"So when are you gonna wear your REAL hair??" hater speak or actual...concern!?

[WhippedButterCreme]

Hey Ladies! Hope your friday's good! I just wanted to see if some of you protective stylers have encountered this same 'ISSUE' that I have on my healthy hair journey

Anyways, I have relatives that I ONLY see like...once or twice a year so when I happen to visit the midwest, they feel like they gotta be all up in my business .

But this ONE particular uncle, ever since I started protective styling in braids, he's been blunting saying stuff like 'When are you going to wear your real hair again?' 'You pay how much for your hair??' 'I don't think it's economical to wear your hair like this...' and really he comes off as negative .

I'm a girl who hates attention being brought to my hair, cuz I get it ALL the time with my friends or at school (as I'm usually the only brown face in bio class )

He has plenty of other nieces (with dry, choppy damaged permed hair, mind you ) but his hands always seem to be active in my hair and he always seems to 'disapprove of it'

It will start as a side convo, but by the end of it, he'll have all my uncles and aunts discussing MY hair. keep in mind I'm only 23, and respect is a HUGE factor with my family (with anyone else I woulda told them to take a long walk off a short bridge a loooong time ago )

So anyone of you ladies have a similar problem? I explain to them all the time that I have real AND long hair mixed in with my braids but nooo...it seems like they'd rather I have dry, brittle hair that's all my own vs growing, thriving hair in a protective style.

My daily hair style i wear is in my signature (points). Any advice/help/stories you wanna share?

 

[CurliDiva]

I would pull him to the side and tell him how his comments make you feel and ask him to stop!

Respect goes both way and just because he's older does not mean that he has the right to disrepect you in front of others.

Or ................you could just laugh it off and tell him to spend a check before your next visit, so you can get your hair did! LOL

 

[Kerryann]

You are bugging uncle or no uncle i wouldve surely serve his arse up a plate of mind yo flipping business asap as soon as he starts end of story

 

[cocosweet]

Sounds like they just want something to gawk and stare at and live vicariously through and you're denying them. How dare you!

Perhaps you could say "Uncle, I like my hair this way, so you'll be seeing it like this until further notice."

Is he a hair stylist? I'd expect auntie to be the hair crazy one not him!

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

You are bugging uncle or no uncle i wouldve surely serve his arse up a plate of mind yo flipping business asap as soon as he starts end of story

LOL!!!! Anyone else would get the business ...sounds bad but telling people off isn't a thing for me.

I'm from cali, so we're liberal as hayle here but in the midwest it's all 'Yes sire, no sire'

If he was a cousin or someone my age, he'd get the 3rd degree and then some! But the whole I only see him one time a year thing...and my mom n dad's side of the fam beef with each other so there's a ton of politics involved.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Wow, you are so beautiful!

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, as a hard core protective styler. I have even heard from LHCFers more than once that it's time for me to start wearing my own hair!!! So you know a "civilian" isn't going to get it.

Just ignore him and keep doing you. If you protest, I think he will do it MORE. Just my opinion.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Sounds like they just want something to gawk and stare at and live vicariously through you're denying them. How dare you!

Perhaps you could say "Uncle, I like my hair this way, so you'll be seeing it like this until further notice."

Is he a hair stylist? I'd expect auntie to be the hair crazy one not him!

LOL!!! Aww hayle!!

That sounds like that can work. I've thought of all these things to say, but I'm just so stunned by how the whole atmosphere stops and then all eyes and convo turns to my 'fake hair'

Also I pay every cent for my hair too It's weird cause my aunts are cool with my hair. They know that I can swim, workout, and wake up 30 minutes later 'cuz my hair is so low maintenance now.

And he's a lawyer...I dunno but sometimes I think it makes him feel like he can tell anyone anything and we got to take it as law. It's hard to be respectful sometimes!

 

[Missigirl]

Don't take it personal. Sounds like they just need a subject for conversation I know it is not comfortable. Just hang in there. When your hair gets really long and they see where your are going with your protective styling then they will want to know your secret.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Wow, you are so beautiful!

