Spinoff- Relaxer "Nazism"

[Soliel185]

During my Corporate career, the questioning never stopped. Appalling and overwhelming. Most people cannot handle that type of rascist abuse on the job( can you wash your hair? can I touch it? etc etc....).

To the bolded: I wouldn't consider that "racist abuse". But perhaps I'm in the minority. Children ask questions about things they do not understand so that they can learn - perhaps the people that approached you were tactless, or even rude, but IMO that hardly amounts to abuse...

I'd rather someone ask me a "dumb" question than continue believing in faulty information.

 

[BostonMaria]

I'm curious:
Do women with tighter curls (like tight 4a/4b) get more hassle from relaxed militants than those with looser curls(type 2's and 3's)? I would think so because of the old "straighter-the-better" mentality. Or does it depend more on where you are? I'm from NYC and get a different vibe about my hair there then I do when in London... What do you think?
BTW: Sorry if I offended anyone with the term. Let's keep it civil please!

Gotta love spin-offs
I'm posting this before reading any responses. I am 3c and I still get the occasional "when are you going to get a relaxer?" from people. I think that now its not as frequent because my hair is longer. When it was just short and "nappy" I got alot of flack from my fellow Latina friends/co-workers. I think it was mainly because they weren't used to seeing me with big poofy hair. Did I mention how much I love big poofy hair? LOL My AA friends/co-workers love it.

I used to get the "cuando te vas a desrizar" (see English version up top LOL) at the salon and because I fear they will put that crap in my deep conditioner, I stopped going to the salon completely so I won't have to catch a case

 

[Ramya]

To the bolded: I wouldn't consider that "racist abuse". But perhaps I'm in the minority. Children ask questions about things they do not understand so that they can learn - perhaps the people that approached you were tactless, or even rude, but IMO that hardly amounts to abuse...

I'd rather someone ask me a "dumb" question than continue believing in faulty information.

Right! I don't consider the questions a 'bad' thing. Some people really just don't know. I'm really nice about it and sometimes look I might even let them touch it. If natural hair isn't the norm surely people will have questions and misconceptions about it.

 

[Aviah]

Good responses, but I noticed the topic is going a little off... Could you ladies state what your hair type is, where you are (if you haven't already) and if/ how you feel that contributes to your encounters with people's comments about your natural hair (particularly negative ones?)

 

[glamazon386]

Yes... IME, the tighter the curl pattern (or the lack thereof) the more flack. I do think that it varies sometimes with how the hair is styled too.

 

[Soliel185]

Good responses, but I noticed the topic is going a little off... Could you ladies state what your hair type is, where you are (if you haven't already) and if/ how you feel that contributes to your encounters with people's comments about your natural hair (particularly negative ones?)

Based on old pics I have of my natural hair, and what I see growing in I believe I'm a 4 a/b mix with some 3c around the edges.

I'm currently transitioning. I'm 16 months post and I wear my hair in a variety of styles - some textured, and some straight.

I live in Scottsdale, AZ. Previously I lived in New Jersey. I've never had any negative reactions to my natural hair. But that doesn't mean people didn't feel a certain way about it. Sometimes my Mom would tell me to "do" something with it, or point out my "peas" but I never had any corporate issues.

Here in AZ when I started wearing braid outs about 2 months ago, I noticed a lot of curiosity, and several men sort of followed me. Like in stores and stuff. They didn't know I could see them through my hair. Some people looked shocked or surprised, one woman in Sally's offered to help me find something to "control" it (she was another customer) and a stylist at Ulta started gushing over it while I was shopping.

I know most people have stated the the most negative reactions are from other AA's, and to be honest I'm almost never in a majority AA situation. I recently went to Louisiana with my SO - he's from there - and it seemed like EVERYONE had straight hair, or a 3b and looser texture.

 

[R4L]

I got grief when I was growing out my relaxer in college. But.....my family was right. When I did show up at some events my hair looked a hot mess!!!! I could have done a better job of transitioning. There was no reason to leave the house looking tore up! Now that I've been natural for years, and it's all one texture - everyone's cool [as long as I don't show up looking like a hot mess].

