Hey Ladies,
I was one of those folks that was pretty intimidated at the thought of becoming someone's mother. It seemed like such an enormous responsibility. Hubby and I took our time in deciding to ttc. It was only when I realized that childbearing and childrearing was all about more glory and more kingdom building for God that I finally had peace about having children.
We started ttc in November 2009. I started to feel symptoms about 3dpo, seriously. I understood that my mind could be playing tricks on me, so I tried not to get too excited, but there did come a point during the two week wait where I realized that I was either pregnant or crazy. As soon as I could test, I did. It was positive. We were thrilled. I took another the next day, positive again. I felt so honored and so special. I was having some pains, but I just thought that was part of being pregnant. I wasn't bleeding, so I thought all was well. We went out to eat a couple of days after the positive test to celebrate, then we were going to drop by our parents' homes and share the exciting news. However, something didn't feel right to me and I told DH I wanted to take another test before we told them. The test was negative. I took 4 tests that night. They were all negative. There are no words to really describe the surreal feeling of losing your baby. I thought I was in a bad dream and would wake up soon.
The next month, as soon as I recognized ovulation signs, we ttc again. I started feeling symptoms early again and I was excited. I'd read that multiple miscarriages was extremely rare. About 8dpo, I felt a dreadful cramp that reminded me of the pain I'd experienced in the previous pregnancy, and I was afraid that I was losing this one too. I never did get a positive test this time, and my period started as per usual. The only real sign that I had that I was miscarrying again was that the period was very clotted and stringy like the bleeding I'd had with the other miscarriage. When I phoned my doctor, the nurse informed me that I was just having my period. I could tell she thought I was stupid or delusional or both.
I went to a new doctor and told her all that had happened. She was very reassuring and ordered some testing right away. I went to the lab that day and happily had 12 vials of blood drawn. Two week later, the nurse called and wanted me to make an appointment to come in. I knew they'd found something and I was glad, because I wanted answers.
It turned out that I had a blood clotting disorder, that only caused a problem during pregnancy but not during "regular life." When pregnant, blood clots would form and make it difficult for any implantation to occur/complete. She told me that in order to stay pregnant next time, I would need to be on an injected blood thinner for the duration of the pregnancy and progesterone for extra insurance. Not a problem, except that she said I wouldn't start the meds until we knew I was pregnant via testing. Knowing how soon I was losing these pregnancies, I felt that would be too late. She told me to take baby aspirin in the meanwhile which would serve as a mild blood thinner. I agreed, but in my gut this plan didn't feel right to me. I felt like I needed to start the prescription meds a few days after ovulation and stop if we found out I wasn't pregnant and then repeat next cycle.
Third try, we discovered that we could get pregnant super easily. Symptoms showed up early again, yada yada yada. I experienced the cramping again.
My "period" showed on the expected day, and I'd almost convinced myself that I hadn't gotten pregnant on that cycle. After all, I didn't get a positive test this time either. But several hours into my period, I saw the clots and the stringy bleeding again. I wasn't as upset this time, because I felt like I knew what needed to be done. Don't get me wrong. I was upset, but I was hopeful. I went to my doc and told her what happened and told her that I should start the meds a few days after ovulation. I'd scoured the internet in search of women with the blood clotting disorder I had and I found that there were those that started there meds after ovulation rather than after confirming pregnancy. I PMed with one lady on a message board who had been losing her babies as quickly as I was and she'd finally had a baby after starting her meds 3dpo.
My doc, however, wasn't budging. I could also tell that she wasn't convinced that I'd been pregnant. I cried in her office. I felt stuck. She told me to increase my dose of baby aspirin. That didn't sound right (or safe) to me. She was being conservative about the prescribed blood thinner, because of the risk of over bleeding should I be in an accident or something. I called her the next day asking if she would at least prescribe the progesterone. She said she wanted to refer me to a specialist. She gave me a list of names, but I also already had my own list of names. I made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist that a co-worker had referred me to. Amazingly, I got in with the RE fairly quickly. Most RE's are super booked, and you wait at least a month or two for your appointment. By my calculation, my appointment was going to end up being 3 dpo.
We ttc that cycle. I went to the RE, I told him what was going on. I showed him my ovulation charts, at least a year's worth. I showed him my test results that revealed my blood clotting disorder. I told him about my regular ob/gyn's thoughts and opinions. I told him how she'd told me to take extra baby aspirin to which he strongly disapproved. I had not done it anyway. He did a sono that day and it picked up 3 fibroids whereas my regular ob had only found one. He told me they probably wouldn't present a problem, but he recommended that we wait to ttc until we'd gone through the whole battery of testing that they do when you go to an RE. I explained to him that I was 3 dpo, and that we already had ttc that cycle. Truthfully, my early symptoms were already starting too--I didn't tell him that though.
I told him that I strongly felt that I needed my prescription blood thinner and progesterone sooner rather than later and that that was why I'd come to him. I also asked him for a quantitative pregnancy blood test on the first possible day that I could have that done with accurate results, because my home pregnancy tests were not picking up the pregnancies. He agreed to ALL. I started the meds, and at 10dpo I felt a pinching sensation in my uterus and I thought it might be implantation. I went that afternoon and had blood drawn for my quantitative pregnancy test. And that evening, I had a small amount of bleeding, implantation bleeding I suspected. My test results would be ready the next day. I was in Ghengis grill on a Tuesday, picking up a to-go order to take to class with me when my cell phone ring. I recognized the number as the RE's number. It was his nurse, calling to tell me that I was indeed pregnant. I was happy yet scared because of past events. I asked her for the quantity of hormone that the test gave. She told me, and then told me to follow up with my regular ob for additional tests to make sure the number was increasing. I called my regular ob's office, and her nurse spoke to me as if it was "that delusional lady" on the phone. When I told her of my visit to the RE and pregnancy test result, she asked me the date of my last menstrual cycle. I'm pretty sure she didn't believe that I was pregnant. But they got me scheduled for follow up testing.
When I got home from class that evening, I didn't tell my husband. I just thanked God and prayed and told God I wanted this baby very badly and to please help him or her to get here successfully and safely.
I wouldn't take a home pregnancy test, because they'd proven painful experiences for me before. So I just relied on those first few blood tests for my results. My numbers were increasing nicely, so much so, that I thought I might be preggers with twins. By Friday, I spoke on the phone personally with my ob who was ready to prescribe the blood thinner for me now that we knew I was pregnant. I told her that the RE had already done so. Her tone changed completely. I don't know if she felt like her professional toes had been stepped on or if it was because her lowly patient (me) had been right and she, with the medical degree, had been wrong, but her attitude came through the phone in an obvious way. I called the RE and asked for a referral for a new ob. He was glad, because he had "concerns" about my ob.
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