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, as a hard core protective styler. I have even heard from LHCFers more than once that it's time for me to start wearing my own hair!!! So you know a "civilian" isn't going to get it.

Just ignore him and keep doing you. If you protest, I think he will do it MORE. Just my opinion.

Oh thank you!

Lol! You know i never looked at it that way! erplexed Lol @ civilian! Yeah, as long as my hair continues to grow long I'm willing to PS!

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

He's curious. My friends were the same way, you gotta tease 'em girl. Show 'em the goods, then take it away. I recently flat ironed my hair for a length check, posted the pic on fb, ( my siggy), and washed my hair the next day for cornrows and my wig. Most of them haven't seen my real hiar since I b'cd. Now that they see that I'm not bald, they have left me alone...for now.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I think he's just curious as to why you never wear your real hair...and I understand it. Some people protective style every day, and never wear their own hair. It makes no sense to me either. You're doing all of this to get healthy hair, but you're never gonna wear it?

 

[*CherryPie*]

I'm not a civilian, and I agree with him.

Oh thank you!

Lol! You know i never looked at it that way! erplexed Lol @ civilian! Yeah, as long as my hair continues to grow long I'm willing to PS!

 

[curlyninjagirl]

I think he's just curious as to why you never wear your real hair...and I understand it. Some people protective style every day, and never wear their own hair. It makes no sense to me either. You're doing all of this to get healthy hair, but you're never gonna wear it?

We all have different reasons for growing our hair long. Everyone has a right to their own unique customs, it doesn't matter if you understand them or not, they should be respected and it's best not to harrass them about it.

That said, with family, what choice do you have but to take the good with the annoying? Sometimes our elders just say whatever comes to them without a thought as to the context and it's natural not to want to quarrel with them.

I have those one or two family members that I let say what they gotta say and then keep my distance to avoid further harrassment. They take the hint eventually....or sometimes they don't

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I think he's just curious as to why you never wear your real hair...and I understand it. Some people protective style every day, and never wear their own hair. It makes no sense to me either. You're doing all of this to get healthy hair, but you're never gonna wear it?

Hmm. Yes I agree to a certain extent, that it doesn't make sense to toil over hair growth and not wear it out.

But that's not my plan. I'm protective styling until I reach my goal length of mbl and it's through protective styling that I've gotten this far to be apl or bsl.

But I also think that my uncle is stuck on a 'straight hair is the right way to wear your hair' type of mentality Even when my hair was breaking and shedding terribly at cbl length, he could accept that better than my hair as it is now: thriving and growing to lengths I used to have as a kid.

But even if someone wants to protective style their hair to waist length, I don't see the harm!

 

[*CherryPie*]

It DOES matter if I agree or not. What's it to YOU anyways? I wasn't responding to you. You could've saved that for another time.

We all have different reasons for growing our hair long. Everyone has a right to their own unique customs, it doesn't matter if you understand them or not, they should be respected and it's best not to harrass them about it.

That said, with family, what choice do you have but to take the good with the annoying? Sometimes our elders just say whatever comes to them without a thought as to the context and it's natural not to want to quarrel with them.

I have those one or two family members that I let say what they gotta say and then keep my distance to avoid further harrassment. They take the hint eventually....or sometimes they don't

 

[divachyk]

No one ever asks me why. If they did I would just kindly say, "because I don't want to." End of discussion.

Ppl protective style for various reasons. My decision to protective style was never about growth. I was dealing with adult acne and opted to wear my hair out of my face to ensure the oil from my hair wasn't the cause for my acne. My acne struggle lasted well over a year. By the time my face cleared, I was great at protective styling and opted to continue it. I enjoy it. I dress my hair up with candy. I change up my protective styles so my looks never gets dull or boring and doesn't strike others as being the same 'o same.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

No one ever asks me why. If they did I would just kindly say, "because I don't want to." End of discussion.

Ppl protective style for various reasons. My decision to protective style was never about growth. I was dealing with adult acne and opted to wear my hair out of my face to ensure the oil from my hair wasn't the cause for my acne. My acne struggle lasted well over a year. By the time my face cleared, I was great at protective styling and opted to continue it. I enjoy it. I dress my hair up with candy. I change up my protective styles so my looks never gets dull or boring and doesn't strike others as being the same 'o same.

