should I feel bad?

[est.April1983]

hi everyone I am a Christian woman and I feel strongly about the institution of marriage and the terms for remarying etc. my cousin and I had a conversation and I told her that her she can do better and her relationship standards should be set higher the guy she is dating divorced a month ago bc his wife is "insecure" and they have two kids 10 and 7 months old yes 7 months old. I told her its not right and in God eyes they are still married. she got offended and now she is mad at me, should I feel bad bc I believe strongly about marriage and it laws should I have kept my mouth shut?

 

[Sasha Fierce]

I find that you will almost always have a difficult time when you comment on a woman's relationship with her man. And it doesnt even matter if she asked your opinion or if you volunteered a comment on your own...unless you are saying what she wants to hear, that "uncomfortableness" and "offensiveness" will (most likely) arise. As a disclaimer, I will add that this applies when a woman is in a relationship which she knows inside is less than what she deserves.

I would say always speak how you feel (gently) about it when asked without regard to how one may feel about what is true to you. As a cousin she is close so I know you have a concern for her and its tough not to say anything. I would encourage her as best as I could. If asked for an opinion, i would speak what i feel is best for her or either decline to make a comment but tell her you will be there to listen if she needs someone to just listen.

 

[est.April1983]

she claims that I was talking down to her but I don't think I did I think she was in defense mode bc she always has to defend the relationship with other ppl including her mother. I apologized via text if I offended her for thinking strongly but I told her my feelings are still the same about the situation

 

[Sasha Fierce]

yep i think you did the right thing as far a apologizing for if you hurt her while continuing to stand by your beliefs. i have had girllfriends who tell me about the most scandalous behavior that their boyfriends are exhibiting. when i tell them how i feel, there is always that defense. i always state how i feel especially when someone is bringing the situation to me. they can leave it or take it. mostly, they leave it. pray for her and anytime your comments are solicited, stand by what you feel is right.

 

[est.April1983]

thanks girls I feel a lot better

 

[kimistry]

hi everyone I am a Christian woman and I feel strongly about the institution of marriage and the terms for remarying etc. my cousin and I had a conversation and I told her that her she can do better and her relationship standards should be set higher the guy she is dating divorced a month ago bc his wife is "insecure" and they have two kids 10 and 7 months old yes 7 months old. I told her its not right and in God eyes they are still married. she got offended and now she is mad at me, should I feel bad bc I believe strongly about marriage and it laws should I have kept my mouth shut?

I wasn't going to ask but I'm curious. What are your strong beliefs about the laws of marriage as they pertain to this situation with your cousin?

 

[Shimmie]

hi everyone I am a Christian woman and I feel strongly about the institution of marriage and the terms for remarying etc. my cousin and I had a conversation and I told her that her she can do better and her relationship standards should be set higher the guy she is dating divorced a month ago bc his wife is "insecure" and they have two kids 10 and 7 months old yes 7 months old. I told her its not right and in God eyes they are still married. she got offended and now she is mad at me, should I feel bad bc I believe strongly about marriage and it laws should I have kept my mouth shut?

You feel badly because you love her and how she reacted. You did the right thing by speaking to her in love for it is love that sees the short comings of this man and you know that she deserves far better.

You also did right by keeping the flow of love by texting her with an apology.

May I share this? I always feel badly when I have to correct my children; especially if it is a strong rebuke. I love them, but if I don't tell them the truth or correct them, it will only lead them into further harm.

God's word tells us that He chastices those whom He loves. It was in love your chastised your cousin. Also, this goes beyond your marriage beliefs, for this situation is just plain not good for all involved, including the man and his wife. It's so sad. How can he mistreat one woman and move on to another. His selfish mindset has not been surrendered to the Holy Spirit for repentence and Godly guidance.

You truly have God's heart and want only the best for your cousin. Keep loving her and always tell her the truth in love. She'll thank you one day for this; you could be saving her much heartache in the future.