Should I relax my daughter's hair

Rezgirl

Rezgirl

Member
Okay, so the big question after all the attention I give to my own hair...do I relax my child's hair? She is going on 5 and will be starting school. I don't have alot of time in the AM. She has EXTREMELY difficult hair, it's dry, breaks easily, etc The little bit she has... took a long time to get here. I believe that it can be monitered better with a relaxer and I may have a better clue about how to handle it. I can do braids and cornrows but she is losing her edges!I've tried keeping the edge braids loose and tried Dr. Miracle's cream but the braids continue to wreck havoc. I've heard so many of you wanting/trying to transition back to natural hair and also heard talk of texturizers, maybe relaxing isn't the answer. I guess I have options but I need help! :wallbash: :spinning: If not now, at what age are people beginning the relaxing process? Naturals - holla back with some product info..heck - any info.. HELLLLPPPPP
 
Rezgirl said:
Okay, so the big question after all the attention I give to my own hair...do I relax my child's hair? She is going on 5 and will be starting school. I don't have alot of time in the AM. She has EXTREMELY difficult hair, it's dry, breaks easily, etc The little bit she has... took a long time to get here. I believe that it can be monitered better with a relaxer and I may have a better clue about how to handle it. I can do braids and cornrows but she is losing her edges!I've tried keeping the edge braids loose and tried Dr. Miracle's cream but the braids continue to wreck havoc. I've heard so many of you wanting/trying to transition back to natural hair and also heard talk of texturizers, maybe relaxing isn't the answer. I guess I have options but I need help! :wallbash: :spinning: If not now, at what age are people beginning the relaxing process? Naturals - holla back with some product info..heck - any info.. HELLLLPPPPP
Click to expand...

I personally wouldn't relax a 4 almost 5 year old child's hair. Being that she has problematic hair, I would seek help from a professional stylist. If decide to relax her hair, it would be around the ages of 9 or 10. By that time, she is old enough to assist you in taking care of her own hair. Regardless of age, I especially wouldn't relax until she has healthier hair. Better safe than sorry!
 
ThickHair said:
Have you tried no pooing and twists?
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I deep condition her once a week for 1/2+ while she's in the tub (2 creams under a plastic cap)! This helps but not for long, once it airdries it just sucks up whatever I put in it. Her hair is at a length wear if it's not hel down in rows or by beads it sticks STRAIGHT OUT. Her hair is Super thick with not much length to weigh it down. :( It looks cute and well done in braids but I'm very concerned about the whole edge thing.
 
Please do not relax her hair!!! I've seen so many kids hair relaxe too early and they pay later for it. I know it can be difficult sometimes to deal with your childs hair. I know you are concerned about her edges (this is normal for a child her age btw) . I have seen some parents braid the hair around the sides in two braids starting from the middle and braid all the way around on each side to the back. Then they style the middle however they want it. I've seen children with no edges grow the edges of their hair long with this. You have to be very gentle when putting in these braids, don't pull too tight. It's ok if it doesn't look the greatest, the hair will eventually start to get longer in that area and the braid will begin to look better. The reason why I think this works is because the edges of a young child's head are always fraying out from their contstant activity and this can cause breakage. If the hair is nicely tucked away in a braid it will be less likely to be exposed to breakage. Be sure to use moisturizer.

Also if you don't already do this, please, please tie her hair down at night, I know it can be hard to get kids to cover their heads at night, but it will be worth it.
 
Try using regular old conditioner as a leave in. I used to think that doing my hair was mission impossible because I couldn't get a comb thru it without losing a lot of hair. Once I started using my K-Cutter comb along with Kenra Moisturizing Conditioner as a leave in, it was no problem. Your daughter may just need a good conditioner, not a relaxer.
 
you could try does flat twists around the edges and keeping those sort of loose and braid the rest of her hair. That way you can re-do the flat twists every morning or whenever they look untidy (to save those edges from being pulled too tightly), and the braids done with the rest of her hair can stay for a week or so.

I'm sure something with glycerin like s-curl, world of curls, or stay sof fro can help with the dryness during the comb out. Another thing that really helped me was shea moisture leave-in if you can find it, it really softens the hair and has nice ingredients. HTH!
 
Hi Rez,

Do you braid her hair? Or can you? When I was a little girl, my Mom used to section my hair into quadrants and put each quadrant into a bantu knot. She washed and detangled each knot separately and put it back into a knot. Later, she blew each quadrant (one by one) dry and cornrowed my hair for the week.

If your daughter's hair is very dry, I definitely wouldn't put a relaxer in it. I think those chemicals are a little much for a young child's hair anyways.