 

[addaboutmyhair]

LOL. Very true though. I have to love on myself hard to make up for all the negativity. I live in Los Angeles, grew up in private schools with all white people, and I'm dark skinned with natural hair and nowhere near a size 2. Lets just say, I've always stuck out and many times been criticized for it. The standard of beauty here is so jacked up in so many ways so I just like to do my part to counteract the negativity.

I find it interesting that we are so quick to throw blame on each other though, and not look at ourselves. I try my very best to extol the positives of natural hair whenever it comes up but I don't put down relaxed hair while doing it. I wonder how many people with relaxers can say the same?

MSA, I now get more where you are coming from. I used to be a passionate natural until my hair became an expression of mood/art for me. I've done everything with my hair but was natural for the first 20 years of my life. I guess because of my surroundings (including coporate america) I've only rarely felt pressure to straighten my hair. Essentially I do my hair to please myself and no one else. Militany on either side bothers me.

 

[Almaz]

I wish people would just let people do what they want to do with their hair and leave them alone.

 

[BostonMaria]

Good responses, but I noticed the topic is going a little off... Could you ladies state what your hair type is, where you are (if you haven't already) and if/ how you feel that contributes to your encounters with people's comments about your natural hair (particularly negative ones?)

1. 3b in back, 3c all over
2. I'm from Boston
3. I was on the train today and there had to be like 6 or more women with natural hair. All had twist outs, curls, braids, mostly puffs...
I've had bad comments. Don't think that just because I have a curl that people just accept it with open arms. My Dominican grandfather who is the blackest man on this planet has been telling me for two years "don't come over here with that nappy mess" My response to him is "you're just jealous because I have hair and you're bald"

I love my hair and I refuse to let anyone make me feel bad for what God put on my head. I accept it, frizz and all.

 

[Bluetopia]

I haven't experienced Relaxer Nazism IRL. I relax my hair due to personal choice. I grew up in the south (Texas & Louisiana). Natural hair/stretching is more difficult due to the IMMENSE humidity here in Houston. A lot of women with very long hair wear weaves.

On the contrary, while living in DC & Maryland for the past year, almost everyone I knew had natural hair & I got a lot of comments about why do I still relax my hair? The cooler weather and less humidity allowed more styling options. In Houston, I relaxed often. While living in DC, I was able to stretch for 6 months because there was very little humidity. About 85% of the attorneys I met had natural hair. Some men even had locs. This makes me wonder if people are really getting "harassed" over their natural hair in real life, or if they are just self-conscious.

ETA: If a lot of the people with natural hair are getting comments from family rather than strangers, that may reflect family attitudes (and ignorance) more than the general attitudes in society. I'm sorry, but with things the way they are now, people really have bigger things to worry about than your hair.

I think location can make a difference. I live in DC and like you said there are SOOOOO many naturals here its a widely accepted thing. And my biggest career leap was made while i had locs.

Even in NYC it wasnt a problem except for one sistah in Manhattan who made a comment (but she was a spiteful person in a lot of ways so the hair was just one more thing for her to be judgemental about)

Now if I lived deep in the south perhaps my experience would have been different. Ive been told as much.

But I gotta say - the way you carry yourself can be a huge factor as well. Sure there are some who will always have something to say, but people notice my confidence before they even get to my hair. At least thats what ive been told

 

[sylver2]

hair type 4a/b edges are 4a. crown is 4b, kitchen is 4b and front 4a
NYC
growing up i experienced it. i was the only natural left. all my friends relaxed. i did not know how how to care for my hair and it was always a poofy,thick frizzy ball. people constantly telling me i need to relax this mess. i didn't know about hair types and couldn't understand why my hair wouldn't curl like Micheal Michelles or Jazmine Guys. i tried hard then i i kept hot combing. had i known how to care for my natural hair then i may not have gotten a relaxer. so i got one and still had poofy frizzy thick hairbut it was more tame.
i got a few comments during my 1 year stretch. even my back to africa most militant uncle was like your hair looks a mess you need to do it. it didn't look a mess. another family member was like damn i didn't know your hair could get nappy like that.. u need to do it. umm..it was done..it was just my natural texture. maybe their just so use to seeing me with relaxed bone straight hair ...but whatever the comments don't get me. i don't do stuff cause of the comments. i do what i want. if i wanted to go back natural they wouldn't of stopped me and if i knew how to care for my hair i most likeley would stayed natural despite the comments.
but seriously thats as deep as it gets for me.
fug all that black history stuff. i was the official nation of islam whiteman is devil building in cipher back to africa, message to the blackman woman in the 80's early 90's...so can't tell me nothing about my history. i''l tell u. got nothing to do with my hair. i do what I want!period!
i like how i look relaxed right now..thats it

i was rambling on i know..but ..whatever

 