Lol, if i just look at sugar I break out Alot of women see protective styles as transitory but elegant buns turn my head so fast! Hmm what kind of hair candy did you use? I'm trying to think of all the ways to spruce up a bun and you're a super expect!

Even just an added pencil looks super sheik to me

 

[Saga]

It DOES matter if I agree or not. What's it to YOU anyways? I wasn't responding to you. You could've saved that for another time.

She didn't say it doesn't matter if you agree, she said it doesn't matter if you UNDERSTAND.

Her whole point wasn't that your opinion doesn't matter, or that anybody's opinion doesn't matter, but that despite our "opinions" we should still give people respect. I can understand where you were coming from-why grow your hair long if u never wear it out? But I don't think that's what most of the ladies here (or the OP) are trying to accomplish. They're covering their hair so that it CAN be long, and WHEN it is long they will wear it and flaunt it.

I know, also, that there are women who just back-to-back weave because they have no knowledge of their hair, are lazy and don't take care of it while in the PS, or are self-conscious and have low self esteem so they weave/get extensions. I'm sure you're a fairly respectful person, and though u may ask a person "Why do you do this?" or "Why do you do that?" unless it's something you know will harm them (like drugs or something) then there's no reason to nag them about it the way OP's uncle is always doing. What does her hair have to do with HIM? Does HE pay for her to go to the salon. No, therefore it is none of his business. Even though he doesn't UNDERSTAND why she's always covering her hair he should respect her decision since it isn't necessarily doing her any harm.

 

[diadall]

I would probably ignore him. At some point he may start to feel like a broken record.

He may also think he is paying you a compliment...thinking you have such beautiful hair and you are robbing everyone by not wearing it.

If it really bothers you just tell him that you are doing it so you can have long, healthy, beautiful hair.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

She didn't say it doesn't matter if you agree, she said it doesn't matter if you UNDERSTAND.

Her whole point wasn't that your opinion doesn't matter, or that anybody's opinion doesn't matter, but that despite our "opinions" we should still give people respect. I can understand where you were coming from-why grow your hair long if u never wear it out? But I don't think that's what most of the ladies here (or the OP) are trying to accomplish. They're covering their hair so that it CAN be long, and WHEN it is long they will wear it and flaunt it.

I know, also, that there are women who just back-to-back weave because they have no knowledge of their hair, are lazy and don't take care of it while in the PS, or are self-conscious and have low self esteem so they weave/get extensions. I'm sure you're a fairly respectful person, and though u may ask a person "Why do you do this?" or "Why do you do that?" unless it's something you know will harm them (like drugs or something) then there's no reason to nag them about it the way OP's uncle is always doing. What does her hair have to do with HIM? Does HE pay for her to go to the salon. No, therefore it is none of his business. Even though he doesn't UNDERSTAND why she's always covering her hair he should respect her decision since it isn't necessarily doing her any harm.

^^^Thank you, DanceOnTheSkylines, for clarifying. I was definitely misunderstood. Sorry, OP, if this ruined your thread at all.

 

[aviddiva77]

I would ignore him honestly. I agree with the others who said that he's probably curious but he's being too negative. When you get to your length and be whipping your hair back and forth, they're going to be in awe.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

She didn't say it doesn't matter if you agree, she said it doesn't matter if you UNDERSTAND.

Her whole point wasn't that your opinion doesn't matter, or that anybody's opinion doesn't matter, but that despite our "opinions" we should still give people respect. I can understand where you were coming from-why grow your hair long if u never wear it out? But I don't think that's what most of the ladies here (or the OP) are trying to accomplish. They're covering their hair so that it CAN be long, and WHEN it is long they will wear it and flaunt it.