I have very dry hair and am about 4 months out from my last touchup (thinking about transitioning). The things that seem to work for me are deep conditioning with Elasta DPR-11, Keracare Humecto, Affirm 5-n-1, or Aubrey Organics GPB conditioner. After washing your dear daughter's hair, maybe try saturating it in one of these conditioners (I usually try to detangle with a wide toothed comb at this point), put a plastic cap on her and let her go play for 30 mins to an hour. When the time is up, rinse most/all of the conditioner out (if its Aubrey, make sure you rinse it really well!).

You might then try putting a little leave in on her hair (I like Pantene light conditioning/detangling spray or Neutrogena Triple Moisture creme leave-in) and either air dry it or lightly blow-dry it... then style it for the week. Sometimes I put a little S-curl (No Drip) in my hair as it helps my hair retain a little moisture longer... but don't put too much in ... or the hair will be sticky or stiff.

If you want to add an oil, I would recommend a little kemi-oyl, jojoba or I've heard shea butter is very good too... but I haven't tried this yet.

Good Luck! I wouldn't perm her so young. I'm sure there's a routine that could help make her hair more managable.

I also think conditioner washes might help (basically washing the hair with conditioner instead of shampoo...some one already mentioned this I think). Right now, I'm washing with Suave Tropical Coconut. My other favorites include Daily Defense Tender Apple and Aussie Moist.

Sorry for the long post, I hope this helps.
 
Rezgirl said:
She has EXTREMELY difficult hair, it's dry, breaks easily, etc

I can do braids and cornrows but she is losing her edges!I've tried keeping the edge braids loose and tried Dr. Miracle's cream but the braids continue to wreck havoc.

Naturals - holla back with some product info..heck - any info.. HELLLLPPPPP
Click to expand...

I thought these comments were very insightful as to why you shouldnt. If her hair is already breaking...relaxers are not going to help that. Speaking from experience...relaxed hair needs more protection, more moisture to keep it from drying out, less manipulation to keep it from breaking. If you dont have time now to devote to a 5 year olds hair...imagine the breakage if you have to do even more work on it.

Sounds like her hair is extremly fragile too, especially if braids are continuing to wreck havoc. She will have traction alopecia if you continue to use this method.

I highly recommend using shampoos and conditioners with honey (a natural humectant). Any type of humectant style conditioner or shampoo with draw moisture to her hair and keep it from drying out.

I highly recomment shea butter or shealoe butter for sealing in the moisture and making combing easier. Comb her hair only when it is damp, add a bit of shealoe to each section...the comb will go through gently without breaking the hair. Why not keep her hair in 3 or 4 simple big twist held with a satin covered rubber band that is not tight at all (you should be able to get a rattail comb end through the area between the rubberband and the scalp. There should be some real "give" in that area so that you are not pulling the hair out by the roots.) Take the rubber bands out at night though. Do you tie a slik/satin scarf around her hair at night? Does she sleep with a satin sleep bonnet? Those things work wonders for keeping the hair from breaking. Also getting her a satin pillow case.

I would even mix the shea butter with a small amount of rosemary oil and emu oil. Both promote hair growth and healing of the scalp.

Definitely give the baby's hair more patience. Change your technique a bit before resorting to the chemicals. I really think if you change to a more gentler routine...you will see results in 3 months.

Best wishes.
 
Please don't relax her hair. I relaxed my daughter's hair too soon and now 10 months later I am transitioning her back to natural. She had healthy beautiful hair that I thought I could not handle, but now I know I can since I found LHCF. Two lessons I've learned so far are that natural hair needs lots of moisture. So if it's too short to maintain in a protective style like twists, single braids or cornrows, you may need to no-poo daily for a while. Don't worry about it looking a certain way or being a certain length. Focus on health and moisture. Decorate her hair with cute hair accessories and keep it moist as possible. (Mist often with S-Curl or Elasta QP H-Two or just plain old water mixed with a little oil) Secondly, make sure you dust her ends on an as-needed basis. Split ends on natural hair makes it terribly difficult to handle and will make you think the hair is hard when it's just dried out or splint ends. Also make sure she sleeps on a satin pillow case. Be patient. Trust me, a relaxer may save you time in the short-run but in the long-run you will end up losing ground. My daughter's hair started out healthy and now she's started losing her front edges with the relaxer. Hang in there, her hair will grow beautifully once you figure out which products work best with her hair.
 
Everyone has given you some great advice- your daughters hair might surprise you in its manageability with different products. The only other thing I'd say on top of the great recommendations you've been given is to maybe try giving her a leavein conditioner- I use Suave Milk and Honey right after my hair has been conditioned and rinsed. I apply it to soaking wet hair and then use a towel to blot dry. It added a lot of moisture to my hair to make it more manageable (I now use Elucense as my leave in but the Milk and Honey was wonderful too).l
 
I'd personally advise against the relaxer.

One idea may be braiding the hair before she goes to bed and then tie a scarf?
 
Look at it this way...

