Stick it Out or Let it Go?

[TinyBlu]

...so I have really been trying to open my horizons regarding relationships as my nit-pickiness has contributed to me being in my mid 30's and unwed. For the most part, I have done as well as I can considering that I have attempted to get to know a man of a differrent race /background. Though he wasn't the 6 foot, 35 - 40 year old, gainfully employed black man with the body of a god and neatly kept dreadlocks (LOL), I decided to give him a shot bacause he really is a nice guy.

However, as time progresses and we talk more, I am starting to notice that we have a difference of opinion on a lot of core values that I think are important.

For instance, he believes in public school systems. If I have children, I would want them in private school. He SAYS he hates his culture (despite the fact that he speaks Spanish whenever he can and frequents only Latin clubs) and doesn't want his children to know about being Mexican whereas I LOVE everything there is about being Black and spend a lot of time exploring Black history and will DEFINITELY educate my children on where they came from. He likes contemprorary architecture and I like traditional architecture. He believes in a laid back parenting style-to the point of wanting his children to have an apartment like living situation when they reach 16 whereas I believe in a more disciplinarian parenting style (they can get an apartment when THEY pay for it).... the list goes on and on.

I am by no means even remotely entertaining the idea of anything serious at this point, but aren't these things important? I'm not a youngster and I have never been a "just have a good time" kinda girl.

He's indicated that he is looking for something long term and I am not sure if we have the glue to even go there. Add that to the fact that he is not even 30 yet and lives 4 states away... that doesn't equal a successful formula for relationship.

So is this valid?

 

[hopeful]

Let it go...

 

[NaturalRed]

Let it go...

I concur....

 

[choctaw]

...So is this valid?

gurl, its a WRAP ...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

LOL at the comments above me!!!

Can I ask you something OP?? How long have you two been dating?

I don't mind so much the differences in public school vs. private school, or differing architectural styles. Those types of things or preferences can change over time or with age.

The main thing that bugs me about him is probably his age (how mature is he?), the distance, and the fact that he puts down his culture. If you and a man don't have certain CORE values in common, then that is a recipie for disaster. Especially if you two don't agree on how to raise kids, whether you two even WANT kids, etc.

HOw long have you two been dating though? Because this seems like awfully pretty "heavy" conversation for someone you've only been seeing for a few months....IF you two have only been dating for a few months. I guess better to know now than later?? Idk....

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

The fact that he doesn't like his own culture would be it for me. That is a huge turn off. Living four states a way is a no go too. His age is not a biggie as long as he's mature enough for you. But with the other two things I couldn't do it. I wouldn't waste anymore time with this one... on to the next. If I was you.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I would let it go. The culture thing wouldn't bother me so much but my mate and I MUST agree on parenting.

 

[TinyBlu]

LOL at the comments above me!!!

Can I ask you something OP?? How long have you two been dating?

I don't mind so much the differences in public school vs. private school, or differing architectural styles. Those types of things or preferences can change over time or with age.

The main thing that bugs me about him is probably his age (how mature is he?), the distance, and the fact that he puts down his culture. If you and a man don't have certain CORE values in common, then that is a recipie for disaster. Especially if you two don't agree on how to raise kids, whether you two even WANT kids, etc.

HOw long have you two been dating though? Because this seems like awfully pretty "heavy" conversation for someone you've only been seeing for a few months....IF you two have only been dating for a few months. I guess better to know now than later?? Idk....

We have known each other for two years, but have crossed into something more since June, so not long. I use the term "Dating" loosely as there is nothing serious going on for the reasons I have mentioned"

These topics have come up over various conversations but when I put them together, I'm like.... maybe I should just let it go. I DO tend to be VERY picky though, so I welcome input.

 

[TinyBlu]

The fact that he doesn't like his own culture would be it for me. That is a huge turn off. Living four states a way is a no go too. His age is not a biggie as long as he's mature enough for you. But with the other two things I couldn't do it. I wouldn't waste anymore time with this one... on to the next. If I was you.

Unfortunately, since I travel 70% of the time with my job, I end up in LD "relationships". The culture thing bothers me too especially since he SAYS he hates it, but his actions say otherwise. From what I've seen, he embraces it.

Not telling your kids they're Mexican? WTH?? If he doesn't tell them, society will. Disturbing...

 

[Fab_Nikki]

Some differences are good, but these sound like a bit much. I'd let it go also.

 

[southerncitygirl]

in the words of the late great teddy p:
"i think you betta let go,looks like another love tko..............".
a person who hates who they are race, culture or otherwise would be of no benefit to you, girlie.

 

[awhyley]

He likes contemprorary architecture and I like traditional architecture. He believes in a laid back parenting style-to the point of wanting his children to have an apartment like living situation when they reach 16 whereas I believe in a more disciplinarian parenting style (they can get an apartment when THEY pay for it).... the list goes on and on.

That the? That part has me more concerned than anything else. Keep being picky, cause this ain't the one.

 

[ExoticCutie]

My ex-husband and I had differences of opinions when we first started dating and I thought it would work itself out. I didn't listen to the warning bells that were going off inside my head that something was seriously wrong. I thought being married and having a family would solve our problems. Boy, I had no idea how wrong I was. If you have to ask this question now I think you should let it go.

 

[caltron]

If you all had totally different religious beliefs or totally different opinion on having children or not, then I would say let it go because there is no compromising on issues like that. However, I think you are in a situation where you both are going to have to do a lot of soul searching to figure out how much each of these issues mean to you.

On the face of it, it doesn't sound like there isn't any reason why you two wouldn't be able to compromise on most of these issues. For instance, on the public/private school thing, if your kids go to public school, you could insist that it be a public school in an exclusive area because there really wouldn't be much difference price wise or education wise. The parenting style may be an issue but maybe not depending on your personalities. Usually, the parent who cares the most about it will win out, with the other parent providing some balance. The culture thing may be an issue or may be something he's just running off at the mouth about. In time you'd know whether it should be a dealbreaker.

The different preferences on the architecture, I'm going to be honest, just seems pretty trivial to me.

One question I have is whether you both are people who are willing and able to make compromises. Most people have a few issues that are dealbreakers, but when you have too many you have to ask yourself if you're not continuing to set impossibly high standards. No one person is ever going to match your preferences 100%.