Talking about your sexual past

[Penspringz]

For those who were sexually active (not necessarily having sexual intercourse)before you met your current SO, what was it like when you first talked about your sexual past with him?
How honest were you?
When did you first talk about it?
Did it bother him that you had been with other people and did you feel guilty?
How did it affect your relationship?

 

[dlewis]

We were friends before we started to date, so he knew some things. When we started to dated I knew he had questions. He would beat around the bush and I knew he was jealous of this person. I was really open and truthful about everything and I believe he was to. I think in this day and time it's expected that sex is apart of most relatonships so he wasn't surprise because, like I said, we were friends before. It didn't affect our relationship in a negative way. Once he asked who was better and I told he I refuse to do that. If he had issues he would have to work through them.

 

[BK Bombshell]

For those who were sexually active (not necessarily having sexual intercourse)before you met your current SO, what was it like when you first talked about your sexual past with him?
How honest were you?
When did you first talk about it?
Did it bother him that you had been with other people and did you feel guilty?
How did it affect your relationship?

I'm not with anyone currently, but I will NEVER discuss my sexual past with any SO again. It has nothing to do with our relationship and in my experience, they don't forget it and will use it against you if they feel they need to. There's almost never a good reason why they're asking, so I don't feel obligated to answer.

 

[Evolving78]

I'm not with anyone currently, but I will NEVER discuss my sexual past with any SO again. It has nothing to do with our relationship and in my experience, they don't forget it and will use it against you if they feel they need to. There's almost never a good reason why they're asking, so I don't feel obligated to answer.

I agree. Never Tell, Never Tell!LOL!

 

[audacious1]

I agree, I would never tell, but my SO didn't want to know (THANK THE LORD). All we cared about is that we were healthy.

 

[Guapa1]

I don't want him to know my past and I don't want to know about his. As long as we get tested together and we're both healthy, that is good enough for me.

 

[gymfreak336]

I don't mind talking about a couple of things. I am not going to go through each guy. My boyfriend now really never asked me "how many". For me, any guy that gives me grief about how many and what not is not a guy that I want to be involved with either way. People give girls crap about it so I am not going to participate. One of my guy friends and I were talking about it. I asked him, if I were a guy would you even ask me. He said no, I said well there you have it. I have talked about certain experiences like my threesome before. I do ask questions about how often you get tested for ALL STDs. I need to see some certified paper work. Ain't nothing going down till we go to the health department down town.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

For those who were sexually active (not necessarily having sexual intercourse)before you met your current SO, what was it like when you first talked about your sexual past with him?
How honest were you?
When did you first talk about it?
Did it bother him that you had been with other people and did you feel guilty?
How did it affect your relationship?

You know, this is a tough question for me. I think once you get over a certain age (and I am past that certain age, lol) there's an assumption that you've been in relationships and had sex in those relationships, so for me, it isn't really a situation where they would be bothered with me having had sex before. And do I feel guilty about having sex in the past? No.

I've reached a certain point where for me it is very important to be able to talk about my sexual past with a partner. I don't necessarily disclose how many and who they were, lol, but we are talking about safe sex and "rules for engagement," so to speak. I don't know for how many other women this is the case, but I've had an unwanted sexual experience to occur, and this really affects how I look at the situation. There are certain things that a new partner has to understand about me before we have sex -- and he has to be sensitive to what I've gone through because honestly, it still might affect our sexual relationship today. It's hard opening up that can of worms because it's such a heavy topic - and I prefer to have known this person pretty well before we even go there anyway. The right person will understand and it won't freak him out or scare him away.

 

[FlowerHair]

I never talk about my sexual past.
I certainly don't want to know about his.

 

[winterinatl]

I'm not with anyone currently, but I will NEVER discuss my sexual past with any SO again. It has nothing to do with our relationship and in my experience, they don't forget it and will use it against you if they feel they need to. There's almost never a good reason why they're asking, so I don't feel obligated to answer.

Say it all again.

My sister just learned this very very hard lesson. She shared that someone had taken liberties with her, done something she did not want done (not rape, thank God) thinking she was pouring her soul out to her understanding and sweet boyfriend.

Well, a year later he has driven her to tears, throwing it up in her face, and it wasn't even her fault.

Men use sexual information about you to build a stereotype about you. They don't care about the hows and whys.

If he asks you how many sex partners you have had, look at him like he has a pitchfork coming out of his forhead, and sweetly change the subject. If he presses, look at your watch and yawn, and ask to go home. He will get the hint.

You don't even need to verbalize you don't want to talk about it. Just don't say anything.

 

[Kalayani]

I'm not with anyone currently, but I will NEVER discuss my sexual past with any SO again. It has nothing to do with our relationship and in my experience, they don't forget it and will use it against you if they feel they need to. There's almost never a good reason why they're asking, so I don't feel obligated to answer.

ITA i learn this lesson the hard way...every chance he got he used it against me. NEVER EVER AGAIN.