[*Muffin*]

You know what the weirdest thing is? Even though I'm relaxed I don't advocate it. It's just a choice, but in my mind ones safest bet is natural hair because you don't have to risk any averse reactions due to chemicals. If a relaxed head is having problems and saying their scalp is fried, their hair is super thin and breaking, I'm always the first one to say, in a nice way, "maybe you should lay off the relaxers for a while". Relaxing is a choice and people with relaxed hair can have healthy hair and scalps, but if it's giving you problems, just remember: nothing is worth damaging ones scalp or risking alopecia. So the only time I will give someone my opinion as to what to do with their hair is when I'm genuinely concerned about their health. Just wanted to add that in .

 

[Southernbella.]

In my experience, it's not blatant. It's more like little micro-aggressions. It's so ingrained in people. I mean, I've had my share of "What are you going to do with THAT?" and "So are you all pro-black now? Tee hee!" and "Wow, your hair actually looks cute. I've seen that kind of hair on others and it just looks nasty", but mostly, it's little comments about nappy hair and nice grade of hair and beady beads and needing a perm and so on. I don't think people even realize how deeply it's ingrained in them.

 

[JinaRicci]

In my experience, it's not blatant. It's more like little micro-aggressions. It's so ingrained in people. I mean, I've had my share of "What are you going to do with THAT?" and "So are you all pro-black now? Tee hee!" and "Wow, your hair actually looks cute. I've seen that kind of hair on others and it just looks nasty", but mostly, it's little comments about nappy hair and nice grade of hair and beady beads and needing a perm and so on. I don't think people even realize how deeply it's ingrained in them.

I agree with you- it's the little snipes- that you get from different people and together they can appear big. It is so ingrained but you know I was thinking yesterday that we are changing that right by just being who we are and handling each 'micro-aggression'- maybe little by little that will change.

btw- love your hair!!!

 

[Southernbella.]

Oh, I'm 4AB.

I also get questions about when I'm going to relax my dd's hair. She's 5 years old!

For those who think we attract this mess...Is that what you'd say to minorities about racism? Do they attract that, or are there just some real idiots out there?

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree with you- it's the little snipes- that you get from different people and together they can appear big. It is so ingrained but you know I was thinking yesterday that we are changing that right by just being who we are and handling each 'micro-aggression'- maybe little by little that will change.

btw- love your hair!!!

Thank you for the compliment! I agree with you...that stuff just builds and builds. You (general) can say "let it roll off your back" all you want, but everyone's tolerance is different.

 

[southernchocolate]

Birmingham, Al. There are a lot of natural women here and most of their hair looks amazing no matter the texture. I'm not sure what they go through but I've had a much easier time in bham than in lower Alabama.

I can so agree with you on this. I'm from the lower AL area and some of them act as if not relaxing your hair is a sin. You can have broken and damaged hair, ridiculous looking weaves and edges with about two strands of hair hanging on for dear life. But if your hair is nappy, boooyyyy you look a hot mess!!!!!!!




Oh yeah I'm a 4b

 

[LiberianGirl]

I live in the south and have gotten nothing but nice comments about my hair. I've had strangers, coworkers, and friends/family of all races compliment my hair. I have had two friends that were inspired to go natural after seeing my hair. I did receive a couple of nasty comments and weird stares while I was transitioning, but TBH, my hair was looking a hot mess back then.

ETA: My hair type is 3c/4a in the back and 3c/4a/4b in the front.

 

[glamazon386]

Oh, I'm 4AB.

I also get questions about when I'm going to relax my dd's hair. She's 5 years old!

