Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in)!

[cocoberry10]

Okay, so we've talked about long-term marriages, and whether we think people can be married for 20, 30, 40, 50 years w/no cheating.

Well, let me give you this scenario (a hypothetical).

Imagine if you were 35 years into your marriage, and you discovered that the NIGHT BEFORE your wedding, your husband had sex with someone else. Now, in this hypo, let's say you could prove that during your entire marriage he never stepped out on you, and prior to that night, he had NEVER stepped out on you. How do you think you would deal?

Do you even think it would matter to you?

 

[dlewis]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I don't think I could hang. I've watched soo many women in my family be hurt by cheating that it's not something I'll deal with. I mean I'll deal with it but I'll be divorced.

But who can really really say unless you have been there.

 

[AnnDriena_]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

marriage is then based on a lie. We'd have to physically separate and I don't think I would believe he didn't cheat during the marriage because if you can't keep it in your pants BEFORE we get married you're not going to give a damn about doing it DURING the marriage.

 

[JustKiya]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

After 35 years? I'd let it go. It would so be water under the bridge (and I would assume he was drunk out of his mind)

 

[MrsWatson]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

It would matter to me. I would be hurt (very hurt). Would I leave? I'm not so sure. No one is perfect and a 35 year marriage is not something that can just be thrown away, especially over something that happened 35 years ago (and according to the OP- never happened again). IDK.
35 years into a marriage, I suppose I would be in my late 50's-early 60's. I'm not sure I'd want to be alone (as a result of divorce) at that stage in my life.

Interestingly enough, I know a couple (married 31 years) who is going through the nearly the same situation. The only difference is that he slept with another woman a few weeks before he and his wife were married and it resulted in the birth of a child. His wife and their children found out about a year ago that the husband had another daughter and it has really put a strain on their marriage as well as his relationship with the other children.

 

[SwoopSui]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I'd walk. I am not afraid to strat over. Women do it everyday.

 

[Southernbella.]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I doubt I'd end my marriage over it. I can't honestly say what my reaction would be, but after 35 years of fidelity and kids and homes and ups and downs, I wouldn't feel like starting over. Just being honest.

 

[ART11]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Mad from 35 years ago BEFORE we were married? Nah - I would milk it for some new carpet or jewelry or something nice and call it a day.

 

[Radianthealth]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Yeah I don't think it would bother me much. I would assume that he didn't tell me because no good would come of it.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I know I'd be really hurt

But I wouldn't divorce only because it happened before our marriage.

I know it's only a day before, but still it's before the marriage vows. And hopefully within the 35 years of our marriage there has been no other indiscretions.

Any cheating after our marriage vows is what I'd have to seriously consider.

 

[SelahOco]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I'd be hurt, but I'd let it go. Who a man is at 20 and who he is at 55 is two different things....I wouldn't leave a man who has been good and faithful to me for 35 years because of what he did as a much younger man.

 

[Ramya]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Why the heck would he tell me after 35 years? I'd be hurt but I doubt I would end my marriage over it.

 

[MD_Lady]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

He'd catch :heated: but that's all I can say with 100% certainty.

 

[bimbabe]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Yeah I would make him suffer... I would be devastated.
But it is nothing to end the marriage over...its been working for 35 years.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I would be hurt and highly annoyed that he didn't tell me this earlier.
Since it's proven that he had not done it again for 35 years, I would try adn get over it and move on.

 

[Nayeli]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Not divorcing

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

It would matter to me. I would be hurt (very hurt). Would I leave? I'm not so sure. No one is perfect and a 35 year marriage is not something that can just be thrown away, especially over something that happened 35 years ago (and according to the OP- never happened again). IDK.
35 years into a marriage, I suppose I would be in my late 50's-early 60's. I'm not sure I'd want to be alone (as a result of divorce) at that stage in my life.

Interestingly enough, I know a couple (married 31 years) who is going through the nearly the same situation. The only difference is that he slept with another woman a few weeks before he and his wife were married and it resulted in the birth of a child. His wife and their children found out about a year ago that the husband had another daughter and it has really put a strain on their marriage as well as his relationship with the other children.

Wow, the truth is ALWAYS stranger than fiction (or hypotheticals).

I can imagine that would be truly devastating! Did he know about the child, or did he also just find out?

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I doubt I'd end my marriage over it. I can't honestly say what my reaction would be, but after 35 years of fidelity and kids and homes and ups and downs, I wouldn't feel like starting over. Just being honest.

Thanks Lauren for your honesty! I truly do appreciate it. I'm not going to lie either, I really don't know how I would react. I'm sure I'd be irked, but like you said, if it was BEFORE the marriage, hmmm............

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I know I'd be really hurt

But I wouldn't divorce only because it happened before our marriage.

I know it's only a day before, but still it's before the marriage vows. And hopefully within the 35 years of our marriage there has been no other indiscretions.

Any cheating after our marriage vows is what I'd have to seriously consider.

Thanks for your honesty!

 

[Finesse]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

I doubt I'd end my marriage over it. I can't honestly say what my reaction would be, but after 35 years of fidelity and kids and homes and ups and downs, I wouldn't feel like starting over. Just being honest.

I feel you

 

[MrsWatson]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

Wow, the truth is ALWAYS stranger than fiction (or hypotheticals).

I can imagine that would be truly devastating! Did he know about the child, or did he also just find out?

He knew and had been sending money to the girl (woman) the entire time.
Thats the part that made it so hard for his (other) family to swallow when he finally admitted it.

Sorry to hijack, OP.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

you say if I could prove that was the one and only time he cheated? As long as its proof without a shadow of a doubt then i'd just let it go. Don't misunderstand I'd be pretty heated but lets be real everybody makes a mistake and if I KNOW its just once then 35years later its easy to forgive

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: A Really Good Marriage and Cheating Question (a Hypo for you all-Come in

He knew and had been sending money to the girl (woman) the entire time.
Thats the part that made it so hard for his (other) family to swallow when he finally admitted it.

Sorry to hijack, OP.

Wow, that's crazy. No problem. Your story actually goes along with the OP!