"The Break" Update

[TinyBlu]

First of all... thanks so much for all the support and advice ladies!

I am trying to take things one day at a time and see things as they really are. I am still very confused, because the "shutting down" is so hard to read from him. Sometimes I really think that he just needs to get his head together and deal with the job loss, and at other times I think he may be trying to let me down easy and quietly bow out (Personally, I would rather he would just tell me to step off if that's the case).

Anywho... I have not called him since our conversation over a week ago, and I have kept electronic communication to a minimum. I broke down and sent him a quick text on Wednesday after a sandwich reminded me of something we always laugh at. It was a simple "hope ur doing well" text, and he responded later with a simple "All is well". He then sent me a few you tube links via email which I chose not to respond to.

Newest issue: He asked me to keep my eyes and ears open for available positions, and I have given him the name of my resume writer (who refromatted his resume for FREE) and sent him a recruiter list and forwarded him job postings that I think he would be a good fit for. I have been doing this all via email, but I am starting to wonder if that is too much...

He hasn't thanked me, so I don't know if he feels like I am patronizing him or saying he can't find a job on his own (the male ego can be VERY fragile). So I made the decision today to cut off ALL contact with him for two weeks. It's going to be hard, but I have to really give him a chance to miss me.

My only fear is that if I do stop ALL communication with him, that he will think I am leaving him while he's unemployed. ARGH!!! This is hard!

 

[Bunny77]

I think you're doing WAY too much for a guy you've only known for six months.

I also think people need to cut their losses early, and if this type of trouble is happening in six months, that's not a good sign of how he'll be with you if other struggles come up in the relationship.

I honestly don't believe this is a relationship worth holding onto... but that's just me.

 

[foxee]

Sorry, but I think you're doing way too much hand holding. I think your heart is in the right place, but he's perfectly capable of finding his own job leads. Try to fill up your time so the absence doesn't hurt as much.

 

[YankeeCandle]

He hasn't thanked me.....

.....So I made the decision today to cut off ALL contact with him for two weeks. It's going to be hard, but I have to really give him a chance to miss me.

Thanks for the update!


First off, I'm not impressed with the manners of anyone who doesn't extend thanks for someone's efforts on their behalf.

On to your decision: I think you've made the right one to completely cut off contact. You've done more than enough to show your encouragement of him, and now you can cut off contact with a clear conscience.

If I were you....*****


...if he TEXTED me over the next few weeks, I would respond a few hours later, only once, with a simple " " or ""thanks" or whatever. No more than a few words.

...if he EMAILED me over the next few weeks, I would wait 2-3 days to respond, and then keep it to one cheerful but non-committal sentence, even if he wrote a long ode to how much he is rethinking his decision to take a break, blah blah blah. e.g. something like "Great to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. I wish you the best with the job search! ."

...if he CALLED me, I would not pick up the phone the first time. The second time, I'd pick up, listen to him for no more than a minute or two, and then say somethin cheerful and general like "Great to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear the job search is stalled. I wish you all the best during this difficult time. I'm sorry, I'm on my way out the door now, but good luck, okay?"

... if he asked to MEET me, I would refuse. "I think taking a break is really for the best. You use this time to work on the things you need to for yourself, and don't get distracted by relationship issues. If the time is right, we can meet later after we've had time to digest."


Basically--he asked for a break? Fine. I'm going to take a break. Now it has become MY break, not his. The script has been flipped so that now it is ME is the one setting the terms, taking the break, and determining when I will respond to HIM. LOL, whether he realized it or not, he just put more control into my own hands.


This is not game-playing by any means. This is me setting to the side a problematic situation that I do not want to take up more of my time and energy than it may end up being worth. If, after a few weeks or months, he wants to sit down at a coffee shop or other neutral location and have a half hour chat about any rethinking he's done, I am now in a better position to tread more carefully and re-evaluate if he's what/who I want in my near future.


*** this is only if I myself were in the situation, because I know myself better than I know anyone else. You have to make the decision YOU feel is best for you. Good luck!!

