Squandered Trust Fund

[Transformer]

Help! My Siblings Squandered Their Trust Funds. Now They Want Mine.

They say it’s what our parents would have wanted.

slate.com

Dear Prudence,

My parents died when my siblings and I were very young. Their estate was divided equally into three separate trusts for our education. Anything left over after graduating would be paid out when we turned 25. I watch my siblings squander theirs by failing out of college, renting needlessly expensive apartments, and getting pregnant twice. While they’re doing all right now, neither had anything left in their trust by their 25th birthdays. I applied for multiple scholarships, lived with roommates, and worked through school. Even with my master’s degree, I still have more than half my trust left. I turned 25 recently and have been planning to buy a house. I mentioned this to my brother, who was surprised to learn I had enough money left to do so. My sister was more than surprised. She was furious and called me to rant about the “unfairness” of it all. She felt “cheated” that her baby sister might buy a house before she did, because she needed it more as a single mom!

I guess I threw fuel on the fire by reminding her that we had the same opportunities but made different choices. Somehow that turned into me looking down on her kids and hating my nephews. Since then she has roused the rest of the family against me. I “owe” her and my brother financial help, because apparently that’s what our parents would have wanted. I blocked my sister’s number after she demanded I give the rest of my trust to her kids, “the grandchildren our parents would have wanted.” I told her it was laughable to consider that our parents would be happy about their daughter getting pregnant at 20 and dropping out of school. She called me a *****. Everything is falling apart now. I feel hunted. What do I do?

 

[Lissa0821]

Live her best life. Any dollar she ever hands over from her portion of the trust will be squandered as well until she is at the same level as her siblings. So it is in her best interest to do what is best for her. It might helpful to keep all future plans with her portion of the trust fund to herself too...

 

[Transformer]

I wish I had created separated trust funds....I only created one with beneficiaries.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I would cease any and all communication with these entitled losers.

 

[Evolving78]

I bet she will keep her mouth closed next time. I don’t feel sorry for her, but yeah she needs to distance herself for her safety. She knew what she was doing and she knows how her siblings would react.

 

[lavaflow99]

She needs to start moving in silence and stop telling people what she wants to do with her own money.

Time to distance herself, stop answering phone calls from family, and do her. She earned it with her hard work so she should be able to enjoy the fruits in peace.

 

[Transformer]

You know, I could see my son saying something like “ mom and dad would have wanted their grandchildren to be able to do....”

 

[dancinstallion]

I bet she will keep her mouth closed next time. I don’t feel sorry for her, but yeah she needs to distance herself for her safety. She knew what she was doing and she knows how her siblings would react.

I thought she was just sharing her plans with her siblings. Buying a house is exciting. She shouldn't have to be quiet about her plans because her siblings squandered their money and made poor choices. The siblings should be happy for her. Since they are not she should forget about them. And she should stop talking to the rest of the family that are against her. Family can be worse than enemies.

At age 25 I would have said something too. Now at 35 I know not to say anything to my siblings.

 

[fula97]

The sister is insane and the rest of the family isn't too bright. SHe owes none of them anything and I wonder at the lack of sense the rest of the family have to turn on her. Since I have no problems cutting folks off I would do so. But if not never forget and never bring up anything to do with finances. But that is the height of entitlement to think you deserve more that your share because you sqandereid and spit out spawn

And she is only 25 so she shouldn't have money set aside for her future kids

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Her only mistake was telling them she had money left over. It’s not unusual for a 25 year old to buy a house without a trust fund so she didn’t need to offer an explanation about where the money was coming from.

Her family has revealed their character so all she can do now is act accordingly.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

As somebody who has been financially exploited by my family as were my close friends when we were young adults, I feel her pain. Everybody makes a big deal about family business being kept in the family but then when you're young and making moves you're not supposed to talk about it with family because they are going to prey on you like you are some stranger off the street.

I think the girl in the OP is doing the right thing by cutting off communication with her family and hopefully she'll get over the guilt feelings.

 

[Zaz]

I'm on kinda the other end of the spectrum. I dated a guy who's dad left him 20%, but his two half siblings (on dad's side) got 40%+40% each. He figured (the dad) that my dude would get his other 20% when his mother passed, from what she got in the divorce settlement.
His (my guy) half siblings on the mother's side who were raised by the dad felt majorly hurt to be left out. Fast forward 2 years after the dad died though, my guy ran through his inheritance, which was partly supposed to be for his kids' college fund. I left him, not gonna lie, when he started running out of money cuz I would watch him make the dumbest decisions in the world over money, and he had other faults.

Point being, he never asked, but the siblings would have never offered part of their $2 million to make up for the fact his dumbass ran through $1 million in two years
eta he also never offered the 2 left out siblings any part of his inheritance from the dad.

 

[Evolving78]

I thought she was just sharing her plans with her siblings. Buying a house is exciting. She shouldn't have to be quiet about her plans because her siblings squandered their money and made poor choices. The siblings should be happy for her. Since they are not she should forget about them. And she should stop talking to the rest of the family that are against her. Family can be worse than enemies.

At age 25 I would have said something too. Now at 35 I know not to say anything to my siblings.

I disagree. I think that’s a very naive thing to say.

 

[weaveadiva]

Help! My Siblings Squandered Their Trust Funds. Now They Want Mine.

They say it’s what our parents would have wanted.

slate.com

I feel hunted. What do I do?

Buy your house and luxuriate.

