Steve Harvey's Strawberry Letter 8/31/2011

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
Did anybody hear about this chic talking about she is single, 36, no kids and if she is not married with kids by 40 she will kill herself. Is it that serious? Do we need to have a support group for sistas who will never walk down the isle and never get a chance to PUSH PUSH. I have a friend like this but I thought it was just her but daaaang, this really is an issue.
 
WOWZERS.....I think it is that serious for some.

We need to page the LHCF Married Warriors to this thread STAT!!!!


Why is it THAT serious that someone will kill themselves IF they don't make it to the altar?
 
Man I missed it:wallbash: I used to say if I didn't have children by the time I was 25 (hahaha:rolleyes:) that I would be AIed but I wouldn't think to harm myself. She needs therapy and I feel bad for her.

If you care I'm 27 and looks like I won't be having any kids anytime soon. I'm ok with that...for now:look:.
 
I know lonliness ain't no joke and it gets worse when you are hormonal but to kill yourself about it is totally deep. But then now I wonder how many sisters out there really do feel suicidal and are just silent sufferes because they feel they have to live up to the strong black woman paradigm? It makes me wonder and also just how many black women HAVE killed themselves yet nobody knew why because they were suffering in silence? All I can offer is support to my sista girls. It's rough and lord knows dating ain't easy.................its a hot mess everywhere but yall please keep ya heads up! Oh and if it does get serious, please seek some help. Blacks are still hung on the take to God thing and don't get me wrong, I love me some Jesus too but sometimes you need someone you can verbilize with so please don't be ashamed to seek professional help.
 
I wondered if the SHMS took her seriously. They can be clown at times and don't know how to act. This is a very serious issue and I'm not talking about being single and not having a family, etc., but the fact that she expressed herself on live radio via letter that she is contemplating suicide.
 
A person who is depressed needs help. I hope the SHMS connected her with the nearest helpline or free mental health clinic in her area.

Suicide is nothing to joke about. A mental health issue is an issue which needs to be addressed. It is not about marriage and kids. I hope she gets the help she needs and if anyone here feels that way, I hope you can reach out and get help too.
 
I listened to that strawberry letter. They did take it very seriously and did not clown even with lavell crawford on the show. this letter really connected with my situation in life right now although I'm 10 years toner than her and I do not desire children. Because not only has she never been married, had children, she's never been in a romantic relationship either. I could easily see myself in the same position in 10 years but hopefully I won't be contemplating suicide. most of the people saying that it's not that serious probably already been married, have children, or serious romantic relationships. It's easy to dismiss the seriousness of her feelings because they just don't understand what out it feels like to desire something so much that seems to easily come to most people but seems impossible for you. Even after trying everything including taking it to God. It's deeper than just getting a husband and having children. it's trying to figure out what exactly makes you so different that you can't possibly do what so many others seem to do so easily. The possibilities of facing life of perpetual spinster hood unwillingly. You seem to try to do everything right but nothing ever works out for you when you see so many others doing everything wrong and still getting the things that always miss you. It's the not knowing why and not being able to fix it. It's the feeling helpless about your life situation.
 
emerald06 said:
A person who is depressed needs help. I hope the SHMS connected her with the nearest helpline or free mental health clinic in her area.

Suicide is nothing to joke about. A mental health issue is an issue which needs to be addressed. It is not about marriage and kids. I hope she gets the help she needs and if anyone here feels that way, I hope you can reach out and get help too.
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They did give out the number to the suicide prevention line. That letter was really sad. I hope that young lady can learn to love herself and not do something so destructive like that.
 
softblackcotton said:
I listened to that strawberry letter. They did take it very seriously and did not clown even with lavell crawford on the show. this letter really connected with my situation in life right now although I'm 10 years toner than her and I do not desire children. Because not only has she never been married, had children, she's never been in a romantic relationship either. I could easily see myself in the same position in 10 years but hopefully I won't be contemplating suicide. most of the people saying that it's not that serious probably already been married, have children, or serious romantic relationships. It's easy to dismiss the seriousness of her feelings because they just don't understand what out it feels like to desire something so much that seems to easily come to most people but seems impossible for you. Even after trying everything including taking it to God. It's deeper than just getting a husband and having children. it's trying to figure out what exactly makes you so different that you can't possibly do what so many others seem to do so easily. The possibilities of facing life of perpetual spinster hood unwillingly. You seem to try to do everything right but nothing ever works out for you when you see so many others doing everything wrong and still getting the things that always miss you. It's the not knowing why and not being able to fix it. It's the feeling helpless about your life situation.
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Well said, ESPECIALLY the bolded.
 
