I don't see it as hunting a man, just that you are casting a wider net.
Hmm....I prefer to be pursued rather than being the pursuer, which involves strategically placing yourself in places where the types of men you prefer like to frequent or basically, getting out and doing things you enjoy doing and meeting a nice guy in the process. For instance, I love sports so I've been lucky to meet quite a few men at sporting events. I love charity work and have even met a few guys at charity events I'm either attending or volunteering for. But like I said, I enjoy being pursued. There's someting unnatural for me to pursueing or hunt down men.
Thanks for the replies ladies -I understand that I must cast a wider net. I think I used the word "hunt" because this particular friend that gave me the advice met her SO (I will call him John) through a matchmaking service. Her friend who is also on the matchmaking service met John first- went on one date with him- there were no sparks so she passed (or introduced) him to my friend who is now engaged to him. IMO this just seems a bit strange. I have another friend that goes from church to church literally scanning the congregation for eligible men. These women have no issue letting people know that they are single and looking incase that person knows someone that they can be introduced to. What do you guys think? Will this increase a womans chance or will this just make someone appear to be desperate?
As a fellow prefer-to-be-homebody no, I dont hunt for men. But have you heard the expression
"God feeds the Birds, but they have to leave the nest for it?"
that means you get out there and the rest is taken care of.
same thing. Just get out and BE out. That can mean taking your time grocery shopping, going IN the bank to do your banking instead of doing everything through the drive-in banking window, etc.
you don't have to do any hunting or looking. But no one can see you in your house to approach you. if someone sees you in your house and then approaches RUN RUN FAR AWAY
I don't think so. I think when you're ready to be out there again, you'll find what works best for you and your lifestyle and do that. If you aren't a clubber, why go to a club to meet a man? Then you're all surprised when he wants to go out and you're not into it, and he doesn't get it. (hypothetical, of course).
I met someone that was on the same road that I was on. We were both driving at the same speed. I'm a home body as well. So after initially meeting him (we're both former music majors- met at a music conference my school was hosting), we talked on the phone and IMed eachother and emailed constantly with a little chatting in chatrooms on the side. It was a natural progression. So now, five plus years down the way, we enjoy each other's company and have no qualms staying in the house.
I've been in relationships where the SO and I didn't mesh like that (he couldn't understand how I loved reading so much that I'd rather stay in on a saturday night with an LA Banks book than go out partying to the early hours of dawn - I love books. Plain and simple) and though we were in a great relationship, we found that we wanted seperate things in life. And there's nothing wrong with that.
But why go through all that when you can just set your expectations to how you are now?
So, I guess my advice would be, when deciding to date keep in mind where you look for the man. Yes, locations don't explain him, but they are an inkling into where he's at in life. Don't get mad if you meet a wonderful man in the library (where you see him on the regular basis) only to find out he detests clubs. A clue that he was like that would be in the obsessive library patronage. lol
This is rambling, but I hope this helps! If not, just ignore it. lol
Well, I have read quite a few relationship books, and there are a few that have suggested these EXACT things that your friend has done. If I didn't know better, it sounds like she followed the plan written in these books to the letter. The matchmaking thing, passing on a man that's not right for them to another friend, telling people that they're single, going to places to meet eligible men... all are tips that MANY of these writers recommended and that they used themselves to meet their husbands.
I found it interesting too that the women writing these types of books were white, while the women writing the books about making the most of singleness were black. The white writers believed in a strong, proactive approach and even said that if you really want a husband and are having trouble finding one, then you need to treat your search for one like a second job. (Sorry, I went off on a tangent there...)
Now, I'm not saying that this is the best plan for everyone, but in their cases, they didn't care about certain people thinking they were desperate... and in the end, they got their man.
ITA with what some of the other ladies. I believe in getting out and doing what you enjoy. Dont make it a forced thing though, that the ONLY reason why your going out is to meet a man. Men can smell desperation and see desperation a mile away. I used to go out with some Sorors and just one in particular when we would go to a club just by a man dancing with her she would get all this information from him and then get disappointed because she finds out he has kids and is about to get a divorce etc etc. I'm like first of all we are at a club/bar of all places do you have to look so desperate to seek a man. Can you just have fun and enjoy yourself and stop being on the prowl. And thats the problem majority of the women in there were on the prowl so worried about who and what this person came with and was married to. I'm like go and network and have fun.
I mean in certain places i go i do end up meeting men or getting to meet the man down the line but if i feel down the line we dont match oh well dont put so much emphasis on it. Its not something that you did its something that he is either lying about or hes just not the right person or fit. Keep it moving.
But i dont believe in being on the prowl definetly for any man. Have fun and dont force it. Just go out to enjoy yourself at places you enjoy going because if you go places you dont enjoy going then it will be obvious.
"The only man you will meet staying home all the time is the UPS man" (lol)