I know what you mean. But driving a car is a necessity of life these days. That cannot compare with boys who might DO something to my daughter. There is a culture to consider as well and my kids are not at all AFrican American but raised in a very different environment. My kids do attend parties but not every party is conducive to well-being and safety.
Thing is, children feel a sense of entitlement today that we didn't have, even 10 years ago. They are so video/t.v./movie minded, not being able to find mundane reality well. Thing is, if children lose it all in college, it is their choice. I have cousins whose dad is a pastor and half of them turned to drugs and drinking. It's not the parents' fault. They provided the gates, the rules, the protections, admonishments, love, freedom, instruction and godliness. When we sin, we do so through free will. G-d will not force anyone to conform to His instructions. Neither can we.
Sure, psychologically, kids who are kept from absolutely everything desire to swing to the other side of the pendulum. But if they do and mess up their lives, it's ultimately their choice and they will have to answer for it in the judgment. I say this to let parents who give a dern off the hook. There is this climate of blame in this psychology age that everyone else is at fault, but never self, never individal choices...people are always "driven" and that's a fallacy in this society.
I ended up letting her go. And this is how it went down. The friend couldn't go as well because the mother found out 4 others weren't going either and because of my initial choice. However, the students who did go, I knew. Didn't know Nikko but we spoke to the mother on the phone before the party. I don't wait until I get there...too much pressure and if you don't like the parents or the environment? You'll embarass the kids.
They didn't swim because we both drove the girls to the party 2.5 hrs after it started and it was already dark and chilly. The kids were getting ready for a movie and pizza by then. Strict rules such as no pool, no getting pushed into the pool or their tuchises were mine. They wore no swimsuits. I would not have let her go without her sidetwin M. Her mother and I are tight. We discussed all the reasons for our initial decision and came to a compromise. Turned out the party was well-behaved and the house wasn't all that big to get lost in. The father was up front doing computer work and the mother was at the pool and the family room. And Nikko was the only boy there ahahahaha!
It's not that I don't trust my child...I do. But I had to make sure I'm not sending my child into the woods with wolves. Wolves attack, even innocents like Red Riding Hood. So, it is the other people at times. And yes, compromises can be made. I just don't like the lingo up here at all, "hot tub/swimming" party. BTW, this is a white-as-milk environment so they say things differently. PLus, we had the talk about maintaining cache', mystery and NOT being the girl who frequents every single party. It turned out to be the last get together of their small private school before classes return next week. Thank G-d. But I didn't like it, not one bit, actually. Gotta know when to hold the reigns till you bleed and when to let up so they can breathe. I'm a well-adjusted parent.
That's what my mum and I live by. Its great you're passing it on to her! She'll def thank you for that in a couple years.
Parents please show some chutzpah! .
. Then they were talking about the pool and whatnot later...their hot tub is right next to it. But I was delighted he was the only boy..."bragging rights" tho, this new semester ...lawd. I still prefer the bon fire parties at the old school tho...well, until some fool ran through the fire...G-d help me.
If kids don't kill you, a disease generated from them will 