I know, also, that there are women who just back-to-back weave because they have no knowledge of their hair, are lazy and don't take care of it while in the PS, or are self-conscious and have low self esteem so they weave/get extensions. I'm sure you're a fairly respectful person, and though u may ask a person "Why do you do this?" or "Why do you do that?" unless it's something you know will harm them (like drugs or something) then there's no reason to nag them about it the way OP's uncle is always doing. What does her hair have to do with HIM? Does HE pay for her to go to the salon. No, therefore it is none of his business. Even though he doesn't UNDERSTAND why she's always covering her hair he should respect her decision since it isn't necessarily doing her any harm.

Yup, your synopsis is pretty through and sound! Just Protective styling till mbl then BAM! Out comes the hair! Btw your twists are amazing! You wear them so well.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't think older generations understand PSing especially with added hair. People tend to judge those who wear weave as being too lazy to do your own hair. You could attempt to explain why you PS. But then again, it's your uncle, do you think he would be receptive to that?

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[Saga]

Yup, your synopsis is pretty through and sound! Just Protective styling till mbl then BAM! Out comes the hair! Btw your twists are amazing! You wear them so well.

Thanks-looking at them makes me want to hurry up an loc my hair, but I gotta wait 'till I has my monies in order.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I don't think older generations understand PSing especially with added hair. People tend to judge those who wear weave as being too lazy to do your own hair. You could attempt to explain why you PS. But then again, it's your uncle, do you think he would be receptive to that?

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

You know I think you're right. He's kinda in that whole 'women are ladies' kind of mentality and wearing a weave is a no-no.

Its interesting though, cause my mom swore he was weave checking her once but maybe that's cause she has healthy apl hair, and all my other female relatives have cbl or shorter hair?

Do I think he would be receptive to it?

...Hayle no!!

I've tried to explain it once to him, but he's stuck on: 'Weaves bad. Real hair good. Weaves bad. Hair good.'

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

^^^Thank you, DanceOnTheSkylines, for clarifying. I was definitely misunderstood. Sorry, OP, if this ruined your thread at all.

Sorry, I totally don't feel that way at all! If anything, I'm trying to remember your words so I can reiterate them to unc next fam get together! I thought it was tactful and well-said.

 

[PJaye]

It seems as if people are operating under the misconception that in order to fully enjoy one’s hair, it must be worn/styled out. What I always wonder is, where did that nonsense originate, and what makes some believe that they have the right to facetiously comment on another’s hair care preference? I wish a mo would offer unsolicited opinions about what I do and how I do it...

At any rate, OP, as a family elder, it is your uncle’s responsibility to lead by example. If he is unwilling or unable to do so, you may have to respectfully check him into compliance. IMO, a small measure of respect is a given, but the majority of it must be earned. No one should have to put up with disrespect from a family member simply because they share DNA.

 

[yorkpatties]

OP I get that you don't want to be disrespectful, but I didn't see you say how you typically deal with it. Maybe I missed that. Do you sit in the room quiet while they're ALL talking about you? Are you laughing? Are you trying to explain yourself? Hell, are you in tears? Do you get up and leave? What do you typically do?

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

@ yorkpatties It's interesting 'cause I find that the ten times he asked the question about my hair is usually when I swarmed with aunts and uncles, who then kill every other topic to 'study' my hair.

The first three times he's asked about my hair, I honestly explained that it helps my hair grow and he's like 'how?' so when i tell him it's 'giving my hair a break' he gets stuck on the idea, 'well you've always had long hair before this style, so you didn't have trouble then.'

Sure...if having damaged, dry shoulder length hair back in '06 was what he considered 'long hair' then okaaaay.

I think if he 'really' wanted to learn, he would, he's super interested in my education where he's literally told people to shut up so he could hear my plans about the future

But with hair I just think he's okay being stuck with the notion that any hair in my head that isn't mine own is bad. And truthfully it's through this ps styling, dcing and moisturizing that my hair has never been stronger, thicker or longer than it has since I was a little girl

 

[Lovelylocs]

Sistar He's out of line. Have you tried looking him in the eye seriously and saying "Uncle _____, I don't like it when you make personal comments about me." Don't smile, don't look away, keep a serious, straight face and eye contact until you receive a response. It's respectful but firm enough that he will probably back down.