I think I really really want to go natural but to be honest I am a little scurred. But I think I may be more afraid of relaxers. I feel like my hair is so tired of being relaxed, especially the back. My mom started warm combing my hair (with the old fashioned pressing comb) before I was even five. Except for when I was really little, there are no pictures of my natural hair. All my mother can tell me is that it was thick and nappy. While my mother was pressing my hair it was always thick and healthy, just above shoulder-length. When I was 13 I got my first relaxer and the back fell right out right away. So I got a short haircut. And as I look back I can hardly believe that I didn't get that relaxers didn't agree with my hair---duhhh. The weird thing is that most of my hair responded pretty well to relaxers. It was always that dang back/kitchen area.
In my heart I want to be natural so bad, I can almost taste it. After viewing so many ladies albums, it is the natural ones, with the fly puffs, that I identify with. I usually relax every four weeks and it may be hard to believe but at just five weeks post relaxer, my hair has so much new growth so I feel like my transition is in progress. Why is this so hard? Why am so afraid of doing something that I have been contemplating doing for years, something that I believe would make me so happy? I don't like feeling in conflict about this. I have always been very feminine and until recently I could never identify with natural women, they always seemed so different than me. But the albums tell another story.
I am intrigued. I yearn to see what my natural hair will look like. I guess to be honest I'm afraid my husband won't think I'm as cute (but I know he will), that my relatives will say, "What the..." (and they probably will), that I won't be able to figure out how to style it so that I still look cute and professional, that I won't be able to get a comb through it, that people will look at me in a different light. But mostly I just want to try it. I've worn my hair very short in the past and feel fine that way so if I hate it I can always relax it, get a layered halle cut and keep rolling. It would be easy to relax again and go that route. I'm not afraid of short hair. I guess I'm just afraid of nappy hair and what people will think or say. No, I've always been bold and done what I wanted. I'm the one who's afraid of nappy hair. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm 40 and there's something on my head that's never been seen by me or anyone else. Deep down I guess from the beginning we've been taught what God gave us wasn't good enough. Why else would a mother compulsively press her pretty baby's hair? From the beginning we're taught to be ashamed of and hide from who we are.
If my hair could talk I think it would say, "Why do you mistreat me? Why aren't I fine just the way I am? Hot combs and damaging relaxers. Countless dollars spent at the hair salon to hide me. Why?" I think it's kind of a form of self-hatred. (speaking for myself here). Going natural for me in a way I think would be a way of saying that I love me, all of me, the nappy hair, the extra ten pounds, the occasional pimple, the talking and writing too much sometimes. I think I just need to tell myself that I'm just fine just the way God made me. I need to see how that feels and my hair deserves a shot at at least once in my lifetime to be free and nappy and seen by me and all those who know me.
Just wondering b/c I was checking out the Cathy Howse transitioning thread, and I noticed that a lot of ladies have mentioned that it's on their minds lately. Now this is nothing against my relaxed ladies, cuz ya'll know ya'll have some gorgeous swinging heads of hair 
, but I'm wondering how many ladies on this forum are thinking about giving their natural hair a go? And if you're thinking about it, what factors are making/breaking your decision? Maybe some of us who have gone before you can impart some knowledge/support! 
since I don't do haircuts.
Sometimes you just need that little push.
