some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!!

[Sistaslick]

Yea. It's not like once you get married your husband's pee pee will be protected by the "force" against all "foreign soil".

Not the "force!"

 

[gone_fishing]

Ohh okay!

But even after all that, you're still thinkin' about going? I think I'd feel a lil odd or something sharing in their "day" especially being that homeskillet was trying to use me to ruin it.

I don't know, sounds like that wife is in for a ride with this guy.

Well the wedding is done. They got married in Vegas. They've been married for a little over a month now I think.

I sort of felt like I needed to go and meet her to give her some peace of mind and to show up with my guy.

I know "through word of mouth" that she's kind of intimidated by me and I just want to show her I'm not a threat.

It's important to me since I'm pretty close to his family. I don't want any controversy.

Do you think it'd be disrespectful if I went?

If you think that would cause more problems than not going then maybe I ought to reconsider.

I just know his family and friends expect me to be there because we were pretty good friends and he talks about me all the time.

I felt like if I didn't show up they might think I had an attitude about their union or something.

Now, I don't know. I'm confused.

His wife knows I'm coming from what I undestand and she's "looking forward to meeting" me?



I should mention that a week before their wedding he contact me to say he needed a prenup. I work at a law firm. I did actually refuse to draft that because I felt in the event of their divorce, it would be a conflict of interest and she could ultimately have the agreement voided if she found out an ex interest of his drafted it.

Lately say in the last 2 weeks or so he hasn't really said much to me so maybe he's straightening up...

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

ewww how trifling. For some reason he thought u was one of those low selfesteem chicks who did shady stuff like this just cause other guys did it to you... There are some cruel chicks out there like this though. tell him to drop dead with his nasty ***....

 

[BackToMyRoots]

Not the "force!"

I'm just saying . The only way marriage or any other relationship/comittment works is if each party respects their vows/promises and honors the trust their mate has in them.

 

[Sistaslick]

Did you send them a nice wedding gift? I would have probably just sent them a "peace offering" on behalf of me and my SO.

If you think she's the insecure type (not like she isn't justified in that from what you've shown us of him) showing up may be the ultimate, aggressive "in your face" kinda move. Of course she might say "She's looking forward to meeting you" (that's just being cordial) but girl you know that chick is probably hoping and praying you don't actually show up. Then, "Lewis" might see it as an undercover "yes" from you and ticket to keep on trying you.

If you show up, she might think "Now, what is she doing here and why is she talking to me and schmoozing up with my inlaws?" She might not see you as harmless and trying to smooth over the waters. I just don't want your presence to backfire. Knowing how fickleminded her man is, she might see your presence as some last ditch effort to get in with the family and make her man realize what he's missed. Some women are confident enough in themselves and in their relationship to not even be phased by your presence, but I don't think this lady has the luxury. Then she'll put the fault and blame on YOU who has done no wrong, not him the one who is 100% at fault and instigating things. You know how we can women do . . .

I really think you should create some distance-- even though that won't keep their marriage from falling apart at the seams if that's the direction it's headed. It'll just be some other temptation later on for this dude. I know some ladies here would say go for it, but I *personally* just wouldn't socialize with a man who has let me know that he's willing to drop all he's got--everything he has committed himself before God to-- to give me a spin one last time.

 

[gone_fishing]

Did you send them a nice wedding gift? I would have probably just sent them a "peace offering" on behalf of me and my SO.

If you think she's the insecure type (not like she isn't justified in that from what you've shown us of him) showing up may be the ultimate, aggressive "in your face" kinda move. Of course she might say "She's looking forward to meeting you" (that's just being cordial) but girl you know that chick is probably hoping and praying you don't actually show up. Then, "Lewis" might see it as an undercover "yes" from you and ticket to keep on trying you.

If you show up, she might think "Now, what is she doing here and why is she talking to me and schmoozing up with my inlaws?" She might not see you as harmless and trying to smooth over the waters. I just don't want your presence to backfire. Knowing how fickleminded her man is, she might see your presence as some last ditch effort to get in with the family and make her man realize what he's missed. Some women are confident enough in themselves and in their relationship to not even be phased by your presence, but I don't think this lady has the luxury.