 

[Bunny77]

^^^I like this!

 

[Almaz]

I like this I like this a lot. Wow you are a WHOLE lot nicer than me. Cause he would have been cut off and I would have had my NEXT boyfriend answering the phone.

He who is that

Oh no one

What you want

ah aha ah

Well I think that this is a good brake off to dinner
Toodles. How you like me like now ******.

Okay but I was always heartless with guys. But I was young and stupid at the time

Thanks for the update!


First off, I'm not impressed with the manners of anyone who doesn't extend thanks for someone's efforts on their behalf.

On to your decision: I think you've made the right one to completely cut off contact. You've done more than enough to show your encouragement of him, and now you can cut off contact with a clear conscience.

If I were you....*****


...if he TEXTED me over the next few weeks, I would respond a few hours later, only once, with a simple " " or ""thanks" or whatever. No more than a few words.

...if he EMAILED me over the next few weeks, I would wait 2-3 days to respond, and then keep it to one cheerful but non-committal sentence, even if he wrote a long ode to how much he is rethinking his decision to take a break, blah blah blah. e.g. something like "Great to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. I wish you the best with the job search! ."

...if he CALLED me, I would not pick up the phone the first time. The second time, I'd pick up, listen to him for no more than a minute or two, and then say somethin cheerful and general like "Great to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear the job search is stalled. I wish you all the best during this difficult time. I'm sorry, I'm on my way out the door now, but good luck, okay?"

... if he asked to MEET me, I would refuse. "I think taking a break is really for the best. You use this time to work on the things you need to for yourself, and don't get distracted by relationship issues. If the time is right, we can meet later after we've had time to digest."


Basically--he asked for a break? Fine. I'm going to take a break. Now it has become MY break, not his. The script has been flipped so that now it is ME is the one setting the terms, taking the break, and determining when I will respond to HIM. LOL, whether he realized it or not, he just put more control into my own hands.


This is not game-playing by any means. This is me setting to the side a problematic situation that I do not want to take up more of my time and energy than it may end up being worth. If, after a few weeks or months, he wants to sit down at a coffee shop or other neutral location and have a half hour chat about any rethinking he's done, I am now in a better position to tread more carefully and re-evaluate if he's what/who I want in my near future.


*** this is only if I myself were in the situation, because I know myself better than I know anyone else. You have to make the decision YOU feel is best for you. Good luck!!

 

[dr.j]

I agree with the other posters
People show you who they are

 

[YankeeCandle]

. Well I think that this is a good brake off to dinner
Toodles. How you like me like now ******.

She said "Toodles" and "How do you like me now, ******" !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

Try to let it go. But not just for two weeks. The more you hold on, is the more he is going to try to pull away imo.

and I know it's not easy, I've been there

 

[TinyBlu]

I think you're doing WAY too much for a guy you've only known for six months.

I also think people need to cut their losses early, and if this type of trouble is happening in six months, that's not a good sign of how he'll be with you if other struggles come up in the relationship.

I honestly don't believe this is a relationship worth holding onto... but that's just me.

I sadly agree with everything you've said. I am going to make myself REALLY busy and work on getting him out of my system. He was a really nice guy up until December 27th...wth?:

 

[TinyBlu]

Thanks for the update!


First off, I'm not impressed with the manners of anyone who doesn't extend thanks for someone's efforts on their behalf.

On to your decision: I think you've made the right one to completely cut off contact. You've done more than enough to show your encouragement of him, and now you can cut off contact with a clear conscience.

If I were you....*****


...if he TEXTED me over the next few weeks, I would respond a few hours later, only once, with a simple " " or ""thanks" or whatever. No more than a few words.

...if he EMAILED me over the next few weeks, I would wait 2-3 days to respond, and then keep it to one cheerful but non-committal sentence, even if he wrote a long ode to how much he is rethinking his decision to take a break, blah blah blah. e.g. something like "Great to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. I wish you the best with the job search! ."

