Still Upset about Valentines Day

vivmaiko said:
You need to talk to him.

My co-worker has been married for 5 years to a very good man who treats her very well. On their first valentine's day together, he didn't do ANYTHING for her. He even took her to his parents' home where the dad bought his wife a huge bouquet of roses and candy and diamond jewelry and the guy did nothing, he didn't even say anything to her. She was so angry!! Finally she called him at the end of the night to tell him off and he told her the reason he didn't do anything for her is that he simply does not believe in valentines. He said he thinks it is commercial and a sham, just ridiculous basically.

Anyway, she told him that he may not care about it but it means the world to her. So now, he always sends a huge thingy of flowers to work every V-Day even though it is not his thing.

The sense I get from your situation is he didn't think the relationship was a relationship yet and he didn't want to make things seem otherwise.

I would advise against letting your mom handle your business. It sets a precedent in a relationship. If a guy I was dating's mom called my home to chime in about something between us, I probably would never call him back. It is possible that's why he didn't call you back.

Young people need to be held accountable in the sense that if they treat you badly everyone will be aware, but it is not the parents' place to handle the childrens' business.
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I agree with this. I think you should talk to him. I also think that when you talk to him that you should not mention valentines day. Only talk about the status of your relationship and how you feel about him. Let him be the one to bring up v day and your mom calling and be sure to apologize for that. Do not leave on bad terms. Men are dumb and need to be trained when it comes to things like this.
 
TheLaurynDoll said:
Ok, I understand your frustration, but there are some key things to be aware of.

"Talking" is not a commitment of any sort.

In all respect, I hope you really don't stay upset about this and keep pimpin... talking means, "I'm getting to know you... and whomever else I want to at the moment.... you might could be my girlfriend, but I'm not making guarantees or promises".... not "we're definitely heading somewhere" no matter what he says. You're not heading anywhere until you're there.
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:thatsall:
The fact that many women don't understand this is exactly why they end up with their feelings hurt.
 
I completely agree. I'm just curious, did you call him or get him anything for Valentine's day?

TheLaurynDoll said:
In all respect, I hope you really don't stay upset about this and keep pimpin... talking means, "I'm getting to know you... and whomever else I want to at the moment.... you might could be my girlfriend, but I'm not making guarantees or promises".... not "we're definitely heading somewhere" no matter what he says. You're not heading anywhere until you're there.
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Serenity21 said:
I had been talking to this guy for about three months as friends. We didn't see each other very often because both of us go to school and work full time. When we would have conversations on the phone he would talk as if he wanted a relationship to stem from our friendship and one day I told him that one of my family members asked who he was and I told them that he was my friend who had a potential to be my boyfriend.

The week of Valentines Day comes and he doesn't even acknowledge me. This has definitely showed me what he really think of me despite the many I like yous he have told me. I am still upset because I did like him and I thought that he liked me. I am disappointed and pretty hurt even days later. I did go out with my friends the night of Valentines but I would have rather spent time with a guy who I liked. Later that night of Valentines my mom asked me what he got me (because she introduced me to him) and I told her nothing and that I was done talking to him because he doesn't really like me the way I thought.

She got upset and told his father to tell him not to call me again (he lives with his parents while finishing up school). I am feeling like with every guy it is always something wrong with them but I refuse to lower my standards. If you are wondering, I am in my early twenties. What do you think about the situation?
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:perplexed i don't think you should have got your mother involved. i hate to sound like i'm dismissing your feelings but to me i dont' think what occurred was serious enough to warrant her involvement. this was something you could have dealt with on your own but it might now have lead to things not be resolved between you guys.

how did you deal with your frustration? did you mention to this guy that you were disappointed he didn't get you anything? or did you keep your thoughts to yourself? if you did the latter then i think it was unfair to be angry and expect him to know the extent of your hurt without having spoken to him. if you had told him on valentines or the day after that you were upset he didn't do anything for you then, i'd say he should have tried to rectify things with you (based on how you raised the subject).

some people don't see v-day as that big of a deal and some people do. if a guy i liked did not get me anything on v-day then it wouldn't be of that much of a concern to me. also, if we aren't actually in a real relationship then i probably wouldn't be seriously expecting anything anyway. however, this is just how i view the situation.

maybe you feel that he had been leading you on and you hold v-day as something important then i see how you'd be frustrated by him. personally, if i were in your position, i would have put this guy on the backburner before v-day because he doesn't sound interested enough to move it onto the next level. three months of "i like you's" and yet he still wants to be just friends though...? :ohwell: seems to me like he liked having you there as a semi-girlfriend but since this isn't officially what you are, he could still have his options open for other people. i'm fine with casual dating but don't tolerate stringing people along.
 
