Spinny: Do you feel that you have problems meeting men?

[meesch]

Was noting in another thread that it seems like women here just have a really hard time meeting and dating men. Not even necessarily getting into bad relationships with the wrong men, but even getting off the ground with any guys at all. Or is it an issue of meeting quality men?

Wondering if the women who have a perfectly easy go of it finding and dating men just aren't as vocal.

 

[aribell]

I really don't have issues meeting quality men just while out and about. I can't say why that is and can't take any credit for it. I do know that my own inner vibe ends up determining whether I'm approached or not, and it tends to go in phases.

I don't believe that any woman just has to be stuck with the kangs. There must be something else at play there.

 

[CarLiTa]

No, no issue. It's moving the relationship along to a serious stage... don't have too much experience in that realm (ETA: in past relationship, I was pretty passive; now I'm open to subtle nudges... or really, not seeming as "aloof" or "cold" as a couple of people have thought that I am...)

As my posts might indicate, I wasn't ready for something real and new with someone new (too frequent interaction with ex-boyfriend). Now that I'm ready and wanting something new, I'm curious to see how things go!

Are you planning to teach a quick online course, meesch?

 

[Love Always]

Honestly yes, I don't seem to come across black men because that's who I'm interested in. I know there are out here somewhere but I rarely come across them .

 

[Sapphire]

I have a hard time meeting men. The ones that I do meet aren't very good quality.

 

[Seraphina]

Honestly yes, I don't seem to come across black men because that's who I'm interested in. I know there are out here somewhere but I rarely come across them .

I don't know where you are in SoCal, but if it's LA area, I've been there and...yeah.


To answer OP...I have some trouble sometimes because I'm a homebody. I kinda have to push myself to go out. I'm working on it, tough.

 

[LBoogie85]

I have problems meeting quality men. I think it's a combination of my location and my demeanor. I'm working on both.

 

[Love Always]

Seraphina, I live in San Diego. Whenever I go to L.A. I seen an abundance of black men, I stay breaking my neck looking . I didn't think any woman in L.A. would have problems meeting black men .

 

[PopLife]

I don't know where you are in SoCal, but if it's LA area, I've been there and...yeah.


To answer OP...I have some trouble sometimes because I'm a homebody. I kinda have to push myself to go out. I'm working on it, tough.

Sadly, I agree with this. Although I'm in a relationship...it does seem like it's harder for BW out here. I know so many attractive and outgoing, women who aren't even dating or meet maybe a hand full of men per year. It's frustrating because sometimes I want to hang out with other couples or go on trips together, but everyone is single!

Sometimes when me and SO go out we play a game and count the number of BM/WW couples we see, after awahile it just becomes sad.

Not to pull the race card but it seems like WW are always dating someone no matter how attractive they are.

 

[loolalooh]

Do I have a problem meeting men? No.

Do I have a problem meeting quality men? Yes.

Why? Because of my field, location, and the fact that I'm currently a homebody. I plan to change my location and go out more in the near future.

 

[MsDee14]

I don't have a hard time meeting men at all. I just have a hard time meeting men that I am compatible with. I am pretty social and go to manydifferent events often that I usually meet and exchange numbers with approx. 2 guys a month. There's usually a 85%chance things don't go further than 1 date. So to sum it up, it's easy to meet men but hard to meet the "right" man for me.

 

[tinkat]

I have problems meeting quality men. I think it's a combination of my location and my demeanor. I'm working on both.

THIS!!! ITA. My location, I am very reserved initially although friendly, and I think it is because I have not officially left the college scene yet. I just eat, sleep, may hang with my girls, and research. But I have not really been social lately...So eat, sleep, research.

 

[meesch]

Are you planning to teach a quick online course, @meesch?

no. any successes i have in life i chalk up to being directly proportionate to my personality, and that's not much help to other people. besides you know folks dont wanna listen. my approach is very straightforward bordering on aggressive, about men and life in general, and most chicks wouldn't want to do that nor be very good at it.

 

[Theo]

Location can play a role, but I think the individual person can have something to do with it as well. Everyone told me Boston would suck as far as guys were concerned, but I've met a bunch of black men out here who are doing amazing things with their lives. I've also met a lot of non-black men interested in black women.

