Still have feelings for my ex...

[MaryJane3000]

I'll cut to the chase...I saw him this weekend during homecoming and before i even saw him our casual text messages brought back those friendly feelings. We both have new relationships although he only got into his bc I got a bf and he felt like he needed to catch up. He asked me when I was gonna break up with my bf a while back but I just ignored him.

I always have this strange connection to him and I think maybe our relationship was just too intense and we were both too immature while we were together. Now we live in different states and I'm with a great guy that's almost perfect and I feel like a brat. Has anyone experienced this? How do you break away and leave the past in the past? I really want to move forward and give my all to this new guy but my ex is still in my thoughts. This isnt healthy and I almost feel like I'm cheating.

 

[**SaSSy**]

If you stop calling or texting your ex, you will get over him sooner. Especially since you said ya both live in different states this should be easier.

 

[Windsy]

If it's not too personal...why did you guys break up?

 

[1QTPie]

My advice, cut it out. Think of all the "bad" stuff and keep it moving. It's a choice, don't let the nostalgia get you confused.

 

[MaryJane3000]

Okay this is in the wrong forum, mods can you move it?

And yea, that makes perfect sense but whenever he texts me I always respond and if i dont respond he'll call or send me an email. We have a lot of mutual friends and I think we really started back talking again after one of our friends passed away. We were kinda the only people we could talk to about it and I think that maybe those emotions got twisted into something else.

Is there a polite/non-bridge burning way of going about this? Or should I just be a ****** and then try to repair it later when I'm in a better place?

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

Did you go to Howard or Hampton? I ask cause they had homecoming this weekend.

Anywho....you need to cut off contact. I've not talked to an ex for over 2 years. And even after that time when I did talk to him my heart beat out of my chest and I felt nostalgic for the happy times. It takes time to get over someone.

 

[MaryJane3000]

If it's not too personal...why did you guys break up?

Really we were just immature. Both of us were too sensitive about certain things and would get mad and fight over stuff that wasn't really the issue to begin with.

I broke up with him bc after I moved to DC he wasn't being supportive of me and my job and the stuff I was going through. He was shutting down because he was upset that I took the job but didn't want to say anything about it.

All of our fights when we talked them out later were just misunderstandings or someone being too sensitive bc of something else we didn't talk about. Although we did say things to purposely hurt the other person, which was us being immature.

Sometimes I think our time apart was good because we were both able to grow up and mature but then there's the option of us coming back together. I'm a romantic at heart so I think that true love will always find it's way, and the guy I'm with now I think is the sweetest thing ever and I love a lot about him but I think I can't love him because I'm still holding on. I didn't realize that until I saw my ex and then it all made sense.

Edit: We were together from my freshman year to graduation.

 

[*5+5]

If you have a good guy now then I would say leave the ex in the past!! I've have feelings for 2 guys since my ex and I split and I still felt connected to my ex even tho' I hate to admit it...I think it takes some time to fully get someone out of your system esp if you were deep into each other families.


My ex and I broke up last Sept and I ended all contact with him permanently this past Jan and I still think about him and care about him but I don’t wanna have nothing to do with him.

He recently started begging me back and going hard about 2 months ago which is so out of character for him as the supreme Alpha Male.

He always viewed our breakup as temporary b/c we had a few breakups in the past, I think it shocked him that I was serious. Move fwd girlie!

 

[MaryJane3000]

*5+5 but how did you do it? Did you just tell him you're not gonna talk to him anymore? Did you just start ignoring his calls? I know I'm being a big baby about this I just need to mentally prep myself for this conversation so i dont stray from what I need to say.

 

[*5+5]

@*5+5 but how did you do it? Did you just tell him you're not gonna talk to him anymore? Did you just start ignoring his calls? I know I'm being a big baby about this I just need to mentally prep myself for this conversation so i dont stray from what I need to say.

I was a big baby too and it was so HARD for me to do it and stick with it.

When we broke up in Sept I was working on the west coast until Nov...when I got back to the east coast he was trying to act like we were still together but we weren't. I got frustrated with that and I told him (fighting back tears) about four days after New Years with the new year's resolution wind behind my back that I was done, tired and ready to move on for good!

I prepped myself for the conversation as well by telling myself that I would not allow him to talk me out of my bottomline no matter what he said.

He was like "ok if you say so but I can't help but still call you and want to know that you're ok". I hung up then and edit his contact to read "do not answer" as a reminder for when he called. After that I took it day by day...it was REALLY hard but once I made it thru the 1st month I was good.

The first call I took from him was 4 months later on my B-Day and I was with a new guy on that day and he called me over 5 times before I answered. He got the hint from there. Now he's texting monologues on how he screwed up and wants me back...too late.