I really think you should create some distance-- even though that won't keep their marriage from falling apart at the seams if that's the direction it's headed. It'll just be some other temptation later on for this dude. I know some ladies here would say go for it, but I *personally* just wouldn't socialize with a man who has let me know that he's willing to drop all he's got--everything he has committed himself before God to-- to give me a spin one last time.

Please let's note for the record that there was never a spin. I never kissed him! I barely hugged him and I certainly never ever took any part of my clothing off anywhere near him. YUCK!

You make some very good points Ms. Slick. My biggest concern was just that his family might think I'm the one with the chip on my shoulder if I don't show. Sending a gift in lieu of my presence just may be the best thing. In fact, I may just call his mother and thank her for the invitation but imply that I have other long standing plans but I'll be sending a gift to her for the happy couple.

You're right. Sometimes you just have to see it from someone else's point of view and I'm glad you were so logical and didn't judge my initial decision. Correction with love is a great thing.

Distance is probably the best thing.

Thanks for your input.

Knowing I'm not obligated to go is actually a relief.

 

[gone_fishing]

OP, do you know this girl personally. I can't get past the feeling that someone needs to tell her or show her who she's about to marry.

Man it'd hurt but if it were me, I'd want to know.

 

[Sistaslick]

Oh no!
I'm sorry if I implied that, A! By "spin" I meant "chance/whirl/do-over/attempt"

Please let's note for the record that there was never a spin. I never kissed him! I barely hugged him and I certainly never ever took any part of my clothing off anywhere near him.

In fact, that was one of the reasons he was so infatuated with me I think because I was a "challenge".

You make some very good points Ms. Slick. My biggest concern was just that his family might think I'm the one with the chip on my shoulder if I don't show. Sending a gift in lieu of my presence just may be the best thing. In fact, I may just call his mother and thank her for the invitation but imply that I have other long standing plans but I'll be sending a gift to her for the happy couple.

You're right. Sometimes you just have to see it from someone else's point of view and I'm glad you were so logical and didn't judge my initial decision. Correction with love is a great thing.

Distance is probably the best thing.

Thanks for your input.

Knowing I'm not obligated to go is actually a relief.

 

[Dee-Licious]

OP, do you know this girl personally. I can't get past the feeling that someone needs to tell her or show her who she's about to marry.

Man it'd hurt but if it were me, I'd want to know.

Sorry, ya'll... It was my night to cook dinner and my friend got off at 9 so I had to book it.

Naw, I don't know ole girl like that. If she walked in my front door I wouldn't recognize her because as much as he is out and i've been around him for 2 years I've seen her once maaaaybe twice.

 

[gone_fishing]

Oh no!
I'm sorry if I implied that, A! By "spin" I meant "chance/whirl/do-over/attempt"

LOL. I knew what you meant.

I just didn't want anyone else who didn't read the thread thorougly to get the wrong idea. erplexed

You know I was just thinking what if this girl is a member of this forum already. That'd be horrible.

 

[MzLady78]

That's why when I want a guy's opinion I go to a guy.

Hell yeah!!!!

I have a group of close male friends AND a brother- so trust, I run all kinds of stuff past them and get the real deal.

What a lowlife-SMDH.

 

[VeeJai]

wow....dogs r us. they are some trifling men

 

[lisana]

Distance from this man is the respectable thing. Any woman who would try to get all up in this woman's marriage has definitely got anagenda. There is no need to go anywhere near the woman to show her you are not a threat. If you want to show her, then stay away from her man. Good for you for not going to the wedding.

 

[gone_fishing]

Distance from this man is the respectable thing. Any woman who would try to get all up in this woman's marriage has definitely got anagenda. There is no need to go anywhere near the woman to show her you are not a threat. If you want to show her, then stay away from her man. Good for you for not going to the wedding.

