Struggling with transition

[Blu217]

Ya'll know I have been having difficulty with a thinning patch in the top of my head from what the doc said was scarring alopecia. I decided I had no choice but to stop relaxing.

OK, so that was an easy choice to make when I was fresh off a texlax and could still manage my hair somewhat. Now it's really thick and I'm really uhappy.

I tried flat ironing, and my 4-type fine hair really doesn't like it; it doesn't look good straightened from heat or wrapping; it likes rollersets. I realized that I like to wash each week, but I certainly won't be using heat on the roots every week to keep my hair tamed. Managing the two textures is daunting, and cutting off my long hair is so not an option.

I want to relax my hair again. I'm falling off the wagon. I KNOW I shouldn't, I have sworn off chemicals, but... I so miss it. I hate it, but I miss it. I'm trying to come up with compromises: I'll base my scalp really heavily and just texlax, telling the stylist to do her best to avoid getting chemical too close too the skin. I'll relax only every 3-4 months. I'll relax and just avoid the bit that's thinning. I don't need straight, I just want softer new growth.

I do NOT want to lose anymore hair and I don't want to do damage. I just want a manageable head of hair again, and it's making me nutty. Gah.

 

[LynnieB]

Blu, why can you not continue to rollerset and just flatiron your roots?

 

[Blu217]

Hey LynnieB -

I don't think I can flat iron roots every week after washing my hair, especially from what I've read on the boards about limiting use of heat. Correct me if I'm wrong on this!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

How about only relaxing that area every other relaxer, and when you do relax that area make sure you leave atleast a 1/2 inch of NG to be sure it doesn't get on the scalp. Even though basting the scalp helps protect it, I think over the time the relaxer sits on that area it works it's way through.
You can also save that area until right b4 doing your edges that way it doesn't sit there too long. HTH's

 

[Blu217]

How about only relaxing that area every other relaxer, and when you do relax that area make sure you leave atleast a 1/2 inch of NG to be sure it doesn't get on the scalp. Even though basting the scalp helps protect it, I think over the time the relaxer sits on that area it works it's way through.
You can also save that area until right b4 doing your edges that way it doesn't sit there too long. HTH's

Thanks, BeautifulWideEyes. I like this idea a lot. And I agree with you on the chemical working its way thru any protectant you use.

 

[LynnieB]

Hey LynnieB -

I don't think I can flat iron roots every week after washing my hair, especially from what I've read on the boards about limiting use of heat. Correct me if I'm wrong on this!

i'm looking at it like this; the worser of the 2 evils is definitely the chemical relaxer - whether it be a "light" (texlax) or a regular one.

yea heat is bad but the relaxer is worse when you add the alopecia factor into the mix.

 

[leleepop]

Have you tried a braidout? I bet your hair would be pretty and it requires no heat. Plait it and put perm rods on the ends. I also would try a flexirods also because they kinda 'pull' the newgrowth.

 

[hopeful]

I agree with leeleepop and LynnieB, I'd try a few more things before relaxing again. I believe BlackCardinal used heat for quite awhile during her transition because she felt there was no other option and we all know how beautiful her hair is. Whatever you decide I wish you the best, I've suffered from scalp problems too (and still do sometimes) so I know it's a pain.

ETA: Your hair is so pretty and long. If I were you I wouldn't consider cutting it either.

 

[Country gal]

We all of had our struggles with our transition. Try some different hairstyles so you don't have to rely on heat. I love my natural hair. It was so worth going through the trials and tribulations.

 

[LynnieB]

ok Blu.........i was gonna post more but lost my wi-fi connection at work :Z

anyways.......what i've been doing this month is to blow dry my hair on the cold setting or warm setting. if i use warm, that blow dryer is a good 12 inches away from my hair and scalp and always in motion - that way i prevent heat damage. what this does is slightly stretch out the new growth without the damage you'd get from a red hot blowdryer.

i only have to braid it up loosely overnight for a smoother, lengthier braidout.

on my hair right now i have a small amount of jamaican lime and mango creme wax http://store.goldenmartbeautysupply.com/jamalicrwax6.html <--- they have a whole line of products geared towards locs but i've no plans on locing. i just like the product and it works. i apply a tiny bit of that to each section of hair i plan to braid.