I always said I would convert to Catholicism and become a nun. :ohwell:
Sometimes all the positive thinking in the world won't make a difference. :look:
 
softblackcotton said:
I listened to that strawberry letter. They did take it very seriously and did not clown even with lavell crawford on the show. this letter really connected with my situation in life right now although I'm 10 years toner than her and I do not desire children. Because not only has she never been married, had children, she's never been in a romantic relationship either. I could easily see myself in the same position in 10 years but hopefully I won't be contemplating suicide. most of the people saying that it's not that serious probably already been married, have children, or serious romantic relationships. It's easy to dismiss the seriousness of her feelings because they just don't understand what out it feels like to desire something so much that seems to easily come to most people but seems impossible for you. Even after trying everything including taking it to God. It's deeper than just getting a husband and having children. it's trying to figure out what exactly makes you so different that you can't possibly do what so many others seem to do so easily. The possibilities of facing life of perpetual spinster hood unwillingly. You seem to try to do everything right but nothing ever works out for you when you see so many others doing everything wrong and still getting the things that always miss you. It's the not knowing why and not being able to fix it. It's the feeling helpless about your life situation.
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Girl you speak as if you have a true gift of understanding. I hope you become a psychologist or something. Everytime I read your posts, it's like you break it down effortlessly. I know many sistas mean well when they say concentrate on yourself, travel, think positive, or the issue is deeper than wanting a husband and kids but its as simple as what you said. People say travel the world while you are single................okay cool...........give me the money!! Concentrate on yourself..........been doing that for like 10 years now.........so now what? Think positive............are you serious? It's hard to think positive when those around you are all married with children and you aren't. It's hard to think positive when our entire society puts an emphasis on relationships, sex etc. It's hard to think positive when people constantly ask, why aren't you married or have kids? So you want me to go la la la, everything is gonna be alright. I don't have a man even though I'm programmed to desire a man but la la la, let me supress those desires and live in denial and try to make it work. :perplexed Not that easy. For me it helps to have single girlfriends who are childless cause then we are all in the same boat. I say childless because the ones who are single with children have an obligation to their children and you can't always hang out with them and sometimes can't always relate to them. But I just wanna say thanks sista for breakin it down! Spoken like a true warrior woman!:look:
 
Honestly, how likely do you think it is to attract a quality man who wants to marry you into your life when you feel angry, bitter, and negative about your love life?
 
lushcoils said:
Honestly, how likely do you think it is to attract a quality man who wants to marry you into your life when you feel angry, bitter, and negative about your love life?
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See that's what most people ASSUME. Truth is, most single women feel good about their life and their accomplishments, they just want that one missing element. Most of my single friends, including myself aren't moping around feeling angry and bitter about our love life, we are just wondering what's up?
 
Okay, you came off as being negative/angry/bitter about your situation when you posted this:

Brighteyes35 said:
It's hard to think positive when those around you are all married with children and you aren't. It's hard to think positive when our entire society puts an emphasis on relationships, sex etc. It's hard to think positive when people constantly ask, why aren't you married or have kids? So you want me to go la la la, everything is gonna be alright. I don't have a man even though I'm programmed to desire a man but la la la, let me supress those desires and live in denial and try to make it work. :perplexed Not that easy.
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lushcoils said:
Honestly, how likely do you think it is to attract a quality man who wants to marry you into your life when you feel angry, bitter, and negative about your love life?
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When people mentioned this it really hits a nerve. If you think positive and keep your hopes up and see no forward motion after years of being single and preparing yourself for what you want everyone will get to a point when they start to wonder what is going on. All the positive thinking in the world may not change you situation. You all say it like it is THE answer.

Like others have mentioned you see other people have everything they want just fall into there laps with little to no effort and you start to think to yourself what am I missing, what am I doing wrong. :ohwell:

I feel for the woman who wrote the letter because I can identify with those feelings of hopelessness and wondering why you have been passed up.
 
lushcoils said:
Okay, you came off as being negative/angry/bitter about your situation when you posted this:
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I think babyu summed it up pretty well. And I think what happened is you read my post and took it to mean that's how I feel about life all day, everyday. No, not at all. Girl I travel, go out with friends, stay prayed up, avoid love stories like the plague and try to enjoy my single life as much as I can but there comes a time when you do wonder what is going on and you cannot deny the feelings of wanting someone and on those PARTICULAR days you do feel down. I'm not sure why people cannot understand this. I don't know if the people who can't understand are already in relationships, or married or aren't in the dating game or what have you. As strong as Jesus was, he even got down a little about his situation. He asked why was he foresaken.
 
babyu21 said:
When people mentioned this it really hits a nerve. If you think positive and keep your hopes up and see no forward motion after years of being single and preparing yourself for what you want everyone will get to a point when they start to wonder what is going on. All the positive thinking in the world may not change you situation. You all say it like it is THE answer.