...if he CALLED me, I would not pick up the phone the first time. The second time, I'd pick up, listen to him for no more than a minute or two, and then say somethin cheerful and general like "Great to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear the job search is stalled. I wish you all the best during this difficult time. I'm sorry, I'm on my way out the door now, but good luck, okay?"

... if he asked to MEET me, I would refuse. "I think taking a break is really for the best. You use this time to work on the things you need to for yourself, and don't get distracted by relationship issues. If the time is right, we can meet later after we've had time to digest."


Basically--he asked for a break? Fine. I'm going to take a break. Now it has become MY break, not his. The script has been flipped so that now it is ME is the one setting the terms, taking the break, and determining when I will respond to HIM. LOL, whether he realized it or not, he just put more control into my own hands.


This is not game-playing by any means. This is me setting to the side a problematic situation that I do not want to take up more of my time and energy than it may end up being worth. If, after a few weeks or months, he wants to sit down at a coffee shop or other neutral location and have a half hour chat about any rethinking he's done, I am now in a better position to tread more carefully and re-evaluate if he's what/who I want in my near future.


*** this is only if I myself were in the situation, because I know myself better than I know anyone else. You have to make the decision YOU feel is best for you. Good luck!!

LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I actually did this kind of thing at first, but when he started introducing me as his girlfriend, I decided it was OK to be a little more available! WRONG! At this point, I don't expect anything from him. He already threw me for a loop when his actions suddenly changed, and I am too old for the drama. You would think two people in their mid-30's would be past the games.

...to think, up until now I thought he was DIFFERENT. It just took a little longer for him to show his true colors. GREAT ADVICE!!! THANKS!

 

[Almaz]

Yes I have and YES I did.

She said "Toodles" and "How do you like me now, ******" !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bunny77]

LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I actually did this kind of thing at first, but when he started introducing me as his girlfriend, I decided it was OK to be a little more available! WRONG! At this point, I don't expect anything from him. He already threw me for a loop when his actions suddenly changed, and I am too old for the drama. You would think two people in their mid-30's would be past the games.

...to think, up until now I thought he was DIFFERENT. It just took a little longer for him to show his true colors. GREAT ADVICE!!! THANKS!

Oh girl, y'all are in your mid-30s?

Okay, so now I REALLY think this needs to be over and done with. Break my you-know-what... y'all too old for that ish!

 

[mrselle]

I can understand you wanting to be nice and cordial and I can understand keeping the lines of communication open. However, this guy has made no effort to contact you on his own accord. You contacted him and his response was direct, simple and to the point. Like a previous poster said, you’ve already done more than enough to help this guy. You hooked him up with your resume writer who tweaked his resume for free, you sent him a list of recruiters and a list of job openings in his field. I say cut all ties now. Don’t cut ties for two weeks, cut all ties indefinitely. This will prevent you from getting hurt even more somewhere down the line.

 

[Crystal]

Sigh.. I get so tired of seeing women give men all their emotional power. Is 6 months really enough time? It doesn't even sound like there was a real commitment there. Big girl panties time if you ask me.

I never see guys lamenting over this kind of stuff. Not to say we shouldn't value our emotions as women but sheesh... Be an electifiying Diva who's about her stuff.

I already know how this one is going to end. More than likely this is not the guy you're going to marry and spend eternity with so in your next relationship just remember to keep a little for yourself until the guy really deserves your emotions. In the meantime, keep yourself busy... write a book, start a business, volunteer, take a trip, do something amazing. Do something other than focusing on dude. I can guarantee you he's not on any manly message boards boohooing about you. Heartache is a *****, I hope everything works out for you!

 

[MissJ]

I think it's fishy how she slept with him him in month 5 and then in month 6 he all of a sudden needs a "break," and it's long distance.

 

[Almaz]

Again as the wonderful Biacianlyse said.

So sad how women will turn their lives upside down for a dude with Zero prospects

 

[Bmack]

Thanks for the update!