...at least if you do decide to relax her hair, you have LCHF as a guide to keep it healthy & strong
 
Please, please DO NOT relax her hair. I will give you a personal cautionary tale. I had long beautiful type 4 natural hair that one of my relatives used to braid my hair each week. My hair grew so long that it was at shoulder length when I got my hair relaxed at the age of 9. My mother got my hair relaxed because she did not know how to take care of my natural hair.

Oh, if I knew what I knew then! Your daughter is 5, even at the age of 9, I did not know how to take care of my hair and it broke and broke until it reached my ears! I tried everything that was supposed to be easy when it turned out that the relaxer wasnt working -- even jherri curls over the relaxer which was horrible for my hair. I had one of those sad lopsided Salt N Pepa short fades for the longest time. It took me a decade to get both sides of my hair even and sometimes I still dont think they're completely even even though my hair is past my collarbone now,LOL!

When I have a daughter I will not let her relax her hair until she turns 13 -- which is what I believe Cathy Howse and the AA doctor behind the famous skin of color center recommend. In the meantime, I will find conditioners that work well with her hair and find pretty natural styles for her.

Also, note that a relaxer might change the texture of her hair and relaxers also cause people to lose their edges. I know this from personal experience.

I know that this is a personal choice and YOU are the one who will have to take care of her hair in the morning. If you do decide to keep it natural, consider doing what my cousin did, she put it in lots of pretty box braids. It would then be tied back with a ribbon. We are so advanced now, there are many beautiful styles for relaxed her, not like when I was growing up and the only thing my cousin could do was box braids.

There are so many naturals with beautiful hair on this board. Whatever you decide, there will be people on this board to support you.

P.S. I hope DSD see this. DSD has an entire section of her album devoted to all of the beautiful things shes done to her daughter's hair: http://public.fotki.com/dontspeakdefeat/my_daughters_hair/
 
Rezgirl said:
Okay, so the big question after all the attention I give to my own hair...do I relax my child's hair? She is going on 5 and will be starting school. I don't have alot of time in the AM. She has EXTREMELY difficult hair, it's dry, breaks easily, etc The little bit she has... took a long time to get here. I believe that it can be monitered better with a relaxer and I may have a better clue about how to handle it. I can do braids and cornrows but she is losing her edges!I've tried keeping the edge braids loose and tried Dr. Miracle's cream but the braids continue to wreck havoc. I've heard so many of you wanting/trying to transition back to natural hair and also heard talk of texturizers, maybe relaxing isn't the answer. I guess I have options but I need help! :wallbash: :spinning: If not now, at what age are people beginning the relaxing process? Naturals - holla back with some product info..heck - any info.. HELLLLPPPPP
Click to expand...
Since her hair is dry, breaks easily and she's losing her edges, I don't think a relaxer would be good for her hair. Hopefully some of the natural ladies can give you some product recommendations.
 
RabiaElaine said:
Please do not relax her hair!!! I've seen so many kids hair relaxe too early and they pay later for it. I know it can be difficult sometimes to deal with your childs hair. I know you are concerned about her edges (this is normal for a child her age btw) . I have seen some parents braid the hair around the sides in two braids starting from the middle and braid all the way around on each side to the back. Then they style the middle however they want it. I've seen children with no edges grow the edges of their hair long with this. You have to be very gentle when putting in these braids, don't pull too tight. It's ok if it doesn't look the greatest, the hair will eventually start to get longer in that area and the braid will begin to look better. The reason why I think this works is because the edges of a young child's head are always fraying out from their contstant activity and this can cause breakage. If the hair is nicely tucked away in a braid it will be less likely to be exposed to breakage. Be sure to use moisturizer.

Also if you don't already do this, please, please tie her hair down at night, I know it can be hard to get kids to cover their heads at night, but it will be worth it.
Click to expand...

I haven't read through all the responses but I want to co-sign on this. I do my daughter's hair like this except I don't braid all the way around the back. It's just her front edges that are thin. I do my own edges like this as they appear to be much shorter than the rest of my hair and I'm not doing anything different. My daughter's edges got like that because she thinks she needs to change clothes twice a day and she just PULLS down on the top and the front edges came out of the scrunchie from the afro puff she was wearing. Sometimes I'll even flat-twist her front edges (mine too).
 
I'm going to co-sign on what everyone else said. I do understand what you're going through. My daughter is 5 1/2 and I was at my wit's end when she turned 4. I didn't know what to do with her hair; it was always sooooo dry. So, I went searching on the internet and first found the growafrolong site which I got the "how to detangle hair" method from her. It was time-consuming, but worth it.

Then I found Cathy Howse, Lisa Akbari and another book that I bought. So the first thing I did was take her to the salon to get her first deep condition - with heat. After that, I did it myself.

