Spinny: Not being *too* available...

[Fine 4s]

Maybe when someone knows what they want first, ready for it second, they waste no time....IDK

 

[Ayesha81]

If I am available I am available if not thats just how it is. But human nature does not work like that. If you make yourself too available you will get treated like a doormat. Because of this I make conscious decisions.

 

[jade3]

I played all kinds of games to get my now husband. I was way more available that I let myself appear. I wasn't answering text messages, pretending to be aloof. "Happening" to be at an event where I knew he'd be and slaying, talking to other men and what not. lol. Disengenous... definitely, but who cares if you get the man that you want. My husband is a great catch, extremely handsome and successful. I think it shocked and confused him that I was not openly sweating him and answering texts and phone calls within minutes.

Obviously, this isn't a recipe for long term success within a relationship but I really do think that the reason why I was claimed quickly was because he wanted to feel like he was the main one getting my attention. In my experience dating, I find that men respond better when you're not as available.

 

[Britt]

@Glib Gurl

Honestly Glib, I think the BEST thing a woman can do is to just be living a FULL and active LIFE.

This idea of: "Oh I better make sure that I respond to his text messages 8.5 minutes AFTER he texts me, and then 6.2 hours the next time..." is for the birds imo.

When you're living a full and active life, you will probably NATURALLY miss texts and phone calls.

But when you're sitting there waiting and HOPING that you appear to be "unavailable", I think that in the long run it can come off as playing games or even feel a bit disingenuous even to yourself. erplexed

The best thing is to just maintain your same routine with your friends, family, etc. and don't drop everything at the moment you hear from him. Really think about things RATIONALLY. If he invites you to a date on Thursday evening, but you know that you have already had plans with your girlfriends that night, just tell him that Thursday doesn't work, but maybe Friday will. Or just ask to reschedule.

Also, if you're at work, and you're actually busy in the middle of something, just hold off from responding to him until you're free and have more time (whenever that may be).

Also, (here's a novel thought)....why not try putting your phone on SILENT or (*gasp*!) even on OFF for a change sometimes throughout the day?? I know that a lot of us are so used to keeping our phones ON 24/7 all day...all night...and we're always "ONLINE" or accessible in that way, but sometimes it's just a nice feeling to leave the phone off, leave it at HOME, turn the volume DOWN for a change. We DID use to exist for YEARS without cell phones! And guess what?? People were JUST fine! They had to WAIT to get in touch with you!

Sometimes I think we can be so caught up in instant gratification that it's just nice to "turn it off" at times. If he asks why you didn't respond back right away, just say that you keep your phone off or on silent during work hours or....sometimes you don't even have to explain anything at all!

I hope things work out for you Glib! Just remember....instead of pretending to be unavailable, actually GET busy! Take up a dance class, go to the gym after work, curl up with a good book in the evening, watch a movie at home, go out with friends, etc. It doesn't have to be anything MAJOR.... just make sure you actually DO have a life outside of him, because not only will it keep you grounded, but it will also help to calm you because then you won't be worrying about "looking" busy...you'll actually BE busy. Hearing from him will be a nice "surprise" instead of a waiting on pins and needles type of deal lol.

I know it can be hard when you REALLY like a guy lol , but the key is to just try to maintain YOUR same routine.

I also agree with @Fine 4s When a guy likes you, he just LIKES you!!! You don't want to be CLINGY, but honestly, whether you text him back in 2.5 seconds or 2.5 HOURS, it probably won't matter to the guy who's REALLY into you. I always say, you can't do the WRONG thing with the RIGHT guy (the guy who's REALLY into you), and you can't do the RIGHT thing with the WRONG guy (the guy who is just lukewarm or keeping you as a backburner).

I agree with all of this

 

[Enyo]

The only time I do such a thing is when I've made myself too available in the past and need to correct that. I tend to get really excited about new people and can be too eager, so lying and saying I'm busy even when I really want to see them is my way if correcting both myself and the person in question. It usually works.

ETA: When I do this, it's because I don't want the person in question to think I'll always drop everything for them. I tend to do it when things are new and hot, but once things cool off, I'm unlikely to interrupt other plans to be with them (unless it's school work, then I'll welcome a reason to procrastinate ). I don't want to give them the impression I'm always like that because it's not within my personality.