Like others have mentioned you see other people have everything they want just fall into there laps with little to no effort and you start to think to yourself what am I missing, what am I doing wrong. :ohwell:

I feel for the woman who wrote the letter because I can identify with those feelings of hopelessness and wondering why you have been passed up.
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Girl thank you so much. Broken down very well. Yes single ladies can be positive but they are also human and will have bad days. I cannot understand why people don't understand this. I know many sistas mean well and are trying to be helpful and I do appreciate that but I think the ones who don't understand are perhaps in different situations. I dunno what the deal is.
 
Lol, if you know my posts, it's obvious that I am probably even less likely to be in a relationship than all of you who get approached everyday. But I still don't understand being suicidal about it. Extremely depressed, yes I get that somewhat. But I feel one should try to get over that.

(The following may not apply to any of you since you are happy with you situation, but...) I don't know; I think it's because I just had a friend who passed from cancer in her 20s and she was positive and happy through her whole treatment. Never complained about it. If you met her, you wouldn't even know she was dying from cancer. And here I am being upset I don't have a man and that I can hardly attract one, when life could be so much worse. I think it has changed my perspective on things.

But I will stop it with the unnecessary positive talk and slightly off topic tangents. I'm glad you all happy and are enjoying your lives. I hope it works out for everyone. I guess all you can do right now is wait and ask for patience. :)


ETA: Life isn't fair in general. Why do some women get asked out every day and others maybe once a year? Why do some marry and some do not marry (when they want to)? Why do some of us get to live long lives and others don't? Why are some women naturally shaped like Beyonce and others shaped like Ke$ha? What can we do about it? :ohwell:

But you have a right to feel the way you feel. Believe me, I get upset about it sometimes too. :yep:
 
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lushcoils said:
Lol, if you know my posts, it's obvious that I am probably even less likely to be in a relationship than all of you who get approached everyday. But I still don't understand being suicidal about it. Extremely depressed, yes I get that somewhat. But I feel one should try to get over that.

(The following may not apply to any of you since you are happy with you situation, but...) I don't know; I think it's because I just had a friend who passed from cancer in her 20s and she was positive and happy through her whole treatment. Never complained about it. If you met her, you wouldn't even know she was dying from cancer. And here I am being upset I don't have a man and that I can hardly attract one, when life could be so much worse. I think it has changed my perspective on things.

But I will stop it with the unnecessary positive talk and slightly off topic tangents. I'm glad you all happy and are enjoying your lives. I hope it works out for everyone. I guess all you can do right now is wait and ask for patience. :)
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Spoken like a true warrior woman! Your friend is an inspiration.

I do wanna say this.............My father died of cancer and I went through major depression after his death. Depression ain't no joke and it's hard to get over it. I can understand how so many sistas get stuck in that depression rut and can't get out. I was depressed for at least a year after my father passed away and I mean his battle with cancer was a nasty one which made my depression worse. That's why I am a BIG advocate of counseling. Yes you can take it to Jesus and I love me some Jesus BUT Jesus made the counselors too and people need to utilize them. :yep:

I don't want you to shy away from putting in your two cents cause sistas like you are def an asset and we do need to help each other out but sometimes things are a lot more complicated.

Thanks for your posts!
 
Whenever I get down about being alone I try to list the positives of being single and think of all the little things my married friends tell me they miss. For a laugh I think about the time my married friend told me "babyu21 at least when you smell a fart at night you know you did it." the way she said it like she was so blown still makes me laugh.

But I think Lenny Williams put it best when he said "You know, sometimes you get lonely
You get lonely, you get lonely" and in those moments I find it hard to stay as positive as I want to be.
 
babyu21 said:
Whenever I get down about being alone I try to list the positives of being single and think of all the little things my married friends tell me they miss. For a laugh I think about the time my married friend told me "babyu21 at least when you smell a fart at night you know you did it." the way she said it like she was so blown still makes me laugh.