I may be misunderstanding the tone of your response. In case I'm misunderstanding let me clarify. I am not trying to get all up in her marriage. I have no interest in this man whatsoever. While I agree at keeping my distance, if I had chosen to go the reception for which I received an invite, I would not have had an agenda. I never have had an agenda and I never have had a romantic interest in this man. We were however, friends for 2 years prior to him ever meeting his wife. Now under these circumstances I certainly understand where you are coming from.

But do you think that means every time one of my male friends gets married I have to disown them as friends?

Where is the line to be drawn?

Obviously, some of it is common sense such as no, I'm not going to meet you for lunch if your wife doesn't know about it. No, we can't hang out and go to the movies. No, to a lot of things that would have been acceptable at one time.

Ok so when a guy friend gets married how do you perceive that the friendship needs to change?

 

[Golong]

Do her a favor. Set him up with someone and have her blow his trifling behind out of the water. Someone needs to warn that poor girl until it's too late. You guys are giving him too much credit. Do you really think this will be his last romp. Even if he's telling himself that, I don't buy it. He has no integrity and that won't change after the wedding.

I agree 110% with this. Boy do I have a story to tell but got to get to class. I'll be back

 

[lisana]

I may be misunderstanding the tone of your response. In case I'm misunderstanding let me clarify. I am not trying to get all up in her marriage. I have no interest in this man whatsoever. While I agree at keeping my distance, if I had chosen to go the reception for which I received an invite, I would not have had an agenda. I never have had an agenda and I never have had a romantic interest in this man. We were however, friends for 2 years prior to him ever meeting his wife. Now under these circumstances I certainly understand where you are coming from.

But do you think that means every time one of my male friends gets married I have to disown them as friends?

Where is the line to be drawn?

Obviously, some of it is common sense such as no, I'm not going to meet you for lunch if your wife doesn't know about it. No, we can't hang out and go to the movies. No, to a lot of things that would have been acceptable at one time.

Ok so when a guy friend gets married how do you perceive that the friendship needs to change?

No, my response is pretty much my response. In MY opinion, I think for you to go, after what he did, would show that you have an agenda. If you want to convince yourself otherwise, then fine. I don't know you, so if I'm wrong, then fine, shouldn't matter to you. No, you don't have to disown every male friend that gets married. but YOU said he was coming on to you right before he was married, which means he was engaged. So maybe you can make an exception for the male friends who are engaged who come on to you. But that's just my opinion. Or just go, since you have no agenda and show the new wife who you heard is intimidated by you, that you are no threat, have no agenda and just want to share in the happiness she has with the new husband who came on to you.

 

[Sistaslick]

No, my response is pretty much my response. In MY opinion, I think for you to go, after what he did, would show that you have an agenda. If you want to convince yourself otherwise, then fine. I don't know you, so if I'm wrong, then fine, shouldn't matter to you. No, you don't have to disown every male friend that gets married. but YOU said he was coming on to you right before he was married, which means he was engaged. So maybe you can make an exception for the male friends who are engaged who come on to you. But that's just my opinion. Or just go, since you have no agenda and show the new wife who you heard is intimidated by you, that you are no threat, have no agenda and just want to share in the happiness she has with the new husband who came on to you.

ITA. This is one of them friend's where you have to help them help themselves. If you know he has a weak spot for ya, you don't want to go prancing around his reception. It's not your fault, though it is his. He's the one with the issue. You haven't done anything wrong. But the best way that you can be his friend right now is to stay away from the man's wedding reception. From what it sounds like, seeing you is not exactly going to make him feel confident in his recent decision.

It's like bringing crack to a wishy washy crack addict's attempt at rehab.

He has problems and really I think if something doesn't give and he doesn't get it together, his marriage is gonna be heading down the drain here sooner or later. I can't understand why someone would get married knowing they still have some feelings that aren't resolved. His marriage is a sham. Then to invite the object of his missplaced affections? That gesture bothers me to no end.erplexed He needs to grow some cojones and tell his wife what the real deal is. He's letting her think you guys were more than casual and it's like he's getting off on that jealousy he's inciting.