I would say MOST of the black women in my close circle of friends out here have no problems with meeting and dating black men. And then there are some that are having a terrible time of it. But most are doing fine. But I would never tell anyone to pack up and move to Boston if you wanna find a guy... and I doubt anyone would ever believe me anyway

 

[Oasis]

i used to because i was a sooper dooper homebody.

now that i've moved and go out nearly every weekend i meet men all the time. it's awesome. i love my new life.

 

[Seraphina]

Seraphina, I live in San Diego. Whenever I go to L.A. I seen an abundance of black men, I stay breaking my neck looking . I didn't think any woman in L.A. would have problems meeting black men .

Oh, there's no shortage of eye-candy in LA. But there is a shortage of substance.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

I have issues meeting men that I want to date.

 

[runwaydream]

i used to because i was a sooper dooper homebody.

now that i've moved and go out nearly every weekend i meet men all the time. it's awesome. i love my new life.

Where do you live now and how is it different from where you used to live?

 

[Oasis]

Where do you live now and how is it different from where you used to live?

bigger city, more people, more men

 

[VelvetRain]

Location can play a role, but I think the individual person can have something to do with it as well. Everyone told me Boston would suck as far as guys were concerned, but I've met a bunch of black men out here who are doing amazing things with their lives. I've also met a lot of non-black men interested in black women.

I would say MOST of the black women in my close circle of friends out here have no problems with meeting and dating black men. And then there are some that are having a terrible time of it. But most are doing fine. But I would never tell anyone to pack up and move to Boston if you wanna find a guy... and I doubt anyone would ever believe me anyway

Um I believe you because I grew up and lived in Boston almost all my life. It's not the best place in the world to be single black women living there looking for something substantial.

 

[softblackcotton]

I have a problem meeting men I want to date in person. They are usually at least 15-25 years older than me! I just turned 27. Any young guys I happen to meet either beat around the Bush like they are afraid to talk to me or they run away after they find out about my lack or relationship and sexual experience. I only meet a handful of men (2-5) per year that actually ask for my number in person. I recently tried plenty of fish online dating for the second time last month and a whole onslaught of men contacted me and kept returning to my profile. Men of all races, but mainly black and white. Still didn't meet many I wanted to date. The few I did choose didn't work out, didn't even make to the first date. I only really have time to get out on the weekends, sometimes. Nowadays I rather stay in with my books, I hate dating because these fools want to move so quickly and talk about sex too soon so I know they won't stick around when they find out I'm waiting for whoever will be my husband. Only had two real dates with a guy close to my age since last May. After that a few old men have asked me out but I declined.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Yes I have serious problems dating. I'm having to work on going out more as I have been more comfortable at home. I sorta am clueless about the why because when I was younger I could be found by dudes now please I just don't have any luck. I don't know if it's just my demeanor or aura I can be seen as a hard or mean chick..working on them it may take a while as I am hella guarded.

 

[LivingDol1]

i've met some decent quality guys. I've gone on my fair share of dates as well. It's the connection/chemistry that is the rare thing to have.

i live in NYC. i used to think it was really hard to meet guys but things have sort of turned around for me and i can go to any bar and meet and talk to guys. are they guys i want to date? maybe not always. but there are guys out there. often times, the guys think i'm super cool to talk to but i just don't feel the same. i'm ok with that b/c i'm making the choice.

i'm not subbing to the 8 women to 1 guy ratio anymore. it doesn't matter what the numbers are.

 

[kim]

Good Thread! Yes I have a very difficult time meeting men...good or bad lol!!! I think it's my location and the fact that I need to get out and do more.

 

[bosswitch]

I have no problem meeting men; I work with men only, and I go out frequently both alone and with friends. However these men usually only see me as a friend or FWB and never ask me out, let alone pursue a relationship.

I've been told that it's because I tend to be loud and tomboy-ish, but that's just me and I don't feel like changing. Also, there are slim pickings here for BW. There are very few black men (blacks make less than 1% of the population) and the ones that I do meet are either Kangs or feel like they're on unicorn status because they have a job and no kids They also have a habit of bashing BW. The white guys tend to be closet racists and the rest just date within their race. All the BW I know are single, so I have a feeling there's a bigger issue here....

