SO has different parenting skills!!

[cdawnlewis]

I have been in a relationship with my bf for a while now..he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter who is not minding, being defiant, not listening, and thinks that being scolded is funny. He doesn't do spankings, and he just does time out. I have a 4 year old so I've been through the terrible twos stage. We went to a festival in town and she was totally not listening( jerking her hand away, running away into the crowd, scratching, hitting, etc..) when he asked me if he was too soft on her I said yes! I mean she doesnt mind at all! Well he kind of got offended, but he asked my opinion! What should I do?? How do I deal with this??

 

[TayMac]

Who has the little girl most of the time? You say you have been dating awhile..how long is that?

I'm not sure of what to say as most people don't like being told what to do with their kids and get into defense mode (even if they got a bebe's kid). If he is someone you would like to marry, I think it definitely needs to be discussed and preferably when the kids aren't around.

Does she listen to you?

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ I also would want to know how long you've been dating. She may be acting out because you're the new woman on the block and she doesn't like it.

I would tread very carefully, most people don't take kindly to folks criticizing their parenting.

 

[princessnad]

Are you related to DLewis?

 

[dlewis]

IDK how you would deal with that. If I were in that situation I would prob pop her.erplexed

But I understand people don't want other folk hit on their kids. I would do it anyway.

You prob need to talk to him.

I would be gone, I don't like bad butt kids.

 

[phynestone]

If he didn't want your opinion, he wouldn't have asked.

The child may be afraid you're taking the place of her real mommy or she wants her father all to herself. It's normal. However, Daddy needs to step up and be firm. If he doesn't, she will think that behavior is fine for all adults.

I agree that most adults don't want others to tell them how to raise their kids, even if they are bad as heck. Fine. Just don't complain when they become teenagers and are out of control b/c you didn't lay the proper foundation.

 

[cdawnlewis]

Who has the little girl most of the time? You say you have been dating awhile..how long is that?

I'm not sure of what to say as most people don't like being told what to do with their kids and get into defense mode (even if they got a bebe's kid). If he is someone you would like to marry, I think it definitely needs to be discussed and preferably when the kids aren't around.

Does she listen to you?

We have been dating for 2 years (he was going through a divorce before she was even born) I definitely want to marry him, and this relationship is the best one I've ever been in...I know she loves me, she always wants to be around me, but just doesnt listen to me or him!

 

[cdawnlewis]

If he didn't want your opinion, he wouldn't have asked.

The child may be afraid you're taking the place of her real mommy or she wants her father all to herself. It's normal. However, Daddy needs to step up and be firm. If he doesn't, she will think that behavior is fine for all adults.

I agree that most adults don't want others to tell them how to raise their kids, even if they are bad as heck. Fine. Just don't complain when they become teenagers and are out of control b/c you didn't lay the proper foundation.

Well she is so clingy to me as well, and is very protective of her father, but I'm like dang, I know she's two, but wouldn't you think that by know she would listen to at least her daddy!

 

[cdawnlewis]

Are you related to DLewis?

No, I wish because she can cook!!

 

[cdawnlewis]

^^^ I also would want to know how long you've been dating. She may be acting out because you're the new woman on the block and she doesn't like it.

I would tread very carefully, most people don't take kindly to folks criticizing their parenting.

Well I've been there ever since she was a baby, and she is very comfortable with me, she just doesn't listen to anyone!

 

[Nina_deF]

IDK how you would deal with that. If I were in that situation I would prob pop her.erplexed

But I understand people don't want other folk hit on their kids. I would do it anyway.

You prob need to talk to him.

I would be gone, I don't like bad butt kids.

I just gotta say; If my ex-husbands GF or wife hit one of my children, she'd be missing teeth and he would loose the little custody he has.

Other than that, he did ask your advice but it is a dangerous area, thread lightly. It's probably a phase that will pass anyway. I've heard that daughters are a lot harder to handle than sons...

