Should I still Date him?????

I would leave. Its not surprising that things feel amazing and just right betwee the two of you. That is normal when a relationship I new. You two are experiencing the honeymoon phase so of course everything seems great. But it is my opinion that the fact that he broke the law for money or to help a friend says something about his character as well. That isn't a good thing. I'm not sure I would want to marry a guy who is comfortable enough to have a fradulent marriage if he thinks circumstances call for it. I would suspect he doesn't value it like I do.
Good luck.
 
I say no. He should not be in the position to date women and possibly fall in love until he is divorced meaning his US status is complete.

Men usually have goals. I would think his would be:
Get married
Become a citizen
Get divorced
Find new love
etc.
 
Seems like you ladies are right. I will just walk away, this is just a honeymoon period. I'm going to end everything tonight.
 
As the cliched saying goes "If you have to ask you already know the answer"

In this instance, run, don't walk far, far away from this situation. Who's to say he's not putting on an act for your benefit?
 
Eh, I'm indifferent. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing that he wanted to help a friend out, I just don't think it was a very smart way to go about doing it. I'm not going to tell you what you should do. If it were me and I liked him as much as you say you like him, then we couldn't be anything more than just friends until after he's legally divorced. According to the responses you got so far, this is the unpopular opinion so.....you do what you think is best for you.
 
Sosoothing said:
But it is my opinion that the fact that he broke the law for money or to help a friend says something about his character as well. T
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err like what? He's a good friend?

OP, put him in the back burner until everything is over with. Then once you are sure of what he told you and everything is clear, then yall can revisit.
 
Inform him that you aren't willing to deal with him while he is still married. If he wants to be with you, he will be willing to go by your wishes. That way, you respect yourself and this other woman who is his wife regardless of why they married.

It's hard, but think logically and don't let your emotions cloud your better judgement.
 
karebear0610 said:
Seems like you ladies are right. I will just walk away, this is just a honeymoon period. I'm going to end everything tonight.
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Girl, don't go breaking up with dude cause some women on the internet told you to do so.

Well, I guess that applies to my comment too.

My point is that, you have to figure this out yourself. Is his story on the up and up. Have you talk to the girl. Are you ok with him helping out a friend in this way.

It's an "interesting" situation to say the least but I don't think it warrants a break up.
 
NaijaTroll said:
err like what? He's a good friend?

OP, put him in the back burner until everything is over with. Then once you are sure of what he told you and everything is clear, then yall can revisit.
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Maybe a good friend but clearly a good friend that makes bad decisions.

ETA: We all make bad decisions, but this senario wouldn't work for me.
 
SMDH OP as much advice as people give you here do what you feel is right to you

i know numerous people who have done this for others free of charge and some for money who really have nothing going on with each other

The big question is did you meet this young lady and is she saying the same thing he is saying

I think you should find out more before you go dropping this dude
 
Usually I'd say run for the wind, that I don't do married or divorced men, however, this situation is very different.

I would first investigate the validity of his story before making my decision.

People do stupid things especially when they're young, I won't hold something like this against him once it's the truth.
 
I wouldn't deal with him while he's married.

If he's as amazing as you say, I would tell him to hit me up after the divorce is finalized.

While I'm morally opposed to ppl getting married for papers, I think there are worse crimes that could be committed. :look:
 
I just couldn't date a married man, period. Regardless of the reasons for the marriage. I think it's unfair of him to be married, wait for you to fall for him, then tell you the deal. You deserved the truth from the get-go. I wouldn't be able to trust him.
 
Talk to said friend.

Know that they might be vuckin :look:

If you don't mind sharing and know that his idea of marriage is flimsy for it :look:
 
Wow...these responses sadden me; so many people come to this country for a better life and then the system puts them through the ringer, takes their tax money and then kicks them out. So he helped his friend with her life's ambitions, big whoop. If he's as amazing as OP says he is, he should have no problem producing homegirl for validity and then getting his divorce together. OP, please examine your heart as well as your conscience...I have personally been through the United States Immigration system and you know what? It's not as easy or cut-and-dry as people think it is; so it is what it is...just my humble opinion
 
Seems like you really care about him so it may be hard and we may not know this dude or the truth but this little inkling is just cause to hit the breaks hard and shield your heart, mind and body until concrete truth about him comes to light.

Try to get him to bring his friend/legal wife to dinner or somewhere so you all could talk and you can gauge the situation. You MUST meet this woman. If he shirks on that for one excuse or another I'd suggest you start re-envisioning your future without him it.

I notice you are from CT, if he isn't be extra careful because there is a wild migration of shady past negros coming to our state from all over with the mindframe that they are gonna find their wife here. Be careful. Don't get hoodwinked! We gotta be CSI on them. Google is your friend.

Otherwise, what you seem to have found sounds beautiful. I know how that feels. If what he told you is true start to finish it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if what we had in each other was worth it.
 
I just want to point out that him marrying his friend as a favor is not a covenant with god. Not everyone is a Christian. I agree with the "unpopular" opinion crowd. Check his story out. It is imperative that you meet his "friend", wait til' the papers are finalized and then take it from there.

If you feel strongly about him breaking the law, then move on...cus that's what this seems to all come down to.
 
So I have an update after speaking with him again. He is currently going through a divorce, which he says will be finalized next month I made it clear that I will no longer go out with him or act the same way as I did before. He was upset but understood where I was coming from and respected my decision. He always knew that when he told me he got married for papers it would not end well. As far as the girl he helped out. I don't know her and I never met her. They married in 2008 at the town hall, they never lived together or had sex. In the past I always told myself that I will never be with a married man (always thinking it was a normal marriage. Church ceremony and reception) i never once thought that marriage for a green card would ever come up while I'm dating men. Unfortunately, in my case, I met a wonderful man with all the qualities that I was looking for. His only flaw was that he was married (even if it was to help out his friend.) We still will remain friends. Thanks ladies for your insight. I knew my decision before I asked and you guys pretty much said what I was feeling. I was just hoping you would convince me to stay or that someone here experienced a similar situation. Thanks
 
Honestly? I don't think the marriage for the green card is a big thing at all. You need to talk to the girl to validate his story of course so you know that this was never a real marriage. That's my only thing. He could be lyin' straight through his teeth.

After you know that and you know he's getting a divorce, you're fine.

I also don't think you should stop dating him because of the situation once you validate it :lol:. I'mma roll with the unpopular opinion here. Is he breaking the law? Well, technically yes. But U.S citizens are protected in this situation. The girl immigrant in question would automatically get deported.
 
Since I know several people who married folks for money so the other person could get papers....I'd stay.

I would just check the story out. i'd want to meet her and speak to her, which shouldnt be a problem if this is truly just a business transaction, I'd want to meet his friends/family and find out if his story is true or some BS.
 
itsjusthair88 said:
Wow...these responses sadden me; so many people come to this country for a better life and then the system puts them through the ringer, takes their tax money and then kicks them out. So he helped his friend with her life's ambitions, big whoop. If he's as amazing as OP says he is, he should have no problem producing homegirl for validity and then getting his divorce together. OP, please examine your heart as well as your conscience...I have personally been through the United States Immigration system and you know what? It's not as easy or cut-and-dry as people think it is; so it is what it is...just my humble opinion
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This is my gripe though, who's to say he is being completely honest with her? Under the circumstances, I just could not take the risk:ohwell: and this is coming from someone who is an immigrant to the US.
 
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