Showing affection in a Christian relationship...

[Kinkyhairlady]

How is this viewed because I was talking to someone who states kissing touching is all a sin just like pre marital sec is. I feel kissing should be fine but the person said anything that can get you thinking more is a sin. That is all ridiculous to me. How are Christian couples suppose to show affection towards one another then?

 

[LiftedUp]

Like the Duggars

I'm sorry, I have nothing to add I'll will just read everyone else's opinions. I still struggle with this aspect.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Obviously kissing does not equal sex. However it can ignite a fire, so to speak. If chaste behavior is the goal then one has to set limits and boundaries. For some that may mean no major physical contact beyond hugs and holding hands. For others kissing is okay. Above all, strive for chastity in whatever you do.

 

[MrsHaseeb]

A person has to know themselves and know their own limits. The Bible says nowhere that kissing equals fornication and it could simply be that the person who told you that has that conviction. The most important thing is not making provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof. Discuss your limits with the other person and make sure you agree. For example, in my opinion, sharing a modest kiss on the lips may not cause the same feelings as French kissing. Does it means that French kissing is a sin? No. It just means it may not be appropriate for some believers. Anyhow, these are my opinions.

 

[Shimmie]

*** Spoiler Alert***

Please.... don't stone me.

Human touch is a natural desire and it is wonderful.

However, if you're not engaged (let alone married) consider not kissing. Men have to earn that gift from you...put a ring on it.

Far too many single women (Christian and non Christian) are giving up way too much only to be heartbroken and left feeling used.

Men KNOW when women are thirsty for affection and if he's not 'the one' why give up your affections? Kissing does render affections, attachments mainly in women. Unless his intentions are serious do not put yourself in that position to be hurt.

You end up falling for the guy, investing your heart and fantasies for something more, when all he was doing was testing the waters to see how far he can go without a commitment. In his mind, your lips are connected to your hips.



Ummm, is it safe for me to continue?

All I'm saying is 'let God show you if he's the one'. That's all. Bide your time with him and let him 'earn' your kisses. Afterall, your kisses are the threshold to your virtue. It's the open door for more. Make them a treasure for him to earn and to discover.

You are a Royal Daughter of the Most High God. Live it and allow yourself to be honored as such. Why kiss a frog and end up with warts instead of a ring?

You are worth it ... keep this in your heart. You are worth it and he needs to see and to value you as such. If he doesn't value you, he can kiss something else, but not on you.

Just refer to the threads/posts in this forum from the women who have kissed and (all else) without a ring on it and now their hearts are broken and they feel lost.

The ring comes first.

 

[JaneBond007]

Very good question and one that many people wonder about who are trying to please G-d. Well, I think that even dirty thoughts that come aren't necessarily your fault, if you don't dwell on them. The enemy puts thoughts there but we can cast them out. As for touching and kissing, I know I have to be very careful because I'm a very sensuous person by nature. Fences, fences and more fences. In our society, kissing is not a sin so I don't see how it would be a sin in the general christian community. However, if in your own subculture/religious culture and etc., if it's deemed a sin, you might wish to avoid it if you remain with those convictions. Heavy petting, we were probably all taught that it's wrong and I would agree. French kissing? Depends lol. I want to save all this and deep passion for my husband. I know his butt sure better hurry up. LOL

 

[JaneBond007]

You are a Royal Daughter of the Most High God. Live it and allow yourself to be honored as such. Why kiss a frog and end up with warts instead of a ring?

....

The ring comes first.

I'm no longer the goofy little innocent nerd in college undergrad. Been there, done that. Moved on. Besides, the "one" isn't going to get the dessert until after the fine dining ...ring/wedding date/confirmed/consummation. Micky D's is down the street...right here is the Waldorf.

 

[nlamr2013]

I agree with everything else said. Lust never just sneaks up on you. It's little by little chipping away.
For an analogy (lol I love a good analogy) think in terms of like legal law even if you never commit a crime you can still be imprisoned for preparing to commit the crime, intent. When we kiss the intent is supposed to be more(and I mean kiss kiss I think little head, cheek, or hand pecks are OK because you could kiss anyone you know like that) so while kissing in itself isn't a sin it has the intent of sinning.

I personally wouldn't put myself in the situation( and imo I have great control in that area) but wouldn't tell someone they shouldn't.

 

[Shimmie]

I'm no longer the goofy little innocent nerd in college undergrad. Been there, done that. Moved on.

Besides, the "one" isn't going to get the dessert until after the fine dining ...ring/wedding date/confirmed/consummation.

Micky D's is down the street...right here is the Waldorf.

I agree with everything else said. Lust never just sneaks up on you. It's little by little chipping away.

For an analogy (lol I love a good analogy) think in terms of like legal law even if you never commit a crime you can still be imprisoned for preparing to commit the crime, intent.

When we kiss the intent is supposed to be more

and I mean kiss kiss

I think little head, cheek, or hand pecks are OK because you could kiss anyone you know like that) so while kissing in itself isn't a sin it has the intent of sinning.