 

[dlewis]

I just gotta say; If my ex-husbands GF or wife hit one of my children, she'd be missing teeth and he would loose the little custody he has.

Other than that, he did ask your advice but it is a dangerous area, thread lightly. It's probably a phase that will pass anyway. I've heard that daughters are a lot harder to handle than sons...

I know, I know. I would be the same way.

One reason I couldn't date a man with kids. I don't like bad kids.

 

[LilMissRed]

Those '2's are ROUGH to say the least. HOWEVER.. lil momma cant be acting a nut when its time to go out & about.

Now he DID ask ur opinion and u gave ur honest answer-good deal. Now he needs to step up to the plate and handle his daughter IMO

from MY personal experience, my ex's daughter was w/us on the regular since she was a baby and I treated her as mine(at the time he/I didnt have any kids) but I refused to even be bothered with ANYONES bad kid. PERIOD. She was disciplined by me when she didnt mind me. simple as that. Now her mom and I were never 'close' and I was cool w/that, but she knew I loved/cared for her baby and I wouldnt mistreat her.. so she and I never had issues when it came to her at all.

I can only really only recall 1 spanking-spanking I gave her and she may've been 2-3 yrs old.. after that.. I never really had any issues with her. I guess she realized that I wasnt playing that.

 

[cdawnlewis]

Those '2's are ROUGH to say the least. HOWEVER.. lil momma cant be acting a nut when its time to go out & about.

Now he DID ask ur opinion and u gave ur honest answer-good deal. Now he needs to step up to the plate and handle his daughter IMO

from MY personal experience, my ex's daughter was w/us on the regular since she was a baby and I treated her as mine(at the time he/I didnt have any kids) but I refused to even be bothered with ANYONES bad kid. PERIOD. She was disciplined by me when she didnt mind me. simple as that. Now her mom and I were never 'close' and I was cool w/that, but she knew I loved/cared for her baby and I wouldnt mistreat her.. so she and I never had issues when it came to her at all.

I can only really only recall 1 spanking-spanking I gave her and she may've been 2-3 yrs old.. after that.. I never really had any issues with her. I guess she realized that I wasnt playing that.

I want to disipline her myself, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries ya know? I spank my 4 year old when I need to (which i hardly have to anymore-the mom stare does just as well!) but I'm getting so frustrated!

 

[cdawnlewis]

I just gotta say; If my ex-husbands GF or wife hit one of my children, she'd be missing teeth and he would loose the little custody he has.

Other than that, he did ask your advice but it is a dangerous area, thread lightly. It's probably a phase that will pass anyway. I've heard that daughters are a lot harder to handle than sons...

I feel ya there! I just wish he would try to disipline her more than a simple time outerplexed

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

If he doesn't spank her, he doesn't spank her for a reason.
Not EVERYONE spanks a child and believes it is a good form of discipline.

Why should YOU, overstep that by spanking her?
You are not his wife and you are certainly not the child's mother, no matter how long you have been with the man. Baby girl comes first until you and him are married.
If it were me, I'd sit down and talk to him and explain that his daughter's unruliness is causing you to feel comfortable.
Give him suggestions, other than spanking, that he can do to calm her down.
Maybe he doesn't want to here that he NEEDS to spank her?

 

[cdawnlewis]

If he doesn't spank her, he doesn't spank her for a reason.
Not EVERYONE spanks a child and believes it is a good form of discipline.

Why should YOU, overstep that by spanking her?
You are not his wife and you are certainly not the child's mother, no matter how long you have been with the man. Baby girl comes first until you and him are married.
If it were me, I'd sit down and talk to him and explain that his daughter's unruliness is causing you to feel comfortable.
Give him suggestions, other than spanking, that he can do to calm her down.
Maybe he doesn't want to here that he NEEDS to spank her?

Well he believes in spanking, he just doesn't do it! I know I'm not his wife or the mother of his child nor am I trying to be, but HE asked for my opinion when I'm usually closed mouthed about it and got offended. I have no other suggestions to give him since they don't work either...