Should I feel disrespected?

[Rezgirl]

I have a great boyfriend who I've been together with for a few years. We both work, we're both in school and have an overall great relationship. The problem is that he is, I guess, what you would call a flirt. I really do not believe that he's been physical with anyone but I get so upset when I find out that he is giving girls/exes his phone number, talking via facebook, etc. A guy asked me for my number and I said no way, he asked for me to call him, I said no way - because I just feel like I have a man so why do I want to open another can of worms. I don't want him to ignore other women but damn-u giving out your number?This has been an ongoing problem, he is very loving and I pretty much trust him but I don't like this at all!Do you break a relationship up b/c of this? He is not willing to change his behavior and typically just hides it. Do I leave well enough alone, do I put my foot down? I'm 5 months pregnant and he says Im overreacting and sensitive but this was happening before and I didn't like it then!He HATES it when the shoe is on the other foot and says if I start giving my number out, I don't want to be in a relationship and 2 wrongs don't make a right!!Mind you, this is my only complaint-he loves me, buys me diamonds, wants to marry me, loves me being around his family,rubs my feet, cooks for me - the whole rest of the relationship is GREAT! what the hell do i do???Am I a sucker if I let it go, turn the other cheek or don't retaliate?Am I throwing away a good thing for something minor?I'm not a perfect woman and he has had some stuff to put up with but nothing like this. hellllppppp....

 

[tiara76]

thats something you are going to have to decide for yourself whether its cool with you or not if he's not willing to change

consideration is a part of love, and its not about people "having" to change for another just because they are in a relationship because nobody has to do anything for any reason if they just simply don't want to

love however makes people "want" to be considerate of their partner's feelings and it seems he is not so considerate or your feelings around the situation and would rather hide his actions from you than to change them or keep them out in the open....if he's okay with his actions and he feels he is doing nothing wrong regardless if u complain or not there is no reason to hide them

if he's a social guy then he';s a social guy, lots of social guys have no need to hide their socialness even with other females when there is nothing going on....if he likes his ego fed by other females, then he will always be defensive of his actions because his ego is not about to let you take away his feel good food which is interaction with other females some way or another

 

[aribell]

Well, he said that two wrongs don't make a right, thereby admitting that him giving out his number is wrong. And him knowing that it's wrong (plus hiding it) removes any doubt that these relationships are platonic or legitimate in light of his relationship with you.

He's putting his foot down with you and saying that if you were doing the exact same thing that he wouldn't like it. And yet he will not respect your desire that he stop doing the same thing. Why would you place less value on your own thoughts and feelings than he is placing on his?

Not telling you to leave, just putting that thought out there.

 

[Makenzie]

He HATES it when the shoe is on the other foot and says if I start giving my number out, I don't want to be in a relationship and 2 wrongs don't make a right!!

If he HATES you doing what he is, why does he persist on giving girls his number? 1) He knows you don't like it. This seems to be an ongoing issue

2) He knows how it feels to be on the other end and he doesn't like. Huge double standard. I wouldn't like it at all.

 

[LivinMyLifeLikeItsGolden]

I am just speaking from personal experience...I was engaged to a guy who did the same thing...mind you, our relationship doesn't sound as good as yours, but what broke us up was the "flirting". For me...flirting leads to other things, it did in our relationship. I can't confirm any of it was physical, but it was enough that I felt it violated the trust in our relationship. I didnt think his intentions were to hurt me, but sometimes flirting may be innocent on one side, and not so innocent on the other and that is just extra temptation that is not needed. This went on for years. When I spoke to my male friends (he accused me of flirting), all hell broke loose and apparently he was the only one allowed the priviledge of talking to the opposite sex. I don't think you are being sensitive, because no women wants their man flirting with another women.
I don't think this should be a relationship breaker, but its something that should be talked about more if it's really affecting you.
Hope it all works out. Congrats on the baby!!

 

[LisaLisa1908]

I hate to say this, but if he already knows you don't like it because you've told him as much, and he continues to do it AND tries to lay the whole "two wrongs don't make a right" excuse on you, he doesn't care about your feelings and that IS being disrespectful, especially since you're pregnant.

You ultimately have to decide if you want to deal with this long-term. Sounds like you don't. Unfortunately, if you decide that you don't, you are going to have to deal with him in some way or other due to the baby that's coming. Good luck.

 

[darkangel25]

If he HATES you doing what he is, why does he persist on giving girls his number? 1) He knows you don't like it. This seems to be an ongoing issue

2) He knows how it feels to be on the other end and he doesn't like. Huge double standard. I wouldn't like it at all.

Yep, especially with some of them being exes. Unless he has kids with them, or has some other valid reason, I would have a big problem with that.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I can't tell you how to feel, but I went through the exact same thing with my last SO and I certainly felt disrespected. He would erase his recent calls, take his phone to the bathroom with him to keep me from seeing it and flirt with girls over the internet. He has countless female friends on FB and his FB is private. We're not friends on FB. erplexed

I let him know how this made me feel and that his behavior seemed suspicious. He admitted it was wrong, but never stopped. He's had four phones since we were together and somehow there are always women's numbers in his phone and his ex (who he claims to hate) is always in his phone as well. Most recently under a code name.

