Should I help or no?

KoriKiyomi

KoriKiyomi

New Member
So. My ex I was telling you guys about last summer, welp, things really took a turn for the worst. But alas. We still find ourselves dealing with each other but at a distance. Long story short. I'm not too fond of him because of the unnecessary drama, lies, etc. Of course I love him, the feeling won't go away. So. Now he claims he's in a huge jam. No phone, no job, car is about to get repo'd etc. Should I turn the other cheek or should I lend a helping hand? I'm beyond conflicted. I never want anyone to struggle but I don't want anyone trying to take advantage of the situation. Your thoughts? Oh.. And then sometimes I question why his BM can't step up and help him. I'm trying not to be selfish but my mama didn't raise no fool.
 
I'm leaning toward not helping just because of all the bad blood between us... But my problem is I'm a super nice person and I would feel horrible if he really needs me. You know?
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I'm leaning toward not helping just because of all the bad blood between us... But my problem is I'm a super nice person and I would feel horrible if he really needs me. You know?
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How come he really needs you instead of his baby mama?
 
I'm a very generous person but even I wouldn't help this guy.

There are plenty of programs that he could apply for if he needs assistance and plenty of temp agencies he can go to for employment. He's a big boy. Say a prayer for him and let him figure it out.
 
can you afford to help? can you afford/stand for him not to pay you back?
will you feel better or worst by helping, regardless of whether he is lying or not?
ask yourself these questions and then decide
 
Girl no! Do not help him. I haven't even read your previous threads about the situation but from your op you said he was a liar and that he didn't treat you right. Now that yall aren't together he needs help...He should have thought about that before he did all that lying lol.

But really he is an adult man and needs to learn responsibilty for himself. He won't be able to do that if he always has someone to bail him out.
 
I can afford it and I won't miss. I think it's because I haven't let go of the grudge and there's a lot of hurt left in my heart. That's why I'm so conflicted.
 
I agree, he needs to learn some responsibility. I'm trying not to snatch his wig until we sit down and really discuss this.
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I'm leaning toward not helping just because of all the bad blood between us... But my problem is I'm a super nice person and I would feel horrible if he really needs me. You know?
Click to expand...

There is nothing super nice about giving your hard earned money to an ex who is a liar and a cheat. IMO giving money to him would be stupid. I don't want to offend you. But if someone told me they did what you are proposing I wouldn't think they are sooo nice:nono:, I would think they were very foolish and I would wonder why they were still in contact with him.
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I'm leaning toward not helping just because of all the bad blood between us... But my problem is I'm a super nice person and I would feel horrible if he really needs me. You know?
Click to expand...

That is probably why he's asking you. He knows he can guilt you into giving him help because you're "nice". But being nice doesn't mean you bail people out, especially if they are no longer a significant part of your life anymore. He probably didn't even ask his bm because he knows she'll say no or she doesn't have it.

I agree with others, say a prayer for him, but don't part with your money.
 
This is what I wrote in one of your previous threads about this guy:


hopeful said:
I was hoping your situation would come to a head sooner than later. I hated the thought of you visiting him on your off days and him lying to you and cheating on you. So now it's over and you can move on. Time to focus on school and making new friends. Please don't ever pay for a man's phone again, like ever. The next man you are with remind yourself that he is your man, not your child. You want a man you can partner with not take care of and baby.
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I still stand by what I said. He's a liar, he stole your brother's game, and he's irresponsible. You need to focus on yourself now. Read Why Men Love B's and any other books that can lift you up and encourage you to be stronger and move on from this guy. You need to cut all ties with him and keep them cut. All he wants from you is money. Do you really want to let him start using you again?
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I agree, he needs to learn some responsibility. I'm trying not to snatch his wig until we sit down and really discuss this.
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Okay after this post I'm done...but I would not be sitting down and discussing anything with this guy. This is his problem that he made. If his mama, daddy, friends, baby mama, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., etc. won't help him, why should you? And why can't he work and pay his own bills? Why do you feel so responsible for this grown man? A big grown man who is also a liar and a thief. I just don't understand what kind of spell he has you under.
 
I agree with the ladies.... plus he could just be playing you for a fool. He may have other sources to turn to for assistance but knows you'll probably give him the money easily. And if you do give it to him, dnt be shocked of the possible hurtful outcomes from being used and made a fool of, especially by an ex.
 
OP you can be nice all you want, but don't be a damn doormat. They are not one and the same.

Sometimes saying NO to someone is truly the kindest and most loving thing you can do for someone. Parents say no to their children all the time, its not because they're a-holes, its out of love. Same goes for grown folks. Saying NO can actually be the best thing. And its a double win because you preserve yourself and you disengage from the drama and "responsibility" of being the support for a grown *** man.
 
just say no, if there bad blood between you you need to work on healing your heart. he knows that he has a hold on you emotionally and this is why he reaches out to you.
 
I don't think I'm going to help him. He may need it but I gave him all I could when we were together. It hurts to say that but.... He'll be okay
 
I would not help him. This is his problem and I know you probably feel bad but step way slowly.
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I don't think I'm going to help him. He may need it but I gave him all I could when we were together. It hurts to say that but.... He'll be okay
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You think??????? Why are you punishing yourself like this?

What are your motives? Do you think you are the bigger person if you, "help a brotha out"? Then that is selfish on your part and it has nothing to do with him. Just asking. Giving is supposed to be alturistic, not a "look at what I did, even though that ninja dogged me out. See how nice I am." Come on KoriKiyomi.
 
I would LOVE to believe that you are not gonna give that man your money, but I really think you will. I think you will help him for the same reason you are still talking to him after all of the bad things he has done to you.

You're a doormat girl! And that man is walking all over you. That's why he's keeping you as his "friend".
 
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So,he has NO job, NO car, NO phone, is your EX (part of EXIT) and a child with a BM, and you still love him/want to help him financially?

Ok, now that thats all written out. If I were you, I would pray for him and keep it moving. He needs to be responsible, and you helping him is a handicap. FYI, helping him, WONT bring him back/keep him around.

Sure you still love him? There is a huge difference between a good relationship, verses a relationship with good moments...
 
No, you should not help him. I would even go so far as to beg you not to help him. Do you know how sucky you will feel if you help him and then realize he was just using you?
 
KoriKiyomi said:
I can afford it and I won't miss. I think it's because I haven't let go of the grudge and there's a lot of hurt left in my heart. That's why I'm so conflicted.
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Even if there was no grudge you should not be giving money to an able bodied man.

Tell him to go donate his plasma or something and leave you the hell alone.
 
*CherryPie* said:
I would LOVE to believe that you are not gonna give that man your money, but I really think you will. I think you will help him for the same reason you are still talking to him after all of the bad things he has done to you.

You're a doormat girl! And that man is walking all over you. That's why he's keeping you as his "friend".
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@ the bolded, I was thinking the same thing...
 
you must truly have a good heart, as most people would be happy with glee if their lying, cheating ex was going through this..:look:

i would say no, do not help him, stand back and let him deal with his karma...
 
OP, please don't give this man anything. If it's hard for you to say no then don't make any contact with him. He'll get the point. You may be able to 'afford' to help him financially, but you can't afford it emotionally.

No "friend" worth having would treat you the way you discribe. Consider him a drug and just say "NO!"
 
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