WGO is also good but sometimes i like using creme wax especially if i want a nice hold. it keeps your hair soft (especially your ends), shiny and helps seal in moisture and protect against frizziness. don't use it if you're strictly no-pooing though.

you only need a tiny amount or youll get the greasies. when i go to bed, i make 6 or 7 lightly braided plaits and spritz with elasta qp H2, put on a satin scarf and go to bed. when i get up, i'll undo the plaits put the front half of my hair into a barrett and leave the rest out and off i go. sometimes if the ends are too straight i'll put a dab of conditioner on the last inch or so and put a roller on for 10-15 minutes. by the time i'm ready to walk out the door the ends have set.

if you're concerned about your ng showing near your forehead, find some nice scarfs - walmart has tons of them for about 3-5 bucks. make a head band and let the back flow free. you'd rock the heck out of that!

there's soooo many things you can do with your hair that do not require you to risk more damage from a chemical process!!

if you're concerned about heat damage - geez, there's a million products out here that are geared towards protecting your hair from heat but there is absolutely nothing created by mankind to protect against lye (or no lye).

just remember girl i too have been in your shoes (alopecia) and the decision to transition was a heckuva lot easier to make than i first thought. i didn't care how i'd manage the transition but my mind was 100% made up about it and there was no going back for me. i just couldn't see myself gambling with scalp damage or hair loss - not another second.

have you checked out the nappturality forums yet? i'm also an active member @ NP and have found sooo much inspiration there. no, they do not advocate heat use or chemicals (save that talk for here) but they are all about everything natural; how to get there, how to maintain it, style it, accept and love it.

perhaps this is what you need right now to get over that scary hump?

much love to you Blu.

 

[Lotus]

Im not a hair expert my any means, but...

Maybe you can flat iron one week and pony/updo/braid the next week(s).

If you really, really want to relax I thing BWE gave great suggestions.. base heavy, relax that part last. Do you cut your relaxer.. like with an oil? If not, and your open to it... perhaps that would work.

HTH

 

[ChasingBliss]

Funny you start this thread. This is the first time I had planned to go so long between relaxers. Oct to May....And for some reason, I am really admiring the new growth that has been spurting out. My hairline has become thicker and curley and quite pretty. My new growth over all is shiney, soft and wavy...Then I started thinking, dang, when I relax in May, all of this will be straight and thinner again. While it may become more managable over all and I definitely like seeing the length acquired I am really starting to like the look of my natural growth much better. It's all so confusing right now.

 

[tmichelle]

Blu! Don't do it!!!! We'll ALL be so sad if you use chemicals again. You know your scalp cannot take it and I know from another experience of a person I'm close to (you know who I'm talking about), you only get ONE warning. After your hair grows back, any other chemicals (no matter how mild) WILL take your hair out for good.

Some of the ladies on the board had really good ideas. If you just need a break from dealing with your hair for a couple of months get braids or have your hair corn-rowed and wear a crochet weave on top.

 

[Twisties]

Blu! Don't do it!!!! We'll ALL be so sad if you use chemicals again. You know your scalp cannot take it and I know from another experience of a person I'm close to (you know who I'm talking about), you only get ONE warning. After your hair grows back, any other chemicals (no matter how mild) WILL take your hair out for good.

Some of the ladies on the board had really good ideas. If you just need a break from dealing with your hair for a couple of months get braids or have your hair corn-rowed and wear a crochet weave on top.

PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST NOT TO RELAX AGAIN. I don't have long hair, but I have been where you are with hair loss due to chemicals. My dermatologist told me "my scalp was tired of chemicals". Believe me, if your derm recommened that you stop the chemicals, don't do it. I have a friend I am talking to right now who has refused to listen to the doc and now she is permanently bald a the crown because she kept relaxing.

Try the recommendations the ladies made to you and hang in there... remember, it's better to have nappy hair , than NO hair .

 

[JewelleNY]

Hey Blu, I'm transitioning too. Why not try bantu knots? I make 6 sections, 3 on each side. I carefully detangle each section with my detangler and big tooth comb, wrap a hair band fairly tightly around the section to pull new growth straight and then twist in a bantu knot. I'll try to do pics soon.

