Spinny: Are You Evenly or Unevenly Yoked?

[MrsHdrLe]

I was reading Zaynab's thread on BW and the Mega Black Church (sounds kinda like a bed time story ). Anyway, it got me to thinking about things I learned/heard while growing up in the BC.

One thing that stood out was on the subject of being "unevenly yoked", or in secular terms, matching up with someone who doesn't have the same spiritual beliefs as you (this could mean faith, religion, life-style...). I struggled for years with dating because I believed that I had to be "evenly yoked" to even consider someone as a mate. So ensued the viscious cycle of meeting a boy, dating a boy, dragging a boy to church with me, and being disappointed when "boy" doesn't join on that first visit, then soon after breaking up with boy b/c "we're unevenly yoked".

Well, my DH's family is not religious (reformed Catholics from what I understand) and most if the marriages in that very large family seem to stay together, love, respect, and work together for many, many years. Then I look at my own family, full of faith-filled Bible toting Christian women and no men any where in sight. I had to make a decision, I chose, I married.

So are you "evenly yoked" with your mate? Has it been a point of contention in your relationship?

If not, have you/will you end a relationship if you find out that he was not spiritually in sync with you?

I want honest opinions about what you did/would do, not judgements about what other should have done please. Thanks

 

[PopLife]

I am currently dating someone who is not of the same faith as me, so far we haven't had any issues concerning religion. We have discussed our beliefs quite a few times and pretty much respect each others beliefs and leave it there. But, I do wonder if it will affect our relationship if we get married and have kids....

I was previously married to someone who shared the same faith as me...he was even more involved in the church than I was and it was by far the most tumultuous relationship I have ever been in.

I'm still on the fence regarding this subject...

 

[Syrah]

Interesting topic.

Personally, I think spirituality (notice I didn't say religion) is a journey that each person embarks upon at an individual pace. Evenly yoked doesn't mean that our paces along the journey are the same. What it does mean is that our level of commitment to progressing along that journey are the same.

Slow down. Ask questions. Have dialogue. Just because a man doesn't sign up on the first day doesn't mean he's not thinking about it or seriously contemplating his own journey.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

I guess I didn't realize there was a thread that dealt with this topic. But I appreciate your responses anyway.

 

[kismettt]

we have similar views on organized religion. i could not date a religious man or an atheist.

 

[Bunny77]

One thing that stood out was on the subject of being "unevenly yoked", or in secular terms, matching up with someone who doesn't have the same spiritual beliefs as you (this could mean faith, religion, life-style...). I struggled for years with dating because I believed that I had to be "evenly yoked" to even consider someone as a mate. So ensued the viscious cycle of meeting a boy, dating a boy, dragging a boy to church with me, and being disappointed when "boy" doesn't join on that first visit, then soon after breaking up with boy b/c "we're unevenly yoked".

You know, I believe in the concept of being equally yoked, but I find (like you stated here) that people's way of determining this can often be flawed.

I find that many Christians look at a person's outward and public behavior to make this determination. As you said, things like how often does he go to church, does he act "spirit-filled," (that's yet another term I consider to be little more than church-ese), how often does he read his Bible, does the pastor approve of him, etc.

Now, while I'm not putting down any of those qualities, they really don't tell you how this man will behave as a husband and father. Seeing that anyone who gets married isn't planning to get divorced, I think that the bigger problem is that many Christian women aren't led to look at the qualities that would show whether or not he's good marriage material.

I think that my partner and I are equally yoked, but I base that not so much on the standards listed above. He too comes from a large family that values marriage -- and even among the divorced relatives, no one is abandoning their children and treating ex-wives with disrespect. Family is important and the women in the family are valued, respected and treated well.

Anyway, I think you made the right decision, Angie!

 

[TresLeches]

I was unevenly yoked....and that is why I am divorced now.