Still Upset about Valentines Day

Did you ask him why he didn't get you anything? Maybe he was short on cash and thought by just ignoring the situation.................

If I were you I would dismiss him, but that's me. I don't believe you should lower your standards. I'm still wondering why he didn't get you something. Even close friends get each other things.
 
I agree with you. He could have bought you a 99-cent card and some cheap candy and at least shown you he was thinking about you.

That, and the fact that he didn't even recognize you on that day speaks volumes. Men know what they're doing...

Did he contact you after that?
 
I hate it when men have a tendency to mislead us women. But that's what they do best. So it's always important to go by their actions because they will say anything they want you to hear. I can't blame your mom for telling his father considering that she introduced him to you so I can imagine how she feels. She probably had no idea that he was going to treat you this way. I wondered what his father say.

Did you hear anything from the guy?
 
Serenity21 said:
I haven't talked to him, he hasn't even tried to call. I have written him off to be honest. I really don't think that I want to be bothered with someone as insenstive and inconsiderate as him.
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If his Dad told him that your mom said not to call and he didn't, I'd say drop it. If he liked you he would have called trying to explain. Initially my advise would be to talk to him because maybe he wasn't as sure as you are about the status of the relationship. Maybe he didn't want to make the wrong move...
 
Serenity21 said:
I had been talking to this guy for about three months as friends. We didn't see each other very often because both of us go to school and work full time. When we would have conversations on the phone he would talk as if he wanted a relationship to stem from our friendship and one day I told him that one of my family members asked who he was and I told them that he was my friend who had a potential to be my boyfriend.

The week of Valentines Day comes and he doesn't even acknowledge me. This has definitely showed me what he really think of me despite the many I like yous he have told me. I am still upset because I did like him and I thought that he liked me. I am disappointed and pretty hurt even days later. I did go out with my friends the night of Valentines but I would have rather spent time with a guy who I liked. Later that night of Valentines my mom asked me what he got me (because she introduced me to him) and I told her nothing and that I was done talking to him because he doesn't really like me the way I thought.

She got upset and told his father to tell him not to call me again (he lives with his parents while finishing up school). I am feeling like with every guy it is always something wrong with them but I refuse to lower my standards. If you are wondering, I am in my early twenties. What do you think about the situation?
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I think you should talk to him before cutting him off. I also think that mom dukes should not have gotten involved. You're a big girl and I am sure you can handle yourself ;)
 
Well done Serenity21. I am the same age as you and I refuse to lower my standards. Better to be with friends that wasting time with a thoughtless, uncaring man. Let him be someone else's problem. Your response was 100% right. For all you know, he's got someone else.
 
esoterica said:
Well done Serenity21. I am the same age as you and I refuse to lower my standards. Better to be with friends that wasting time with a thoughtless, uncaring man. Let him be someone else's problem. Your response was 100% right. For all you know, he's got someone else.
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Yep. I was thinking the same thing. As far as I'm concern he's was probably spending Valentine's Day with someone else.
 
I'm gonna post an unpopular opinion, so here goes...

I think it's great that her mom got involved and that his father knows the deal.

Yes, the OP is grown and all that, but I think that one reason that we have so many young men acting like fools in their relationships with young women is because there is NO accountability. In the past, parents were very much involved in making sure that their young adult children were involved with the right people and you knew that if you wronged someone, then you'd have to answer to her family and your own family.

Now there are no consequences. Dudes can do whatever they want, women can do whatever they want and nobody is supposed to say nothing because, "They're grown." :ohwell:

I'm just thinking that maybe if some of these parents questioned their children about their behavior, it "might" cause them to think twice before they treat others as if they have no feelings and can be thrown to the side when they decide they're no longer interested.

It's not a perfect solution, but I wish more parents would get involved, honestly.
 
I agree with Bunny77

These boys/young men need to be told that its unacceptable to play with another persons emotions like that. A woman is to be respected.

If more parents got involved we wouldn't have this Player mentality that's so rife in our community.

To the OP, you are young and beautiful so take this as one of life's lessons.
Girl, we have all been led up the garden path at some point and trust me, he knew what he was doing so don't accept any 'innocent excuses' he may give you.
 
Bunny77 said:
I'm gonna post an unpopular opinion, so here goes...

I think it's great that her mom got involved and that his father knows the deal.

Yes, the OP is grown and all that, but I think that one reason that we have so many young men acting like fools in their relationships with young women is because there is NO accountability. In the past, parents were very much involved in making sure that their young adult children were involved with the right people and you knew that if you wronged someone, then you'd have to answer to her family and your own family.