But I guess in the end somehow, you might end up doing his wife a favor. If I were Ryan, though, I wouldn't want to have any part of that fiasco.

 

[Blossssom]

Re: some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!! was blossssom right?

HELL YEA I'M RIGHT!

LOL at the title of this thread.

Do you guys remember me telling you about a guy I went out with and had a nice time having a drink and going to the movies (two separate dates) recently? We had also gone out last summer for Chinese food and I never heard from him again, but then reconnected this year.

Well, after he dropped me off at home after the movie date, date #2, he tried to grope me and wanted me to come home with him. It was about midnight.

Of course I declined and I didn't hear from him for three days, so I took the initiative and called him. I left a message saying how much I enjoyed our date and looked forward to seeing him again.

No response.

Okay, four weeks go by, approximately, and he leaves me a message saying he wants to have another drink so he can explain why he hasn't called me.

I called him back leaving yet another message, letting him know what my weekend was like. This was for last weekend, and I called him about that Wednesday before.

No response.

I saw him yesterday and he just came out and told me that he wasn't seeing me anymore because he was already seeing someone else.

I asked him was he seeing her before he tried to molest me after the movies? And was he seeing her last summer when we had our very first date?

He admitted he was. I thanked him for his honesty and went in the house.

But see, after the movies, he tried to have sex with me knowing DAMN WELL he had an arrangement with another woman!

What I liked about that blog regarding black women/white men is that she encourages women to keep their drawers up until marriage, because these men are playing women straight out of them.

He didn't play me, though, and maybe that's why he elected not to pursue it another day.

GOOD!

 

[Blossssom]

I don't think blossom was necessarily right. I doubt that even with the ring on his finger he will be faithful. He's a DOG erplexed

Naw, he ain't gonna be right. Single, married... only dead. Then he'll be right.

It's sad because men are so predatory nowadays. I just don't trust them. I've been screwed over, and I've helped a few of them screw over the wife.

This guy is beyond triflin', though

 

[Blossssom]

Re: some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!! was blossssom right?

That's right. Marriage is not some miraculous elixir that changes people into ideal mates. Unmarried or married dogs have doggish intentions.

Um hmmm.....

 

[prettypuff1]

Re: some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!! was blossssom right?

all i can say is ooowweee

 

[fletgee]

Re: some dudes are just SOOO D@MN TRIFLING!! was blossssom right?

The above is a message sent to me by a dude who is ENGAGED and invited me to the wedding. Bascially asking me to find/arrange him a f-buddy for now until his wedding.

The nerve of him!!!

Goes to show some dudes don't believe in the commitment until they are married.



title edited...

And how can anyone think this guy will be "true" to his wife after he's married to her?

He's not mature enough to take on a marriage commitment.

 

[gone_fishing]

No, my response is pretty much my response. In MY opinion, I think for you to go, after what he did, would show that you have an agenda. If you want to convince yourself otherwise, then fine. I don't know you, so if I'm wrong, then fine, shouldn't matter to you. No, you don't have to disown every male friend that gets married. but YOU said he was coming on to you right before he was married, which means he was engaged. So maybe you can make an exception for the male friends who are engaged who come on to you. But that's just my opinion. Or just go, since you have no agenda and show the new wife who you heard is intimidated by you, that you are no threat, have no agenda and just want to share in the happiness she has with the new husband who came on to you.

Actually, I did agree with what you said about THIS particular situation. I had already made up my mind after Ms. Slick's post. I guess you didn't articulate that very well.

However, I wanted to know what you thought about how to deal with a male friend in general who gets married. What do you think should change? I wonder if perhaps you thought I was being facetious when I wasn't.

But thanks for answering, either way.

 

[lisana]

Actually, I did agree with what you said about THIS particular situation. I had already made up my mind after Ms. Slick's post. I guess you didn't articulate that very well.

However, I wanted to know what you thought about how to deal with a male friend in general who gets married. What do you think should change? I wonder if perhaps you thought I was being facetious when I wasn't.