 

[Transformer]

I disagree. I think that’s a very naive thing to say.

but you’re naive at 25.

by the way she should have told her sister that the parents would want her to own a house and probably didn’t want grandchildren

 

[Evolving78]

but you’re naive at 25.

by the way she should have told her sister that the parents would want her to own a house and probably didn’t want grandchildren

I disagree. Her family didn’t start behaving like that overnight. The tone of the letter seemed condescending, with a touch of bragging and self-righteousness. She wasn’t naive about all of the right decisions she made regarding her education and finances, so like I said, she knew what she was doing when she told her sister her personal financial business. She knew that would make her sister feel some kind of way. Her siblings are self absorbed, manipulating, and entitled. She knew telling her sister would trigger someone. I don’t get innocence from the tone of the letter. I get arrogance.

 

[Lylddlebit]

When someone owns something they do with it what they will. People need to concern themselves with handling their own business to reduce the negative impact of others on them. That said, they squandered their money and now they are experiencing the consequences of it. I remember when I was the first to buy a house and how my eldest sibling reacted compared to the responsible younger ones. You don't have to tell people you bought a house for them to recognize you bought a house lol. Her telling her siblings wasn't the catalyst, I promise. Instead, it's simply hard for people to be happy for you when they aren't happy with themselves. Equality sounds nice but it comes with negative consequences when it's one-sided. People who are used to being carried develop entitlement and depend on it. People who are used to working hard and being competent need to, in kind, need to develop nonchalance and carefree satisfaction. You can care about valid thing without being inundated by foolishness.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

I thought she was just sharing her plans with her siblings. Buying a house is exciting. She shouldn't have to be quiet about her plans because her siblings squandered their money and made poor choices. The siblings should be happy for her. Since they are not she should forget about them. And she should stop talking to the rest of the family that are against her. Family can be worse than enemies.

At age 25 I would have said something too. Now at 35 I know not to say anything to my siblings.

I disagree. Her family didn’t start behaving like that overnight. The tone of the letter seemed condescending, with a touch of bragging and self-righteousness. She wasn’t naive about all of the right decisions she made regarding her education and finances, so like I said, she knew what she was doing when she told her sister her personal financial business. She knew that would make her sister feel some kind of way. Her siblings are self absorbed, manipulating, and entitled. She knew telling her sister would trigger someone. I don’t get innocence from the tone of the letter. I get arrogance.

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ― Anaïs Nin
None of us know what's in her heart or what her intentions were (heck, she may not even know), but we know what the wise thing for her to do is. Let's hope she does, too.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I would laugh in their faces and keep living life.

 

[Evolving78]

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ― Anaïs Nin
None of us know what's in her heart or what her intentions were (heck, she may not even know), but we know what the wise thing for her to do is. Let's hope she does, too.

Nah. I know when somebody is being sincere and when somebody is being a jerk. But I hope she has learned her lesson. It’s better to show them, than tell them. Share your success with people that care about you and have your best interest at heart.
“When people show you who they are, believe them.”- Maya Angelou

 

[caribeandiva]

As somebody who has been financially exploited by my family as were my close friends when we were young adults, I feel her pain.

Same. It hurts like hell and causes trust issues like you wouldn’t believe! I agree with you that the girl in the OP is doing the right thing distancing herself. Smart girl! I was afraid she was gonna give in to them and let them squander her inheritance too.

 

[caribeandiva]

Point being, he never asked, but the siblings would have never offered part of their $2 million to make up for the fact his dumbass ran through $1 million in two years

 

[Zaz]

He started a business, I helped him launch it, but eventually it was like, I can't have a child with a man who's so terrible with money

 

[prettyinpurple]

but you’re naive at 25.

by the way she should have told her sister that the parents would want her to own a house and probably didn’t want grandchildren

I agree.

I disagree. Her family didn’t start behaving like that overnight. The tone of the letter seemed condescending, with a touch of bragging and self-righteousness. She wasn’t naive about all of the right decisions she made regarding her education and finances, so like I said, she knew what she was doing when she told her sister her personal financial business. She knew that would make her sister feel some kind of way. Her siblings are self absorbed, manipulating, and entitled. She knew telling her sister would trigger someone. I don’t get innocence from the tone of the letter. I get arrogance.

This is that mid-20s arrogance when you don't know much about life, but think that you do. So yes she is still naive regarding life matters.

I don't think that she told them about the house out of malice though. Just sharing exciting news with her family, probably even more so bc both parents are no longer here.

 

[Evolving78]

I agree.


This is that mid-20s arrogance when you don't know much about life, but think that you do. So yes she is still naive regarding life matters.

I don't think that she told them about the house out of malice though. Just sharing exciting news with her family, probably even more so bc both parents are no longer here.

I disagree. Twenty-Five is not that naive. They do have discernment and common sense.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I disagree. Twenty-Five is not that naive. They do have discernment and common sense.

Okay agree to disagree.

There's now way that I could look at a group of 25 year old people and think that they are full of discernment and common sense lol. They usually just don't have enough life experience. In this case, it sounds like she went to undergrad and then straight to grad school. If that is true, she hasn't lived fully in the real world yet (despite living with roommates and working through college).

ETA: She always had the trust fund as a backup too despite the roommates, scholarships and working through college. You live your life a lot differently knowing that it's there. More reason that she was naive.

 

[caribeandiva]

He started a business, I helped him launch it, but eventually it was like, I can't have a child with a man who's so terrible with money

Smart move on your part. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had kids with him?

 

[Zaz]

Smart move on your part. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had kids with him?

They'd have no college fund cuz we drank it all away at 5* hotels and expensive dinners

 

[Zaz]

This conversation is everything.
Language though. But you need to get to *** you level, and stay there, if you squander it, can't stick by you.

 

[caribeandiva]

They'd have no college fund cuz we drank it all away at 5* hotels and expensive dinners

Hey, it ain’t half bad