 

[meesch]

I have no problem meeting men; I work with men only, and I go out frequently both alone and with friends. However these men usually only see me as a friend or FWB and never ask me out, let alone pursue a relationship.

I've been told that it's because I tend to be loud and tomboy-ish, but that's just me and I don't feel like changing. Also, there are slim pickings here for BW. There are very few black men (blacks make less than 1% of the population) and the ones that I do meet are either Kangs or feel like they're on unicorn status because they have a job and no kids They also have a habit of bashing BW. The white guys tend to be closet racists and the rest just date within their race. All the BW I know are single, so I have a feeling there's a bigger issue here....

wherever you are, please move.

 

[bosswitch]

wherever you are, please move.

I'm stuck here for another 2 years. It's the perfect city and I don't want to leave but I know I'll be an old maid if I continue to stay here.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I have a problem meeting men I want to date in person. They are usually at least 15-25 years older than me! I just turned 27. Any young guys I happen to meet either beat around the Bush like they are afraid to talk to me or they run away after they find out about my lack or relationship and sexual experience. I only meet a handful of men (2-5) per year that actually ask for my number in person. I recently tried plenty of fish online dating for the second time last month and a whole onslaught of men contacted me and kept returning to my profile. Men of all races, but mainly black and white. Still didn't meet many I wanted to date. The few I did choose didn't work out, didn't even make to the first date. I only really have time to get out on the weekends, sometimes. Nowadays I rather stay in with my books, I hate dating because these fools want to move so quickly and talk about sex too soon so I know they won't stick around when they find out I'm waiting for whoever will be my husband. Only had two real dates with a guy close to my age since last May. After that a few old men have asked me out but I declined.

Can't you sidestep the topic of sex. Honestly, I wouldn't tell a man about my lack of relationship/sexual experience or that I'm waiting for marriage right off the bat. That's not a conversation you have on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date. A lot of men will make sexual innuendos but it's not difficult to just brush them off and move on to another topic. I wouldn't take it as a sign that the man just wants sex if the topic comes up early. Just frame the conversation to where you want it to go.

If it really is a case of a man seriously trying to get some nooky, simply tell him that you're uncomfortable with having sex outside of a committed relationship (he doesn't need to know the extent of the commitment you need right away). That should buy you some time and hopefully give him a chance to really know you before you drop the "I'm waiting for my husband" bomb. Also it would be helpful to try to find someone who is on the same page as you.

 

[StarScream35]

I have no problem meeting men. Now if you wanna talk quality then lets grab a chair, some cocktails and lets talk~~~now there is where the problem is!

 

[UrbainChic]

I meet men often. I go on dates often. Its finding a good match thats more challenging, as well as timing.

The more recent significant guys who were good matches with i had situations like this:

He was working on ditching a few investment properties he had right when the housing market was collapsing, and his business was on the brink of bankruptcy right in the first few months we met. Not the best time to be worrying about chasing some woman (me). We did a good 8 months.

My mom was dying and died within the first few months of us dating, and he moved to a different country within 8 months. No ones fault. We're still in touch.

Met a nice guy through mutual friends, we started to see each other more often and flirt a bit, mutual friends were either oblivious or racist and could not see us together, and kept trying to set him up with other girls bc he was single for a long time, but never suggested me. Started to step his game up right before i was moving to Germany. Kept in touch but not realistic. He is now engaged to a very nice beautiful girl.

This last guy, a bit more on the stupid side, was supposed to be transfered to the other side of the planet for 3 years, well potentially anyway, and decided he needed us to start to detach ( his words) to make it less painful when he leaves. He was acting very erratic and emotional about the whole thing and we broke it off, went about 4 months, but fast forward to today and he's not going anymore, but at this point i feel like the emotional damage has already been done.

Other problems for the less significant individuals include:
*Fundamental differences in values,
*just plain old personality mismatch

I know the timing will work out well with somebody eventually and i will get to move on into something more permanent and stable. I'm not one who believes we only have one match out there, and i think the quality is good so far, i just need a stable situation to allow the relationships with these guys really take root.

So far i have no moves planned for myself and have been meeting guys in the last month or so with stable businesses /careers and no pending moves. *fingers crossed*

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