 

[Mai Tai]

@*5+5 but how did you do it? Did you just tell him you're not gonna talk to him anymore? Did you just start ignoring his calls? I know I'm being a big baby about this I just need to mentally prep myself for this conversation so i dont stray from what I need to say.

I personally think you are making this a lot harder then it really needs to be. Things like this are pretty black and white for me, and while I understand that everyone is different, I also realize that you have to handle situations like this with your head, and NOT your heart.

1. Do you even want to cease communication with your ex? Be real with yourself first, because if you like the attention you are getting, nothing we say will matter.

2. If you do in fact want to distance yourself, all of that having a conversation about it WITH your ex is not going to work. You need to make up your mind, send him an e-mail, and cut all lines of communication. That means not accepting any calls, text messages, or e-mails from him.

3. You need to also think about how you would feel if your current SO still had feelings for his ex. Still hanging on to feelings that you have for your ex is really unfair for your SO.

 

[MaryJane3000]

I am making it harder than necessary and I still do want to talk to him but I don't want those feelings to be there. Thinking with my head I need to do this but my hearts pretty reluctant. I'm just going to send him an email saying that it's disrespectful to my current SO and call it a day.

Sorry, sometimes I just need to talk things out n I don't really go to my friends with my relationship problems.

 

[Mai Tai]

I am making it harder than necessary and I still do want to talk to him but I don't want those feelings to be there. Thinking with my head I need to do this but my hearts pretty reluctant. I'm just going to send him an email saying that it's disrespectful to my current SO and call it a day.

Sorry, sometimes I just need to talk things out n I don't really go to my friends with my relationship problems.

Don't apologize love...

When I ended things with my ex-fiancé I went through the same emotional roller coaster. Only difference is that I decided that I would never speak to him again BEFORE I broke up with him. The day he moved out, I changed the locks on my apartment, changed cell phone numbers, and put his e-mail address on the spam list.

Every time I felt the need to want to talk to him, I reminded myself of the emotional manipulation he put me through, all the cheating he did, and those impulses slowly but surely died.

The ONLY way I healed and moved on was by cutting him out of my life quickly and efficiently.

 

[Theo]

Did you go to Howard or Hampton? I ask cause they had homecoming this weekend.

Anywho....you need to cut off contact. I've not talked to an ex for over 2 years. And even after that time when I did talk to him my heart beat out of my chest and I felt nostalgic for the happy times. It takes time to get over someone.

LOL I was gonna ask the same thing.

But yeah, the best thing to do would be to cut him off. Its hard to break relationships if you're still maintaining contact with the person

 

[MaryJane3000]

Thanks ladies! I feel better now,lol.

 

[A856]

I'm sorry ( Braxton sister quote..)
"been there done that....got the t-shirt & not goin back...."

It's gonna be hard, go with your heart!

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=577551

 

[ThickHair]

How would you feel if your current BF was doing this? Not good. Grow up and just cease contact. You know you are making this harder than it needs to be.

 

[Country gal]

It seems to me that you still have feelings for him. You need to decide what you want so you don't end up hurting a perfectly good relationship.

 

[ChasingBliss]

@Mai Tai

You are the big sister EVERY girl needs in her life. I swear I love your no nonsense approach to relationships, especially ones we really dont need in our lives. Love reading your posts and I even look for them in these types of threads.



OP, I do wish you the best with your decision...just focus on the possible consequences of it all.

Don't apologize love...

When I ended things with my ex-fiancé I went through the same emotional roller coaster. Only difference is that I decided that I would never speak to him again BEFORE I broke up with him. The day he moved out, I changed the locks on my apartment, changed cell phone numbers, and put his e-mail address on the spam list.

Every time I felt the need to want to talk to him, I reminded myself of the emotional manipulation he put me through, all the cheating he did, and those impulses slowly but surely died.

The ONLY way I healed and moved on was by cutting him out of my life quickly and efficiently.

 

[MaryJane3000]

It seems to me that you still have feelings for him. You need to decide what you want so you don't end up hurting a perfectly good relationship.

Yea, I bucked up and just sent him an email explaining how I felt about it. I'm with a great guy and if i want to move forward then I need to let it go. I kinda just wanted to release my thoughts on it on this forum so I had confirmation that I was doing the right thing despite my emotions tugging me elsewhere. I adore my bf and I think the distance we have right now (he'll be back Novemeber 17th) has given me an idle mind. I feel better and more confident in my decision.

I'll probably always have a soft spot for him but that doesn't mean that we were meant to be or that he was "the one" for me. If he was we'd still be together and that thought gives me comfort. I'll just chalk it up as a growing pain to make me better for my future husband.