Teach me how to love! Question!

E

Evolving78

Well-Known Member
I like that song by Musiq and wanted to know how do you teach a person how to love? I'm starting to learn that you have to love and show love first.
I really want to show my spouse that he is loved and that it is ok to show love back. I want him to know that showing love in not an act of weakness and that a person can gain so much more from life and others if they can show love and kindness to others. What do you ladies think?
 
I'm not sure how you teach a person to love, that is a pretty daunting task that I choose not to undertake for many many reasons. I have heard men tell women that they "love them the only way they know how." Sometimes the way they know how to love isn't good enough. I believe that the only thing you can do is try to "lead by example".
 
I think that in order to get someone to do something like show love you have to show them love first but it is also important to show that nothing bad will happen if they show you love. You won't laugh or think he's a chump,dork, or someone you can take advantage of.

Tell your man how much you appreciate the things he does. Not how much you love his gifts or chores, etc. Things like when he holds your hand or snuggles, the things that don't get mentioned. Last but not least tell him how sweet and loving he is. I know you have heard people say "speaking things into fruition(sp?) speak about it and he will show you how loving he can be. He will feel encouraged to act the way you want.
 
I think it depends on your love type. I show love by service and sometimes my husband need more of the emotional type of love. Whereas I mostly need acts of service type of love.
 
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:grin: I am not trying to throw the thread off topic, ladies, but, D,

Where did you get this from???:look::lachen:
 
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Vanity1 said:
:grin: I am not trying to throw the thread off topic, ladies, but, D,

Where did you get this from???:look::lachen:
Click to expand...

Yea, I tried to delete that but you are to quick.:lachen:

I read a book prob 10 years ago call The Five Love Lanuages. It was so helpful in helping me understand me. My parents and my aunts and uncles had a passionate type love and many of those marriages didn't last. I was very different and they tried to make me feel crazy.

Let me see if I can find the book.

Anyways I was trying to find those 5 types of love that the book mentioned.
 
Vanity this is what I was looking for:

1 Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

2 Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

3 Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

4 Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

5 Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
 
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dlewis said:
Yea, I tried to delete that but you are to quick.:lachen:

I read a book prob 10 years ago call The Five Love Lanuages. It was so helpful in helping me understand me. My parents and my aunts and uncles had a passionate type love and many of those marriages didn't last. I was very different and they tried to make me feel crazy.

Let me see if I can find the book.

Anyways I was trying to find those 5 types of love that the book mentioned.
Click to expand...


I am sorry, I will take it off if you want me to.:yep:

That sounds like a very good book. I think that is one of many reasons why alot of relationships dont last, people love in different ways. It is a matter of loving that other person the way they need to be loved or simply moving on.

I had to have the discussion with SO about this. We are both doing good.:)
 
If you would delete were you quote me but leave the rest there. I think everyone already knows I sometimes post some weird things.:perplexed :lachen:
 
dlewis said:
Vanity this is what I was looking for:

Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Click to expand...


This is great. I am going to e-mail this to SO. Number 3 and 4 is what I would like him to do more of.
 
dlewis said:
If you would delete were you quote me but leave the rest there. I think everyone already knows I sometimes post some weird things.:perplexed :lachen:
Click to expand...

It wasn't weird, you took me back to undergrad for a minute there, reading it kinda made my head hurt a little:grin:, but you were right on point with the post though :lachen:
 
dlewis said:
Vanity this is what I was looking for:

1 Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

2 Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

3 Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

4 Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

5 Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Click to expand...

I learned about this a couple of months ago. It's so important to communicate your needs to your partner and understand theirs as well. It's improved how I approach relationships.
 
dlewis said:
My husband is 1, 5, 2, 4

I'm mostly 4 with a little bit of 2 and some of 1 and 5
Click to expand...

I am mostly 3 and 4, ironically, with a little bit 2. Sometimes, I just don't feel like being bothered, which is why I say a little of 2. :lachen: I work on all the others all the time though, cause those are things he is big on and they are important for him to feel loved.
 
I love this book and he put one out for singles too which is pretty much the same thing. I'm 1, tied for 5 and 4, 2, and lastly 3. I recommend everyone single, in a relationship or married read this!
 