But I think Lenny Williams put it best when he said "You know, sometimes you get lonely
You get lonely, you get lonely" and in those moments I find it hard to stay as positive as I want to be.
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LOL! Now that was truly funny. I have two coworkers who told me if it weren't for their kids, they would not be married to their husbands. It's statements like these that make me proud that I didn't do anything hasty in the past and thankful for being single. But now what Lenny Williams said is real DEEP. I went to a mostly white college and befriended mostly white and Asian women. It was all good while we were single because we traveled, hung out, had fun, innocently flirted with guys and nobody really cared about being in a relationship. We loved being single. It wasn't until after graduation that they all started meeting their boyfriends and would eventually marry their boyfriends and I didn't have ANYONE! I found myself lonely, had nobody to go out with or nobody to travel with. Making friends was a lot harder because I was out of a school environment and dating was the pits. I just couldn't understand why I wasn't meeting any decent guys and neither could any of my friends. It's in this period that I found myself EXTREMELY LONELY the way Lenny Williams broke it down. That description was on point because my lonliness dragged on and on and on.................... I did bounce back and started doing my own thang but that lonliness creeps up in more ways than one no matter what.
 
I wished so many people would understand that its really deeper than just having a man or a child per se. It's the sense of belonging. No matter what the cause of depression is, it is a serious issue. Everyone is different. I have two sisters whose husbands both died of a form of cancer (they married men 15 and 20 yrs older) One of my sisters went into major depression and has not dated anyone now in over 9yrs and is VERY bitter. Take my other sister (she had breast cancer with reconstruction) she is going through the loss of her husband but she is still living her life and now pursuing her Master's in special education with a positive outlook on life. They both have nice homes (paid for) etc. and good friends and family but one is very depressed, bitter, and angry.

So it is really easier said than done. I mean I totally understand what it feels like when one asks about your singleness and being childless. I even know a married (white) lady who felt like dying because she wanted a baby so badly! She finally had a baby and she is the happiest person I know. The bottom line is when one has a sense of loss no matter what form in which it may present itself it will cause one to be depressed and detached. Some people are open and seek help while others are not.
 
lushcoils said:
Honestly, how likely do you think it is to attract a quality man who wants to marry you into your life when you feel angry, bitter, and negative about your love life?
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I so agree. The more I think about it and see positive things coming into my life the more I realize it's so internal. Everyone needs to really self reflect about their lives if there is something they truly desire like marriage and family. What is it about you or your situation that is keeping you from being found by that best person? There is a reason that young woman is single.

Believe me I know what it's like for real to see everything you want in your life happening to other people. It's very easy to say Well what about me? Hell there was a time I was lonely and depressed over being single and dealing with a lot of bad first dates. It took alot of self reflection on my part that I started months ago. I'm in a totally different mindset these days.
 
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lushcoils said:
Tell her to create a vision board and think positively.
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I contemplated how to respond to this or even if I should. But I think it needs to be said.

I completely understand what you mean about positivity reigning supreme. However, I've experienced that no matter how well-intentioned it may be, telling someone who's going through grief, depression, disease, or whatever "negativity" to essentially "suck it up and be positive" is incredibly dismissive and insensitive. How is saying something like adding to positivity or motivating someone to be positive?

Trust me, I was the poster child for that type of belief, and I've come to learn that life isn't so black or white. Sometimes you attract more bees with honey..

One of the flack that the positive-thought "missionaries" (I honestly can't think of a good word for it right now) is that it seems to imply that people who face tragedy or bad things are going through those because of their own bad thoughts. Basically, they are to blame. I think such implications are so misguided, demonstrate a minimal understanding of law of attraction, etc.

I firmly believe that everything is designed to lead to good/God. You never know why people go through the things they go through. It may not be a punishment for "negative" thinking. It could be so that they can be "one with the people" so they can actually help someone else. Maybe they are a vehicle for someone else to learn love and hope. Maybe they are to be an inspiration. Maybe there is something beautiful for them to learn through this experience.

I don't know what it is. But I do know that we have a responsibility to be compassionate and not assume that because we've learned certain tools (positivity, etc) that we can be trivializing (intentionally or not) of other people's experiences.
 
liberationtheory said:
However, I've experienced that no matter how well-intentioned it may be, telling someone who's going through grief, depression, disease, or whatever "negativity" to essentially "suck it up and be positive" is incredibly dismissive and insensitive. How is saying something like adding to positivity or motivating someone to be positive?
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First, where did I say to suck it up?

Here's a quote that I like:

"Positive thinking doesn't mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life's less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way."


Second, I was being slightly facetious when I made that comment because it annoys me when I bring up men issues and the answers I get are to just smile and be confident, and men will come. I'm like :perplexed that hasn't helped at all, but ok. lol
 
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