 

[mallysmommy]

Wrong thread

 

[CurlyMoo]

Having a full schedule will naturally do this for you. i.e. personal trainer at 9am, French class at 10:30am, donating blankets at a local shelter at 11:30pm, running errands. Getting ready for work, 1:30 -2:15pm. Next 8 hours of work = him in bed at 11:30 means you have to return that call the next morning. You hope.

I also work for a company where cell phones are banned from facilities. So I will notice on my lunch break that I missed a few calls. Sometimes I won't notice a call to the next day.

I'm sort of a natural pain in the butt when it comes to returning calls. If I don't feel like talking, that green button does not get pushed, unless I feel guilty for not returning the call the last time.

I have rows of complaints, my friends have stopped complaining and just pick up right away when I call because it's rare. I'm doing better though.

Another spinny, how not to be too unavailable.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I played all kinds of games to get my now husband. I was way more available that I let myself appear. I wasn't answering text messages, pretending to be aloof. "Happening" to be at an event where I knew he'd be and slaying, talking to other men and what not. lol. Disengenous... definitely, but who cares if you get the man that you want. My husband is a great catch, extremely handsome and successful. I think it shocked and confused him that I was not openly sweating him and answering texts and phone calls within minutes.

Obviously, this isn't a recipe for long term success within a relationship but I really do think that the reason why I was claimed quickly was because he wanted to feel like he was the main one getting my attention. In my experience dating, I find that men respond better when you're not as available.

@ Jade

LOL Does your husband know now of your escapades?

My situation is interesting, I am crushing on an extremely handsome, successful guy right now. The busier I am the more likely I am to run into him. Or catch a glimpse while driving by, that is. He is out and about, I am out and about.

The other time I can see him is on my lunch break when I can go to the park and sit quietly and eat my lunch. This park so happens to be down the block from his house. Don't ask me how I know where he lives.

The other day, I left later than my usual time to see him drive by the park so I had no intention of spotting him. Told myself it wouldn't happen so I could just relax and enjoy my chicken sandwich. So imagine my surprise when I spot his truck leaving the parking lot of the restaurant across the street from my job and he pulls up right behind me. Lawd! I almost crashed into him when he turned off and I took another street only for us to almost T-bone each other. Thank goodness for stop signs.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Bumpzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

[barbiesocialite]

I need to acquire some of this problem.

I struggle with the exact opposite: too unavailable.

The worst part is that it's not even a matter of time or being too busy. I'm just entirely too self-absorbed.

I'm always in Barbie-land. makes me feel bad and kinda guilty but I can't help it--it's a genetic trait. smh. I have to work on spending more quality time with SO, stop as many missing calls or taking forever to respond (sometimes even finish the conversation ) and maybe even initiating occasional texts just to tell him he's on my mind. This thread reminded me that I need to learn to multi-task. Be more available, give more attention and learn to be comfortable with being inconvenienced--basically be a little be more like a normal woman. lol

 

[jade3]

@ Jade

LOL Does your husband know now of your escapades?

My situation is interesting, I am crushing on an extremely handsome, successful guy right now. The busier I am the more likely I am to run into him. Or catch a glimpse while driving by, that is. He is out and about, I am out and about.

The other time I can see him is on my lunch break when I can go to the park and sit quietly and eat my lunch. This park so happens to be down the block from his house. Don't ask me how I know where he lives.

The other day, I left later than my usual time to see him drive by the park so I had no intention of spotting him. Told myself it wouldn't happen so I could just relax and enjoy my chicken sandwich. So imagine my surprise when I spot his truck leaving the parking lot of the restaurant across the street from my job and he pulls up right behind me. Lawd! I almost crashed into him when he turned off and I took another street only for us to almost T-bone each other. Thank goodness for stop signs.

LOL Sorry for the late response! I didn't tell him everything, but I told him a few things that he laughs about all of the time! I thought it was the best part of dating! I don't think anyone could accuse me of "openly" running after anyone but best believe if we were at the same place, I would strategically place myself within his line of site. I let him do most of the legwork after that. It also helped that I'm not much of a phone person anyway so the delayed responses to calls/texts were legitimate some of the time. lol

I'm sure the reason why you keep running into your guy is because you are willing him to you through LOA. Good luck!