For those who think we attract this mess...Is that what you'd say to minorities about racism? Do they attract that, or are there just some real idiots out there?

She's just a baby. Why is that any of their business anyway? Some people are just bold. And if your hair is natural more than likely you're going to keep your child's hair natural too so why would they even ask that? Some people just aren't too bright.

 

[Ramya]

I can so agree with you on this. I'm from the lower AL area and some of them act as if not relaxing your hair is a sin. You can have broken and damaged hair, ridiculous looking weaves and edges with about two strands of hair hanging on for dear life. But if your hair is nappy, boooyyyy you look a hot mess!!!!!!!




Oh yeah I'm a 4b

Girl yes! The default style is the classic wrap or straight bob (if you have some hair) . Don't get me started on the weaves. I'm trying to be nice today

 

[Miamori]

Hmmmm,
I am 4a and some 3c.
I am relaxed.

When I am at college, in Boston, (well just outside of Boston) I see and hear a lot of women (and men) who are very militant about keeping hair relaxed and/or bone straight. If I wear a wash and go or braid out, I get nasty comments, and have even had my MALE friends tell me I need a perm, need to do something, my nappy hair is not cute but you I am so pretty so I should make sure I maintain a clean cut appearance, etc.

I'm relaxed!

Because of the nature of my college, we are from all over the US, and I am referring to the black students. If I try to think specifically, I have experienced these things with people from Connecticut, Boston, D.C., Baltimore, New York City, L.A. (even a natural who presses, she obviously has a bone straight, not a relaxer thing), Texas, Atlanta, etc.

Nevertheless, I think location can make a difference, though not always on a city-wide scale... it can be down to neighborhood, family/upbringing, high school, etc.

At home, in Baltimore, I am mostly around very old, close friends and family, so (from black people) I only get compliments or no comments at all, no matter how my hair looks.

My mother, in Baltimore, over the past 11 years was natural for about 4, then relaxed, and natural again for about 5. She was also a natural stylist for a while. She has always gotten very ridiculous comments on her hair and her choices from people, all strangers with the exception of my great-grandmother (who is not as closely of African descent as me and my mother and was admittedly born in 1921 or something like that) and my mother's SO last year (he was lashing out; they were having a VERY serious issue on his part that was unrelated).

While we are in the same city, and I've received negative comments in Boston, I never have at home, while my mother did often. This is why I think location but also more closely tied to workplace, school, etc. makes such a huge difference. (i.e. My mother's high school friends are very different types of people than my own.)

I also have noticed there are a decent amount of naturals here, but many more in the DMV (closer to DC, I mean).

 

[Bluetopia]

whether its a natural girl being holier than thou with a relaxed girl or a relaxed person snubbing their nose at someone natural...i think the overwhelming similarity I've seen on both threads dedicated to this issue is:

no one likes being judged. whether it be subtly or blatantly. whether it happen often, or once in a while. whether the media is on your side of not. no one likes being attacked or marginalized for their choices. to me thats the real problem.

like we said yesterday. if we all shaved our heads bald there'd probably be a heated debate about what shape head gets the most flack. it will always be something!

i think LHCF has some really lovely people with healthy hair who are genuinely trying to be supportive of one another. i hope folks don't get too hung up on how their "side" has been slighted to lose sight of that.

*back to lurking i go*

 

[anon123]

The only people who really said something about my hair were my family. Every now and then a hair dresser, but I don't go to them any more. For the most part, I don't get negative remarks about my hair.

I'm in Chicago.

 

[Aviah]

whether its a natural girl being holier than thou with a relaxed girl or a relaxed person snubbing their nose at someone natural...i think the overwhelming similarity I've seen on both threads dedicated to this issue is:

no one likes being judged. whether it be subtly or blatantly. whether it happen often, or once in a while. whether the media is on your side of not. no one likes being attacked or marginalized for their choices. to me thats the real problem.

like we said yesterday. if we all shaved our heads bald there'd probably be a heated debate about what shape head gets the most flack. it will always be something!

i think LHCF has some really lovely people with healthy hair who are genuinely trying to be supportive of one another. i hope folks don't get too hung up on how their "side" has been slighted to lose sight of that.

*back to lurking i go*

So true...