I do the twist in each section. Next, I wrap my scarf around the edges, like Sylver2's technique and then dry under dryer or air dry. It really smoothes out the NG and the rest has a nice, curly look

HTH

 

[Blu217]

THANK YOU ladies, for all your suggestions. I've not had much time on the boards lately, but want to update this thread, because everyone has made great suggestions I'm going to try (wonder how I'd look in bantu knots?) and some really good points.

One quote that stuck in my head was something like "we've all struggled with our transitions at some point." I've been thinking about that as I've read thru this.

And after agonizing for a while over what I really wanted to do vs. what I actually need to do, I've decided to...

STICK IT OUT! Yay!

A few days ago I was in the mirror feeling my new growth--just trying to experience it rather than run from it. My hair sheds so much when I try to comb or detangle it... you should SEE the handfuls of hair I get each time I try to manage it. But on this night, I just looked at it, and I heard a little voice sorta saying, "Please don't give up on me. Give me a chance to show you who I really am." Swear, it was my hair talking.

And tonite while watching telly I was feeling around in the back of my head when I found this 2/3 inch patch of underprocessed/newly grown hair. I was stunned when I realized I was feeling waves, not woolly naps. I parted my hair and grabbed a mirror, and ya'll--the waves are just BEAUTIFUL! I'm so curious about what my hair CAN be, and I have acknowledged my moment of weakness for what it was. It's a new texture, and I've got to get used to how it feels, and that it's OK--not a sign I need a relaxer.

So I'm back on board. The other day I was with my brother in the barber shop and noticed for the first time how soft and curly his hair is. I think my natural hair may surprise me as well; I will give it time and be patient. I do not want to aggravate my hair loss any further (looked at that in the mirror too, and there's been no improvement, but I'm still hopeful).

I guess I now understand why relaxers are called "creamy crack!" I promise I'm going to do my best to stay on the natural wagon! I want to get better acquainted with my waves...

Thank you all again for helping me thru this. It is tough, but change is usually hard.

 

[Isis]

I wish you lots of success Blu217 with your hair, which is beautiful, by the way. I've always admired your long styles, mainly rollersets. It sounds like things are coming together in your mind right now and you'll know exactly what to do. I'm sure you'll learn a slightly different way to accomplishment what you want.

 

[Blu217]

Cool--thank you, Isis. This morning I excitedly showed my mom that long patch of new growth and was exclaiming, "Look--WAVES! Pretty, right?" She's from the old school and said, "Yes, Blu, it's nappy." I was quickly reminded that black hair requires enlightenment, and my mom's hair is so fine and straight she doesn't need relaxers anyhoo. I started explaining to her that my hair has an S curl to it, blah blah. And I think I said something like, "See, if you're not on the hair board you just don't know."

I stayed in the mirror last night looking at my new growth. I've read it takes some time to really see your texture and I admit I'm quite curious. I also like the idea of having thicker hair without processing. It's always all good until it's wash or comb day, but I keep trying different products to find what will best detangle my hair without leaving it oily, as my fine strands don't like any oil or grease. I think I'll feel better when I've slain that dragon.

 

[seraphinelle]

Glad to hear you're sticking it out.

I know the first time I transititioned it was something hard.

I had a relaxer kit sitting on my dresser, then eventually I just gave it to my friend and stuck with it.

The only reason I returned to relaxer was because I got bored. But I'm glad it only took that one application to realize that I do miss my natural napps.

And with all hte support on the board, we'll get through it

 

[LynnieB]

YEAH BLU!!!!!!

 

[getmoore]

Glad to hear you're sticking it out.

I know the first time I transititioned it was something hard.

I had a relaxer kit sitting on my dresser, then eventually I just gave it to my friend and stuck with it.

The only reason I returned to relaxer was because I got bored. But I'm glad it only took that one application to realize that I do miss my natural napps.

And with all hte support on the board, we'll get through it

Blu217 and Seraphinelle, I think I'm joining you ladies. I miss my natural hair too much.( I never took that natural pic out of my avatar ) I wont BC because I'm almost waist length and I look funny with short hair. So I'll transition until I cant deal with the 2 textures! It's kinda fun knowing I'm going to have my wavy curly naps again!!

 

[JewelleNY]

Hey Blu,

One thing that worked on softening my new growth was coconut oil. I also use the Doo Gro oil in the clear tube with the pointy tip, the stimulating growth oil. After washing squeeze the oil onto you new growth. I also use kids organics shea butter detangling lotion which is great to detangle with.
HTH