some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!!

[Dee-Licious]

I'm just sayin' When brotha really puts his heart and soul into affording that ring his mind seems like it would be more likely stay right. If that dude was willing to do all that, he must not have put in too strong of an investment in that union, love or money wise.

I can't even remember what the rings looks like... must not be too memorable.. I'ma have to check for pics on FB

 

[gone_fishing]

To be friends with them all was what I wanted in this case and I'm being totally honest. Since moving here I don't have a plethora of friends and the ones I do/did have I really value. With my work schedule 9-5 and my little one and the significant other - it doesn't give me a lot of time to get out and meet new people. Besides my friends have always had a special place in my heart. I'm like sensitive and emotional and stuff so it's not easy for me to just dispose of people like a crusty old bandaid. That's why before I write someone off I try to figure out ways to reconcile and improve the situation. I don't like to burn bridges.

I wanted to be friends with him and her. I thought maybe I could make things better by showing up and showing her that I'm not a threat but now I'm seeing that is not realistic from what I have read here. I thank you all for your input.

I know his family very well. His mother and I fixed Thanksgiving dinner together one year (while we were JUST friends) and she still keeps in touch with me as well. I see from listening to all of you and your experiences why it would be more prudent to bow out of this with class rather than contribute to unnecessary conflict. Particularly, since I get the feeling that his mother doesn't like his new wife all that much from what she has said. That won't help either I'm betting.

This is why sometimes two heads or 50 lol...is better than one.

So final decision is no, I'm not going.

And I guess I need to just ditch him entirely as well.

Anyone want to propose a dialogue for this conversation because I haven't a clue as to what to say when I tell him????

 

[Golong]

This guy won't change. Marriage doesn't change the nature of a person, he is who he is. I think this is a mistake alot of women make (he'll change/ it'll get better)

Case in point.. I dated a white guy for a little under a year. He as a deacon at a small church, carried a bible in his car and quoted scripters. After months of dating I introduced him to my friends and spoke of him to my dad. I met his friends, stepmother, sister and went with him to pray over his mothers grave on the anniversery of her death.
Around month 9 he started to become MIA, less phone calls, not spending time together as we use to. He blamed it on church activities, his ex allowing him to spend more time with his son. I accepted this but after the strange behavior continued I became suspisious and asked if he met someone else and of course he denied.

Well....Come to find out that he was MIA because it was a week I repeat, one week until his WEDDING DAY He told me he had a big church retreat/convention the weekend of his wedding. Once I found out He was getting married that weekend I flipped out . I really thought this guy was the one (spirtual, funny, charsamatic, ect ect). I WAS WRONG!

He called me on his honeymoon multiple times to appolgize and to say he still wants to see me. "Its not like im dead, I don't want to lose you" I never talked to him again. Last I heard he's up to his old trickserplexed . I would say poor wife, but she was his mistress from his first marriage, so what goes around comes around, right? .

 

[gone_fishing]

Holy Moly.

Well I'm just going to put this out there.

There is a Pastor that used to be in Rose Hill, NC

His name is CLICK HERE FOR THE NAME.

Yes, I said it.

He runs a church out there.

He's divorced but he wasn't before I "met" him.

Anyway, he tried to solicit me over the internet. I didn't even know him in person. I can't remember our first point of contact. Maybe it was myspace? We had a very intellectual conversation to start out with and we discussed the Bible a lot and his views a black pastor and some of the issues he faced. I remember asking him one time how he felt when people said Christianity was the "white man's" religion because someone had said it to me and it really irked me. We talked about a lot of different issues.

Anyway, our conversations were pretty straight and narrow for months.

Then one day when a friend of mine was over at my house he had a very lengthy conversation with her and it was pretty darn graphic. She was joking around trying to pretend she was me since she figured I knew this person. I was mad at her but it really was just a joke. She told him that she thought he was hot and that she'd love to meet him somewhere (not knowing all the things about him that I know - like he's CLERGY). She was laughing and typing at my computer and I didn't even know what the hooplah was about.

Well do you know he took the bait? Married with a daughter and he bit?

I was trying to figure out if he was just playing along or if he was serious so I let her continue the conversation with him a bit longer. He was dead serious! He wanted to meet me at some undisclosed hotel and "talk". She allowed him to call her on her cell because that was the only way he would give his name.

I was totally and completely floored all the way over.

Well, I had nothing to do with him after that.

HOWEVER, my friend Andrea wasn't quite finished.

She actually did print screens of the conversation (since he had his pictures as his avatar on IM).

She then looked his name and address up on anywho.com. She even went so far as to prepare the transcripts in a package to send to his wife.

I told her to give them to me to mail and I threw them away.

I didn't want to get involved

I always wonder if I'm wrong for that.

 

[gone_fishing]

I am about to have a conversation with my friend by the way and tell him what's what so i'll keep you guys posted.

 

[Golong]

I am about to have a conversation with my friend by the way and tell him what's what so i'll keep you guys posted.

Its funny that you said that. I wanted to do the same thing as your friend. I found out who his fiance was. gathered info in a short letter just as a warning to who she was about to marry(cause this man was correction...IS a true sociopathic liar! I gave the envelope to my friend because she wanted to read it. After she read it she said if she got a letter like that it would destroy her, she said not to mail it. I was dead set on mailing it I figured I would want to know something like this. So she was like...ok I will put it in another envelope and put a new stamp on it. I left the letter with her, I wonder if she ever mailed the letter. I first wanted to make copies of love letters he has written me and pics of him and put it on each car in his church parking lot. SO everyone could know how triffling he is .

 

[Golong]

And I'll tell you another thing about this experience. It had totally shook my faith in religion, people, love, marriage, commitment& fidelity. I was in a daze for a year after that all went down. UNTIL my SO came into may life and I believed in love again and acually learned alot about myself in the end. That I have tramendeous amount of restraint for not bashing his head in .