Significant Other Has An Online Dating Profile

You find out your SO has an active online account on a dating site do you..

  • Voice your opinion and keep dating

    Votes: 1 1.4%

  • Say nothing but keep dating

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Let him go

    Votes: 48 68.6%

  • Talk about it then decide

    Votes: 21 30.0%
  • Total voters
    70
Ajna

Ajna

Well-Known Member
Ok ladies, I am really curious about this online dating when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship

I was dating someone who maintained an online dating profile. We originally met online but I let mine go when we agreed to see each other exclusively, I assumed he did the same. When I found out he kept his and by the way was active (as in online today) I let him go, for me it became a deal breaker.

I told a male friend of mine about why we broke up over lunch and he told me I was wrong. I was like um excuse me. He gave me some bs answer about I should look at how he treats me maybe it is an ego thing. Then a girlfriend told me she keeps her online profile because while she is in a committed relationship she still likes having options.

I am not changing my mind, I feel no reason to try and make a relationship work if you cannot focus solely on me but this is my choice and I am wondering if I am the odd man out here. Is this like some rule about online dating that I missed?

So what would you do?
 
Oh I answered the poll before I read.
If we have had a talk about being with just each other an online profile is disrespectful
I don't know why but I read so as boyfriend so I voted let's talk about it

Either way I would probably talk about it but the first scenario I would 99 percent be out the door

But don't listen to me I have zero relationship experience tbh
 
It happened to me two years ago.
After a month of us being official I went online to make my profile invisible. I noticed that he was online less than 24hrs ago. I went back to check a couple of hours later and he was online. When I confronted him about it he told me that his phone must have logged him in by accident :rolleyes: . When I didn't buy it he tried to turn it around on me. He asked me what was I doing on the site and told me I was being disrespectful for implying that he was lying. I called him out on trying to turn the situation around and he got angrier with me lol. I listened to him, hung up the phone and blocked him. I never looked back even though he called me from different numbers and left me VM.

OP don't listen to your friends. You did the right thing.

ETA: Even if he had owned up to it I would have ended the relationship.
 
Last edited:
That would be it.

He sounds like a hobby cheater. Men that need regular ego boosts (and whatever else) from other women sound like trouble.

I'm not saying at some point in a long relationship or marriage, when going through difficult patches, people don't get drawn to attention from others. Right at the start though lol, when you're supposed to be in honeymoon phase... That's a dude that's always "on" the look out for side opportunites, or upgrade. Sniffing for ass is his default mode.

The fact he lied about his phone logging him in and tried to turn things on you is a red flag also.
 
I had some accounts back in 2014 and I still get messages from them but I just delete from my inbox and KIM.
I never thought about disconnecting or making invisible, too much effort and I don't even remember my pws.
This reminds me of FB when folks put their relationship statuses. But when they break up or divorce changing the status seems difficult for some. Then come all the questions, what happened, sorry to hear that etc etc. I'd rather delete that page and start a new one lol
 
@yardyspice, post: 22446835, member: 128373"]Some people are flames who need moths. It's no different from those guys who have a lot of women friends/followers on their social media. I think you did the right thing :yep:[/QUOTE]

That was my ex and he argued the innocence to the end!
Some women don't care about stuff like that *shrug*
 
This happened to me about eight or nine months ago. I met this guy online and after about 1 month of spending time together and getting really close, we had the conversation of being exclusive. I shut my account down thinking he did the same. I've had some pretty bad experiences with online dating(no longer doing it) so I had to check for myself. Well he didn't shut his account down and he was very much active, so just to see if he was really "ACTIVE" I cat-fished him using a random picture and fake profile. I sent him a message stating I was interested and he responded! and we (Lisa was her name) continued to go back and fourth that day and meanwhile I (the real me) didn't say anything at this time, and after a few conversations eventually he asked "Lisa" out and gave her his number. I was shocked that it only took a conversation with a random girl for him to ask her out! I confronted him that day and asked him what time is his date with "Lisa?" and of course he was shocked and had no words for me; til this day I think his stupid a#% is trying to figure out how I knew. Anyway I cut if off immediately and blocked his number, it was so disrespectful. I didn't pressure him to be exclusive at all and I thought it was something we both wanted....I told him Im second to none and if he wanted other options he should have said so, he has tried everything to get back, but of course there is no coming back from that....it was over before it could start.
 
Thanks ladies! I was like what in the world is this nonsense.
I just do not see how someone can say they are in a relationship but then still be looking to me you are just playing. Which is fine but my time is precious and I would rather not waste it on someone who is just not that into me.
 
applause like a boss!!!! :toocool:

exactly....deal breaker..there is no explanation or reasoning for you having a dating profile active, if we've discussed that we are in an EXCLUSIVE relationship
NO!!! ***.... also dont ever let someone tell you, your overreacting about something if it really bothers you...thats intuition and listening to your innerself...



originalone said:
This happened to me about eight or nine months ago. I met this guy online and after about 1 month of spending time together and getting really close, we had the conversation of being exclusive. I shut my account down thinking he did the same. I've had some pretty bad experiences with online dating(no longer doing it) so I had to check for myself. Well he didn't shut his account down and he was very much active, so just to see if he was really "ACTIVE" I cat-fished him using a random picture and fake profile. I sent him a message stating I was interested and he responded! and we (Lisa was her name) continued to go back and fourth that day and meanwhile I (the real me) didn't say anything at this time, and after a few conversations eventually he asked "Lisa" out and gave her his number. I was shocked that it only took a conversation with a random girl for him to ask her out! I confronted him that day and asked him what time is his date with "Lisa?" and of course he was shocked and had no words for me; til this day I think his stupid a#% is trying to figure out how I knew. Anyway I cut if off immediately and blocked his number, it was so disrespectful. I didn't pressure him to be exclusive at all and I thought it was something we both wanted....I told him Im second to none and if he wanted other options he should have said so, he has tried everything to get back, but of course there is no coming back from that....it was over before it could start.
Click to expand...
 