I didn't have solid proof that he'd cheated, but I finally got fed up and decided to leave him alone. He knows that talking to these women looks bad and is hurtful to me, but he continues to communicate with them and lie about it. I don't know if he had sex with any of them, but I can't imagine that these relationships are just platonic - especially since he made such an effort to keep me in the dark about them.

I gave up on the relationship because I was completely faithful and wouldn't talk to other men, but I wasn't getting the same treatment in return. Your guy sounds like my old SO; he knows he's disrespecting you/the relationship, but doesn't value the relationship enough to stop. His m.o. is to do as he pleases, but lie to you about his behavior to keep the peace.

 

[caltron]

That would not be cool with me at all no matter how good our relationship is. All guys, even flirts, know that when you're in relationship, you shouldn't be giving your number out just like when you were single. I could see if it were a long lost friend or some sort of business contact, but random chicks on facebook and exes is crossing the line, IMO.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

When I was in a similar situation I had to be strong and not compromise.I know that its hard but some men need a wake up call to see what they are about to lose.I know you said he wants to marry you..has he proposed?If he feels two wrongs don't make a right then he should be stop what he is doing then too.It is going to be on you..if you can't sleep about it then its a issue.And like many ladies have said if you have mentioned to him you don't like his wondering eyes and he hasn't checked it then it may be time for you to check him.

 

[LivinMyLifeLikeItsGolden]

I can't tell you how to feel, but I went through the exact same thing with my last SO and I certainly felt disrespected. He would erase his recent calls, take his phone to the bathroom with him to keep me from seeing it and flirt with girls over the internet. He has countless female friends on FB and his FB is private. We're not friends on FB. erplexed

I let him know how this made me feel and that his behavior seemed suspicious. He admitted it was wrong, but never stopped. He's had four phones since we were together and somehow there are always women's numbers in his phone and his ex (who he claims to hate) is always in his phone as well. Most recently under a code name.

I didn't have solid proof that he'd cheated, but I finally got fed up and decided to leave him alone. He knows that talking to these women looks bad and is hurtful to me, but he continues to communicate with them and lie about it. I don't know if he had sex with any of them, but I can't imagine that these relationships are just platonic - especially since he made such an effort to keep me in the dark about them.

I gave up on the relationship because I was completely faithful and wouldn't talk to other men, but I wasn't getting the same treatment in return. Your guy sounds like my old SO; he knows he's disrespecting you/the relationship, but doesn't value the relationship enough to stop. His m.o. is to do as he pleases, but lie to you about his behavior to keep the peace.

wonder if we were dating the same guy

 

[newbiemom]

If it was me, I would tell him this has to stop. Harmless flirting is something different than calling and texting and fbng girls that he has had a relationship with.

 

[lesedi]

Why is he proritizing his 'need' to flirt above and beyond your need to feel secure and respected?
I feel he IS being disrespectful especially since you are carrying his child. As for his dealings with his exes........
He shows that he cares for you by all the things he does for you and his intentions to marry you etc...but if you feel something is missing THEN HE'S NOT DOING ENOUGH.

Good luck with the bambino xx

 

[TeddyBear]

You cannot change the character of a man, HE has to WANT to change his behaviour and he would have done it by now. You have to decide if you can live with it or not.
Your pregnant and he KNOWINGLY is still going around flirting & taking numbers??? He puts himself first instead of putting you first.
This is the type of man that put's himself and his ego first, rather then puts the lady first. Where is his respect for you????????????
I would think twice about a relationship with this type of man.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

ummm....he was like this when u met him and it ain't going to stop. plain n simple. no matter how many times u go thru his stuff and find shyt...e-mails, facebook, cell phone. he obviously ain't tryna hide or stop it so either deal with it or roll out. those are ur only two options.

i gotchu stayin there.....insecurity is a nasty disease....

 

[DragonPearl]

So, basically, he feels it is okay when he does it, but not okay if you do it?

That double standard right there is a red flag, dear.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Hmm, this would be much simplier if you weren't pregnant. Because since you are I'm assuming you want to work it out even more and stay. And if you do stay, the only thing I can come up with is to start acting like you're single too...

 

[Rezgirl]

Thank you all so much for your input! More than anything, I was checkin to make sure I wasn't CRAZY - he had me on psycho gf time-like "ur BUGGIN". LMAO @ LoveLiLi-sounds like many of us r workin w/the same dude! siiggghhhhh....MEN! I'm trying to make it work and re-focus on my son coming but then I get ..."ur replacing me with the baby"! WOW -r u really serious??? lol -if u feel like that, go call that chick who's number you got and tell her @ it!! It's like, we been together for 3 years but I'm seeing stuff that I hadn't previously. WILD! Thanks again ladies!!