Serenity21 said:
I had been talking to this guy for about three months as friends. We didn't see each other very often because both of us go to school and work full time. When we would have conversations on the phone he would talk as if he wanted a relationship to stem from our friendship and one day I told him that one of my family members asked who he was and I told them that he was my friend who had a potential to be my boyfriend.

The week of Valentines Day comes and he doesn't even acknowledge me. This has definitely showed me what he really think of me despite the many I like yous he have told me. I am still upset because I did like him and I thought that he liked me. I am disappointed and pretty hurt even days later. I did go out with my friends the night of Valentines but I would have rather spent time with a guy who I liked. Later that night of Valentines my mom asked me what he got me (because she introduced me to him) and I told her nothing and that I was done talking to him because he doesn't really like me the way I thought.

She got upset and told his father to tell him not to call me again (he lives with his parents while finishing up school). I am feeling like with every guy it is always something wrong with them but I refuse to lower my standards. If you are wondering, I am in my early twenties. What do you think about the situation?
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OK, here's my opinion..


1. Talking for a short time and not seeing each other much (is not really much of a "relationship" that warrants vday gifts or such)

2. You said "had a potential to become your boyfirend"....... he didn't

3. Maybe he thought vday is for girlfriends/boyfriends, he's cheap/broke, don't believe in it, was busy with school or work, etc.

I think you saw more into the friendship than he did. That's OK, it has happen to me in the past too. Just keep your head up and you will find someone who's into you as much as you are into them.

Good Luck
 
I just read the whole thread.

I agree with Ms Plain Jane & Tick Tock & Mrs Johnson.

You were not disrespected.
 
Serenity21 said:
I am no longer upset about Valentines Day. I did send the guy a text message apoligizing for what my mother did because I felt that it was wrong for her to step in because we are adults and capable of handling our own affairs. If you are wondering, no he did not text me or call me after the text but that is what I expected of him. One of you were right when you said that I should have put him on the back burner before V-Day:wallbash:.
The truth is that I asked him a couple times before not to call me anymore because he was really this dead weight that I was dragging and calling it a friend. I expect for my friends to be fun, adventurous, and easy to talk to. He was not. He asked me to be patient with him because he liked me and that is why I am in the delimma I am in today. In retrospect it is best that things happened the way they did or else I'd be with someone I truely don't care that much for.
I know one thing, I will be more careful next time and will go with my first instinct and say, no, it is better that we not talk anymore. I am really too nice at times. I need to read that book Why men love B*t%hes. Thanks Yall for all of your honest opinions. It was hard reading some of them but it is the truth and I appreciate it.
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If the bolded is so, why were you expecting a V-Day gift? :perplexed
 
Serenity21 said:
I felt that for a guy to ask me to be patient with him, he had to have liked me and I expected something for V-Day. I ended up upset because I believed what he said eventhough I had second thoughts about him.
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Even though, prior to V-Day, you asked him not to call you...
 
I should edit because I didn't phrase that correctly becuase that is not what happened. Better yet I am ending the discussion because I am through with this topic.
 
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Serenity21 said:
I should edit because I didn't phrase that correctly becuase that is not what happened. Better yet I am ending the discussion because I am through with this topic.
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???

I read it before the edit...

So are you saying that what you typed didnt happen?

Did any of this happen?


Good luck with your love life in the future.
 
Serenity21 said:
This thread is closed due to the end of Discussion.
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:perplexed so long as the thread is still open, people can comment on the original op. only a moderator can close it. if you really want it closed (although, i can't see any comments here that were offensive thus far...) then pm a mod and maybe they will do it for you. i'm not 100% sure if they will though because there have been wilder threads than this that have stayed open yet i bet the ops wish they could get them shut down...
 
OP, there have been enough opinions given as to what happened so I wont comment on that. I've had many a terrible Valentines Day complete with expectations that weren't met. I'm sorry that you're upset right now but you will be ok.:yep: *HUGS* Next time, make sure you have more than one option available. It's hard for Plans A-E to fail.:drunk:
 
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