Ajna said:
Ok ladies, I am really curious about this online dating when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship

I was dating someone who maintained an online dating profile. We originally met online but I let mine go when we agreed to see each other exclusively, I assumed he did the same. When I found out he kept his and by the way was active (as in online today) I let him go, for me it became a deal breaker.

I told a male friend of mine about why we broke up over lunch and he told me I was wrong. I was like um excuse me. He gave me some bs answer about I should look at how he treats me maybe it is an ego thing. Then a girlfriend told me she keeps her online profile because while she is in a committed relationship she still likes having options.

I am not changing my mind, I feel no reason to try and make a relationship work if you cannot focus solely on me but this is my choice and I am wondering if I am the odd man out here. Is this like some rule about online dating that I missed?

So what would you do?
Click to expand...
If you two discussed being exclusive and the feels are there, there is NO EXCUSE for him to still be online.
The point of online dating is to not just date, but to find an exclusive mate. If that is what you two agreed on.
Your male friend is most likely doing the same thing. Dating other women and keeping a woman.
These people are having their cake and eating it too.
I swear, people are cold as stone these days.

I went through this BS.
He kept his profile claiming he just like to talk to people.
And I still pursued a relationship with him and it ended in disaster because he was still looking for women.
And for good measure I pretended to be his type and he actually invited me to his house. :eek:
I was done! Done with online dating as well.
 
Ajna said:
Thanks ladies! I was like what in the world is this nonsense.
I just do not see how someone can say they are in a relationship but then still be looking to me you are just playing. Which is fine but my time is precious and I would rather not waste it on someone who is just not that into me.
Click to expand...
You have good instincts and good logic combined.
Very rare.
You will have no problem finding what you want and need.
Good luck to you.
 
originalone said:
This happened to me about eight or nine months ago. I met this guy online and after about 1 month of spending time together and getting really close, we had the conversation of being exclusive. I shut my account down thinking he did the same. I've had some pretty bad experiences with online dating(no longer doing it) so I had to check for myself. Well he didn't shut his account down and he was very much active, so just to see if he was really "ACTIVE" I cat-fished him using a random picture and fake profile. I sent him a message stating I was interested and he responded! and we (Lisa was her name) continued to go back and fourth that day and meanwhile I (the real me) didn't say anything at this time, and after a few conversations eventually he asked "Lisa" out and gave her his number. I was shocked that it only took a conversation with a random girl for him to ask her out! I confronted him that day and asked him what time is his date with "Lisa?" and of course he was shocked and had no words for me; til this day I think his stupid a#% is trying to figure out how I knew. Anyway I cut if off immediately and blocked his number, it was so disrespectful. I didn't pressure him to be exclusive at all and I thought it was something we both wanted....I told him Im second to none and if he wanted other options he should have said so, he has tried everything to get back, but of course there is no coming back from that....it was over before it could start.
Click to expand...
I did the same thing. I was so angry I thought about setting up a video chat and when I turned my on it would be me.
Just decided to end it. Unfortunately the women in my life encouraged me to give him another chance and that it was me all along.
So I felt guilty about it. Turns out I made the right decision. Never again will I go against my gut instincts.
There are a lot of doormats and clueless people running around.
 
i dated a guy who did not remove his profile but i decided to let it slide because he was not logging onto it while we were dating. im pretty sure when we broke up he started dating someone else toward the end of it while we were still dating, so in the future, i would not accept that again, especially if i ASK them to remove it and they try to argue why they don't need to.
 
Ajna said:
Ok ladies, I am really curious about this online dating when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship

I was dating someone who maintained an online dating profile. We originally met online but I let mine go when we agreed to see each other exclusively, I assumed he did the same. When I found out he kept his and by the way was active (as in online today) I let him go, for me it became a deal breaker.

I told a male friend of mine about why we broke up over lunch and he told me I was wrong. I was like um excuse me. He gave me some bs answer about I should look at how he treats me maybe it is an ego thing. Then a girlfriend told me she keeps her online profile because while she is in a committed relationship she still likes having options.

I am not changing my mind, I feel no reason to try and make a relationship work if you cannot focus solely on me but this is my choice and I am wondering if I am the odd man out here. Is this like some rule about online dating that I missed?

So what would you do?
Click to expand...
did you read the op though
 
CurlyMoo said:
You have good instincts and good logic combined.
Very rare.
You will have no problem finding what you want and need.
Good luck to you.
Click to expand...

Thank you!
It was just so crazy, I was like um what have I missed. In the end though I think I will go back to meeting men the old fashioned way ...NETWORKING!
 
FelaShrine said:
Did they discuss this though
Click to expand...

We did, was it a lengthy conversation not really. I mean not sure why it would be to be honest exclusive means just that.
If I have to ask what exclusive means then clearly you are not for me IJS
 
I have a male friend who does this (mutual friend from my SO). He keeps his tinder profile and has girls on rotation. He's a nice guy and fun, but he doesn't get deep with any of these girls. They are for sex and hanging out. I'm willing to bet your guy does this ; I'm willing to bet they all do this.
 
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