Now there are no consequences. Dudes can do whatever they want, women can do whatever they want and nobody is supposed to say nothing because, "They're grown." :ohwell:

I'm just thinking that maybe if some of these parents questioned their children about their behavior, it "might" cause them to think twice before they treat others as if they have no feelings and can be thrown to the side when they decide they're no longer interested.

It's not a perfect solution, but I wish more parents would get involved, honestly.
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He did not get her pregnant and dump her. He neglected to buy her a gift for V-day. They're not in a relationship. They are (were) talking. Why involve the parents? Furthermore, no one knows why he didn't buy her anything. Maybe he did not think that what they had warranted a gift of any sort...

ETA: Let's teach our daughters to not become too emotionally invested in "friends" or anyone that they are not in a clear cut relationship with. No offense, OP.
 
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Ms. Plain Jane said:
He did not get her pregnant and dump her. He neglected to buy her a gift for V-day. They're not in a relationship. They are (were) talking. Why involve the parents? Furthermore, no one knows why he didn't buy her anything. Maybe he did not think that what they had warranted a gift of any sort...

ETA: Let's teach our daughters to not become too emotionally invested in "friends" or anyone that they are not in a clear cut relationship with. No offense, OP.
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i understand where you are coming from but even if it wasnt a life changing thing such as pregnancy it was still disrespectful, yes they were not dating but at the same time they have been talking and inclined that way at the very least they were friends. The parents were involved because her mum kind of brought them together which may mean his father also knew of this situation them getting to know each other

I dont think the OP was too emotionally invested i mean its not like she is crying herself to sleep or anything but just really annoyed n a lil hurt cause of the fact that they have been talking for a while like normal pple do and feelings were getting that little bit deeper hence him saying he likes her and her sharing those feelings. i mean if this guy felt a valentines day gift wasnt warrented then why did he just stop contacting her around valentines day time?? coincidence?? it doesnt seem too likely.
 
I think your mother was way out of line. I think you shouldn't be upset that he didn't get you anything. You were just friends and nothing else.
 
I think it's more that he didn't get her anything... he didn't even call or acknowledge her!

I'm kinda sorta seeing someone who didn't get me anything for V-Day, but he did e-mail and text me that morning to wish me a good day. I appreciated that... and even as a friend, it was the least that the OP's guy could have done.

So he'd be on my ****list too.
 
Ms. Plain Jane said:
Why involve the parents? .
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It sounds like the parents knew each other anyway.

I know that when I was growing up, my mom and one of her good friends always joked that her son and I would date when I got older. This never happened, as he was a bit older than me and found a woman by the time I was ready to start dating, but it was a running family joke.

However, if it had actually happened, I'm sure that both sets of parents would have wanted to know if one kid did the other wrong since they were involved in us meeting and going out in the first place. I'm sure if my mom's friend's son ignored me on a special day when it seemed like we were dating, she'd probably have a chat with him because my mom (and me, by extension) are important to her and she wouldn't want to know that her son was acting shady.

Kids will grow up to live their own lives, but in cases where the parents know each other and have somewhat of an investment in their kids dating each other, I don't see a problem.

But that's just me.
 
Serenity, if a man cannot buy you something romantic for your birthday or Valentine's Day, it is not interested in you. I was married for seven years to a man, who did not give me something for Valentine's Day and was very relunctant with my birthday. You are a beautiful girl and you deserve someone to acknowledge you.
 
You need to talk to him.

My co-worker has been married for 5 years to a very good man who treats her very well. On their first valentine's day together, he didn't do ANYTHING for her. He even took her to his parents' home where the dad bought his wife a huge bouquet of roses and candy and diamond jewelry and the guy did nothing, he didn't even say anything to her. She was so angry!! Finally she called him at the end of the night to tell him off and he told her the reason he didn't do anything for her is that he simply does not believe in valentines. He said he thinks it is commercial and a sham, just ridiculous basically.

Anyway, she told him that he may not care about it but it means the world to her. So now, he always sends a huge thingy of flowers to work every V-Day even though it is not his thing.

The sense I get from your situation is he didn't think the relationship was a relationship yet and he didn't want to make things seem otherwise.

I would advise against letting your mom handle your business. It sets a precedent in a relationship. If a guy I was dating's mom called my home to chime in about something between us, I probably would never call him back. It is possible that's why he didn't call you back.

Young people need to be held accountable in the sense that if they treat you badly everyone will be aware, but it is not the parents' place to handle the childrens' business.
 
vivmaiko said:
You need to talk to him.