First off, I'm not impressed with the manners of anyone who doesn't extend thanks for someone's efforts on their behalf.

On to your decision: I think you've made the right one to completely cut off contact. You've done more than enough to show your encouragement of him, and now you can cut off contact with a clear conscience.

If I were you....*****


...if he TEXTED me over the next few weeks, I would respond a few hours later, only once, with a simple " " or ""thanks" or whatever. No more than a few words.

...if he EMAILED me over the next few weeks, I would wait 2-3 days to respond, and then keep it to one cheerful but non-committal sentence, even if he wrote a long ode to how much he is rethinking his decision to take a break, blah blah blah. e.g. something like "Great to hear from you! Thanks for your kind words. I wish you the best with the job search! ."

...if he CALLED me, I would not pick up the phone the first time. The second time, I'd pick up, listen to him for no more than a minute or two, and then say somethin cheerful and general like "Great to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear the job search is stalled. I wish you all the best during this difficult time. I'm sorry, I'm on my way out the door now, but good luck, okay?"

... if he asked to MEET me, I would refuse. "I think taking a break is really for the best. You use this time to work on the things you need to for yourself, and don't get distracted by relationship issues. If the time is right, we can meet later after we've had time to digest."


Basically--he asked for a break? Fine. I'm going to take a break. Now it has become MY break, not his. The script has been flipped so that now it is ME is the one setting the terms, taking the break, and determining when I will respond to HIM. LOL, whether he realized it or not, he just put more control into my own hands.


This is not game-playing by any means. This is me setting to the side a problematic situation that I do not want to take up more of my time and energy than it may end up being worth. If, after a few weeks or months, he wants to sit down at a coffee shop or other neutral location and have a half hour chat about any rethinking he's done, I am now in a better position to tread more carefully and re-evaluate if he's what/who I want in my near future.


*** this is only if I myself were in the situation, because I know myself better than I know anyone else. You have to make the decision YOU feel is best for you. Good luck!!

I like this...very good advice. Keep it short.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I completely agree with what the ladies on this thread are saying...especially YankeeCandle.

Tiny, let this guy go for at LEAST a month. He wants a break?? Fine! Give him a nice long break. He was the one who wanted to take a "break" right?? Well then, give it to him! If he wants to rekindle what you two had, HE will come to YOU! More than likely, if/when he comes back, he'll be on better behavior...especially if you make it just a tad bit harder for him to come back.

If he asks you: "Hmm....so, do you think this 'break' thing is a good idea?" You tell him: "Yes, I think you were right. I think a break is probably the best thing for us right now. Ooopps....someone else is on the other line...take care!"

He hasn't thanked me, so I don't know if he feels like I am patronizing him or saying he can't find a job on his own (the male ego can be VERY fragile). So I made the decision today to cut off ALL contact with him for two weeks. It's going to be hard, but I have to really give him a chance to miss me.

Bravo!! Make it a month at least of NC. It WILL be hard, but you really do need to let him see how it would be without you. Let him miss you for a change.

My only fear is that if I do stop ALL communication with him, that he will think I am leaving him while he's unemployed. ARGH!!! This is hard!

No he won't. Remember, HE was the one that wanted the "break". Not you. So, he shouldn't be thinking anything of the sort! You WANTED to stay, he wanted a break. So, there you go. Let him have his "break". Trust me, after a month of NC he'll be contacting you...even if it's just for a booty call. Men never leave a bone alone...they always come back for one last try. ESPECIALLY if the woman doesn't contact him. They can never just leave for good!

I have some guys who have contacted me even after 2 years since a break-up!

So girl...just do you. Get out, have fun, meet some new guys, hang w/your girlfriends, live it up. Don't wait on pins and needles for him in other words. Don't let him put your life on hold.

 

[Kerryann]

Girl get rid of that jerk make it worst you guys only been together for 6 months thats not a hard situation to drop like a bad habit tell dude kick rocks