But thanks for answering, either way.

I pretty sure I was extremely articulate, but moving on. A person can do whatever they want with their life if they can live with the consequences. Now having said that, I will say that I'm sure there are many women who are friends with the married man only and not the wife and everything is kosher, I don't know any, but I have heard they exist. As a married woman, I have no time for games and I also don't have time to play the role of "bigger, better person who is cool with hubby being friends with a woman that is not a friend of mine," but if that works for some other married women, cool. IMO, anyone who has had any type of flirtation with a male friend, and then the man turns around and marries ME, then I wouldn't want them to remain friends because of the flirtation, the obvious physical attraction. But if it's all platonic, really truly platonic, then it's cool. And by platonic, I mean we all hang out together ALL the time, none of that "we'll wifey at home with the kids, so it's just you and me" Platonic = cool but flirting, attraction, me being uncomfortable = not cool. But that's just my take on this, everyone else can do it how they want to do it.

 

[Blossssom]

I pretty sure I was extremely articulate, but moving on. A person can do whatever they want with their life if they can live with the consequences. Now having said that, I will say that I'm sure there are many women who are friends with the married man only and not the wife and everything is kosher, I don't know any, but I have heard they exist. As a married woman, I have no time for games and I also don't have time to play the role of "bigger, better person who is cool with hubby being friends with a woman that is not a friend of mine," but if that works for some other married women, cool. IMO, anyone who has had any type of flirtation with a male friend, and then the man turns around and marries ME, then I wouldn't want them to remain friends because of the flirtation, the obvious physical attraction. But if it's all platonic, really truly platonic, then it's cool. And by platonic, I mean we all hang out together ALL the time, none of that "we'll wifey at home with the kids, so it's just you and me" Platonic = cool but flirting, attraction, me being uncomfortable = not cool. But that's just my take on this, everyone else can do it how they want to do it.

I know that's right, sista!

 

[Magus484]

He must not have put too much $$$ into that engagement ring she's wearing.

HAHAH!

 

[gone_fishing]

I pretty sure I was extremely articulate, but moving on. A person can do whatever they want with their life if they can live with the consequences. Now having said that, I will say that I'm sure there are many women who are friends with the married man only and not the wife and everything is kosher, I don't know any, but I have heard they exist. As a married woman, I have no time for games and I also don't have time to play the role of "bigger, better person who is cool with hubby being friends with a woman that is not a friend of mine," but if that works for some other married women, cool. IMO, anyone who has had any type of flirtation with a male friend, and then the man turns around and marries ME, then I wouldn't want them to remain friends because of the flirtation, the obvious physical attraction. But if it's all platonic, really truly platonic, then it's cool. And by platonic, I mean we all hang out together ALL the time, none of that "we'll wifey at home with the kids, so it's just you and me" Platonic = cool but flirting, attraction, me being uncomfortable = not cool. But that's just my take on this, everyone else can do it how they want to do it.

LOL. OMG I meant to say "I" didn't articulate that very well. That was definitely a typo and I do apologize. If you'll read it again with that correction it probably makes a lot more since. Saying it the way it is now wouldn't have made very much since.

 

[Sistaslick]

HAHAH!

I'm just sayin' When brotha really puts his heart and soul into affording that ring his mind seems like it would be more likely stay right. If that dude was willing to do all that, he must not have put in too strong of an investment in that union, love or money wise.

 

[lisana]

LOL. OMG I meant to say "I" didn't articulate that very well. That was definitely a typo and I do apologize. If you'll read it again with that correction it probably makes a lot more since. Saying it the way it is now wouldn't have made very much since.

Thank you for saying that. The internet is a trip. we all start running off at the mouth (and I do include myself , especially, when I say this) and the next thing you know it's another thread closing down. clink, clink

 

[Blossssom]

Thank you for saying that. The internet is a trip. we all start running off at the mouth (and I do include myself , especially, when I say this) and the next thing you know it's another thread closing down. clink, clink

All because of a typo. Haha!