My co-worker has been married for 5 years to a very good man who treats her very well. On their first valentine's day together, he didn't do ANYTHING for her. He even took her to his parents' home where the dad bought his wife a huge bouquet of roses and candy and diamond jewelry and the guy did nothing, he didn't even say anything to her. She was so angry!! Finally she called him at the end of the night to tell him off and he told her the reason he didn't do anything for her is that he simply does not believe in valentines. He said he thinks it is commercial and a sham, just ridiculous basically.

Anyway, she told him that he may not care about it but it means the world to her. So now, he always sends a huge thingy of flowers to work every V-Day even though it is not his thing.

The sense I get from your situation is he didn't think the relationship was a relationship yet and he didn't want to make things seem otherwise.

I would advise against letting your mom handle your business. It sets a precedent in a relationship. If a guy I was dating's mom called my home to chime in about something between us, I probably would never call him back. It is possible that's why he didn't call you back.

Young people need to be held accountable in the sense that if they treat you badly everyone will be aware, but it is not the parents' place to handle the childrens' business.
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Co-signing with the bolded. I think the vast majority of men think V-day is a sham and don't really want to celebrate it. Think about it: how many single men do you know who do something on Valentine's Day or celebrate it? Now think about how many single ladies you know who do a group dinner or something on that same day.

A lso - why didn't you call him? Did you get him anything? Did you guys talk about doing anything together on V-day? You told him you were going out with your girlfriends but did you say anything about hoping to get flowers or candy? Did you guys even talk about your opinion of Valentine's Day? He's also in school - did he have any exams/papers due that week? I'm not sure what your conversations have been like, but if you've ever spoken about being independent and not being into material things, I could see exactly why he didn't get you anything. If I were a guy and my chick rolled out with a group of girls, I would be like, "Cool, she's got plans and doesn't want anything from me."

Men are not mind readers, espcially not when they're busy with their education Also, he's probably not calling you anymore because your mom said something .. and I'm sorry to say, but now that his parents are involved, they're probably giving him the same advice your mom is giving you: stay away and move on.

At the very least, I would have called him to ask what was up or to mention how all your friends got flowers and you were jealous. He would have to lay his hand down if faced with something like that.

And you know, maybe he did send you something. I have heard about 5 stories this year - from my friends alone - who sent their "female friends"/girlfriends flowers on Valentine's Day but the flowers weren't delivered. My one friend waited for days for the girl to call him with thank yous until he realized what happened. One person got a voicemail saying the flowers weren't delivered on Monday.

This is my parting thought: If the guy is sensitive to you and nice to you in all other aspects of life (will attempt to pick up the tab, offers to carry heavy things for you, cuddles with you, lets you have the majority of the bed and pillows, etc - whatever YOU think is important and sweet), it seems like you have different opinions about this holiday. I would NOT let this stand the way. Now, if you guys discussed Valentine's Day and/or he is insensitive to your wants most of the time, then you need to bounce.
 
Bunny77 said:
I'm gonna post an unpopular opinion, so here goes...

I think it's great that her mom got involved and that his father knows the deal.

Yes, the OP is grown and all that, but I think that one reason that we have so many young men acting like fools in their relationships with young women is because there is NO accountability. In the past, parents were very much involved in making sure that their young adult children were involved with the right people and you knew that if you wronged someone, then you'd have to answer to her family and your own family.

Now there are no consequences. Dudes can do whatever they want, women can do whatever they want and nobody is supposed to say nothing because, "They're grown." :ohwell:

I'm just thinking that maybe if some of these parents questioned their children about their behavior, it "might" cause them to think twice before they treat others as if they have no feelings and can be thrown to the side when they decide they're no longer interested.

It's not a perfect solution, but I wish more parents would get involved, honestly.
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ITA!!!!... esp since mom was involved from the beginning...
 
Bunny77 said:
I'm gonna post an unpopular opinion, so here goes...

I think it's great that her mom got involved and that his father knows the deal.

Yes, the OP is grown and all that, but I think that one reason that we have so many young men acting like fools in their relationships with young women is because there is NO accountability. In the past, parents were very much involved in making sure that their young adult children were involved with the right people and you knew that if you wronged someone, then you'd have to answer to her family and your own family.

Now there are no consequences. Dudes can do whatever they want, women can do whatever they want and nobody is supposed to say nothing because, "They're grown." :ohwell:

I'm just thinking that maybe if some of these parents questioned their children about their behavior, it "might" cause them to think twice before they treat others as if they have no feelings and can be thrown to the side when they decide they're no longer interested.