I used a lot of products but I have now settled on pure shea butter and coconut oil for daily maintenance. I also spritz her hair DAILY with a mixture of Suave coconut conditioner and water. Whatever style she wears during the day that isn't a flat-twist style gets redone every night. I remove scrunchies and other holders and braid her hair up. Then I put a satin cap on her head. In the morning, I remove the braids, twist each section into a bantu knot or a bun and pack her off to school. Of course, this is after I've spritzed the section with conditioner/water mix and put either shea butter or coconut oil on it.

I don't try to comb through her hair every day. I may use a Denman brush on the very ends but otherwise, I finger-comb her hair.

I wouldn't relax her hair. She's much too young, IMO. Her body is still changing. Wait until after puberty.
 
I relaxed my daughter's hair when she turned six. At first is was nice because all I had to do was keep it moisturized and put in in a few ponytails.

Eventually here hair started breaking no matter what I did to her hair. It gradually became shorter and shorter. I don't recommend anyone relaxing a little girl's hair that young. I definitely regret my decision to relax.

I am now transitioning my daughter's hair and she should be all natural by next year.

I think you should really do research and try some of the things mentioned here before you do this. You will be suprised how her hair will turn around.
 
No...there's no need to relax her hair but perhaps search around for products that work on her hair.

Can you give us an idea of what your currently using and her regimen?

With my daughter I wash her hair every week and CO wash on Wed. I use Elucence products and WGO (sometimes CD HHB), braid her hair (not tight) and then try to tie it down. It says neat for a couple of days. I may have to re-do a section or two until the next wash by spritzing with NTM leave in/distilled water mixture combing it out and rebraiding.
 
I definitely would NOT relax a 5 yr olds hair. My daughter is 1 and I dont plan to relax at least until she is old enough to ask for one and then I will think about it. :grin:

I know its hard b/c I had REALLY thick hair as a child but my mom just used to keep it in bantu knots (we called them dookie knots back then :D ) and braids or cornrows. I got my first relaxer when I was 11 and I now wish my mom hadnt let me get one 'til high school!

Like others have suggested try some shea buter, glycerin, castor oil and/or other natural hair softeners. I use a homemade mixture of these 3 on my 1 yr olds hair I also add coconut oil maybe every other day and it is working out pretty good...
 
I would say PLEASE DON'T relax her hair. I have seen it so many times..and the end result on a child is not usually good. I see my step daugter's hair and it is broken off. Her mother doesn't take care of her hair enough in my opinion. I have a daughter and I don't plan on relaxing her hair until she is old enough to take good care of it...like high school :D ...I see there are many suggestions for you that sound good....there are alternatives. :)
 
I agree with everone else. When you relax for the first time your hair has to be healthy or all your hair will gradually fall out. You have alot of trail and error with natural but it's not a good idea to relax damaged natural hair.
 
NO. I wish to God my mother would have NEVER done that to me. I think 5 is way too young. I also think she deserves to make that decision for herself once she is old enough to understand.
 
I just wrote a post on my daughter's own hair issues. have you tried 2-strand twists? That's what I've been doing for my daughter now. twist hairstyles causes way less stress on the scalp than braids. Like you, I also use Dr. Miracle hair and temple balm on her edges AND WGO. Also, do you use a head scarf to tie her hair at night? Try the satin bonnet, BUT turn the bonnet inside out, the elastic will destroy the edges, this was starting to happen to me a month ago before I got hip to it. I'm also stimulating my daughter's hair by lightly massaging it. have you also tried Dark and Lovel's hair sahmpoo and conditioner for natural hair? The peppermint will tingle and soothe the scalp and encourage it to grow- I love this shampoo! And one last thing, my hair has grown a lot w/ conditioner washes only..Certain shampoos knot and tangle my hair terribly, you could part your daughters hair in 4, condition each strand ( try mixing conditioner w/ coconut milk), let it sit for 2 hours, wash it out, and then use water oil or grease and twist her hair.

Hope this helps! :)
 
If your daughter won't sit still for two hours with conditioner on her hair, try using a heat cap for 20 minutes. I find the heat cap superior to letting my conditioner sit for hours. Let a little water get under the plastic cap so she can get a steam treatment and deep conditioning at the same time.
 
pookeylou said:
I thought these comments were very insightful as to why you shouldnt. If her hair is already breaking...relaxers are not going to help that. Speaking from experience...relaxed hair needs more protection, more moisture to keep it from drying out, less manipulation to keep it from breaking. If you dont have time now to devote to a 5 year olds hair...imagine the breakage if you have to do even more work on it.
Click to expand...

Exactly.
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Don't relax. My Mom relaxed my sisters hair when she was five and now at age 7 we are completely natural again. It was a waste of time. All it did was make her hair break more easily.

I can't tell you what to do about styling but relaxing is not the way to go if it is already breaking. Maybe she needs more conditioning and that will help alleviate some of the breakage that she is experiencing.
 
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