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dlewis said:
I think it depends on your love type. I show love by service and sometimes my husband need more of the emotional type of love. Whereas I mostly need acts of service type of love.
Click to expand...
I agree with the bolded. Having a man that provides financially and not emotionally isn't a good fit for me.

I also don't think you can lead by example with some men or women as many didn't come from homes or parents that demonstrated how to express emotions or love outside of that ole skool mantra "I provide for you so that shows I love you".

Uh I need hugs, thought provoking conversation and QT. F your damn money and possessions!:rolleyes:
 
dlewis said:
Yea, I tried to delete that but you are to quick.:lachen:

I read a book prob 10 years ago call The Five Love Lanuages. It was so helpful in helping me understand me. My parents and my aunts and uncles had a passionate type love and many of those marriages didn't last. I was very different and they tried to make me feel crazy.

Let me see if I can find the book.

Anyways I was trying to find those 5 types of love that the book mentioned.
Click to expand...

I've heard good things about this book too. I haven't read it, but I show love by spending QT.

I don't think you can really teach a person how to love, unless they're a child. :look: If you a grown *** man, you might need to take that up with a therapist.
 
dlewis said:
Vanity this is what I was looking for:

1 Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

2 Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

3 Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

4 Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

5 Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Click to expand...

Yep, I'm a QT lover. :yep:

I also tend to need the "words of affirmation" type of love from whomever I'm dating.

Can you be both? This would be a great topic for a spinoff thread, by the way.
 
Kawaii1 said:
I think that in order to get someone to do something like show love you have to show them love first but it is also important to show that nothing bad will happen if they show you love. You won't laugh or think he's a chump,dork, or someone you can take advantage of.

Tell your man how much you appreciate the things he does. Not how much you love his gifts or chores, etc. Things like when he holds your hand or snuggles, the things that don't get mentioned. Last but not least tell him how sweet and loving he is. I know you have heard people say "speaking things into fruition(sp?) speak about it and he will show you how loving he can be. He will feel encouraged to act the way you want.
Click to expand...

I believe this to be true. I just recently started being more open and loving towards people..especially men. I always had great pride but really it was fear..fear of rejection. Now that I'm becoming more comfortable w/ myself, my heart is opening up to give and recieve love and guess what? When I show love, I get it right back, even from people that I thought would never be that way w/ me. I thought they were judgemental but in reality I was the one judging myself. Hope that made sense. But it was a HUGE lesson from me this year.
 
Wow I like this list.

I am #2 (Quality Time) and #3 (Giving gifts) all the way.

My SO is #2, #4 (Acts of Service) and a little of #1. I am trying to do more acts of service for him :)
dlewis said:
Vanity this is what I was looking for:

1 Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

2 Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

3 Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

4 Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

5 Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
Click to expand...
 
I think I'm all 4, but my dh is 1,2,5. my dh doesn't even know how to receive gifts or help. He always thinks something is behind it .

1 Words of Affirmation. An unsolicited compliment, a kind word, and words of encouragement are very powerful. Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

2 Quality Time. This means togetherness and personal connection, not just being physically nearby. Having a quality conversation, really listening to each other. Taking time to have fun together. Doing things you each enjoy; exploring new activities together.

3 Receiving Gifts. The message here is that the gift giver was thinking of you and wanted to let you know. Expense is not the main thing – it’s the meaning of the gift, the thought behind it. A favorite treat picked up on the way home or a card for no reason sends a priceless message.

4 Acts of Service. Cooking, washing the car, or doing the laundry can be acts of love. Challenge the stereotypes. Doing something that is helpful to your loved one will be noticed, if it is their language of love.

5 Physical Touch. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating love. Research indicates that positive physical contact is important to emotional health; some say you need four hugs a day.
 
firecracker said:
I also don't think you can lead by example with some men or women as many didn't come from homes or parents that demonstrated how to express emotions or love outside of that ole skool mantra "I provide for you so that shows I love you".

That is an interesting point that you made. How can you love someone that didn't get any of that growing up? I'm trying to figure that out now.
Click to expand...
 
Vanity1 said:
I am sorry, I will take it off if you want me to.:yep:

That sounds like a very good book. I think that is one of many reasons why alot of relationships dont last, people love in different ways. It is a matter of loving that other person the way they need to be loved or simply moving on.

I had to have the discussion with SO about this. We are both doing good.:)
Click to expand...


Girl i just love your siggy. :lachen::lachen:
 
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