It's not a perfect solution, but I wish more parents would get involved, honestly.
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I agree with you. I would definitely call out my son for behavior toward a woman I felt was inappropriate.
 
Ok, I understand your frustration, but there are some key things to be aware of.

"Talking" is not a commitment of any sort. Talking is talking, and I think that when a guy really likes you, and y'all are chilling, even if you two are both "busy and go to school full time," he's making more effort to see you. I've been in long distance relationships across the world from people where it seems they've made more effort than this individual. I've even dated a guy from another Boro (Staten Island/Queens relationship) where he's made effort to see me while we were both busy and going to school.

I think he was talking nice and going along with it, but in my opinion, if a man wants something in general, he'll make moves to show more commitment- including verbally going there... not talking about going there. It seems as if his wordplay of "talking about" being together was all he needed to keep your attention, and when it came down to making actions speak louder than words he spoke BOLDLY through his actions by not calling, acknowledging or even attempting to send you a text message or email.

Bottom line, MAYBE something happened that kept him from "contacting" you but I doubt it, because if y'all are two grown folk (in your early 20s) and he really wanted to talk to you, his daddy ain't stopping him from calling you... and neither is your mother.

I say KIM... it's just a holiday, albeit one that people carry with great significance, but if you two weren't official, although he should've acknowledged something- even friendship, he honestly owes you nothing, nor an explanation.

In all respect, I hope you really don't stay upset about this and keep pimpin... talking means, "I'm getting to know you... and whomever else I want to at the moment.... you might could be my girlfriend, but I'm not making guarantees or promises".... not "we're definitely heading somewhere" no matter what he says. You're not heading anywhere until you're there.
 
vivmaiko said:
You need to talk to him.

My co-worker has been married for 5 years to a very good man who treats her very well. On their first valentine's day together, he didn't do ANYTHING for her. He even took her to his parents' home where the dad bought his wife a huge bouquet of roses and candy and diamond jewelry and the guy did nothing, he didn't even say anything to her. She was so angry!! Finally she called him at the end of the night to tell him off and he told her the reason he didn't do anything for her is that he simply does not believe in valentines. He said he thinks it is commercial and a sham, just ridiculous basically.

Anyway, she told him that he may not care about it but it means the world to her. So now, he always sends a huge thingy of flowers to work every V-Day even though it is not his thing.

The sense I get from your situation is he didn't think the relationship was a relationship yet and he didn't want to make things seem otherwise.

I would advise against letting your mom handle your business. It sets a precedent in a relationship. If a guy I was dating's mom called my home to chime in about something between us, I probably would never call him back. It is possible that's why he didn't call you back.

Young people need to be held accountable in the sense that if they treat you badly everyone will be aware, but it is not the parents' place to handle the childrens' business.
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1) I'm definitely not a Valentine's Day person. It's nothing to me, because you should be like that for your partner on a regular basis. SO is very into it because of how invested he is in the relationship and just feels like he wants to use that day to go the extra mile. Because I am just as passionate about him, I'll compromise and do it because it makes me happy and I realize that with HIM I can enjoy the holiday. Otherwise, it is a sham to get your money and a commercial, materialisitc celebration.

2) I am not against his or her parents being involved at all. A man needs to teach his son how to treat women of all kinds, and correct him with insight when he sees something that can hinder the greatness of that man. The same goes for a woman with her daughter, and opposite sex parents of their kids. However, I wouldn't accept my mother taking it upon herself to fix the situation by "banning" the boy from contacting the OP through his father. She can voice her concern and disapproval, but psh, I'm 23, my SO is 24 and our parents can voice opinions and concerns, but they CANNOT stop us from anything, as long as it's not illegal and nobody's in grave danger.
 
stargoddess said:
i understand where you are coming from but even if it wasnt a life changing thing such as pregnancy it was still disrespectful, yes they were not dating but at the same time they have been talking and inclined that way at the very least they were friends. The parents were involved because her mum kind of brought them together which may mean his father also knew of this situation them getting to know each other

I dont think the OP was too emotionally invested i mean its not like she is crying herself to sleep or anything but just really annoyed n a lil hurt cause of the fact that they have been talking for a while like normal pple do and feelings were getting that little bit deeper hence him saying he likes her and her sharing those feelings. i mean if this guy felt a valentines day gift wasnt warrented then why did he just stop contacting her around valentines day time?? coincidence?? it doesnt seem too likely.
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Him not buying her a gift for V-day was not disrespectful. Inconsiderate- possibly. Disrespectful- no.
 
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