought about something.....

Does it seem to any of you ladies out here like the men who seem to have "options" (ie. maybe the men who are more what society considers the "total package") are usually the same kind of men who seem to need a little more "coaxing" to make the relationship "official"? Whereas, the men who perhaps don't have as many "options" (maybe girls aren't falling at their feet or consider them a "hot commodity") are the ones who typically tend to be the INITIATORS in making the relationship official and making sure that you both are exclusive w/one another? They're practically breaking down the doors to make you exclusive and tie you down with them.

Has anyone noticed a correlation with this? Or, is this just a coincidence?

It seems like the men who society views as having more going for them tend to be so reluctant to settle down and make something official/exclusive. I could be wrong though, but I've just noticed a pattern.... :scratchch

 

[zzirvingj]

I just thought about something.....

Does it seem to any of you ladies out here like the men who seem to have "options" (ie. maybe the men who are more what society considers the "total package") are usually the same kind of men who seem to need a little more "coaxing" to make the relationship "official"? Whereas, the men who perhaps don't have as many "options" (maybe girls aren't falling at their feet or consider them a "hot commodity") are the ones who typically tend to be the INITIATORS in making the relationship official and making sure that you both are exclusive w/one another? They're practically breaking down the doors to make you exclusive and tie you down with them.

Has anyone noticed a correlation with this? Or, is this just a coincidence?

It seems like the men who society views as having more going for them tend to be so reluctant to settle down and make something official/exclusive. I could be wrong though, but I've just noticed a pattern.... :scratchch

I definitely can relate to everything you wrote above.

For the men that do have alot of options, it just makes sense that it would make it that much harder for them to consider settling down with one person right?

 

[daydreem2876]

I think the woman should let her expectations be known, then take a step back and let the man take it from there. There's no use waiting around silently for someone to magically want what you want. It doesn't always happen that way.

^^^THIS!!!!

I recently had this conversation maijnl because in order for me to do better in my relationships going forward I have to get comfortable with opening my mouth and telling what I want/ asking for what I need. Fortunately, he actually encourages me to do this, actually listens to what I have to say, and really considers my point. Not saying I will get my desired outsome but I did feel better after making my expectations/feeling known

 

[SmileyNY]

^^^THIS!!!!

I recently had this conversation maijnl because in order for me to do better in my relationships going forward I have to get comfortable with opening my mouth and telling what I want/ asking for what I need. Fortunately, he actually encourages me to do this, actually listens to what I have to say, and really considers my point. Not saying I will get my desired outsome but I did feel better after making my expectations/feeling known

Exactly. I'm not saying the woman has to start the "official" commitment talk... but she needs to make sure the guy knows what her expectations are. If he doesn't make a move in your personally established timeline... move on. Life is too short. Too many women are dating around blindly and are in these naive situations where they are just waiting for the guy to magically know what they want and fulfill it. That's how people get their hearts broken.

 

[Ms Red]

In my experience, the man was usually the initiator (and initiated the conversation too soon, in my opinion). Recently, I let my expectations be known (that I'm interested in a committed relationship and would be dating other men who want the same and not wait on him) and he's been M.I.A.

So either way, I would advise not to initiate anything but ALWAYS let your expectations be known from the get-go. Let them know YOU ARE THE PRIZE.