I personally wouldn't put myself in the situation (and imo I have great control in that area) but wouldn't tell someone they shouldn't.

at Mickie D's, the Waldorf and 'Kiss Kiss'

JaneBond007 and nlamr2013 you are both on point. I love both of your analogies.

 

[nlamr2013]

^^lol! I didn't even realize I wrote it like that. Reminds me of do you like me or like like me?

 

[Baggettcindy]

It really depends on the church...what is being taught. Some feel dating is non-biblical...much less affection

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I agree with knowing your limits. However, that lady sounds very extra and I wouldn't pay her no mind.

 

[Shimmie]

It really depends on the church...what is being taught. Some feel dating is non-biblical...much less affection

No........ it's what the Word of God says.

If a Church is teaching a liberal approach than it's a dangerous path.

We're actually living under grace for in the Bible there was no such thing as 'dating', it was straight to the Altar. To be Biblically correct, physical affection was not permitted until the actual Marriage took place. In many cases, the intended Bride was veiled until after the Marriage.

Here's a series on Christian dating which is worth the read and value to one's Virtue.

Biblical Dating: Principles for Drawing Boundaries :littleang

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2007/biblical-dating-principles-for-drawing-boundaries

 

[Shimmie]

^^lol! I didn't even realize I wrote it like that. Reminds me of do you like me or like like me?

I think it's adorable. It also lightens up the thread which is a very serious topic. It really is. :yes:

"Kiss Kiss"

 

[JaneBond007]

We are so swayed by popular culture and television, romance novels, some feminist practices (free love) that we don't realize that we truly know nothing about marriage. Maybe you'd think we lost ourselves somewhere down the line...but you can't tell people anything about their bodies these days. What seems right and fine is the way to perdition. My wise friend said something one day about dating - that it actually teaches one how to divorce. If you think about it, she's right. Getting physical and emotional with one person then moving onto the next teaches little to nothing about commitment and purity.

 

[CoilyFields]

This is an important topic and one that is often discussed with my teens at church.

I emphasize that sexual immorality includes more than actual sexual intercourse. Kissing seems so harmless in a world that EXPECTS teenagers to have sex. But honestly, your body belongs to your (future) husband/wife and you should keep it safe and whole until you're married.

I like the analogy of the crime. Another is that kissing can be considered a "gateway drug" lol. It may seem relatively harmless but more often than not leads to other more dangerous activities. I also use the analogy of sex being a beast. Once you awaken the beast it is almost impossible to put it back to sleep. It can hibernate but its always lurking. Best not to poke a stick at it (kissing).

All in all, I think that if we interpret the Bible for all that is says, we have to realize that back then there was no "dating" before engagement. That is the stage that is the great PIT of temptation. You were either a virgin or a wife...and that's how God intended.

Now is that difficult? ABSOLUTELY! Honestly, if I were on the dating scene I know I would have a difficult time adhering to that. But I believe its what God would want. (Maybe closed lips? lol iown know).

 

[Shimmie]

This is an important topic and one that is often discussed with my teens at church.

I emphasize that sexual immorality includes more than actual sexual intercourse. Kissing seems so harmless in a world that EXPECTS teenagers to have sex. But honestly, your body belongs to your (future) husband/wife and you should keep it safe and whole until you're married.

I like the analogy of the crime. Another is that kissing can be considered a "gateway drug" lol. It may seem relatively harmless but more often than not leads to other more dangerous activities. I also use the analogy of sex being a beast. Once you awaken the beast it is almost impossible to put it back to sleep. It can hibernate but its always lurking. Best not to poke a stick at it (kissing).

All in all, I think that if we interpret the Bible for all that is says, we have to realize that back then there was no "dating" before engagement. That is the stage that is the great PIT of temptation. You were either a virgin or a wife...and that's how God intended.

Now is that difficult? ABSOLUTELY! Honestly, if I were on the dating scene I know I would have a difficult time adhering to that. But I believe its what God would want.

(Maybe closed lips? lol iown know).

Closed lips for sure...

 

[momi]

I'm no longer the goofy little innocent nerd in college undergrad. Been there, done that. Moved on. Besides, the "one" isn't going to get the dessert until after the fine dining ...ring/wedding date/confirmed/consummation. Micky D's is down the street...right here is the Waldorf.

For real ^^^

Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time. Song of Solomon 8:4

 

[Farida]

I am yet to meet a heterosexual man who is not aroused by kissing. I now realize the media has conned us into believing it is harmless, and as women we tend to judge men's sexuality based on our own which is a mistake. But men get aroused so much easier. Even just one thought has them ready and raving to go. Meanwhile many women can lie naked in a bed with a man touching them and still need more to be aroused.

In fact, if your man is not aroused when you make out I would have a major side eye. Physical affection is like alcohol. At first just a teeny bit affects you but the more and more you engage in the more and more you end up needing and before you know it you have crossed the line to the point of no return.

If you would not do it in front of your dad then don't do it at all. I think that's a good boundary.